Performing in Harmony
by drstacib
Summary: Modern AU. When Anna agrees to help her longtime friend John avoid his ex-wife and navigate murky waters with his family, she never expects to realize she's not quite over her college crush on him. When it turns out that she needs his help as much as he needs hers, will either one of them be able to keep their feelings platonic? Rating change at Chapter 11.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first ever fic, so please be gentle. Also, I am American, so there's a lot about England that I don't understand. For that reason, I am writing this from an American point of view (don't hate on me!), and in my mind this story is set in the US. However, I probably won't ever make reference to politics or locations per se, but it's easier for me to imagine/write what I understand. I don't think that it will detract from our beloved DA characters-I will try to keep them true to character, but obviously there will be some liberties. I am very open to reviews/critiques, but like I said, try to take it easy on me, and I'll try to incorporate your thoughts. Also, if this bears any resemblance to any other fic, it is completely unintentional. I am sure I have been influenced by other stories, but I've tried to make this one my own. It has actually been in the works/partly-written for nearly two years! I'm just too scared to publish! Ha! Plus, I keep changing things. Thanks for reading and giving me a chance! Also, thanks to awesomegreentie and downtonluvr for their encouragement!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing Downton Abbey related. It all belongs to Julian Fellowes.**

* * *

Chapter 1

Anna looked down at her phone as it buzzed for the second time in a half hour. It was Greg. Again. Gregory Jones was her boyfriend of almost a year…at least for now. The relationship was stagnant, really. He seemed to be putting less effort into their relationship, and unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, she didn't really mind. She was beginning to look forward to dates with Mary more than her dates with Greg.

It was her own fault, she was sure. Early on, Anna told Greg that she didn't want to consummate their relationship until she was sure it was going somewhere. He had agreed, which had made her fall a little bit more in love with him, or so she thought. She was refreshed to be courted by a man who was not just after sex, and he wooed her as if she were a princess. Still, something didn't feel right. He never pressured her for more, but as time went on, she felt him receding from her. At first she thought of giving in and making love with him just to keep him interested. After all she was thirty three when they met, and her biological clock _was_ ticking. If she didn't make a commitment to Greg, she was running out of time, at least in her her mind, to find the man of her dreams and create a family. And who said Greg _wasn't_ the right man, anyway? She just had to give him a chance, right? After all, dating only eleven months was still a new relationship, wasn't it? As Anna rationalized her choices, she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince that Greg deserved a permanent place in her life—Greg, her friends, or herself.

Anna also realized that there was irony in wanting a baby, but not engaging in the act that created one. Yet, she was tired of being pursued because men were physically attracted to her. She'd had enough of that. Not that she didn't want a man to be physically attracted to her, but she wanted more. She wanted a relationship that was just as emotional as it was physical. Furthermore, she had seen too many women burned by giving themselves, body and soul, to a man only to be rejected a short while later. Still, if she was truthful, she knew Greg was not the man for her. After all, what woman in her right mind would not be ready to give herself physically to the "man of her dreams" after eleven months?

Anna sighed to herself as she ignored the second call from Greg. She really wanted to finish up her work and get out of there. The Queen City Brass Quintet, for which she was the second trumpeter, had a gig this evening, and she just wanted to get to a good stopping point before she transitioned from her daytime roll as an event planner to her nighttime roll as a musician.

She started thinking about her fellow ensemble members. Her best friend and business partner, Mary, played french horn in the group. Anna half thought of walking down the hall and venting to the Mary about the Greg situation. Mary didn't dislike Greg, but she'd never shown any affection for him either. Anna always told herself that Mary's aloofness was just her way; she seemed to have a cold heart towards anyone who wasn't close to her. But that trait also made her an impartial judge of character as she didn't tend to become too vested in others' lives, including those of her sisters and parents.

Anna smiled as she thought about Mary's dad, Robert, who played tuba for the group. He was by all means, the heart and soul of the quintet, and it was his musical influence that set the tone for the ensemble. He was a traditionalist and rolled his eyes when Joseph Mosely, the lead trumpet player and arranger for the group, brought in more progressive music for them to learn. Yet, Robert could eventually be brought around these newer concepts, usually with the help of his good friend John Bates, who rounded out the group on trombone.

Anna shook her head, still smiling, when she thought of Joe and John. Joe had once had a thing for Anna, but she had been oblivious. She eventually figured it out and let him down gently as he was not her type in the slightest. She typically was attracted to the strong, silent type of man, which did not begin to describe Joseph. But it did describe John.

Anna first laid eyes on John her freshman year in college and immediately developed a crush on him. It was innocent, and safe, as he was fourteen years her senior and married. She met John, or Mr. Bates as she called him then, at the Crawley's house over her first Thanksgiving break at Queens University. She had joined the Crawley's celebration that year when her then new friend Mary had discovered that Anna had no biological family left in this world and no where to go for the holiday. Mary immediately took Anna under her wing and made sure to include her in all her family's parties and holiday events. To be truthful, these gatherings were what made Anna want to be an event planner. The Crawleys always threw incredible parties, even if it was just a barbecue, and Anna could not remember happier times in her life. She couldn't think of a better way to spend her life than making sure that everyone had parties and events as inviting and enjoyable as her surrogate family's.

Around the time Anna met John, he separated from his wife, Vera. Anna had never met or even seen her, and by all accounts she did not want to. While the separation began twelve years ago, John had only finished the divorce proceedings in the past year or so. John was never available to Anna, with both the age gap and his marital status being hurdles between them. Or at least that's how Anna thought about it. He had never so much as looked inappropriately at her, much less showed her any romantic attention. All in all, he had become a good friend, but she still couldn't help the butterflies that fluttered when John was near her—even if he didn't feel the same.

And this brought her train of thought back around to Greg. Surely if Greg was the man of her dreams, she wouldn't still get butterflies from a man she'd known for over a decade? Sighing again, she finished her work and headed out for her performance.

* * *

When Anna returned home after the gig that night, Greg was waiting at her door. She smiled as she reached for the key from her purse. "Hey, Babe," she forced. "I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Today, has been so busy…"

Greg simply nodded and looked at his feet, shuffling them a bit. Anna took the time to look him up and down and appreciate that he really was a very handsome, fit man. Why could she not fall in love with him?

"Listen, Anna, we need to talk," Greg stated, looking up at her. While Anna knew the relationship wasn't progressing as she would like, no one ever wanted to hear those four words. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Anna answered as the smile dropped from her face. She reached around him to unlock the door. Greg followed her into her condo and began pacing in front of her fireplace. Anna had barely put down her trumpet and other belongings before he began talking.

"There's no easy way to say this. I don't even know how to work up to it so I'm just going to say it." He paused to take a big breath. "I've gotten another woman pregnant."

Anna felt as if her legs were going to collapse beneath her. She quickly sat down on the couch before she fell. While she'd figured out she wasn't in love with Greg, she still felt betrayed. Her mind began working in different directions. She should have given in to the physical side of the relationship. He wouldn't have strayed then. Maybe she would have fallen in love with him had that part of the relationship worked.

"I know what you're thinking, Anna," Greg interrupted her thoughts. "Yes, I looked outside of our relationship for a physical release because I wanted to respect your wishes."

" _Respect?_ " Anna forced out. "What kind of respect is cheating on one's girlfriend?" She was going to be sick. She knew it.

"It wasn't like that. I just wanted my needs met. I don't love her." Anna ran to bathroom as Greg defended himself. As she retched into the toilet she wondered if maybe she had more feelings for him than she thought. But then she realized that she didn't. What she felt was inadequate as a girlfriend—which was a position that no woman wanted to be in. She wanted to be all her man desired.

As she wiped her mouth clean, she rubbed salt into her wounds by reminding herself that she really wanted a baby and her boyfriend had impregnated someone besides her. Again, she partially had herself to blame, but that did not excuse him. Tears began silently falling down her cheeks as she realized what a mess she was. She didn't even know who to blame for his infidelity. While her head assured her it was always the fault of the one who strayed, her heart kept feeling as if she'd let him down. That if she had only given her body to him this would have been avoided.

She stood and dried her eyes. Regardless of how confused she was and no matter what emotions were warring inside her, Greg needed to leave. Not only did she not want her pride wounded any further by letting him see how much this bothered her, she did not want him in her life any longer.

Anna sensed, more than knew, that Greg was standing behind her. She hadn't even closed the bathroom door in her dash to the toilet. She squared her shoulders and said with a much stronger voice than she was expecting, "Greg. You need to leave."

"This does not have to mean we're over, Anna. I can—"

"Yes. It does. How you could think otherwise is beyond me."

"I made a mistake. We can still make this work," he begged.

"I can't, Greg. It's not been working for some time, has it? And there's no way I can get past this. I need you to leave, now." Anna didn't turn around, but she heard his footsteps on the hardwood as he retreated down the hall. There was a slight pause before she heard the door open and close. She screwed her eyes shut as she silently thanked herself that she never gave Greg a key to her unit. She followed his path to the door, looking around a bit to make sure he really had left. Once she convinced herself that he was gone, she locked the door and headed to bed where she cried herself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you all for the views, follows, and reviews! I hope I don't disappoint. Here's a longer chapter. Apparently they like to eat a lot-well, I said I wrote about what I knew! Ha! There is no intentional similarities between this story and any others...and I promise it's eventually going towards a means I've not read in any other story. Similarly, I do not own any of the characters or anything related to Downton Abbey.**

* * *

Chapter 2

Anna had willingly gone into work the next morning, for a change. Not that she did not love her job; she did. It was waking up that she hated. But today, she was glad to get to work and out of her condo. She needed to talk to Mary. Last night she didn't want to talk to anyone. She just wanted to process the abrupt end to her dying romance. Today, she needed to vent.

"Good Morning," Mary offered cheerfully as Anna stepped into her office. The duo had formed Metrolina Event Planning after Mary completed her MBA. Anna graduated a few years earlier with a bachelor's degree in hospitality management and had worked for a local hotel in their events department before teaming up with Mary to start their own business. Truthfully, the company was Anna's dream, but she did not have the funding to get it off the ground. With Mary backing most of the endeavor and Anna adding in what she'd been able to save for the three years she was with the hotel, the two women had been able to create a successful business in the Queen City.

When Mary looked closer at Anna she noticed the dark circles under her partner's eyes. She narrowed her own as she asked, "Late night last night?"

"Something like that," Anna replied. She dropped her purse beside one of the chairs in Mary's office and took a seat without invitation. "Greg was at my door when I got back from the gig last night."

"Oh, I see," Mary smirked. "Kept you up all night, did he?"

"Well, I had fitful sleep, but not for the reason you're thinking," Anna half-smiled. "I broke up with him."

"Whaaat? I thought he would be 'the one.' He was handsome, had a great job, seemed respectful. What went wrong?" Mary asked in disbelief. Anna cocked an eyebrow as Mary had never been so vocal about Greg's attributes, but didn't let it deter her.

"He got another woman pregnant."

"He didn't!" Mary exclaimed. "What a bastard! Did you have any clue he was cheating?"

"No, but I'd felt the relationship unraveling for a while," Anna answered truthfully.

"Really? You never let on," Mary said.

"Oh, you know me. I like to keep things private unless there's a reason to let it be known. Now there's a reason. Greg and I are finished."

"Are you okay with this?" Mary asked, concerned for her colleague and friend..

"I am okay that we are broken up," Anna sighed. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt, but I'd been trying to decide if I wanted to keep pursuing this or if it was going nowhere. Greg just made the decision for me."

"Oh, Anna," Mary comforted as she walked towards her friend to give her a hug. "You deserve so much better."

"I know," Anna answered, returning Mary's hug. "My pride is hurt, but I'll make it. I just need some time to process everything. And let's just keep this between us for now. I don't want to be pitied by anyone. I'm a big girl. I can handle it."

"Yes, you can," Mary agreed.

* * *

A few weeks later, the Queen City Brass Quintet closed another successful concert at the fundraiser for the local children's hospital. The group had originally formed to play for Dr. Charles Carson's retirement celebration nearly ten years ago. All the members were linked by Dr. Carson, the illustrious Band Director Emeritus at Queens University, who had taught them all at some point in his tenure. Robert and John had studied together with Dr. Carson in the 1980s, and Joseph had learned under Dr. Carson a few years later. Mary and Anna had studied with the renowned professor shortly before his retirement.. The group had been such a hit and enjoyed themselves so much that they decided to stay together. They now performed fairly regularly, although most of the gang were not musicians by trade.

Robert had succeeded Dr. Carson as the Director of Bands at Queens, but John had followed his passion of reading and writing and only still participated in music for the fun of it. He was an adjunct professor of creative writing at the university and had published several novels over the past few years. Joseph owned a chain of successful floral stores, and was engaged to marry the owner of the dry cleaners next door to his flagship shop. Anna's and Mary's firm had planned tonight's event, and they often solicited Joseph's company for these affairs, as was the case tonight. Similarly, the QC Brass Quintet was a favorite choice for entertainment.

Because of their music as well as their professional partnerships, the group had become very good friends over the years. It was not uncommon that they went out together after a recital, particularly if it ended on the early side. Tonight was just such a night and they gathered at an uptown restaurant for a bite to eat and a couple rounds of drinks. The group conversation centered around Joseph's upcoming nuptials and Robert's wife's back surgery. As the conversation began to wane, John saw an opening for something he'd meant to address all night.

"Mary, go with me to Joseph's wedding," John requested as he sipped on his ginger ale.

"Why?" Mary asked, clearly confused by her "uncle's" canvass.

"Because Vera will be there and I need someone I trust to keep me distracted and her away from me." It was bad enough that she'd already made sure he found out that she would be at one of his best friends' wedding.

"Uncle John, you know that she'll figure out I'm Mama and Papa's daughter in a heartbeat and that we aren't together," Mary answered, as she reached across the table for his hand. He was her father's best friend and had been around since before she was born. She'd never be able to make Vera believe that she and John were in a relationship.

"I'm not asking you to pretend to be my girlfriend; it's more of a body guard that I need," he smirked, thinking Mary would make a good one. "Just someone to help me keep an eye out for her and make sure she never corners me alone. Besides, you were a mere child the last time she saw you-she probably wouldn't even recognize you."

"Well, I can try to keep an eye out for her, but I already promised Papa I'd be his date as Mama is still recovering from her back surgery. Surely there's some lady-interest in your life that would go with you."

"None who know the Vera story or that I want to tell. Maybe I'll just stay home," John muttered, half under his breath.

"Oh, no you won't," Joseph chimed in. "You and Robert are my best buddies, and you must be there. I'm really sorry that Vera is distantly related to Phyllis—you don't know how much—but Phyllis insisted she had to invite her, even if she didn't want to." Joseph paused for a moment and looked back and forth from John to Robert. "I know it's kind of late notice, but Phyllis decided that she wants a couple of bridesmaids after all, and I want you and Robert to stand up with me."

"Joseph, the wedding is only two weeks away!" Robert exclaimed. "You couldn't have mentioned this before? If you have specific tuxes you want us to rent, we'll be pushing the deadline, and it will cost us extra for the rush," he bemoaned.

"Well, I was hoping your reaction would be more like, 'I'd love to support you, Joe,'" Joseph moped. "I figured you guys could just wear your quintet tuxes," he shrugged. "They match and that way there's no extra cost involved." Robert relaxed a bit at Joseph's admission.

"Of course we're happy to stand with you," John stated, but inside he was groaning. No way out now.

"I know," Mary piped up. "Anna could be your date." Anna almost choked on her drink. "Did you know that Anna had a crush on you when she was a freshman in college?" Anna was mortified at Mary's announcement and felt her cheeks turning beet red. Anna recalled telling Mary about the crush when she was younger, but she had hoped that Mary would keep it to herself and that John would never find out.

John gave Anna a crooked grin and replied, "How flattering." He chuckled at her red cheeks and gave her a wink to rub it in. Anna put her head in her hands and groaned. She didn't think she could be any more embarrassed. Furthermore, the butterflies were back at the wink he directed toward her.

"Seriously, though," Mary continued. "You're both single. It seems like a good solution to me."

"What about Greg?" John asked, turning toward Anna. The group had met Anna's beau a few times when he had attended their concerts or parties at the Crawley's house.

"Greg is no longer in the picture," Anna answered. All eyes were focused on her, imploring her to elaborate. She looked around the group and realized no one was going to speak until she explained in more detail, not that it was any of their business. "I found out he was cheating." A chorus of curses towards Anna's ex-boyfriend could be heard around the table.

Anna looked across the table at John, connecting with his concerned gaze. "I'd be honored to go with you to the wedding, John, if you want me to."

"Of course he wants you to," Mary interjected, rolling her eyes. "Did you not hear him practically beg me to go with him?"

"Mary!" Robert chastised, but continued to look from John to Anna as if he was watching a soap opera on television.

"Anna, are you sure you're okay with this?" John asked. "There would be no expectations except to help minimize my contact with Vera." There was no way Vera wouldn't show up to this wedding. She'd never miss a party, and if she thought she could make John miserable then it was only more fun for her. John's stomach roiled just thinking about his ex-wife. "You don't have to do this. I've dealt with her most of my adult life. One more night won't kill me."

"I'm sure you're right, but I'd be happy to go with you and be your lookout. As two single friends I'm sure we'd end up hanging out at the wedding anyway. If we can join forces to keep that shrew of an ex-wife out of your fun, I'm all for it."

"All right then. It's settled," Robert announced. Anna giggled as John shook his head. It was exactly like Mary and her father to take over and assign them to be each other's wedding dates. But now that John knew about her secret torch for him when she was younger, she wasn't sure she could look him in the eye. She just hoped that she could hide the fact that she'd never really gotten over it.

* * *

Anna was ready to throw her phone. Greg kept texting her, and his messages had no real substance. Just things like, "Can I call you?" and "I need to talk to you." She'd turn the phone off, but she used it for work purposes. I can block him, Anna thought but as she picked up the phone to do just that, another message from Greg came through. "Fine. I'll just let you know via text that I'll be at Baxter-Molesley wedding with Melissa. Just thought I'd let you know so you wouldn't be surprised." Anna dropped the phone as if it burned her. Great. Anna assumed Melissa was Greg's baby-mama, but who knew for sure? Even though she no longer wanted Greg in her life, she did not really want him to rub his new one in her face.

At least John would be with her at Joseph's wedding. Just as she would do her best to keep Vera away from John, she was sure she could count on him to keep Greg away from her. Also, now that she needed John to be her date as much as he needed her with him, maybe he wouldn't suspect that she was still harboring that crush from over a decade ago…even if she was.

* * *

Anna came out of her office after finishing the contract for the grand opening of a new seafood restaurant in South Park and was looking for Mary. She was hoping that her friend was free to go shopping with her tonight. Joseph's wedding was three days away and she still hadn't decided what to wear. The ceremony was in the evening, which indicated formal attire, followed by the dinner-dance reception afterward. Anna had a couple of appropriate dresses at home, but Greg had seen her wearing each one several times. She meant it when she said that she did not want him back, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't hope he regretted letting her go. She didn't want to make him jealous, per se, but wanted to make sure that he knew she was moving on with her life and that she had no regrets about losing him.

To her surprise, when Anna entered Mary's office, John and Robert were both there. All three turned when she walked through the open door. "Hello, love," Robert welcomed enthusiastically as he walked over to Anna and gave her a hug and a kiss on her cheek. "How's my favorite surrogate daughter?" he asked. Anna's parents had both tragically died in a house fire nearly 20 years ago, and she loved that she had Robert and Cora to look up to as parental figures.

"I'm great," Anna smiled as she returned his embrace.

"John and I were downstairs at the coffee shop and thought we'd come up and see you ladies. Maybe take you to dinner? Mary's agreed," Robert offered.

"It sounds like a plan to me," Anna started. "If Cora won't mind you getting home later?" she asked with genuine interest.

"Nah," Robert answered. "I've already promised to bring her dinner home. She's glad; she's tired of my atrocious cooking," he smiled as he released Anna from his embrace and then walked away towards the window.

"I was thinking we could work out the details for Saturday night over dinner," John admitted as he, too, approached Anna for a hug. "How are you feeling? You look well," he stated as he unwrapped her from his embrace and took a step back from her. He was still concerned that she was more upset about her break-up with Greg than she let on the other night. Yet, she did not look as if she was losing sleep or pining over what was not meant to be. He was happy that she didn't seem consumed by the break-up. He had met Greg numerous times and while he did not dislike the man, he had never really felt Greg was the right person for Anna. John had never voiced that opinion to Anna, or anyone for that matter, as he felt with his failed relationship with Vera that he had no right to judge.

"I was just suggesting the steakhouse across from new restaurant we're working with next week." Mary interrupted John's thoughts. "It will give us a chance to scout our party venue across the street. I'm curious on the renovations they've made." Mary turned her attention to Anna and continued, "I've just finished my work for the day. Anna, will you be much longer?"

"No, I was actually looking for you to see if you were available to go dress shopping tonight for the wedding," Anna answered. "So, I'm all finished up and good to go whenever you all are."

"Well, don't let us stop you if you need to shop tonight," John interjected, seriously.

"We can go tomorrow night," Mary offered before Anna had a chance to respond. "If you're free then, Anna, that is."

"Sure," Anna agreed. "Dinner with some of my favorite people sounds like a great idea."

"It's settled then," Robert announced.

* * *

John and Anna sat on one side of the table with Robert and Mary on the other side. Both men were working on ribeye steaks while Anna chose the smaller filet and Mary a peppercorn tuna entree. She had insisted that it was a "steak" when the rest of the table rolled their eyes at her.

"So, John," Anna began.

"Hmm?" he acknowledged as he chewed his food.

"Turns out Greg is going to be at this wedding with his new lady friend," Anna revealed. John put his utensils down and turned to give Anna his full attention, as did Mary and Robert.

"Anna, are you going to be okay with this?" John asked, not sure if he was asking if she was okay about going with him to the wedding or about seeing her ex with his new woman.

"I am. I admit, it makes me feel better that I will be going as your date. I feel less pathetic with a date, and I'm hoping you can keep him away from me just as I'll try my best to keep Vera way from you," Anna told him.

"Absolutely," he agreed with most sincerity. He held Anna's gaze for a few seconds, and the look they shared was so intense that Robert felt the need to clear his throat.

"So Molesley's wedding is three days away," Mary mentioned. "Let's get these logistics planned. What time do you boys have to be at the church on Saturday?"

Robert was glad to have the subject changed, but groaned before he answered as there were parts of the nuptial ceremony that he was not looking forward to—namely pictures. "Joseph wants us there and ready by 4:00 p.m. for pictures. Seriously, 3 hours early? We're gonna be in those monkey suits at least 8 hours. Not looking forward to that."

"So as your dates, are we supposed to be there at 4:00 as well?" Mary asked as she raised her fork to her mouth for another bite.

"I guess that depends on if you want pictures with us," John quipped. "I mean, we are awfully dapper in our tuxes," he said, taking another bite of his steak.

"Or we could just take a selfie at the reception," Mary piped in. "I don't know about you Anna, but I'm not sure I want to sit there for 3 hours watching Joseph and Phyllis take every possible picture imaginable. I'd rather just look at the photo album later."

"Right. I'm with you, Mary," Anna agreed, as she hated sitting around idly waiting on other people.

"So, we should just show up about 6:30? You two won't be able to sit with us anyway during the ceremony, right?" Mary addressed the men.

"I don't think so," Robert answered. "Joseph has promised me it's only a 30 minute ceremony, but says we'll be standing at the front with him the whole time. Oh, by the way John, did Joe tell you that they are not having separate ushers? That will be on us as well."

"No, he hasn't mentioned it to me, but you see and talk to him more often. I guess I'm not surprised as it's not uncommon for groomsmen to pull double duty," he sighed, not really looking forward to guiding people to their seats. "My only request is that you escort Vera to her seat." An involuntary shiver ran down John's back.

"Not a problem," Rob started. "However, if you're hoping to avoid her altogether you're out of luck. Unless I'm terribly wrong, she just walked in the front door."

You've got to be kidding me, John thought. Of all the eating establishments in this city she has to come into this one. He looked up just in time to see Vera approach their table. "Well, John Bates. It's been a long time," Vera cooed. "What are the chances I would run into you tonight?" John was wondering the same thing. Vera had moved to Pawley's Island fifteen years ago, and he'd only seen her once or twice since. Even the divorce proceedings had happened without them having to be in the same room. Vera looked good. He wasn't attracted to her anymore, but she had kept herself up. She had made it clear to him fifteen years ago that he was too old for her, and though he could never prove it, he was pretty sure she had taught the local college boys more than a few lessons. Of course she took her time releasing John from their marriage, mostly to torture him and to ruin any prospects of him beginning a family with someone else. She had known how badly he'd wanted to start a family, after all. He and she may not have been compatible, but Vera knew that John was fiercely loyal and would not cheat on her-if nothing else than to keep her from his inheritance as he knew she'd be able to leach more from him if she could claim adultery. She'd never thought much of the house in the mountains that his family had left him; it wasn't her style and she did not like to be isolated away from civilization. However, she knew that it would sell for mint as there were many people who were looking for a vacation home to help them escape the rat race. For that reason, she was a bit sorry that her ex-husband was so loyal and upstanding. She could have bought the beach house she'd always dreamed of if he'd just once slipped up.

Vera looked at the four friends sitting at the table and focused on Robert. A sly smile crossed her lips as she stated, "Robert Crawley. You haven't changed one bit. Looks like you got rid of Cora, though," she said as she looked at Mary. "I see you have a type as this one resembles Cora from 20 years ago." Robert clamped his hand on Mary's leg to keep her quiet when she started to respond. Mary and Vera going at it could come of no good as they both could have tongues like razors.

"This is Cora's and my daughter, Mary, Vera. Cora could not make it tonight," he informed her. Vera snorted in reply and then turned her attention to Anna, who sat on John's right.

"And who is this Johnny? If she's your daughter perhaps I need to call my lawyer and revisit that divorce settlement." Before John could respond, Anna stood and offered her hand to Vera.

"No, I'm not John's daughter. I'm his girlfriend, Anna." Vera looked taken aback that John had such a young, beautiful girlfriend. John tried his hardest to keep the mirrored shock he was feeling off his face.

"Well, I'm Vera Bates," Vera replied, emphasizing her last name. "John's wife."

"Ex-wife," John corrected as Anna sat but continued to confidently hold Vera's gaze.

"I keep forgetting," Vera oozed. "The divorce has only been final such a short time, and I was your wife for twenty years," she cooed as she looked at John.

"Oh, yes," Anna remarked before John could say anything or become more uncomfortable. "John has told me all about his marriage. I guess I should thank you holding on to him so long so that no other woman was able to snap him up before I got my chance." Anna laid her hand possessively on John's arm and gave him a look of adoration.

John was flabbergasted. He wasn't sure how to react, and Anna's hand was burning her imprint into his arm.

"Well, then," Vera recovered. "It's nice to meet you, Anna. I see you like a project; you've got a big one on your hands." With that, Vera walked away and joined a man at a corner table. John was relieved when she left but he was still focused on Anna and her portrayal as his girlfriend. He mentally shook his head and told himself not to go down that road; it wouldn't lead anywhere.

"What was that?" Mary almost spit out, breaking John's thoughts.

"That was Vera," John responded as he took a long drink of water.

"I wasn't talking about that," Mary explained. "I was talking about Anna being your girlfriend!"

"Ah, that," Anna remarked and her face turned red. "I couldn't let her belittle John. We know the hell he went through to divorce her. No way was I going to let her put him down like that. He is so much better off without her, and I did not want her thinking otherwise."

"You think that highly of yourself, do you, now," Mary smiled as she resumed eating her dinner. "You being John's girlfriend means he's improved his life, eh?" John couldn't help but think, Anna would be a major improvement over Vera, even if he knew there was no truth to Anna's claims.

"Ugh, it's not that. It just came out, okay?" Anna defended herself, even though she knew Mary was teasing her and only trying to get her flustered, much like she did when she revealed Anna's schoolgirl crush on John. And it was working.

"Regardless, Anna," John interjected as he reached over for her hand. "I'm grateful. I never would have asked you to tell her you were my girlfriend, but right now I'm thankful. If nothing else, it got her to leave." John leaned down and kissed Anna on the temple, thankful for her support. It seemed so long since he had felt any unexpected kindness at all. He suddenly found himself looking forward to, if only just a bit, Molesley's wedding.

"You're welcome," Anna answered softly, as her voice seemed to have momentarily left her after feeling the graze of John's lips on her face. She gently squeezed his hand and then pulled hers away, desperately wanting the subject to change before her friends could tease her anymore. Thankfully the waiter chose that moment to check on the group and tension was broken.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you everyone for accepting me and giving me a chance! I appreciate all views, follows, favorites, and reviews! I'm feeling very loved and honored, and hope that I can keep you interested. Special thanks to downtonluvr for her help with editing; that being said any mistakes are mine. Thanks again, and as always-I own nothing of Downton Abbey.**

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Anna hated her annual physical. She really hated this one. She'd always wanted a sibling, but her mom was unable to have any more children after Anna was born. Her parents had tried, but it never happened. She knew her mother had always blamed herself, and she'd seen her father comfort her when month after month there was no baby. Deep down, Anna was always afraid that whatever had kept her parents from having more children would plague her, as well. Now that her parents were gone and she had no living family, she was even more anxious about it.

Anna had never met her grandparents. Her parents had moved to the US from Northern England in the late 1970s. Travel was too expensive for either side of her family to make the trip across the pond very often. By the time Anna's parents could afford to do so, her grandparents had passed on. Her parents had always promised to take her to Yorkshire and show her the people and places of her heritage, but her mom and dad had died in that house fire before they'd had the chance. She'd been a teenager, and thankfully at a sleepover at a friend's house, the night the fire happened. Although at the time she wished she would have died with them. She had never felt so alone in her life.

This loneliness was something Anna did not want to experience again and was the driving force behind her desire for a child. It was also the cause of her anxiety this morning as she waited on Dr. Clarkson for her physical. She was old enough to be considered high-risk for pregnancy, she had no boyfriend or husband to help her have a baby, and she was sure that whatever had prevented her mother from getting pregnant later in life was afflicting her as well-even if there was no proof of that. She was so lost in her thoughts that she startled when the nurse called her name.

"Hi, Anna," Patti warmly welcomed as the younger woman walked through the doorway between the waiting and exam rooms. "Let's just get your weight, and Dr. Clarkson will be ready for you in a few minutes."

Before long, Anna had given her updated history to Patti and prepared for Dr. Clarkson. He joined the two women shortly, and quickly, but thoroughly, completed his exam. He told Anna that she could get dressed and meet him in his office, which she did in short order.

"Patti tells me that you have concerns about fertility," Dr. Clarkson stated.

"Yes," Anna answered. "My parents had difficulty getting pregnant, and I'm afraid that I'll follow in those footsteps. I also know that I'm getting to an age that getting pregnant can be more difficult." Anna didn't realize how fast she was talking or that she was holding her breath waiting for Dr. Clarkson's response, but he could easily read the distress on her face.

" Anna," he began, folding his hands together and leaning on his desk. "You are a healthy woman. I see no physical reason why you should not be able to get pregnant. Your hormone levels are within normal limits, your endometrium is normal, yes, your age is a getting to the 'advanced' stage, but there's still no reason you can't bear and deliver a healthy baby."

"But my mother couldn't," Anna reiterated.

"And you're not your mother," he reassured.

"But we don't know what was wrong with her," Anna continued, as if she wanted to Dr. Clarkson to agree that she would have difficulty having children.

"Anna. Have you tried getting pregnant?" Dr. Clarkson asked matter of factly.

"Well, no," she admitted, her face red both because they were now discussing her sex life and because he'd made a good point.

"Then there's no reason to worry at this point. Once you've tried for a year with no results, then we'll get reproductive endocrinology involved. But right now, you've still got time to become a mother, and there's no evidence to back up your fears of infertility."

"Okay," she acquiesced, but she still couldn't shake the fear of ending up in this world alone, or almost worse, without passing anything on to the next generation. She knew her thought process might be irrational to some, but it was real for her.

"I tell you what," Dr. Clarkson continued. "If you and your boyfriend try consistently for the next six months and nothing happens, I'll go ahead and make that referral to Dr. Randolph. But I truly think you are worrying for nothing...and your anxiety will not help conception. So relax and enjoy some time with your boyfriend. Call me in six months if nothing happens. Call me sooner if it does." He smiled and stood, holding an arm out in a gesture to usher Anna out of his office. She smiled weakly and nodded. At least there was a plan. Too bad there was no boyfriend to complete it.

* * *

John took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he sat behind his desk at Queens University. It wasn't really his office; he shared it on a staggered schedule with two other adjunct professors, but today was his scheduled office hours. He hated "office hours," really, but it was part of the job. He rarely had any students visit him. He supposed many of them were introverted like himself and preferred to email him; he seemed to not be running short on messages in his inbox. It also drove him nuts how there could be so many questions about a single creative writing assignment. Follow the guidelines in the syllabus, get your grammar and spelling right, and you've pretty much guaranteed yourself a passing grade. Apparently, that concept was not as easy as it seemed.

John stood and stretched and walked to the window. He linked his hands behind his head and arched his back. From his vantage point in the Humanities building, he could see the marching band rehearsing on the intramural football field. If he strained, he was pretty sure he could make out Robert running up and down the sidelines, no doubt yelling at those poor souls just the way Dr. Carson had yelled at him thirty years ago.

What had happened to his life? John wondered. He wished he could have a "do over" for most of it, starting again at college and this time avoiding Vera. He often wondered how his life would have turned out if it had not been for her. Would he be in Los Angeles writing screenplays like he once dreamed of? Working in the theater? On a set of a sit-com? Would he have married someone else? Started a family? Would he have been free to pursue Anna when she first came into his life?

John shook his head and wondered where that last thought came from. Mary's teasing of Anna over the past few weeks must be getting under his skin. Apparently Anna didn't know he'd figured out way back then that she fancied him, but he had. He'd found her harmless infatuation charming, but with the wreck Vera was making of him mind, body, and soul, he had not wanted any kind of relationship with anyone, much less someone who was not much more than half his age at that point. But she wasn't a girl, anymore; now she was a woman. And although he knew she'd been playing a part the other night, he was a bit surprised by his own reactions to her performance. John returned to his seat, vowing to get his head on straight and to not read anything into Anna's friendship. He was good at putting up walls. It was time to construct another one.

* * *

True to her word, Mary had accompanied Anna dress shopping the evening following their dinner with the guys. Anna was not one to try on every dress in every store, so it took less than an hour at the dress shop to find what she wanted. She had chosen a black halter-top dress that extended to mid-calf. It was simple but elegant and unlike anything else she owned. She even splurged on new 6 inch heels to accompany her dress purchase. She typically wore 4 inch heels, but she wanted to be standing as tall as possible Saturday night when she would have to face Vera again as well as Greg. She also wondered if John would like the outfit, but pushed the thought out of her mind. She didn't really have a right to think those thoughts, she reminded herself; it wasn't a real date—it was two friends helping each other out.

Saturday came quickly and before she knew it, it was 2:00 in the afternoon. She grabbed the new dress and shoes along with the clutch she intended to use that night and headed out the door. She had agreed to meet Mary at her condo so they could get ready together and carpool to the church. By 5:30, both women were fully dressed and ready to begin the evening.

There was still an hour before they needed to be at the church and the drive was only 15 minutes from Mary's place. Mary suggested she open a bottle of white wine, and she set out some cheese and crackers for the ladies to munch on. "We can have some hors d'oeuvres before the ceremony," she announced. "After all, it'll be a late dinner tonight anyway."

"Sounds great," Anna chimed in. "A little alcohol to take the edge off is not a bad idea at all. Part of me is dreading this evening while the other part is excited to celebrate with friends." She was looking forward to celebrating Joseph's marriage, but she was not excited about encountering Vera or Greg. She was hoping they would be lucky enough to avoid those two, but she knew it was unlikely.

"Well, I wish I had a better date than my dad," Mary lamented, "but I'm still going to enjoy the evening; I have been looking forward to it for some time. I'm not sure I'm ready to move on after Matthew, yet, anyway, so going with Dad is a blessing, I guess." Matthew had been Mary's boyfriend of two years when he was killed in a freak one-car traffic accident 18 months ago. Even after that amount of time, Mary still showed no interest in dating. It had taken her family and friends six months just to get her out of her house for anything other than work. She now had returned to the land of the living, but she made no effort in looking for love or returning the interest of would-be suitors. Anna had learned not to push her; it just ended up in Mary recoiling further into her darkness. Anna did not voice it, but just the fact that Mary intimated she would have been willing to go to Joseph's wedding with someone other than her father was progress.

"Well, I don't mind my date, but I'm a little nervous since I pretended to be his girlfriend the other night. That kinda shot 'going as friends' out of the water as I'll have to keep up the charade for Vera's benefit. I'm afraid I've made things awkward for John and me," Anna admitted as she sipped on the wine.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it," Mary replied as she flapped her hand through the air. "John looks great in a tux. It'll make it easier to pretend you're in love with him," she teased while wiggling her eyebrows. "Plus, that girl you used to be would be wigging out of her mind if she had a date with John."

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Anna replied, but couldn't deny the truth of Mary's statement. "I don't want to ruin a friendship by a careless comment."

"I think if anything your comment made your friendship stronger. I'm sure John appreciated you stepping in. Vera is such a monster, and I hope she realizes what she lost," Mary replied with a raised eyebrow. Anna smiled and admitted to herself that she wouldn't mind if Vera were envious of her and John, but she didn't want Vera to make a play for John out of jealousy. Not that she thought John would ever go back to Vera, but the thought of it made her a bit nauseous. She wouldn't admit that that out loud to Mary, though, so she continued her smile and took another sip of wine. The two friends continued to relax and nibble on the appetizers for the next 45 minutes.

"We'd better head to the church if we don't want to sit in the balcony," Mary announced and she rose from her chair and took her wine glass to the kitchen. Anna followed suit, and then the pair headed for the church.

* * *

Anna and Mary walked through the front door of Malone Park United Methodist Church thirty minutes before the ceremony was scheduled to start. They were some of the first attendees to arrive, but there was already a sprinkling of guests in their seats. John and Robert were in the Narthex ready to escort the next to arrive. Anna's breath hitched just a bit when she saw John. He was wearing a tuxedo, but it was not his concert black, which was a simple black suit with a black bow-tie and cummerbund. He was wearing a cut tuxedo with a maroon vest and tie. Robert was standing to his right and looked handsome as well in his matching tux.

"I thought you two were wearing concert black," Anna mentioned as she reached up to give Robert a hug, carefully avoiding John's gaze as she was trying to compose herself before facing him.

"Apparently Phyllis decided that she did not want the guys standing up with Joseph to look like musicians. She stated that she saw us dressed that way often enough and tonight was special. So, Joseph paid the rush fee for us to be fit with these ensembles," Robert explained as he let Anna go and reached to hug his daughter.

"Well, you both look nice," Anna smiled as she turned to face John and involuntarily looked him up and down. He had combed his hair back and used a small amount of gel to hold his hair in place. Still, one rebel lock had sprung free to hang over his forehead. The tuxedo accentuated his broad shoulders and long legs. All of a sudden, Anna was the nervous school girl she thought she'd left behind all those years ago.

"Hello, Anna," John said gently as he smiled at her. He also was scanning her from head to toe, and she could feel her temperature rising. He stepped toward her and enveloped her in his arms. "You look nice," he complimented as he tightened his arms around her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and replied, "Thank you. You don't look half-bad yourself." Both of them were smiling as they let go and backed away from each other, but Anna suddenly felt naked. She was unsure if she was missing his embrace or if it was the way that he was looking at her that made her feel so exposed.

The door to the church opened at that moment and a group of four entered the Narthex. "Guess we'd better get you ladies seated," Robert announced as he held his arm out for Mary. She took it and he escorted her down the aisle towards the front of the church. "One of these days I'll get to escort you down the aisle to your own groom," he mused as she looked at him and smiled a sad smile.

"One day, Daddy. One day." Robert stopped three rows from the front of the church and directed Mary to sit on the pew to the right in support of the groom. She kissed her father on the cheek and then took her seat as he spun on his heel to return to the Narthex.

John and Anna were a few steps behind the Crawleys. John was enjoying the feel of her hand in the crook of his arm. The charade Anna initiated a few days ago was playing with his head. She looked beautiful tonight, and as far as most people knew, she belonged to him. He knew she wasn't his girlfriend, but for the short amount of time he had her tucked against him as they walked to the front of the church, he allowed himself to pretend she was. Why? He wasn't sure. Maybe he wanted to protect her from Greg. Maybe he couldn't help hope that Vera would be a bit jealous that he'd moved on with a woman who was as beautiful and classy as Anna. Not that he wanted anything to do with Vera these days, but he'd be lying if he didn't want her to see that someone, especially someone like Anna, thought he was worth it. Or maybe he was just desperate to have female companionship. He truthfully didn't know where his feelings were coming from, but he was proud to have Anna on his arm. He had always appreciated her beauty, but had never thought of her as a love interest. But for this one night, he was going to treat her as if she was the only woman in the world. After tonight, he'd put up his walls just as he'd promised himself he would do, and they'd go back to their previous relationship—just two acquaintances tied together by mutual friends and their love of music. But tonight, she was his. He bent down and grazed her cheek with his lips as he stopped at the pew Mary already occupied.

Anna felt the heat rise in her cheeks and her eyelids became heavy. It wasn't as if she hadn't been kissed before, but she was sure a peck on the cheek had never affected her like that. She looked up at John and smiled as she took her seat beside Mary, but he'd already begun his retreat back to the Narthex to escort the next guest. She let out a sigh and watched him go.

A bit later while Anna was waiting on the ceremony to begin, she saw Greg enter with whom she assumed was Melissa. John had escorted her to her seat, with Greg following behind. Whether it was because what was available, or whether John did it on purpose, Anna did not know, but Greg and Melissa were seated in the same row as she and Mary, just on the opposite side of the church. While she didn't relish being so close to Greg, it gave her a chance to size up Melissa, who was in many ways physically the opposite of Anna. She was brunette and tall, and although she was pretty, Anna didn't think she'd call her beautiful. She wasn't quite sure what Greg saw in Melissa that she didn't have herself, and she had to admit that it stung to see them together tonight. Not because she was harboring any feelings for Greg, but because the feeling of inadequacy as a woman was returning, leaving her feeling lacking and unwanted. Anna did her best to squelch those feelings and focus on the reason she was there: Joseph's and Phyllis's wedding.

Joe had been speaking truthfully when he promised a thirty minute ceremony. The wedding was succinct but beautiful. The sanctuary was candle-lit and the lights had been dimmed to a romantic glow. Phyllis was gorgeous and every bit the blushing bride. Joseph seemed more confident than usual and so proud to be joining his life with the lovely woman at his side. Anna kept finding that her eyes were drifting towards John throughout the ceremony. He really was quite attractive in his tuxedo, and she had a hard time paying attention to the minister's homily as she found John very distracting. The thought crossed her mind that there was nothing keeping her from pursuing John if she wanted. She'd been so young when she first met John, and he wasn't free at the time. Then once he was free, she wasn't. Now that they were both single, she was having a difficult time justifying why she couldn't be romantically interested in John. Except that she was pretty sure that he did not reciprocate her feelings.

At the end of the wedding, John and Rob were sent back into the sanctuary to dismiss the pews one at a time, John on the right side and Rob on the left. When John reached Anna's pew, he offered her his hand to help her stand. As Anna took his hand and looked shyly up at him as she stood, he leaned in and chastely kissed the corner of her mouth. "I'll meet you out front to go to the club, sweetheart. Wait for me," John announced, just loud enough to make sure Greg heard him over the processional music. Anna nodded, ignoring the weakness in her knees as John let go of her hand and watched affectionately as she turned and walked toward the back of the church. She turned to make sure that Mary was following her and saw the smirk on her friends' face. She also couldn't miss Greg's stunned reaction and John's crinkled eyes. _Oh,_ _Heavens_ , Anna thought. _This is going to be a long night, and we've not even encountered Vera yet_.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews, follows, and favorites. Life is getting a little busier for me as we head into the Fall, but I'm hoping to still be able to post at least once a week. I appreciate all the encouragement you all send, and I will try to keep entertaining you!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing of Downton Abbey-except the DVDs of Series 1-5 which were purchased very legally. :)**

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Chapter 4

Anna and Mary stood on the front lawn of the church waiting for Rob and John to finish their responsibilities. Thankfully, Greg and Melissa had walked past them with only a cursory glance as Melissa pulled him toward their car. Anna breathed out of a sigh of relief that she had not had to actually talk to him, and hoped she could avoid him throughout the reception as well. Mary broke her thoughts when she casually noted, "I saw what John did in there."

"What do you mean?" Anna asked, sincerely confused.

"He made sure to lay a claim on you in front of Greg," Mary answered.

"Ah. I don't believe he was trying to 'lay a claim' on me. He was just playing his part for the night," Anna brushed off Mary's comment.

"If you say so," Mary replied with finality, and then changed the subject as she saw Vera leaving the church. "Well, here comes trouble," Mary announced. Anna looked up and saw Vera descend the front steps. She had obviously seen Anna and Mary prior to her descent as she made a beeline for them. There was nowhere for the two of them to hide and no one else to engage in conversation, so Anna stiffened her back and hoped she could think quickly on her feet; she knew there would be snide remarks of some kind coming from Vera.

"Hello, ladies," Vera smirked as she approached the younger women.

"Good evening," Anna replied, a bit cooly. She was sure the only reason Vera had come to talk to Mary and her was to try to upset John, and she was dreading what Vera might say or do in order to accomplish this.

"So you're shagging my cast offs, are you?" Vera oozed.

Anna was a bit stunned by Vera's forwardness, but rebounded quickly remembering the hell this woman had put her friend through. Instead of answering outright, Anna replied, "If you cast him off, why do you care who he dates or what he does?"

"Oh, I don't," Vera answered. "But I don't want to see a fellow woman hurt; John never got over me, and he still calls me regularly," she taunted with an eerie smile on her face. "I just thought you should know; I don't want you to get strung along." Vera's remarks were meant to hurt Anna and put doubts in her mind about her relationship with John, but her attempts were futile. Perhaps if Anna was truly John's girlfriend she'd be bothered by Vera's remarks, but as she wasn't, she saw the spewed venom for exactly what it was. Her eyes narrowed as she formed a rebuttal to Vera's statement.

"Trust me, Vera. John is not thinking of anyone but me when we're together. And I don't really care who he calls; I'm secure in my relationship with him." She was going to continue, but Robert approached the trio at just that moment. Anna was actually thankful that her conversation with Vera was interrupted, but she couldn't let Vera think she had "won" the encounter. "If you'll excuse me, I see I'm needed elsewhere."

Anna noticed that John had remained near the entrance of the church rather than join Rob with her and Mary. She didn't blame him. He was still holding the door for those exiting the church, but she knew it wasn't a necessary task and likely a ruse to avoid his ex-wife. Anna crossed the ten yards or so to where he stood.

"Hi, sweetheart," she said to him, as he cocked one eyebrow and the corner of his mouth quirked in response. Before her nerve left her, she placed her hands on his chest and stood on her tiptoes to give him what she hoped looked like a very practiced smooch between lovers. He was smiling when she returned to her heels, and he reached for her hand as it returned to her side. "Hope that looked convincing," she offered, meekly. John chuckled in response, not giving her any indication of his thoughts or feelings.

"Well, don't say I didn't warn her," Vera quipped from her stance across the lawn and walked away before Mary or Robert could reply. They watched her go, and both were thankful that she headed to the parking lot and not towards Anna and John.

"Wow," Robert whispered, not really sure if he was talking about Vera and her exit or Anna marching over to kiss John.

"Okay, then," Mary added to her father's comment, neither one feeling the need to elaborate. "Should we collect those two and head to the country club for the reception?"

"Yes," Robert answered and began walking towards the parking lot, leaving the others to follow behind him.

* * *

Anna and John were sitting at the head table with Joseph and Phyllis, Rob and Mary, and Phyllis's two bridesmaids and their husbands. John felt a little like he was on display, but he also appreciated that it was unlikely that Vera would confront him at his table since that meant she'd be making a scene in front of everyone.

Joseph had hired a jazz band for entertainment and they were already playing while the party-goers were served dinner. Joseph and Phyllis had just finished their first dance as husband and wife when Joe announced that he'd like the members of the QC Brass Quintet to join Phyllis and him in dancing to "Tuxedo Junction," which was a staple of the group's concert lineup. It had almost become their signature song, particularly as it was unique since it was originally written for Big Band and not a brass quintet. Joseph had transcribed it himself for the QC Quintet and it was always a crowd favorite. It only made sense that the five members of the quintet dance to it together.

As the bass player and trombones began playing the first strains of the song, John stood, smiled down at Anna, and offered his hand to her. Anna felt herself smiling as she looked up at him and took his proffered hand. She noticed how warm it felt and how secure hers felt enveloped within it. She was a bit taken aback by her growing feelings for John as she had not anticipated getting this caught up in the sham when she offered to pretend to be his girlfriend. Still as she walked hand in hand with him to the dance floor, she admitted that she was looking forward to dancing with him.

" _Way down south in Birmingham,_ " the jazz band's singer began as John swung Anna into his arms on the dance floor. She was quickly chest to chest with John, but he immediately took a step backwards to put a little space between them, all the while giving Anna a sly smile. Anna's heart quickened and her left hand instantly grabbed John's right shoulder when he spun her onto the dance floor. She couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips. His smile reached his eyes as he reached for her right hand with his left.

"Mr. Bates," Anna drawled, as she felt her cheeks redden from the intimate contact just moments earlier. "I had no idea you had such dancing skills." She guessed she shouldn't be surprised. He was a very talented musician so it only made sense that he had rhythm.

"I'm full of surprises," he countered, his eyes still crinkling as he looked down at her. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me." She felt a chill go down her spine as she realized he was right, and she couldn't help deciding that she wanted to know more. He smiled wider and swung Anna away from him before reeling her back in. She let out a full-blown laugh as he brought her back to his chest as she had not been expecting such a maneuver. They continued to dance in a similar fashion throughout the song now that she was alert to his skills, not giving any thought to Joseph, Phyllis, Rob or Mary. It was as if they were the only ones on the dance floor.

However, everyone else in the room was aware of them as they were by far the most active of the three couples dancing. "Anna should go into acting," Rob mentioned as he danced, much less skillfully than John, with his daughter.

"Why's that?" Mary asked as she looked over at her two friends. She was impressed with John's swing dance moves and how easily Anna followed his lead. She truly hoped that he wouldn't, but she half expected John to flip Anna over his arm.

"Well," Rob started, as he looked around to ensure that neither Vera nor Greg were anywhere close. "She doesn't look like she's _pretending_ that she's infatuated with John. I'd think they were on a real date if I didn't know otherwise."

"Oh, don't be so sure that they are not," Mary remarked as she and her father continued to make their way around the dance floor, careful to keep plenty of distance between themselves and Anna and John, lest he swing Anna into them.

"No," Robert guffawed. "John's not interested in any relationship; Vera did a number on him. And I can't imagine that Anna would be interested in a man nearly fifteen years older than she is." Mary quirked an eyebrow at her father as she realized her mother was right how clueless her father was when it came to relationships.

Similarly, Phyllis and Joseph were beginning to speculate about Anna and John as well. "Anna sure is doing a great job of pretending to be John's girlfriend, tonight," Joseph drawled to his new wife. "I'm really glad he's not stag tonight; that would have put a feather in Vera's hat." John and Joseph had become unlikely friends during John's divorce. After a particularly difficult day of divorce proceedings, John had met Joseph for dinner and to go over some new musical arrangements for the group. The meal had turned into more of a venting session for John, and at least for once, Joseph felt a little better about his own love-life-which until Phyllis, had been extremely unlucky. That night had left Joseph hating Vera nearly as much as John did, simply because of how horribly she treated John during their marriage, separation, _and_ divorce. He never wanted to see Vera get the best of John again.

"Mmm," Phyllis replied as she watched John and Anna. "It doesn't look like pretending to me." Joseph gave his wife a puzzled look, but quickly forgot about Anna and John as his wife reached up to give him a peck on the lips. They both blushed as they continued dancing.

"We're starting to attract an audience, I think," Anna stated as she and John worked their way adeptly around the room. She had finally broken eye-contact with John, and she realized that their performance was garnering attention of most everyone at the reception.

"As long as that includes Vera and Greg," John replied. "I don't want to think I worked this hard for nothing." Anna's heart sank at John's words. She had truly been enjoying this dance, but apparently John was all about the show. Although she knew she had no right to be, she was a bit dejected and was thankful when the dance ended. The group returned to their seats, amidst a voracious applause, Rob and Mary deferring to John and Anna as they knew the cheers were not for them. John bowed and Anna slightly curtsied as they made their way back to the head table, Anna reminding herself that they were not actually on a real date and that she had no right to be hurt.

John wiped the sweat from his brow as he turned to Anna, once they were seated, and stated, "You were marvelous. You're a great dance partner." He was smiling, but somehow Anna could not enjoy his praise for what it was. She simply half-smiled and said, "Thank you. It's easy with you." As soon as her words came out of her mouth, she found herself embarrassed and looking away from John. She was feeling like a fool already, getting wrapped up in their charade. John's smile slipped as he realized that she wouldn't meet his eyes, but he wasn't sure what was wrong. Was it something he said? He didn't have long to brood on it as he noticed Greg approaching their table and Anna tensing at his side.

Grabbing Anna's arm he pulled her up and led her back to the dance floor. She gave him a confused look as she followed, and he said, "Don't look back, just keep your eyes on me," as he walked backwards to the dance floor. He held her eyes with his as he pulled her into his arms and began moving around the floor to "Pennsylvania 6-5000."

Anna laughed nervously and asked, "What's going on, John?" This time he held her close instead of swinging her out on the floor. Truth be told, he was starting to feel the affects of his age and since he wasn't going to get to sit and rest after that last performance, at least he could calm the moves down a bit. Anna, for her, part was feeling other emotions—ones she couldn't quite name—being in such close proximity to this man.

"I felt you tense when Greg headed our way, and I'm not great at thinking on the fly. I figured if I removed us both from the situation he couldn't bother you and I couldn't let you down," he was smiling a goofy grin, happy with his ingenuity. He continued to adeptly lead her around the dance floor.

"Mr. Bates," Anna smiled in return. "You've been holding back on us. I know I said it before, but I would have never guessed that you could dance like this." He really was a great dancer and she never would have thought that in a million years. She had so many thoughts running through her head at the moment from _how did I never know this man could dance like this_ to _he's only trying to play a part_ to _holy cow his chest is solid and I never want to_ _leave these arms_ to _did I just think that?_ to _where is Greg now and what the hell am I doing?_

John chuckled softly, as if he could hear her thoughts, and whispered, "Shut up and dance with me."

They continued dancing until the band segued into "Stars Fell on Alabama." They started to head for their table again, Anna's legs beginning to feel like spaghetti, and not just from the dancing, she was afraid. However, just as they were about to step off the dance floor, Anna met Vera's eyes across the room. The older woman began walking towards them so Anna tugged on John's hand and kept him in place. As he looked down at her with a similar confused expression to the one she'd worn a short time earlier, she smiled and repeated his words, "Don't you dare look back. Just keep your eyes on me."

John winced as he asked, "Vera?"

Anna pulled him close to her and replied with a wink, "Shut up and dance with me." John couldn't help himself. He chuckled as he bent slightly and placed a kiss on Anna's forehead. He wasn't sure what prompted him to do so, but he knew he was enjoying this time on the dance floor more than he had enjoyed anything in a long time.

* * *

After spending nearly half an hour on the dance floor, Anna and John decided it was best to sit for a bit and perhaps actually eat some of their dinner. The downside was that they could no longer avoid the two people they were protecting each other from, but they also knew they couldn't stay out on the dance floor all night. It wasn't long before Greg approached their table, smiling the smile that had won Anna's attention a year ago; she noted that it did not appeal to her in quite the same way anymore, and brushed the thought out of her mind that it did not compare at all to the smile of the man sitting next to her.

"Hello, Anna," Greg addressed her. He looked next to her and added, "John."

John nodded his head in acknowledgment of Greg but said nothing else.

"Hello, Greg," Anna answered, as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You look well," Greg supplied. John watched, trying to gauge Anna's comfort level, ready to step in should she seem to want him to intervene.

"I am, thank you," she smiled, and turned to squeeze John's hand under the table, a move that did not go unnoticed by Greg. Although Anna meant it as a signal that she was relying on John's support, Greg saw it differently.

"How long has this been going on?" Greg asked, looking back and forth from Anna to John.

"Not long," Anna answered but saw the skepticism in Greg's eyes. It dawned on her at that moment that Greg might think she'd had a romantic relationship with John for sometime before he'd broken up with her. She felt her cheeks flush, but then thought, _So what? I don't have to defend myself to him; we're no longer together, and it's not as if he was faithful anyhow._ "Where's your date?" Anna asked, changing the subject.

"She stopped by the ladies' room," he answered. _Of course_ , Anna thought. She was sure that Greg wouldn't approach her if his date could see.

"Are you happy, Anna?" Greg asked, locking eyes with her and ignoring John's presence all together. "With him, I mean?" he clarified as he cocked his head toward John.

Anna was a bit surprised by his question and the sincerity she saw in his eyes. "Yes," Anna answered. "I am. Thank you for your concern, but I admit I'm a little confused why you care. You didn't care much for my feelings when you cheated on me."

"I'm sorry for that, Anna. I never meant to hurt you," Greg lamented. Much to his confusion, Anna smiled a huge smile at him.

"What's done is done," she replied, looking at John and then back to her ex. "Besides, if you hadn't screwed up, John would never have confessed his feelings for me." John was just taking a sip of his water and he tried not to spit it out as Anna squeezed his hand, silently begging him to play along.

"Yes, I am grateful, Greg, that you are so incredibly _stupid,_ " John said after clearing his throat.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it," Greg concluded, not knowing how to best respond to John's remark. "I see Melissa returning to our table; I should get back to her."

"Thanks for stopping by, Greg," John stated dismissively. Greg just nodded and returned to his seat. Anna saw Melissa look her way but she seemed content that Greg had returned to their table, not giving Anna the time of day.

"How did I confess my feelings?" John asked, smiling without looking at Anna as he took a bite of the desert he'd left at the table before dancing.

"Wh- what?" Anna stammered as she took a sip of her wine.

"I was just wondering how it happened. Did I go in for the kill as soon as Greg left? Did you come running for comfort, and I just couldn't hold back anymore? What did I say? Was I incredibly romantic? I'm just curious."

Anna knew he was teasing her, but she couldn't help being flustered. "Stop it, you silly beggar," she pleaded and then ignored his questions. He looked at her from the corner of his eye, and she couldn't help but laugh. He began chuckling, too. Anna was enjoying this camaraderie much more than she envisioned when she'd agreed to this arrangement, but she wasn't complaining at all. She just had to make sure she didn't get too absorbed in the charade.

As the night moved on, Anna and John got wrapped up in the festivities of the Molesley wedding. John caught the garter that Joe threw, and Anna admitted to herself that she was a little sad that she didn't catch the bouquet. As she watched John put his arm around one of Phyllis's cousins—thankfully not Vera—and smile for the camera for the obligatory photo of the garter and bouquet catchers, she was silently wishing he had his arm around her.

 _What is going on with you?_ Anna asked herself. _You can't be truly falling for John._ She took a minute to find the ladies room to compose herself. She was so confused by the things she was beginning to feel. _It can only lead to heartbreak, Anna,_ she told herself. _John's been in your life for years; if he was interested in you he would have made a move long before now. He's just acting._ She let out a sigh and checked her hair before returning to the ballroom of the country club.

When Anna found John again, she saw he'd been cornered by Vera. _Oh, no,_ she thought to herself as she made a beeline for John and Vera. She could see his face relax as he noticed her approaching. He held his arm out for her and wrapped it around her shoulders as soon as she reached his side.

"Well, I hope you make it through your midlife crisis okay," Vera said as she sneered at Anna. "And you remember what I told you earlier. I hate that I already know you'll end up heartbroken." Vera smirked and walked away. Anna tamped down the inner voice that agreed with Vera as she was quickly determining her feelings were getting out of control.

"I'm so sorry," Anna said, as soon as Vera was out of earshot.

John looked down at her and shook his head. "You're doing just fine," he said softly. "You should be allowed some time for a bathroom break. Come on. Let's go dance some more. I need something to think about other than her."

Anna's heart felt heavy, but she smiled up at him and followed him onto the dance floor. She supposed it was good that every time she started to get too comfortable with this date that John reminded her that it was a only for convenience. If only she could get her heart to accept what her mind already did.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you all for your kind reviews and follows! I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm having fun with it. A guest reviewer mentioned that it had a bit of S1 feel to it, and that's what I'm going for (at least at this point), so I'm glad it came across at least to one of you! Here's hoping I can continue to hold your interest. Thanks for reading/reviewing! Disclaimer: I still don't own Downton Abbey.**

* * *

Chapter 5

 _1 month later_

John sat behind his desk at Queens waiting to see if anyone would show up. It was his "office hours" day again, but he doubted they would come. They never did. He had little to do today in way of the class he taught. The next big assignment wasn't due for two more weeks, and he'd just finished grading an exam. His syllabus rarely varied from year to year, except the writing topics, and his class ran like a well-oiled machine. He decided he may as well get working on a rough draft of his next possible publication.

His fingers began gliding across the keyboard, describing on paper what he assumed would be his heroine. He never really knew. He just let the words take him where they would. His heroine was petite and resilient. She was bright and old enough to have some life experience but young enough that life had not passed her by. Her silky hair was long and blonde, coming to rest approximately six inches below her shoulders, and her gorgeous blue eyes shone like a beacon from a lighthouse, guiding lost souls home.

John sucked in a breath and his fingers jumped off the keys as if he was burned. _This is Anna,_ he thought. _I've just described Anna._ John scooted his chair back and tried to get her image out of his head. Hell, he'd been trying to do that for the past month. He could still remember how she felt as he held her in his arms and danced at Joseph's wedding. When he closed his eyes he could see her smile and hear her laugh.

He'd tried to avoid her over the past few weeks. He didn't want her to get ideas that they could be a real couple. He was not good enough for her. He was a worn out, divorced man who led a fairly lonely existence. He was also falling apart. Over the past few years he had started wearing glasses, which only made him feel older than his 48 years. His right knee was also beginning to bother him again. He'd injured it during college, but with rehab it had got back to working order fairly easily. The doctor had warned him that he would likely need a full knee replacement earlier than otherwise expected because of the injury, but it still made him feel like an old man. And an old man had no business lusting over a young woman.

A knock on his open door broke his train of thought, something he was not opposed to. "Mr. Bates?" a young man of about twenty inquired as he he took a couple of steps into the room. "Would you read over my outline and let me know if I'm headed in the right direction for the superhero prompt you gave us?"

"Yes. Come on in, and let's take a look," John encouraged, thankful that he was saved from his own thoughts.

* * *

Anna watched a mother push her baby down the street in a stroller as she walked back to work from lunch. Her heart lurched as she felt the desire for a child rise within her again. She couldn't help but think her time was running out. Anna warred with herself. She didn't want to raise a baby on her own, but if she didn't accept that as on option she might not raise a baby at all. Her practical side told her that adoption was always a possibility. Her selfish side told her that wasn't good enough.

As she entered her building and climbed the stairs to her office, Anna began thinking of a facility she drove past every day on her way to work: Queen City Reproductive Endocrinology Associates. She knew that Dr. Clarkson said he would send her there if the need arose, but he didn't understand the full story. With no partner, she was definitely not going to be pregnant within the six month time frame he gave her, and she greatly feared that even if she had a partner she would not be pregnant that soon. Maybe she needed to contact QCREA on her own. Ask them to evaluate her for potential fertility issues just so she would know what, if anything, she was up against.

She was smiling as she took her seat behind her desk, immediately searching for QCREA's website. Within ten minutes she had scheduled an evaluation, although it was three weeks away. Still, Anna's heart felt lighter than it had in months. For the first time in a long time she felt hope.

 _2 months later_

Anna began packing up her music folder and trumpet. Joseph was chatting to her but she really wasn't paying attention. Mary was her ride home tonight, but she'd escaped to the ladies room after downing 24 ounces of water during the performance. Anna was hoping that Mary would return sooner than later as she was overtired from the day and ready to be in bed; she didn't feel like being social with anyone. These gigs were more draining for her since Joseph's wedding, mostly because John treated her as if that night had never happened. Not that anything really did happen that night. But it was odd to pretend she'd not laughed with him, or danced in his arms, or even kissed him. In fact, it was impossible for her to pretend it didn't happen, but John did not seem to have those same difficulties. If her memory of the evening wasn't so vivid or the gold ring on Joseph's hand so obvious, she'd questioned whether it had all been a dream.

Anna turned to put her music folder in her bag, and she audibly gasped as she noticed Greg walking towards her. John was putting his trombone in his case when he heard Anna's breath catch. He looked up just in time to see her throw herself at him. As he straightened up she wrapped her arms around his neck, keeping him from reaching his full height. "I'm sorry," she breathed before she kissed him full on the lips.

John was taken aback by the turn of events, but found his arms snaking around Anna's middle to balance them both. He lost himself for a moment and began kissing her back, pulling her close without knowing what precipitated her actions. As she slowly ended the kiss, his eyes fluttered open, and he saw Greg over her shoulder.

John composed himself, feeling his back stiffen at the sign of Anna's ex-boyfriend. He looked down at her, questioning her with his eyes. Hers answered back, pleadingly, as she whispered, "Please?" He reached for her hand in agreement, not sure exactly what he was consenting to, but at the same time knowing he'd grant most anything she asked of him. As much as he wanted to fight the feelings he knew he shouldn't have, he would never be able to say no to her.

"Anna, please let me talk to you," Greg started as he approached the two. Anna turned towards Greg but her grip tightened around John's hand. John sensed that she didn't want to agree to Greg's request.

"I didn't realize you were here tonight, Greg," John stated, attempting to sway his attention towards him rather than Anna. Greg looked back and forth from John to Anna and continued addressing Anna as if he hadn't heard John's comment at all.

"Please, Anna. I've been trying to tell you that Melissa and I are over. I realize now what a mistake I made doing…what I did," Greg looked at John and then back to Anna. "I know you've moved on, but I've not. And I'm not above making a fool of myself for you, even in front of your boyfriend."

A sense of possessiveness came over John and he let go of Anna's hand to wrap his arm around her waist, pulling her more closely to his protective frame.

"You won't answer my calls or return my texts," Greg continued. "The doorman at your office building won't let me in to see you. I didn't know how else to get your attention but to show up here."

John could feel his blood pressure rising. "Back off mate," he began. "If she was interested in being with you, she would be. And she's not."

"Why don't you let Anna answer for herself?" Greg glared at John, before turning back to Anna.

"Please, Anna, give me another chance. What does he have that I don't? We had something good. I'll marry you, Anna. Please," he pleaded.

Anna had a thousand thoughts running through her mind, but with the steam she felt building in her ears, she wasn't sure how to put together a coherent sentence. Somehow, her voice seemed to escape her body on it's own accord.

"John has a lot that you don't, Greg, namely me," Anna answered. She felt John's hand squeeze her in support. "You're right; I have moved on, and I have no interest in going backwards. And I haven't returned your texts because I blocked you and haven't received them."

"Oh," Greg answered. He took a step back, but John didn't think he was done. "I've learned my lesson, Anna. I need you. I love you. I'll never cheat on you again, I swear." Greg was almost begging.

"It's over, Greg. Go play family with Melissa. She's having your baby," Anna reminded him. A fact that seemed to sting more every day.

"I told you, that's done. Plus, Melissa lost the baby. I didn't want a baby with her anyway, Anna. I want a baby with you," Greg pleaded. Anna sucked air in like a knife had pierced her heart. Both because of his disregard for his unborn child and for his audacity to suggest he wanted a baby with her.

"That's enough," John interjected, feeling Anna leaning on him more than before. "You need to leave now before you're forcibly removed." Greg eyed John for a moment, as if trying to decide whether he wanted to take his chances or not.

"Have it your way for now. We can revisit this again later," Greg replied.

"Greg. I do not want to revisit this again later. What do I have to do to make you see that we are over?" Anna replied. John was still standing guard beside her, wondering what the requirements were for a restraining order. He did not like the way this conversation was going at all.

Greg looked between John and Anna before answering. "Anna, I think you'd have to be married before I would lose all hope of getting you back. Maybe not even then." With that, he turned on his heel and walked away, but Anna felt that Greg's pursuit was was far from over.

John's arm was still around Anna's waist and as he looked down at her he saw shoulders wobble slightly. He couldn't help himself from gathering her to him and wrapping her in a hug. She seemed to relax a bit as she turned and pressed her body close to his. "Are you okay?" John asked. "Are you scared of him?"

Anna shook her head into John's chest. "I don't think so. I just want him to leave me alone." She took a step back from John and looked up at his face. "Mary was supposed to take me home tonight; we carpooled over since my car is in for maintenance. But I think I'd feel a little more secure if you drove me home. I won't put it past him to show up there. Do you mind?" she asked him.

"Of course, not," John answered. "I'll be glad to take you home." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head as if she were a small child he was comforting. "Let me just finish packing up." He let go of her and returned his attention to his trombone and music.

* * *

Mary had seen much of the encounter between Greg, Anna, and John as she had returned from the restroom. However, she had chosen not to approach the trio and watched from the sidelines instead. Robert walked out of the men's room and stopped next to his daughter who appeared to be watching a scene ahead of her. "What are you staring at?" he asked her.

"Oh, a little drama with Anna, John, and Greg," Mary answered.

"Greg? What's he doing here?" Robert wanted to know.

"I don't know, but apparently Anna has enlisted John's help again in getting rid of him."

Just then, Anna approached Mary to let her know that John was going to take her home and that she didn't need her help tonight, although she would still need a ride to work in the morning.

"How about I pick you up at seven and we grab breakfast before heading to the office. Then you can explain to me what just happened," Mary proposed.

Anna simply nodded before slinging her trumpet bag over her shoulder and meeting John at the door, leaving Mary and her father staring at each other in wonder.

* * *

When John and Anna pulled up to her condo, she looked around for Greg's car. Although she had told John that she was not scared of Greg, Anna was beginning to think she was trying to convince herself of that more than anyone else. Greg had never been violent or jealous. Even now he wasn't threatening her. He just would not leave her alone. He had done nothing illegal, or even scary, really. In fact, if she wanted him back, she might even find his advances romantic. But she didn't.

"Are you okay?" John asked as he watched Anna survey the parking lot.

"Yeah," Anna answered, quietly. "I'm just unsettled. I don't know what to do about Greg."

"Well apparently you need to marry me," John replied.

Anna whipped her head to face him. She scanned his face for a trace of humor, but all she could think about was how handsome he was, how much she wanted to touch the stubble that was appearing on his cheeks, and did she hear him correctly?

"Or someone," John clarified. "Greg said that's when he'll give up." He smiled a crooked grin, and Anna realized he was trying to add levity to the situation.

"Yeah, well, I don't see that happening, do you?" Anna responded as she turned her head to look out the front of the car. For a fleeting moment Anna considered it, though. _What would it be like to be Mrs. John Bates?_ Quickly she squashed the thought as she admonished herself that she was acting like a schoolgirl.

John put the car in park and turned to Anna. "Anna, I was only trying to lighten the mood. I know you're upset with this whole Greg thing. I'm sorry. I should have been more sensitive."

"It's okay, John," she replied, but he wasn't sure if she meant it. "Will you walk me up?" she asked, still staring out the front of the car.

"Absolutely," he answered as he got of the car and walked around to open her door. He offered his hand to Anna to assist her from the car. Anna gladly accepted and stepped from the car. She released his hand after she was safely on her feet, and he placed his hand at the small of her back. She wasn't sure why, but it calmed her nerves a bit to have his hand there. It felt right. Being with John felt right. But it wasn't. He wasn't hers, and she'd do well to remember that. He'd had plenty of chances since Joseph's wedding to pursue her, but he hadn't. Even better, he'd known her for over ten years, and he'd never made a move. She'd gotten caught up in the act at Joseph's wedding, and she needed to get past it.

John opened the door to the condominium complex and pushed the call button for the elevator. He and Anna stepped inside, and she pushed the button for the 7th floor. They rode up in silence, and John once again put his hand at her waist to usher her out of the elevator and around the corner towards her condo. A few steps from her door, Anna stopped. John nearly ran into her and then noticed what had caused her to pause. There was a dozen roses and a note sitting in front of her door. Neither had to read it to know whom it was from. Anna continued forward and picked up the note. It simply said, "I still love you. Greg." She handed the note to John as she unlocked her door and stepped into the condo. He picked up the roses and entered behind her, following her into the kitchen. She took the note from him and deposited it directly in the trash can.

John held up the flowers. "Do you want these in the rubbish as well?"

Anna took the roses from him and discarded them, vase and all, in the trash with the note. "What am I going to do, John?" Anna said, her eyes full of concern as she leaned on the kitchen counter.

John took off his jacket and walked past her to the living room and laid it across the back of the couch. He'd been to her condo before with the Crawleys and Molesleys and felt quite comfortable in her home. His tie was already loosened, but he took it off and laid it with his jacket. He then unbuttoned another button on his shirt so that two were now open. Anna could see his chest hair peeking out the top of the shirt and she felt her mouth going dry despite the emotional turmoil of the evening. He walked back to the kitchen and leaned against the counter beside Anna. He then removed his cuff links, depositing them in his pocket, and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows.

Anna stared at him as he made himself comfortable, glad she was leaning on the counter as her legs felt strangely weak. _It's been three months since our "date," and I'm still swooning,_ she thought. The shedding of his formalwear was almost enough to make her forget what happened earlier tonight with Greg. Almost.

"I don't know about Greg, Anna. We need to find out how the police define 'stalker.' You may be able to get a restraining order," he answered her.

"I don't think so," she quietly stated. "I'm not sure what their definition is either, but he has done nothing aggressive or threatening. He's just aggravating me. I'm not sure it's possible to get a restraining order against someone who is just annoying you," she stated.

"But he's not just annoying you, is he? He's truly bothering you."

"Not really until tonight when I've realized that he's really not going to let go." She sighed. John moved from his perch beside her to stand in front of her. He opened his arms and she gladly stepped into them. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his back. This was quickly becoming one of Anna's favorite places to be. His hands rubbed up and down her back to comfort her, just as he likely would with any friend, but she couldn't help enjoy his embrace a bit more than she probably should-inhaling his cologne and relishing in his warmth a bit more than she ought. Just as Anna was getting completely lost in the feel and scent of John, there was a knock on her door.

John felt Anna stiffen immediately and hug him a bit tighter. "I'll get it," he said, looking at his watch. It was nearly 11:00 pm, not exactly when one would expect unannounced callers. He was prepared for Greg to be on the other side of the door when he opened it, and therefore he was surprised when a redheaded girl about Anna's age was standing there. She also seemed to be confused to see him. She peeked around his shoulder while asking, "Is Anna here?"

"And you are?" John asked before answering her question.

"I'm Gwen. I live down the hall, but I forgot my key and my phone is dead so I can't call my sleeping husband to let me in. I've been banging on the door down there to no avail. I was hoping to use Anna's phone to call him."

Anna stepped into the foyer at that point and rescued her neighbor. "Sure, Gwen, here you go," Anna offered and she handed Gwen her phone. Gwen took the phone while looking back and forth between John and Anna. She didn't say any more and began dialing her husband. A few seconds later she spoke with him and her mission was accomplished.

"Thanks, Anna," Gwen said. "You're a lifesaver. I know it's late; I'm just glad you're still up. Goodnight." She paused to look at John, and continued, "And goodnight, Anna's friend," as she walked out of the condo and down the hall.

"Goodnight," John said quietly as he closed the door behind Gwen. Anna had walked back into the kitchen and he followed her. "Gwen's right. It is late, and I should let you get to bed." He started for the living room to retrieve his jacket and tie.

"Stay," Anna said. He turned and looked at her with confusion.

"I'm sorry?" he asked. Surely she didn't just ask him to spend the night with her.

"In the spare bedroom. I have an extra, new toothbrush you can use. You can leave early to go home and get ready for work. I just am not feeling myself tonight and would sleep better if I'm not alone." The truth was when Gwen had knocked on the door she had thought it probably was Greg. She wasn't sure how to handle him, and she didn't think she could do it alone tonight. Her nerves were on end, and she just felt so much more secure and at peace with John with her.

John thought he saw Anna trembling. The look in her eyes was akin to fear, even though she professed that Greg didn't scare her. He was pretty sure, though, that this request was because she truly was afraid her ex would show up tonight. _Why not stay?_ he thought. He didn't have to teach until 11:00 tomorrow, so he had plenty of time to go home and clean up after he left Anna's place in the morning.

"Sure. If it will make you feel better, I'll stay," he relented. "Now let's get you off to bed. If you'll just show me to my room and the toothbrush." The right side of his lip turned upward and the crinkles at his eyes appeared. As she escorted John to the guest room and pulled a new toothbrush and some toothpaste from the linen closet, she told herself that she was feeling weak only because she was tired and had a stressful evening.

"You know the bathroom is right here, next to the bedroom. There's soap and shampoo in the shower if you decide to take one here." In the next moment, she grabbed his hand and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you so much, John. I will rest so much easier with you here. I owe you one."

He squeezed her hand as he softly said, "No, you don't. This is what friends do." He walked her to the master suite before pulling his hand free of hers. "Goodnight, Anna," he whispered as he leaned down and kissed her temple. "Sleep well." She watched him walk back towards the kitchen and knew that she'd sleep better tonight than she had in a long time. John, on the other hand, was pretty sure he would not.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks to all for their reviews and follows! During this chapter, this story takes a change where I don't believe it will resemble any other Banna story-at least not any I've read. It's a bit choppy as there are many "scenes" here, but it lays the foundation for the next bit. Hope you all enjoy. As always, I own nothing related to Downton Abbey.**

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Chapter 6

John laid in the bed in Anna's spare bedroom and knew that while she professed she was going to sleep well tonight, he would not. The thought of her sleeping just down the hall was doing things to him that he'd rather not dwell on. He hadn't seen her kiss coming earlier tonight, and while he knew it was a means to an end for her, he hadn't been able to keep himself from kissing her back. It wasn't intentional, he just couldn't control himself, and that scared him. He was trying so hard to protect his heart-and hers-but he could feel cracks developing in the walls he had erected around himself. He'd long ago admitted that, despite Vera's presence, Joseph's wedding was one of the best nights of his life, simply because it had been a "date" with Anna. But he'd also had to acknowledge that the relationship couldn't go any farther. He was too old for her with too much baggage. He couldn't tie her down. He simply wasn't good enough for Anna, and she deserved better.

John rolled over and sighed, remembering that Mary said she'd be by in the morning to pick up Anna for breakfast. He'd leave before then, maybe 6:30, but he'd stay outside the building until Mary arrived, just to make sure Anna was safe. Feeling the effects of the long day and the stresses of fighting his feelings for Anna, John finally felt sleep overtake him.

Shortly thereafter, or so he thought, he was awakened by a doorbell. He shot straight up in the bed and looked at the clock. It was 7:04 a.m. So much for his plan to leave early. He quickly arose and pulled his pants on over his boxers, still wearing his undershirt from the day before. Although he knew it was likely Mary at the door, he wanted to make sure that it wasn't a surprise visit from Greg instead. The doorbell rang again as he entered the hallway. He could hear Anna frantically puttering around her bedroom, muttering under her breath. He smiled to himself as he imagined her frantic attempt to finish getting ready for her day, and he walked to the front door before she ever made it out of her room.

A look through the peephole confirmed it was Mary at the door, so he released the lock and let her in. He wasn't counting on the shocked look on Mary's face when she saw him standing in front of her in his state of half dress. He didn't think about the implications his appearance would have when he decided to answer the door. Mary looked him up and down and then he did the same. "Oh, God," they both muttered at the same time.

Anna came down the hall at that moment, still putting on her earrings. "I'm coming, Mary!" she called, not realizing that John had already answered the door. She pulled up short when she saw him standing in her foyer, holding the door open. His hair was askew from his pillow, his feet were bare, and his undershirt was clinging to his broad chest but couldn't keep a few chest hairs from peaking over the top. She was pretty sure her heart stopped for a moment. Then it jarringly restarted when she realized how this must look to Mary.

"Well," Mary began with an arched eyebrow. "I see why you didn't want a ride home from me last night." She walked past them both, and John shut the door.

"It's not like that," Anna stated, looking back and forth from Mary to John.

"I stayed in the spare room," John confirmed. "Anna was a little shaken by Greg last night, and I stayed over just to ease her mind. I've overslept; I meant to be gone by now."

"I bet you did," Mary commented before looking at Anna. "Are you ready? I thought we could go to Nolen's."

"I'm ready," she confirmed. "John, do you need a few minutes? I could leave you a key and you could lock up," she offered, hoping he would take her up on it as it would give her another excuse to see him soon to get her key back.

"Nah, just let me grab my shoes and the rest of my clothes. I'll straighten the bed, and I can leave with you," he answered as he returned to the guest room. He returned shortly wearing socks and shoes and his dress shirt, and his hair had been tamed a bit as well. He grabbed his coat and tie from the couch and announced that he was "good to go." The three friends stepped out into the hall and all paused long enough for Anna to lock the door. Mary walked ahead of John and Anna, sensing that they needed time to conclude whatever had happened last night.

"Thank you, John," Anna said. "I'm sorry you were rushed out this morning. You really could have borrowed my key and stayed a bit longer."

"It's okay," he responded. "This is easier. And you are more than welcome. I hope you slept well."

"I did," she smiled. "The best in weeks. Thank you so much." She grabbed and squeezed his hand. Mary turned and looked back just in time to see the gesture. They may be denying it to her, but there was definitely something going on there. The three rode the elevator down in silence, and John walked them to Mary's car. He opened the car door for Anna, but before he could round the car to do the same for Mary, she'd opened her own door and was getting in the car. Instead he settled for looking down at Anna who was still standing in the parking lot as if she was waiting on something. Honorable thoughts were quickly dissipating as all he could think about was leaning down and capturing her lips with his. He managed to reign in some semblance of control and instead grazed her cheek with a kiss.

"Call me if you need me," he said as he held the door for her. She looked up and smiled at him as she got into the car.

"I will. Thanks again." Then he shut the door and watched as Mary backed out of the parking space. He looked around, and feeling confident that there was no sign of Greg anywhere near the complex, he walked to his car and began his drive home.

* * *

By the time John arrived home, showered, and ate breakfast it was nearly nine in the morning. His phone began ringing as he sat down with the morning newspaper and a cup of coffee. His first thought was that it could be Anna, but he frowned when he saw his brother's name on the caller ID. He and Jim had always been close, but at the same time, they could go weeks without talking. His brother lived in another state and he didn't get to see him near as much as he would like, but they shared a bond only a few siblings did. In fact, John almost had a sixth sense about Jim, and that's why his heart dropped to his stomach when Jim's name popped up on the phone; he was certain something was wrong. And he was right.

Jim was more upset than John had ever heard him. Jim's 12 year old son, Declan, had been diagnosed with cancer. A wave of nausea overtook John as he processed what his brother was telling him.

"What is his prognosis?" John asked with a slightly shaking voice, afraid to hear the answer.

"We aren't sure," Jim admitted. "We are going to start treating him with chemotherapy and other medications, but the doctors have already told us that he will likely need a stem cell transplant."

"How does that work?" John asked. "Can you or Brenda donate the cells?" Declan was their only child. He figured a sibling would be a better match, but he'd heard of parents donating body parts, mostly kidneys, to their children. It was a possibility, surely.

"No. Neither Brenda nor I are a close enough match for Declan," Jim sighed. _Well, that rules me out_ , John thought to himself. "The doctors state that a sibling would be the best bet for a match, but as Declan is an only child and Brenda can no longer have children, that's not really an option." John could hear the anguish in his brother's voice. "Unless," Jim began, clearing his throat before he continued. "Any child of yours would be genetically Declan's half-sibling."

John sucked in his breath at Jim's comment. Technically, his brother was right about John's child being a genetic half match for Declan as Jim and John were identical twins. But, surely his brother wasn't asking him what it sounded like he was.

"Look, I know it's a lot to ask. I have no idea what your love-life looks like right now. I know you aren't really into romantic relationships after Vera," Jim rambled. "Maybe we could get a surrogate mother."

"If you can get a surrogate, then you could father a baby, Jim," John responded, his mind racing through thoughts faster than he could process them.

"Well, no, I can't," Jim sighed again. "I had a vasectomy after Declan, when we realized what a risk another pregnancy would be for Brenda. I tried to have it reversed as soon as we found out about Declan's illness. It didn't work. I've thought of everything, John. I just don't know what else to do."

John sensed that Jim was on the verge of tears. He didn't want to break his brother's heart any further, but he was not on board with Jim's idea at all. He would make a horrible father; Vera had made sure he understood that. "Can I have some time?" John replied, knowing his brother would feel his hesitation. This was confirmed when he heard his brother whimper, which nearly broke his own heart. For the second time this morning, John murmured, "Oh, God," but this time it was a prayer.

"I didn't say no, Jim. I just need some time." John closed his eyes and rubbed his hand over them. Four hours of sleep after a full day yesterday and now this. How was he supposed to teach today? He'd be lucky if he could string together a complete sentence.

"Okay," Jim acquiesced. "But please, John, don't take long with your decision. We're signing Declan up for the 'Be the Match,' program, but his doctor feels like a sibling, even a half-one, would be the best bet for a good match. And we'd only need the cord blood from a newborn; there'd be no risk for the baby."

"Can he wait that long, though?" John asked. "We're talking a minimum of 10 months at this point."

"His doctor thinks they can fight it for a while without the transplant. But we wouldn't have much more than a year at most to find him a transplant. Please, John. If I've ever needed you before, I sure need you now."

 _God, how was he supposed to say no to that?_ "I'll think about it. And I won't make you wait long. Give me a day or so to wrap my head around what this will mean. What all this means." John wiped his hand down his face, feeling utterly lost.

"I guess I can't ask for more than that. Thank you, John," Jim said, sounding less frantic than a few minutes earlier.

"Don't thank me yet," John replied, but Jim had already ended the call.

* * *

"Details," Mary demanded as she put a forkful of omelette into her mouth. Anna rolled her eyes.

"There _are_ no details," Anna stated as she moved her hash browns around her plate. "We've already told you what happened. Greg showed up at the gig last night, spooked me a bit, and John stayed with me, _in the spare room_ , to help calm my nerves. End of story."

"I don't think so," Mary shook her head between bites. "What was up with that kiss at the gig? You seemed to enjoy it," she added as she picked up her glass of orange juice.

 _I surely did_ , Anna thought, and then felt her cheeks turn pink.

"See! You're blushing!" Mary prodded.

"I admit I like kissing John, but it was just for show. I saw Greg approaching, and I was trying to send him a message. One that he apparently just doesn't get." Anna was still a bit baffled about Greg's perseverance. Mary was less interested in Greg than she was with what was going on between her friend and John.

"Well, how about how you two act like a couple?" Mary prompted.

"Because we're putting on a show for Greg!" Anna emphasized.

"Greg wasn't around this morning. Not when John walked you to my car with his hand on your back. Not when opened the car door for you. Not when he kissed your cheek," Mary countered.

"Mary. Seriously?" Anna would love for Mary to be right. She would love for John to show interest in her, but she knew it simply wasn't true.

"Yes! You didn't see him doing all that with me, did you? I could be wrong, but I don't think he's pretending to be interested in you. I think he actually is." She stuffed another bite of eggs into her mouth.

Anna smiled and shook her head. Her friend was giving her hope, but she quelled it. Until it came straight from John, she wouldn't believe it. "I think you're overthinking this, Mary. If he's really interested, why hasn't he asked me out? He's had plenty of time. Years in fact." Anna's own thoughts brought her back to Earth. She was right; he hadn't made one single move to show he had any non-fabricated romantic interest in her.

"He's John," Mary simply replied, shrugging. "Knowing him he probably doesn't think he's good enough for you. But trust me. If you show your hand, he'll come around."

"Who says I'm interested in him that way?" Anna asked, straightening her back slightly. Mary just laughed, not dignifying Anna's question with a response. Anna knew that she was transparent to her friend and couldn't keep the smile off her face. But at the same time, she was ready to change the subject.

"Well, I'll take your advice into consideration. If the opportunity presents itself, perhaps I'll make a move. But that's enough of that; I need to discuss something else with you," Anna changed the subject as she finished her eggs and placed her silverware on the plate. "I'm going to need a flexible schedule for the next few months."

"Anna, you have a flexible schedule. You set your own hours now," Mary said, a bit confused by his Anna's comment.

"Well, yes, but this is different." Anna sighed, not sure how to explain her situation other than just to come out with it. "You see, I've been seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. I'm going to have a baby."

Mary's fork fell from her hand and clanked against her plate, drawing the attention from some other patrons. She quickly picked it up and composed herself as the others looked away. "You're pregnant?" she whispered to Anna.

"No," Anna laughed. "I didn't mean that." She could understand how it came across that way, but she couldn't help finding Mary's reaction humorous. "I'm going to use the reproductive clinic and a donor to have a baby. I have to go often for lab work and ultrasounds so they can determine the right time to, well, you know, um...inseminate...me." Anna was sure her face was as red at the cloth napkin on her lap, but she knew of no better way to explain it.

"Whaa? Really? Wait. What?" Mary couldn't quite wrap her mind around Anna's revelation.

"Well, you know that I have no family in this world, and you also know how much I want children. I'm getting older with no boyfriend in sight. I've decided to take my destiny into my own hands," Anna elaborated.

"Anna, you're not that old. You have time, " Mary countered.

"But you see, I don't," Anna defended. "My mother had fertility issues. I don't know what they were. And although everything has checked out okay with me so far, there are so many unexplained fertility disorders. I can't take that chance, Mary. I can't take the chance that I wait, have difficulty conceiving, run out of time, and end up all alone in this world. I can't help but feel that I was meant to leave a legacy through a child, but I'm so afraid of seeing that opportunity wasted. I'm not going to waste my time, Mary." Anna shook her head vehemently. "I'm not. So this is what I have to do."

"Is it what you _want_ to do?" Mary asked. "Do you want to have a baby without a father? To never know the father? To pick him, by what? Features? Education? Hair color? Is that what you really want?" Mary saw the light in Anna's eyes falter a bit, but she still seemed confident in her choice.

"It doesn't matter at this point. I had always dreamed of finding my Prince Charming and having a brood of children-the boys looking just like him and the girls being miniature me's. But it's been 34 years and no Prince Charming has arrived," Anna contended.

"Hasn't he?" Mary quipped with a raised eyebrow. "It seems to me that you have a knight in shining armor who keeps coming to your rescue."

"I couldn't ask this of him, Mary. It's too much," Anna countered.

"Maybe so. But I wonder what he'd say if you did," Mary replied. The waitress returned with their check, putting an end to the conversation. But not before Anna thought, _Me, too, Mary. Me, too._

* * *

When Robert returned to his office at the end of the day he found John Bates already there waiting for him, making himself at home in one of the chairs in front of the desk.. "Bates, my good man," Robert greeted him. "What can I do for you?" He closed his office door behind and rounded his desk to his chair. He took off his visor and tossed it on his credenza and dropped a packet of papers down on his desk. Rob then settled in his chair and crossed his arms while leaning forward.

"Rob, I'm in trouble," John began. "I have no clue what to do and little time to decide." John let out a breath of air and shifted in the chair. "I need advice."

"Well, I need more specifics. Is this about work? Gambling debts? Did you finally kill Vera?" Rob questioned.

"None of that." John looked up at the ceiling and took in a shaky breath. His eyes returned to Rob. "My nephew. Declan. He's been diagnosed with cancer." Rob's face was immediately filled with concern for his friend. Unlike John, Rob had much difficulty concealing his feelings.

"Oh, John. I'm so sorry." Rob paused as he felt John had more to say.

"To make a long story short, Declan's best chance at long term survival is for me to father a child. He could then use cord blood of my child to fight off the cancer. IF my child is a match." John covered his face with one hand. The lack of sleep and stresses of the past two days were catching up with him.

"Bates," Rob whispered. As much as he wanted to, he could find no words to comfort his friend.

"I have a very short time to not only decide if I should do this, but to figure out how." Rob bit back his smirk at John's last comment, but John saw it anyway. "Sheesh, Rob. I have no wife. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't like the thought of surrogate. I don't even know if I want to be a father," John lamented.

"You've put some thought into this," Rob concluded.

"I've thought of nothing else since my brother called this morning. How could I?" John stood and ran his fingers through his hair as he paced the office. "What am I supposed to do?" he lamented. "This is my nephew. My only nephew. The closest thing to a son that I ever expected to have. I can't just sit back and watch him die." John knew he was rambling but he continued. "What if I have a child and it's not a match for Declan? But what if I don't even try?" John's eyes connected with Rob's, and Rob could see the unshed tears in them; he could hear the hitch in John's voice.

The only problem was he had no idea what advice to offer his friend. "How long do you have to think about this? Before you have to make a decision?" Rob asked.

"The baby needs to be here within a year. So, basically no time at all." John sought Rob's eyes again. The two men stared at each other without words. Neither had any idea what to say. It was an impossible situation.

* * *

Mary and Anna had been working on an event that was to use the 1920s as the theme, and Mary would be attending the soirée, representing their firm. Although she had mostly put together her outfit for the gala, she was lacking in jewelry. Thankfully, she knew that her mother had many period pieces, even if many were simply costume jewelry items, and decided to stop by her parent's Eastover estate on her way home from work to borrow some. Though she'd not lived there in years, she still had a key and let herself in as she typically did when she stopped by for a visit. Mary could hear her parents in the library having what sounded like a serious discussion.

"But who will have a baby with him?" she heard her mother ask her father.

"That just it. He has no idea, either. He has no wife and he doesn't want to use a surrogate. But he feels like he's letting his family down if he doesn't at least try. His nephew could die without him." Rob answered.

Mary sucked in a breath and paused outside the room, standing just out of sight of the occupants and knowing she shouldn't eavesdrop but unable to help herself. She didn't know who her parents were discussing, but this sounded like a heck of a story.

"I thought he'd been dating Anna," Cora stated. Mary's hand flew to her mouth. _John?_ Mary wondered.

"They weren't really dating," Rob explained. "They escorted each other to Joseph's and Phyllis's wedding to avoid their exes." _Yes, John,_ Mary confirmed to herself as she heard her father moving about the room as well as the clank of a decanter on a glass as he poured what she assumed to be his evening Scotch. "That thought crossed my mind, but I didn't have the heart to suggest it to John. I'd feel like we'd be flinging one of our own daughters his way."

Mary couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was this even real? It sounded like something out of a soap opera—something fabricated, not something that happened to real people. And John needed to have a baby just as Anna wanted to carry one? This was too much. Pinching herself to determine if she was dreaming, she concluded that she was not, a bit shocked by that fact. Deciding it was time to make her presence known, she took a few steps back towards the front door before announcing herself with a cheerful, "Helloo!," hoping to disguise the fact that she'd been in the house for a few minutes. She continued towards the library fairly slowly, giving her parents plenty of time to end their conversation before she perforated the discussion.

"Hi, Mary," Robert exclaimed as he walked towards and embraced his eldest daughter when she entered the room. "What brings you by tonight?"

"I was hoping to borrow some of Mother's 1920ish jewelry pieces for an event I have to attend next week," Mary smiled. "Do you mind, Mom?" She bit her tongue to keep from asking questions about the exchange she had overheard.

"Of course not, dear," her mother answered. "You can borrow whatever you like. We were just about to have dinner. Would you like to join us?"

"That would be lovely," Mary agreed. The subject of John Bates and a baby had been dropped, at least for the time being.

* * *

The next morning, Mary was waiting in Anna's office when she arrived at work. Anna nearly spilled her coffee down her shirt when she opened the door to see Mary sitting behind her desk.

"Well, good morning, Mary. Does this mean you'll be doing my work for me today?" Anna greeted her friend with a smile.

"Hardly. I just have some gossip that I think you need to hear." Mary rose from Anna's chair and took a seat on the other side of the desk. "Or perhaps you already have," Mary stated. In return, Anna's eyebrows furrowed.

"No, I don't think so. This seems to be very intriguing to you, and I'm quite sure I know nothing different since yesterday that would interest you," Anna replied.

"It's about John." Anna's eyes quickly held Mary's. What gossip could she know about John, particularly something that supposedly occurred since she'd seen him? "He needs to have a baby."

`"What?" Anna gasped, putting her bags down, feeling her legs go weak underneath her.

"I'm not sure of the details. I overheard Dad explaining the situation to my mother, but I only got the part of the story I already told you. I'm not sure why, when, or with whom, but apparently John 'needs' to have a baby. It has something to do with 'saving' his nephew."

"What?" Anna repeated, her head spinning. "What's he going to do?"

"I have no idea. He doesn't know that I know, but I thought you'd like to have the information." She got up from the chair and began walking towards the door. "Still think you shouldn't ask your Prince Charming to father your baby? If you aren't the mother of his child, it sounds like someone else will be."

Anna stood in the middle of the room dumbfounded as Mary opened the door to leave. "I'll see you at lunch?"

"Sure," Anna answered, still trying to process the information just laid before her. She was only sure of one thing; today was going to be one of her most unproductive work days yet.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks to all those who continue to follow, favorite, and review this story. Your encouragement means a lot and spurs me on. I appreciate all of you and am glad to share this crazy story. I am aiming for weekly updates, although the days may vary as I have a very chaotic schedule. The next chapter will likely be later next week or weekend as I (and my beta) will be traveling part of this coming week, (alas not together). Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or anything else from Downton Abbey.**

* * *

Chapter 7

A week later Anna had heard from neither Greg nor John. She was glad about the former, but couldn't help but wonder about the latter. Mary kept pushing Anna to talk to John about the baby situation, but she just couldn't think of a way to bring it up. She had no other reason to see him or even call him, and how was she supposed to ask him about something he didn't even know she knew? Mary kept saying that she didn't have to tell him that she knew about his predicament, she could just tell him about her situation and ask him to father her child. But Anna still felt that was a bit weird and had no idea how to bring up the conversation. If John had confided in her about his situation it would be one thing, but since he hadn't she didn't see how to make a move.

The quintet had a gig tonight at a local art museum, and when Anna arrived for the job, she noticed that John's trombone was out of its case on and on its stand. His music was laid out and it looked as if he was ready to play, but there was no sign of him. Furthermore, it appeared as if none of the others had yet arrived. Anna began unpacking her gear and buzzing on her mouthpiece to warm up a bit. After ten minutes with no one else showing up and no John appearing, she went looking for him.

Anna exited the room the quintet was set to play in and walked down the corridor of the museum. She saw a bit of movement out the window to her right, and realized that John was outside on a terrace. She located the door and joined him. He was leaning forwards on a concrete railing with what could only be a cigarette hanging from his mouth. She hadn't known that he smoked and didn't care for the habit, but she could understand why he might need one right now.

"John," she called softly as she walked toward him. She didn't want to startle him. "Are you okay?"

He turned towards her voice and snuffed out the cigarette. "I'm sorry you had to see that," he said, his voice sounding flat as he flung the cigarette butt over the railing. "I had quit, you know."

"I'm not judging, John," she supplied as she walked up next to him, and leaned on the banister next to him, in much the same way he was. She saw him lift his head back and close his eyes, and he looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. "What's wrong, John?" she asked. She tentatively touched his arm, but he recoiled. She let her hand drop back to her side and tried not to feel hurt.

"I'm sorry, Anna. It's not you. I've just got a lot going on." He stepped away from the railing and began walking back inside.

"Do you feel like playing the gig tonight?" she asked to his retreating back.

"No," he answered as he kept walking. "But I can't let any more people down tonight than I already have." He entered the building leaving Anna alone on the terrace, her heart aching for him in more ways than one.

She decided to give him the space he clearly wanted and stayed on the terrace for a bit. She turned, though, so that she could see inside the building, and it was no more than five minutes before she saw Robert and Mary walking down the hall. Deciding that it was a good time to return inside, she made her way back to the main hall where the gig was to take place.

Joseph was in his seat warming up, and Mary and Robert were unpacking their bags when Anna made it back to the performance area. John still wasn't there, but Anna did not dwell on that. "I thought I was going to have to play this gig on my own," Joseph chuckled as he continued his warm-ups. The other three soon joined in, and a cacophony of sound began to resound around the hall.

"Can we run through that new piece real quick before everyone gets here?" Robert asked.

"Sure," Joseph answered, "Although it might sound a bit off without John. Where is he?" Joe asked while looking around. Both Mary and Robert looked at Anna as if she should know.

"What?" she asked. "I saw him when I first got here, but he ran off and I haven't seen him since."

"A lovers' tiff?" Joseph chuckled, alluding to how the two had attended his wedding together.

"Not quite," Anna answered as she looked up to see John walking their way. He was still brooding, but he looked determined. Anna couldn't help but think how sexy he was. He filled out his tux so nicely, broad shoulders, tight backside. She was getting herself worked up over a man who blew her off 20 minutes ago. She reminded herself that she'd do well to remember that.

"Alright, let's go," John stated authoritatively as he took his seat and picked up his horn. He took out the mouthpiece and buzzed a bit into it.

"We were just about to run through the new piece," Joseph supplied as he and the Crawleys looked John up and down. Anna for her part was trying to avoid looking at him at all.

"Let's do it," John agreed as he placed his mouthpiece back in the trombone and pulled out the music for the correct chart. "Count us off, Joe."

Soon afterward, the museum opened it's door for the fundraiser. The gig went well as the group played in the background for the better part of two hours. The director of the museum later approached Mary and told her that the evening had been quite successful and that the goal for giving had not only been reached but surpassed. She thanked the group for their entertainment and pledged to use them again in the future.

Anna wasn't surprised when John packed up his gear and was the first of the group to leave. He talked to no one, and even Rob couldn't seem to get him to slow down. He threw his hand up in a wave goodbye as he left the museum before anyone else.

Anna tried not to be disappointed, but she was. She knew she was falling in love with John, but he was making it quite clear that he did not return her affections. She wished she'd never gone to Joseph's wedding with him. If she'd never danced with him, if she'd never shared kisses with him, she wouldn't be so dejected now. She had no claim on him. She never had, and she had no right to be upset.

Anna took several minutes to say goodbye to everyone, walking to the parking lot with the Crawleys. Both Robert and Mary had also noted John's strange behavior tonight. Rob mumbled something about calling John, but Anna wasn't really paying attention. She just wanted to get home and crawl into her bed where she could feel sorry for herself in solitude. She got in her car and it seemed to drive itself home, on autopilot.

When she got home, she gathered her gear out of her car and entered the building to wait on the elevator. A few minutes later, still lost in her thoughts, she had reached her floor and exited the elevator. She reached into her gig bag to pull out her keys to her condo. Turning the corner by memory she didn't look up until she was a few yards from her door. When she did, she felt her breath catch in her throat as a man was leaning on her door jamb.

"I'm sorry, Anna," John began. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just felt bad for the way I treated you earlier tonight, and I thought I should explain." He stepped out of the way so that she could unlock her condo door, but she made no move to do so.

"I thought you were Greg for minute," Anna whispered. John had lost the jacket and tie, but he still looked just as good as he had an hour ago. Anna wasn't sure if she'd lost her voice because he startled her or because he took her breath away.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about that," John apologized, running his fingers through his hair.

"It's okay. Would you like to come in?" she asked flatly. She didn't want to give him any inclination she was excited that he was here, even if it were true. It might be breaking her heart that he did not return her interest, but she'd be damned if she let him know that.

"I would. For a few minutes. If it's okay with you," he replied. She moved past him then to unlock the door. She entered and left the door open behind her for him to follow. He shut the door behind them and made his way to her living room as she took her gig bag to her room. When she returned to the living room she found him pacing. Saying nothing, she sat at one end of the couch and pulled her legs up underneath her.

"I have a twin brother," John began without preamble. Anna arched her eyebrow, wondering if he was going to confirm what Mary told her.. "He has a son. Declan. He's twelve." He stopped pacing for just a moment, long enough to make eye-contact with Anna and make sure she was listening. "Declan has cancer," John continued, his voice breaking. Anna felt tears forming, her heart aching for John and his family.

"My brother, Jim," John continued, "has asked the most impossible favor of me and I've had to turn him down. A favor that could save Declan's life." He stopped and faced her, and she saw the tears gathered in his eyes, one breaking loose and running down his cheek. "That's what I was thinking about when you found me."

"I'm sorry I interrupted your personal time," Anna replied softly.

"No. I'm the one who should be apologizing. That's why I'm here." He walked over to the couch and sat down beside her, cupping her face with both his hands. He let go when she flinched a bit. She couldn't help it. She felt like he was branding her, and her feelings couldn't take it. He stood and began pacing again.

"You were just trying to help. You were just being you, Anna. I had no right to blow you off."

"You had every right," Anna defended him. "You are trying to process a family crisis, and I had no right to intrude on that."

"But you didn't know," he replied. "You were offering me comfort, but I couldn't, I can't, accept it. I just wanted to let you know that I was thankful, and I'm sorry I was rude." He stopped pacing and lowered his head. "I'll be going now. I just wanted you to know that I was sorry. I am so sorry. For everything." Anna wasn't sure, but she thought he might be talking about more than just tonight. Had he figured out that she had developed feelings for him? Was he apologizing because he didn't return those feelings?

"John," she said, stopping him before he could move out of the living room. "What was the favor your brother asked of you?" She saw him stiffen. She contemplated letting him off the hook, but she needed to hear it from him. If Mary was right and if there was a chance she and John could help each other out, now was her chance to find out.

Without looking up John answered, "He wants me to father a baby. Declan needs the cord blood."

"And you don't want to be father," Anna surmised. His head snapped up and his eyes were red and full of hurt when they met Anna's.

"It's not that I don't _want_ to be, but I would be a _horrible_ father," he spat, then grimaced as he realized how harsh is tone had become. His features softened as he caught Anna's eyes, hoping she knew that he wasn't upset with her but at the situation. "I was a horrible husband," he muttered. How many times had Vera told him that? How many times had she told him she was so thankful she'd never had his child?

"John, you don't know that, and I don't believe that's true," Anna defended him.

"So you think I should have a kid? For my brother?" he asked, clearly agitated.

"I didn't say that, either," she replied evenly, but she really wanted to scream, _Yes! And I'll be the mother._ But she'd never seen John quite like this. While she wasn't afraid of him, she did not want to provoke him either. He was definitely dealing with some demons tonight, and she wasn't sure that he was winning.

"Anna, even if I believed you. Even if I thought I'd be the most amazing dad to ever live, how would I make this work? Am I supposed to hire some college kid to carry my child? Do we go through a fertility service or do I just shag her? And how long will all of this take? Will Declan even still be alive to use the cord blood?" He turned away from her to stare out the window at the city skyline. Something inside Anna broke at his words. He hadn't even considered asking for her help. Yet, she saw her chance and couldn't let it pass her by.

"I'll do it," she said. He turned on his heel in half a second.

"What?" he croaked.

"I'll have your baby," she replied confidently, leaving John stunned.

"No," he said. "No. That's not right. That wouldn't be fair to you." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I've got to leave. I just wanted you to know that I was sorry I shut you out earlier. And I'm not trying to do that again, but I can't let you offer this. Not to me." He began walking towards the door.

"John. Just think about it," Anna implored. He turned and faced her one last time before he left.

"Anna Smith. I know you, and this is not the right path for you. You deserve so much more. You deserve to have children with the man you love, not just a man you know. I thank you for the offer, I really do. But go to sleep and dream of a better man. A man who will love you, marry you, and give you all the children you could ever dream of...the right way." With that he let himself out the front door and left her standing in the foyer.

"I can't dream of a better man," she whispered to the door, her heart breaking at his words. "Because there's not one. And you are the man I love." Locking the door behind him she headed for the bedroom, wondering if dreams would come at all tonight.

* * *

John could think of nothing but Anna's offer. It had been two days since that night at her condo. He knew he couldn't accept it, but he was astonished that she even offered. He couldn't believe that she would be willing to have his child.

Still, he let himself imagine. He let himself imagine that she was his. That she wanted to be with him. And that she was pregnant with his child, a child that would surely save the life of his nephew. In this dream, she happily came home to him every night, and he noticed his fantasy Anna was even wearing his ring. He met her at the door every evening with a kiss for her and a rub for the bump that housed their baby. Then thoughts of making that baby began to creep into his mind, and he knew he had to stop this insanity. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He had no right to let his mind go there. To imagine his perfect world. He didn't deserve it, and he didn't deserve her.

But again, he wondered just _why_ had she offered to mother his child? And if he accepted, how would this work? Would they go through a doctor or would they be intimate? He felt heat rushing up his neck, and other sensations stirring lower, and he knew that he had to get himself under control. He wasn't going to accept her offer anyway.

Thankfully, his phone rang disallowing his thoughts to return to Anna, and he picked it up to see his mother was calling. Part of him wanted to ignore the call because he was sure she wanted to discuss Declan, but another part wanted to talk to her more than anything else on Earth. She was the one person he could always count on, no matter how badly he mucked up his life.

"Hello, Mom," John answered.

"Johnny, how is my boy?" his mother began. "You sound awful."

"You got that just from two words?" he asked.

"I know my sons," she simply replied.

"How do you think I am, Mom? My nephew has a serious illness that may kill him. My brother has asked an impossible favor of me. And now I feel responsible for Declan's demise." John blew out a puff of air, running his fingers through his hair.

"John. Jim had no right to ask you to father a child. I understand why he did it, but he shouldn't have," his mother told him.

"Shouldn't he, Mom? I'm sure I'd be begging him for the same if I was in his position." John ran his hand down his face.

"As much as I'd love for you to father a miracle baby that will save the life of my beloved grandson, you are in no position to father a child. You're a single man, John. You haven't even dated since your divorce," his mother supplied. "We'll keep praying as hard as we can for Declan and recruiting people like mad to be tested for a bone marrow match, but you can't be expected to be responsible for _creating_ a match for him." Having his mother's support alleviated some of his guilt, but he still felt like a heel. Especially when he had a lady who, for reasons he could not fathom, was willing to have his baby. And truly, since Anna had offered to mother his child, he'd felt even worse for turning down his brother's request.

"Mom, that's not exactly true about me not dating since Vera. I've gone out with a few women," John stated. His mind immediately went to Anna and Joseph's wedding. While he'd been out with three or four women since his divorce from Vera, he'd never had more than one or two dates with any of them. Furthermore, the best date he'd had was the wedding date with Anna...and it wasn't even a real one.

"Okay," she acquiesced, "but none that have been serious or materialized into a relationship. Unless there's something you're not telling me, Johnny."

"No, no they haven't." he sighed. "I have to admit something, though, Mom. I need to tell someone, and it surely can't be Jim." He paused to take a deep breath. "One of my friends found out about Jim's request, and she offered to have my baby."

"John," his mother whispered. "Are you thinking about accepting her offer?"

"Mom, I can't do that to her," he answered. "I can't let her or a child become attached to someone with as much baggage as I have."

"Mmm. You are much too hard on yourself, Johnny. Sounds like you care for her," his mother observed. "Are you attracted to her?"

"More than I care to admit, Mom. She's much younger than I am, though, probably by fifteen years. She's too good for me on many levels."

"Is she interested in you, John? I don't know many women who'd offer to have a baby for someone without feeling something for them," his mother gently enquired.

"I think she probably is interested, Mom, but she doesn't really know me. She doesn't know how bad I am at relationships. What a horrible father I'd be," he lamented.

"Now, John, none of that's true. You weren't a failure at your marriage, either; Vera was. You never had a chance. She was a nasty piece of work, and she put you down every chance she got, making you feel like every onus was on you. She hurt you, John, and warped your self-confidence. She _abused_ you. You're not bad at relationships, and while I'm not saying you should have a baby with your friend, I think you'd make an excellent father." John let his mother's words sink in. It was true that Vera started highlighting his faults very early in their marriage, and perhaps she exaggerated a few of them. But after he'd heard her complaints enough times, he began believing them. He wasn't sure at this point how much had been truth and how much her malice, but he wasn't willing to try to find out again. He especially didn't want to hurt Anna the way he apparently hurt Vera. If Anna ever turned on him the way that Vera did he'd never survive it.

"Mom, I don't want to hurt Anna. I don't want her to be a single mother, and I don't want to marry her and find out how much of what Vera said about me was right."

"So you do love her," his mother surmised.

"Mom. I don't think I'd go that far. But I care about her. I've known her for years. I don't want anyone to hurt her, let alone me."

"John, you say you don't love her, but you are putting her well-being in front of your brother's and nephew's." Although it wasn't meant to, his mother's comments stung. Was she implying that he didn't love his brother and nephew?

"What would you have me do, Mom? Take her up on her offer? You of all people know how hard it is to be a single mother. Do you want me to sentence her to that?" He knew how difficult things had been for his mom when he was growing up. His father had passed away when he and his brother were just 18 months old, and though he and his brother had turned out just fine, his mother had sacrificed so much of her life to ensure that he and Jim had a normal childhood. He did not want that for Anna. It wasn't fair.

"But she wouldn't be a true single mother, would she? She'd have your support, financial or otherwise. I know you, Johnny, and you take care of what's your own. You could even marry her," his mother suggested as if it was on the level of taking her out for coffee.

"Mom, I can't marry her. We've been on one date, several months ago, and it was for convenience only—not a real date. She probably wouldn't even agree to marriage if I asked. Secondly, a few minutes ago you were supporting my choice to turn down Jim's request. Now it sounds like you're pushing me to accept it."

"No, no, Johnny. I don't even want to be a part of this decision. But I want you to know that you are too hard on yourself and think too lowly of yourself. You are a fine man, and ANY woman would be lucky to be in your life. I know I am," his mother explained. Of course Harriet Bates wanted her grandson healed—she'd even checked to see if she was a match for his marrow type, which she wasn't. But she also didn't want to complicate others' lives or take advantage of another grandchild in order to simply attempt to create a match for Declan. So, no, she wasn't going to push John to accept Jim's proposal, but she also would not try to stop him if he chose to do so.

"Mom, I'm glad you have so much faith in me. I just wish I did, too."

"You'll get there, John. I'm certain of it. And until then, I'll keep trying to make you see what a wonderful man you truly are."

"I don't deserve you, Mother."

"Yes, you do," she smiled into the phone. "Now what are you doing for dinner? It gets lonely cooking for one. I was hoping you'd join me tonight."

"I'll be there with bells on, Mom."

She could always count on her Johnny. Regardless of how he seemed to think of himself, she knew him to be one of the most loyal and caring men to ever live. She truly hoped that he would find someone special who could make him realize how much he deserved to be loved. She wasn't sure if this Anna was the one, but she thought any woman willing to have a baby to save a relative of his might be an excellent place to start.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: As you may have noticed (or not), it took me longer to** **update this than I expected. Travels and problems with kept me from posting sooner. As some of you have asked for, here's a longer chapter. Also, one that I think many of you have been waiting for-finally, just like in DA, Anna tells Mr. Bates something that we've all been internally begging her to say! Thank you so much for your encouragement and your follows. I am also very thankful for my beta. So here goes Chapter 8. Again, the characters, and some of the dialogue, belong to Fellowes. :)**

* * *

Mary entered Anna's office, dreading the impending conversation. Anna seemed to be consumed in her work and didn't even look up from her desk as Mary took a seat across from her. Reaching a stopping point, Anna looked up, pausing to acknowledge Mary's presence.

"Can I help you?" Anna asked, a smile forming on her lips. "Or did you just come to watch me work."

"Oh, no," Mary admitted. "There's a reason. Just one I don't really want to share with you."

Anna sat back in her chair and pushed herself slightly away from her desk. "Well, too bad," she responded. "You have my full attention now."

"Well," Mary began, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "You know how we planned the employee appreciation function coming up for Paul Thomas Financial Systems?"

"Yes…." Anna probed when Mary paused. She was all too aware of that function.

"Well, it seems that Anthony Strallen, the CEO, doesn't want me to attend the function on behalf of our firm," Mary informed her.

"Why not?" Anna asked with creased eyebrows. Mary had done an excellent job of putting this celebration together, and Anna couldn't imagine that he wouldn't want a representative from their firm to be there to make sure things came off without a flaw.

"Well, it's not so much that he doesn't want me as that he does want you to be there," Mary answered, guarding herself against Anna's reaction.

"No," Anna stated, stiffening her back and shaking her head. "Absolutely, not. I won't do it." There was no way that Anna was going to show up at that function, one that she had attended as Greg's girlfriend in the past.

"He was pretty adamant that you be there. Whether they are Greg's employer or not, Paul Thomas is a big account for us. Not only do we plan this, but also their Christmas Galas, and he's hoping for a team building function next summer. I don't want to lose an account because we couldn't honor one request," Mary stated, begging Anna with her eyes to complete this one favor.

"Why does he want me?" Anna asked, wondering why he wouldn't want the person in charge of scheduling the event in the first place. "Greg has put him up to this," she surmised. "There is no reason why you can't represent our firm that evening. This is ridiculous." Anna stood, wringing her hands and pacing the floor.

"I don't know, Anna, but we can't afford to lose his business over this. I promise I tried every way to get you out of it, even stating that you were attending a different function the same night. He put it in no uncertain terms that if we wanted to keep his account that you and I would find a way for you to be at his event."

"Ugh," Anna sighed as she plopped back down in her seat. "When is it?" she asked.

"Friday evening," Mary supplied.

" _This_ Friday? As in tomorrow night? When I'm supposed to be at the Martin function?"

"Yes." Mary could read the frustration in Anna's eyes. "I'll take over for you there. The Martins' are family friends and won't mind. Can you get John to go with you to the Thomas event?"

While Anna agreed that Mary's idea had merit, it was a can of worms. Anna wasn't sure where her relationship with John stood right now outside of "awkward." She didn't want to get into that situation with Mary right now, though, so she simply answered, "I doubt it. He said something about weekend plans when I saw him earlier this week." A little lie wouldn't hurt, would it?

"You saw him earlier this week?" Mary asked, her eyes lighting up. "Did you talk to him about your baby?" She was still pushing Anna to ask John to father her baby-to-be.

"He doesn't know I want to have a baby, no," Anna replied, not wanting to tell Mary that she had offered to have John's child but he'd turned her down.

"Well, that's a shame," Mary muttered, just before getting an idea. She pulled her claddagh ring off her finger and stretched her arm across Anna's desk to hand it to her.

"Take this. It's like a promise ring-kind of one step before an engagement ring. Take it and wear it, sending the signal that you are not available."

"Mary, I can't do that," Anna said as she put her hand over Mary's and gently pushed it back. "Plus, isn't that the ring that Matthew gave you?" A moment of pain flashed in Mary's eyes but she very quickly regained her composure and hid her feelings.

"Yes, but it's not doing me any good now. I want it back, of course, but I don't see the harm in you borrowing it."

"Will people even know what a claddagh ring is?" Anna asked. "I mean, I wouldn't know if you hadn't explained the meaning to me," she remarked as she accepted the ring and turned it over in her hand, inspecting it.

"Some might. Most probably won't. But you can always tell them what it is if the need arises," Mary offered.

"Yeah, because that doesn't sound pathetic at all. 'Hi. Have you seen my claddagh ring? It means I'm seriously dating someone. No, my fella is not here. You'll just have to take my word for it. I swear I'm not making it up,'" Anna mimicked a delusional person. Mary cracked a smile at her performance.

"Just take it. Try it on," Mary encouraged. When Anna slid it on her right hand, Mary announced, "See? A perfect fit."

"So you're gonna make me do this?" Anna asked, referring to attending the Paul Thomas social. "You're gonna make me face Greg alone?"

"You can do this. Greg is just one person out of a company of thousands. I'm sure you can avoid him for one night." If Mary only understood that Greg was actively trying to win Anna back-or at least he was a couple of weeks ago. "Plus, I still think you should call your knight to come to your rescue again," Mary encouraged. "He might change his weekend plans for you."

 _I doubt it,_ Anna answered in her mind. But out loud she simply answered, "We'll see," resigning herself the fact that she was indeed going to have to face Greg on Friday night whether she agreed to it or not.

* * *

After work that night, Mary drove to her parents' house to return the jewelry she'd borrowed from her mother last week. When she pulled onto the circular drive in front of their house, she noticed John's vehicle was there. She wondered about it for a minute, but didn't waste too much thought on it as he was her father's best friend and had every right to be there. Stepping out of her car, she could hear John's and her father's voices coming from the back yard along with clanking noises and the occasional swear word. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed the borrowed jewelry off the front seat and made her way across the drive and into the house.

Mary found her mother in the kitchen, preparing some sort of large meat. Cora was sitting at the table, her back still not letting her stand for too long after her surgery, and she was rubbing some sort of salt mixture onto the food. She looked up and smiled when Mary walked in.

"Hello, Mary," Cora cooed as her daughter entered the kitchen. "What brings this lovely surprise?" She kept manipulating the meat as she spoke.

"I wanted to return the jewelry I borrowed from you," Mary answered as she held up the bag of baubles. "What on Earth on are _you_ doing, though?" Mary asked as she watched her mother work.

"Oh, your father got in his mind that he wants to smoke a Boston butt tomorrow, so I'm getting the meat ready for cooking," Cora answered.

"But he doesn't even have a smoker," Mary supplied.

"He does now. He and John are in the back yard putting it together." _That explains the noises and curses,_ Mary thought as her mother stood gently and went to the sink and began washing her hands. "We're gonna have pulled pork for dinner tomorrow night. John will be here and your dad was gonna call Joe and Phyllis to invite them. Do you wanna join us? Ask Anna, too," Cora stated, looking over her shoulder at Mary as she finished cleaning her hands.

Mary found it strange that John would be here tomorrow night when Anna said that he'd had weekend plans. Not that this didn't constitute plans, but they were plans that could easily be broken. So either John had lied to Anna, or Anna had lied to her. Mary suspected the latter.

"I would love to, but I can't, Mom. I have to attend a fundraiser tomorrow night while Anna covers another party we planned," Mary replied as her mother turned from the sink, drying her hands.

"Well, that's a shame. You two work too hard. You both need to find husbands so you don't have to work so much." Mary knew her mother came from a different generation and enjoyed being a kept woman, but that lifestyle was not for her.

"Mom, we want to work. This may come as a shock to you, but both Anna and I like to work and we like our jobs. Having husbands wouldn't change that," Mary stated as she handed the bag of jewelry to her mother. She was quickly taken off guard by her mother's huge intake of breath.

"What's wrong? Is it your back?" Mary asked with genuine concern.

"No!" Cora responded. "Where's your ring? The one Matthew gave you? I've never seen you take it off." Before Mary could reply Rob and John came through sliding door proclaiming that smoker was ready to take meat. Ignoring them, Cora continued to hold Mary's eyes, waiting for her answer.

"Oh, I let Anna borrow it. The party she has tomorrow night is planned for her ex-boyfriend's firm." Mary paused to look towards John. "She said that John wasn't available to go with her, so I gave her the ring to use as a deterrent against Greg's possible-well, probable-advances."

John's eyebrows knitted together as he said, "She never asked me to go with her tomorrow night."

"No, she wouldn't have," Mary supplied. "She just found out today that she had to be there. But she assured me that she knew you had other plans when I suggested she take you with her."

John felt his shoulders drop at Mary's admission. He understood why Anna wouldn't want him there. She probably didn't want to look him in the eye after he'd refused her offer. But if she needed him, he wanted her to be able to count on him.

"I'll talk to her," John responded. "My plans have changed since I spoke with her," he supplied, allowing Anna to save face with her lie. Plus, if he had his way, his plans had indeed changed, and he would accompany Anna tomorrow night rather than have dinner with the Crawleys. There was no way he was letting her face her jerk of an ex-boyfriend alone. No matter how uncomfortable he was about initiating a conversation with Anna after their last one.

Although he thought about it all night, John did not contact Anna. Call him a coward, but he wasn't sure how to tell her that he knew she was going to be around Greg again. He also didn't want to be presumptuous enough to think that she would actually want him to go with her to this event. She might not. Their relationship was so undefined it was ridiculous, and he had no idea where the lines were and if he was or was not allowed to cross any of them.

By Friday afternoon he had still not mustered the courage to call Anna, but he had decided that he wouldn't let her face Greg alone. He got the details of the event from Mary and decided that he'd figure out a way to make sure Anna was safe.

Across town on Friday evening, Anna took a cab to the White Water Center, knowing that parking wasn't the Center's best asset. She had no desire to park in a gravel lot, a hundred yards from the entrance-for multiple reasons. Stepping out of the taxi and approaching the venue, she twirled Mary's claddagh ring around her finger. She wasn't sure how the ring would help, but she knew that it wouldn't hurt so she went along with Mary's plan. Furthermore, it was a nice gesture from Mary, and Anna did not want to insult her friend by declining her gracious offer. Mostly, Anna just hoped that tonight's event would go quickly and that she could avoid Greg as much as possible-with the claddagh ring's help or not.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped through the front doors of the White Water Center's banquet hall. She was early for tonight's event, wanting to make sure everything was set up appropriately. The room had been set up with several mobile bars and bar tables with table cloths dropped over there. The back of the room had been partitioned off, and the second room was set-up for a sit-down dinner. One step into the kitchen revealed all the hor d'oeuvres were being placed on trays to be carried about by wait staff. So far, everything looked to be in place.

In addition to the happy-hour atmosphere, the White Water Center had much to offer for tonight's employee appreciation dinner. While most would likely be dressed too formally to participate in the outdoor offerings such as man-made rapids available to kayak, zip lines to descend, climbing walls and rope courses to conquer, as well as plenty of walking and nature trails to hike, Paul Thomas, Inc., had hired a live band to perform on the rooftop veranda, overlooking the rapids. The CEO, Mr. Strallen, had chosen the location, and although the Center was a better fit for an afternoon teambuilding adventure, he insisted he wanted a semi-formal evening affair, mentioning that if things went well, he'd bring his team back later on in the year during the day. Anna had no reason to argue, as he was paying her firm to be the liaison between his company and the Center. After her break-up with Greg, Mary had taken over the account, but apparently Mr. Strallen had not realized that. Regardless, Anna was here tonight and while she was ready for the night to be over before it began, she reminded herself she was just doing her job, regardless of who might be attending.

Satisfied that everything was under control and that the evening would be a success, Anna took time to stop by the ladies' room before everyone began showing up. Preparing to wash her hands before she headed back to the banquet hall, Anna slipped off the claddagh ring and laid it on the counter while she scrubbed her fingers. After rinsing and drying them off, she slipped the claddagh ring back on her hand and as she was looking over her hair and makeup, another woman entered the restroom.

"Well, if it isn't Anna Smith," the woman sneered. Anna recognized her as Sarah O'Brien, one of Greg's coworkers and one of the more miserly people Anna had ever met. She'd never been nice to Anna, and Anna didn't expect her to be any nicer now that she wasn't dating Greg, whom Sarah seemed to genuinely like. Anna watched as Sarah appeared to be staring at Mary's ring for a moment before she looked up again into Anna's eyes.

"I see you're engaged," Sarah noted. When Anna looked surprised, or more like shocked, at the comment, Sarah clarified. "Your claddagh ring. You must have forgotten I'm Irish; I know the meanings." Anna was confused, but she didn't refute Sarah. "I guess Greg finally popped the question, did he?" Anna felt her face turning red, but whether it was out of embarrassment for not knowing what Sarah was talking about or out of ire at just the sound of Greg's name, Anna was unsure.

"Oh, no," Anna quickly defended herself. "This ring is not Greg's. We've not been together for some time, now."

"Is that so?" Sarah sneered. "Has anyone told him that? Because he seems to be under the impression that you two are still an item." Anna didn't like the smug look Sarah was wearing, as if she didn't believe Anna.

"Then he's sorely mistaken." Anna replied, not caring to engage Sarah in any further conversation and brushing by her to leave the restroom. She owed no one any explanations about her love-life, let alone friends of her ex-boyfriend.

Tonight was going to be a long night if Sarah was right. _Where is John when I need him?_ Anna thought to herself. Then reminded herself if she hadn't made things strained between them with her offer, he might be there with her now. She certainly would have been more likely to ask for his help again. But not now. Not after the way he'd left her condo the other night.

Anna turned the corner outside of the restroom and brushed her hair out of her face and behind her ear. She looked up and stopped in her tracks when her eyes met with those of John Bates, standing ten feet from her. She inadvertently looked him up and down, taking in his crisp white shirt, dark dress jeans, and his black blazer. Words didn't seem to form no matter how hard she tried to make her mouth move. Why was he even here, anyway? She had to be dreaming.

John, for his part, was just as stunned, but by Anna's beauty, not her presence. She was wearing a black and white strapless dress that came to mid-calf, but it was the red high-heels that really had his attention. The devil on his shoulder reassured him how stupid he was to turn down this beautiful woman's offer to bear his child. Thankfully, before his mind could wander further, Anna found her voice and interrupted his thoughts.

"What are you doing here?" she asked genuinely, taking a few steps towards him with a small smile that she tried to contain to keep him from realizing how happy she was to see him.

"Mary told me about tonight. When she said she'd let you borrow her ring, I thought maybe I might be a more convincing deterrent if you were still worried about Greg," John answered when Anna was close enough that their conversation was private.

"Mary told you? Did she call you?" Anna asked, her smile slipping. Her friend had gone a bit too far this time, meddling to this degree.

"No," John replied, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans while he looked down at his shoes. "I overheard her explain to Cora about her missing ring." He looked up to meet her eyes. "Seems you told her that I had other plans tonight, but I took a chance that I could help you anyway. I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries."

"No," Anna shook her head, and took a step towards him. "I'm glad you're here. This party hasn't even really started, and I've already been approached and accused of being engaged to Greg."

"What?" John asked incredulously. "He's been telling people that?"

"No. Well, not that I know of anyway. But apparently, this is an engagement ring," Anna replied as she held up her left hand to show John. "Mary told me it was a 'promise' ring." John chuckled in response, which for some reason ruffled Anna's feathers a bit, and she flopped her hand down by her side.

"When you wear it on your left hand, it _is_ an engagement ring," John explained. "On the right hand, it's a promise ring," he continued, smiling at Anna's innocent mistake. Anna could feel the frustration growing within her.

"Why does everyone but me seem to know what this damn ring symbolizes?" Her eyes were flashing sapphires, and John couldn't help but think she might be even more attractive when she was mad.

"I'm half Irish, remember? My mom has one of those rings. She taught me and my brother all about the claddagh ring and its meanings long ago." His smile became more subtle as he took a step forward and reached his hand out to rub Anna's upper arm. "And since I'm part Irish, I think it's only fitting that my fiance wear a claddagh ring, right?" he continued.

"Excuse me?" Anna asked, distracted by his touch and unsure of what she heard and what he meant.

"Well, since apparently some of the folks here have already noticed that you are engaged, and I'm assuming, by the version of the story you've told me, that you haven't corrected them, it seems you're either engaged to Greg or to me. Call me egotistical, but I'm guessing you'd rather be engaged to me than that scumbag," he told her.

 _Oh, wouldn't I_ , Anna thought, and prayed for a moment that she hadn't said it out loud. "You'd do that for me, John? You'd continue our ruse and pretend to be my fiance tonight?" Anna asked skeptically, still bewildered that John was even talking to her after the other night. Any time she relived that moment, she was thoroughly embarrassed-not that she'd offered to bear his child but that he'd rejected the idea.

"I'm here, aren't I?" John supplied as he brought his left hand up to cup her right upper arm, much like his other hand was already caressing her left arm. When she didn't answer, he leaned down slightly to smile into her eyes. "I know what you're thinking, Anna. Let's just put the other night behind us; pretend it didn't happen. But I refuse to stop being your friend, and as your friend I will not allow Greg Jones to harm one hair on your sweet head, physically or emotionally. So, yes, I'll do this for you. I'll be your fiance tonight."

Anna felt herself swooning and was thankful that John's hands were on her arms, supporting her. Somewhere from outside her body she heard herself whisper, "Kiss me." She heard a chuckle rumble deep in John's chest as he leaned in and pressed his lips gently to her forehead.

"Not like this," she heard John whisper against her skin. "Not here." Anna felt her knees weaken at the feel of his lips on her face and was sure they would buckle at the implication that he would kiss her properly if the time was right. Another part of her was a bit disappointed that he didn't just go ahead and kiss her now. Moving her hands to his shoulders she buried her face in his neck, inhaling his cologne and losing herself further in his scent. She felt his hands slide down her arms to rest on her waist.

"Tell me what I need to do tonight to help you make it through this banquet," John requested, breaking the moment passing between the two of them. Anna stepped backwards out of his arms and looked up at him, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Well, as I've never brought a date to an event I've been working, I think you should be working for Metrolina Events tonight." She paused to think how John could assist in tonight's festivities. "Just check on, or pretend to check on, hors d'oeuvres, the band, the bar, etc. You can also be my fiance, but it will go over better with the client if you're working and not just following me around or crashing the party, " Anna explained.

"I'm sorry, Anna. I never thought how this could look professionally," John apologized, regret evident on his face. "I should have talked to you first," he lamented, starting to second guess himself for showing up tonight, even if it was a good excuse to spend time with Anna without giving his growing feelings away.

"No, John," Anna defended him, reaching out to squeeze his forearm. "We may not have talked about this or planned it, but I'm so glad you are here. I've been dreading tonight all day. I finally can relax a bit," she told him, a smile slowly forming on her face as she let go of his arm. We can talk about the elephant in the room later, she thought to herself. _Right now I've got bigger fish to fry._

* * *

Two hours later, Anna had kept herself busy and moving in an effort to make sure the event ran smoothly. Everything was going just as planned, and a side effect of her hard work was that she had no time to run into Greg. Much to Anna's surprise, he'd not sought her out although she was sure he'd probably seen her there. She wasn't sure how she'd dodged him all night, but she was thanking her lucky stars things seemed to be working out.

Anna had spent the last twenty minutes a side lobby of the banquet hall listening to Anthony Strallen tell her just how pleased he was with tonight's event, the camaraderie shown by his staff, and how glad he was to reward his workers with a banquet such as this. Just when she thought it might be possible to avoid Greg the whole evening, Mr. Strallen caught his eye and called him over.

"Greg!" he excitedly welcomed his star pupil, while wrapping his arm around Anna which prevented her escape. "I just wanted to congratulate you on picking such a beautiful and brilliant girlfriend," he said as he gave Anna squeeze. Anna felt the blood drain from her face as she looked around with her eyes for John. She'd seen him enter the kitchen just a few minutes ago, and she hoped he'd make it a quick pass through and come look for her.

Before either Greg or Anna could respond to Anthony's remark, he wrapped his other arm around Greg and continued. "Excuse my mistake. I mean _'fiancee'._ I just heard from O'Brien." It was Greg's turn to lose his color and Anna felt her stomach rolling over. She began looking for John more frantically, albeit to no avail.

"Oh, no, Mr. Strallen," Anna began, "you've got your information wrong. I'm not engaged to Greg." Anthony's arm slackened around her shoulders as he turned to look at her. Before he could say anything, the threesome was joined by a fourth.

"She's engaged to me," a deep voice came from behind Anna. John. Anthony's arms slowly dropped to his sides as he looked from John to Greg to Anna and back to Greg. John moved in to slide his arm behind Anna's back and rest his hand on her hip. Anna involuntarily leaned into him, knowing she could easily get used to this possessiveness, even if it was fabricated.

"I am so sorry," Anthony whispered, clearly mortified. "I assumed when O'Brien told me that you were engaged, Anna, that it was to Greg." Mr. Strallen's face was as red as the tie he was wearing. "You're pictures are still in Greg's office. I didn't know you were no longer together."

"That's creepy," John piped in, eying Greg as if he were a monster.

"We were on a break," Greg finally spoke up. "I was hoping we could work things out."

"Pardon me if I'm talking out of turn but if your girlfriend-I mean ex-girlfriend-is engaged to another man, I think it's time to put away the pictures and call it a 'break up' instead of a 'break.' Now, if you'll excuse me," the older man addressed the other three, "I believe I'll go drown my embarrassment in some Scotch. Anna, please accept my apologies for my wrong assumption, and John, please accept my congratulations. You've got a keeper," he added as he glared at Greg and walked back into the banquet room.

"Anna," Greg began, taking a step toward her as soon as Anthony Strallen was out of earshot. "You're not seriously engaged to him are you?"

"That's all you have to say?" Anna asked, her back stiffening and her blood beginning to boil. "Yes, I'm engaged to _him_ ," she confirmed, looking up at John and then back to Greg. "Why do all your coworkers think we're still dating? Or better yet engaged?"

"The last part is your fault," Greg told her. John clenched his jaw, trying to let Anna handle this herself, but he knew he was just a few seconds away from letting Greg have a piece of his mind. "I never told anyone we were engaged," Greg continued. "I just never told anyone that we broke up, and then you showed up wearing an engagement ring. What were they to think?"

"How dare you put any of the blame on Anna," John seethed through clenched teeth letting go of Anna and taking a step towards Greg. "She's incapable of fault."

"John! Don't!" Anna blurted, tugging on his arm to keep him from closing the distance between himself and Greg.

"Incapable of fault? Hardly. If your fiancee had put out when she was with me then we wouldn't be in this situation now," Greg contended as Anna audibly gasped and her hands moved to cover her mouth. "Of course for all I know she was putting out for you while pretending to be in love with me. This engagement does seem sudden. She's pregnant, isn't she?" Greg accused and then smiled as he saw the ire rise in John's eyes.

"On the other hand, I doubt she is," Greg continued. "At least not with yours. You probably couldn't get it up if you wanted to, Old Man."

Before Anna could stop him, John lunged at Greg, grabbed him by his collar, and threw him up against the wall. "You listen here, you prick. Don't you ever. EVER. Speak like that about Anna again. You had a lady and you lost her. You are the dumbest, stupidest waste of a human being to ever live, and the sorriest excuse for a man that I've ever met. You got what you deserved. Nothing." John shoved him one more time and let him go, smoothing his own shirt down. While he had more he'd love to say and do to Greg, he knew this banquet was not the right place.

"I was thinking of taking a walk outside, John," Anna informed him as he stepped back beside her, trying to regulate his breathing and blood pressure. "Would you like to join me? I just need a few minutes away from the action."

"Certainly," John answered, still eyeing Greg who was rubbing his neck as if he'd been choked. _I'd like to choke him_ , John thought, trying not to let the violent young man he used to be rear his ugly head.

"I know a couple of spots that should be fairly quiet even with the band on the veranda," she informed him as she let him out the front door of the White Water Center.

"I'll follow you," John responded. The two walked slowly past the man-made rapids towards a bench under a big oak tree, no words passing between them. As they took a seat, John felt he needed to explain his actions from a few moments ago inside, not knowing how Anna was feeling about what just transpired. "Anna, look, I'm sorry if I've done anything to hurt your business tonight, but I could not let Greg get away with being so disrespectful."

"It's fine, John," Anna assured him. "I'm more embarrassed that I dated him for so long than anything else." _I'm also embarrassed that you now know about our sex life...or lack thereof._

"But what if I lost you your contract with Mr. Strallen? I know we were in a fairly secluded lobby, but someone may have witnessed me lose control like that," John told her, running his fingers through his hair.

"And if they did, then they also witnessed Greg's behavior," Anna replied, looking him in the eye. "Even Mr. Strallen, who seems to think Greg can do no wrong, seemed off put by him tonight. Truth be told, if we lose this contract, I won't cry. Mary might, but I'll be none worse for the wear."

John cracked a smile at Anna's last comment. "You are an amazing woman, Anna Smith. Any man should be proud to call you his."

Anna smiled back at him, hoping to one day find that man. Hoping that one day that man might be John. But before she could get too caught up in his compliment or the facade she was building in her head, her heart began nagging her to tell John about her fertility treatments.

Tonight had been a crazy night, but one more thing had become apparent to her during the fiasco with Greg. Since John was with her tonight claiming to be her fiance and since he'd posed as her boyfriend over the last several months, if she did become pregnant soon, there would be at least a subset of people who would assume the baby was John's, even if it wasn't. She suddenly felt guilty for pulling John into the ruse of pretending to be her boyfriend, just so she could save face with her ex. She hadn't considered long term implications at all.

Anna knew that she had to tell John about her plans. He may have turned down her offer to carry his child, but he didn't realize that she was determined to have a baby, whether he was involved or not. And once he knew the whole story, he might not as readily decline her offer; she had to give him the chance to refuse her again, no matter how painful hearing him reject her once more might be.

"John," Anna began, not really knowing how to address the situation other than diving in head first. She shifted a bit uncomfortably on the bench before continuing. "You know the conversation we had a few nights ago? About a baby?" She immediately felt John stiffen beside her.

"Of course, I remember," he said, not quite able to look her in the eye.

"Well, there's more to that story. More that you need to know," she told him. He slowly brought his eyes to her, imploring her to continue without saying a word.

"My mother had fertility problems. By the time she was my age, she was for all intents and purposes barren. She and my father tried to have children after I was born but it never happened. They died before I cared enough to ask my mother details about it." Anna paused to gauge John's reaction so far, however, his face was unreadable as he listened intently to her story. "I mean, as a child, I wasn't even thinking about how my parents' fertility issues could affect me later," she continued. "I don't know what kept my parents from having more children, and I don't think they knew either. But I do know that I want a family, and I want to have at least one child if not more." Anna paused for a moment, and as John sat beside her, absorbing her story, he had suspicious feeling about where this was headed.

"A couple of months ago I began seeing a fertility specialist to, you know, see if I might have any problems having a child in the future." Anna was sure her face was turning pink and she was losing her courage to continue. "Well, I think you know where this is going," she added, quickly.

"I have an idea," John admitted, "but why don't you finish it out just in case I'm wrong."

"I'm going to have an insemination procedure in roughly three weeks, Mr. Bates," Anna rushed to say, almost with a sigh of relief after getting it out there. "This was in the plans before I knew about your nephew's illness. So, when I offered to have your baby the other night, it wasn't just an afterthought. I'm going to have a baby, someway somehow."

John sat next to Anna in stunned silence. He wasn't sure how to process what she was telling him. Truth be told, he couldn't even put together a coherent thought. Anna wanted a baby and was obviously prepared to do it on her own and to do it now. But how? A fertility clinic with an anonymous donor seemed so cold, and she would be unsupported by the father. A woman should not go through pregnancy alone; this was one of the reasons he'd rejected Anna's offer earlier.

"I know you turned me down the other night," Anna interrupted his brooding, "but I thought I'd offer one more time now that you know what my plans are. I know it may not be ladylike, but I'm not a lady and I've never pretended to be," Anna told him.

"You are a lady to me," John replied, looking her straight in the eye. "And I've never met a finer one." John held her gaze until she sheepishly looked away, playing with her hands in her lap.

"There's one other thing I've thought of tonight. Even if I use an anonymous donor, some people will think you are my baby's father. Especially as we've been seen pretending to be a couple. At the wedding, here, you know," she trailed off.

When it became apparent Anna wasn't going to say anything more, John spoke in a tender voice, "Anna Smith, are you asking me to father your baby?"

"I'm saying that there could be mutual benefits to it," Anna answered, looking up at him and feeling heat at the back of her neck at the implication of her words. "What I mean is, I'm going to have a baby, and you need a baby, so it just makes sense that we do this together."

John couldn't argue with her logic, and the thought of becoming physical with Anna was very appealing-more than he would like to admit. He just couldn't help feeling that in the end he'd be doing her a disservice and spoiling her for the man of her dreams. Yet, instead of refusing again as his mind told him to, he heard his heart ask her, "So how would we do this? Since you're seeing a fertility specialist, would we continue through their clinic?"

Anna stood from her seat, took a few steps forward, and wrung her hands as she turned to face John. "You're saying you'll do this?" she clarified. John stood, too, and held Anna's eyes.

"I think I am," he stated as he took a step towards Anna. "It's obvious that I'm not going to talk you out of having a baby. If I agree, at least this way you'll have my support and my nephew has a chance for a bone marrow match."

It wasn't romantic, and Anna felt a bit disappointed that she wasn't bringing a child into this world simply out of love, but her excitement overrode her dejection. She closed the gap between them and threw her arms around John's neck and hugged him with all the might her slight frame could muster, pressing her body against his as she stood on her tiptoes to reach his shoulders.

"Come with me on Monday," she told him as she relaxed her hold on him and returned to her heels. "I have an appointment with Dr. Randolph and he can tell us how to proceed."

"Anna, I don't need lessons from your doctor in how to proceed with baby making," John drawled as he looked down into her eyes, his arms loosely around her waist from their previous embrace. "I have that concept down," he smirked at her as her face turned the color of her high heels.

"We still need to meet with the doctor," Anna countered, not quite able to maintain eye contact as she tried to control her emotions. She moved her hands to John's chest and began picking at a non-existent piece of lent. "Eight o-clock. Monday morning."

"Okay," John answered quietly. He felt something expand in his chest as he watched the smile grow across Anna's face. Her eyes were glistening as she looked up at him and choked out a "Thank you."

He couldn't stop himself anymore. Not when this beautiful woman was looking at him the way Anna was. John leaned in towards Anna and used his right hand to nudge her chin upward to meet his gaze. He then slid his hand to her cheek to hold her face close to his as he lowered his head another fraction of an inch and kissed her slowly, reverently, a bit surprised by his growing need for this woman. As they slowly parted, neither of them spoke. Anna wasn't even sure she wanted to breathe. He tucked her head against his chest, and rubbed his hands up and down her back. Anna closed her eyes and prayed she wasn't dreaming.

Too soon, their moment was interrupted as a few Paul Thomas employees, who had likely had too much to drink, walked past them talking much too loudly and laughing a bit too heartily.

"You should get back inside," John told her. "I don't mean to keep you from your job." Anna stepped out of his arms and nodded. He put his hands in his pockets as he watched her walk away from him and back towards the party. He somehow had the feeling he may have just bitten off more than he could chew, and when Anna looked back over her shoulder and smiled at him before entering the Center, he knew he was in over his head. He just hoped he didn't hurt Anna in the process.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: A shorter chapter this time, but this was a good stopping place for now, and I'm not sure how much time I'll have for writing over the next few days. Will try to get another update out this week, but my kids have Fall Break in a few days so it may not be possible. Hope you enjoy. As always, thanks to my super helpful beta, and I own nothing related to Downton Abbey except the DVDs. Or maybe they're BluRays. But that's it.**

* * *

John bounced his left knee up and down as he sat next to Anna on the plush loveseat in the waiting room of the Queen City Reproductive clinic. There were several other couples in the room, as well as some women sitting by themselves. Although a part of him told him that they weren't, he couldn't help but feel like everyone was staring at him and trying to figure out his and Anna's story.

John was sure the guy in the blue shirt across from him was jealous. His wife was, well, the nicest way he could put it was "not very attractive." He could see the appreciation in the man's eyes when he looked at Anna, and he could see the envy when the man looked at him.

A few seats over was a single lady, who looked like she'd lived through Hell. John saw her give them the once-over when she walked in, but she mostly kept her eyes on her phone. He found himself wondering what her story was.

Then there was the jock sitting next to them. John had seen the guy checking out Anna when she walked in, and then he'd looked at John and snickered. He was sure the guy was thinking that John was the "problem" and that his age and performance were probably reasons for them not conceiving.

Just as John was moving on to the next person in the room to analyze, Anna put her hand on his bouncing knee. "John, are you nervous?" she asked.

"No," he lied. Yes, he was nervous. He wasn't sure what he was getting himself into. He felt like all these strangers were judging him...or worse-Anna.

"Yes, you are," Anna corrected him. He was about to argue when her name was called by a young nurse at the door to the treatment area.

"Do I come with you or wait out here?" John asked as Anna stood to follow the nurse.

"Um, come with me for now," she answered him and walked towards the nurse. John lifted himself out of the seat and followed her through the door, feeling a bit like a nervous school boy being called to the principal's office for an unknown reason. He really had no idea how this appointment would go and was feeling very out of his element.

As he followed Anna through the first door, the nurse ushered them into a separate treatment room on the right. "Okay, Anna. We'll need you to get undressed from the waist down. There's a paper gown right here to cover yourself up with. Dr. Randolph will be in soon to perform the ultrasound and check your lining." She then turned to John and said, "You can have a seat over here, Mr. Smith," and pointed to a chair at the foot of the exam table.

"Oh, no," John started. "I think I'll just wait back in the waiting room," he said as he started to make an exit, not even correcting the nurse regarding his name. In fact, he didn't even realize she'd called him the wrong name as he was only thinking about how uncomfortable this situation was becoming.

"Dr. Randolph likes the fathers to be present at the appointments, especially as he truly feels that this is a couple problem, not a woman or man problem," the nurse told him, not budging and leaving no room for him to get back to the door.

"Well, can I sit up by Anna's head, then? I'm not really comfortable watching what he's gonna do," John replied.

"He's going to be the baby's father," Anna finally spoke, "but we have never been intimate. This part of today's appointment is a bit awkward."

"Ohhh," the nurse said, as she looked at John from head to toe. She turned her back to him to face Anna and mouthed, "Gay?" as she pointed her thumb at him. When Anna giggled and shook her head no, the nurse asked, "Are _you_ gay?"

"No," Anna answered, still giggling. The nurse began looking back and forth between them.

Anna was sure that she was thinking," _Why are you even here? You know you have to be intimate to conceive a baby, right? Helloo. That's your problem!"_

About that time, there was a knock on the door and a more mature nurse entered the room. "Brandi, you're needed at the nurse's station, I'll take over."

As Brandi walked out and the new nurse came in, the older lady began apologizing. "I'm sorry," she started. "I heard part of the conversation through the door as I was standing outside looking at your chart. Brandi is new; please excuse her thoughtlessness."

"It's okay," Anna responded, looking towards John whose face looked as if he was just back from a tropical vacation with no sunscreen. "I think maybe we needed that to lighten the moment. John is very nervous."

"And, pardon the question, but how is John involved today?" The nurse directed the question at Anna. "Is he here just for support for you or is he fathering your baby?"

"Both," John choked out, finally finding his voice.

"But John is my friend, first," Anna added. "He's a bit uncomfortable with the ultrasound part of today's appointment, but I wanted him here as I need to tell Dr. Randolph that I'm no longer planning on using an anonymous donor for my baby. And I know that he'll need some information from John as well."

"Right you are." The nurse then turned her focus to John and asked, "John, do you have a last name?" She smiled as she knew that he did-she just wasn't as presumptuous as Brandi to think that it was "Smith."

"Bates," he answered. "John Bates." _God,_ he thought. _Can this get any more embarrassing? She probably things I think that I'm James Bond._

If the nurse noticed, she was good at hiding any reaction. "Would you feel more comfortable waiting outside the room, Mr. Bates? We have several pieces of paperwork for you to complete anyway, and now would be a good time to do that."

"Yes," John said hurriedly. "That sounds like an excellent idea."

"Perfect," the nurse noted. "Now, Anna, I'll take John with me and the two of you can meet back up in Dr. Randolph's office after he's performed your exam."

"Great," Anna answered, a bit relieved herself. She wasn't quite ready for John to see her naked, or half-naked as the case might be. Before she could even tell him "bye," he was out the door, the nurse chuckling behind him.

"Go ahead and get ready, Anna. Dr. Randolph will be in shortly."

Fifteen minutes later, John was sitting in Dr. Randolph's office, waiting on both the doctor and Anna to join him. He'd filled out several papers and now knew a bit more of what was expected of him, but still had a lot he needed to understand. The only thing he knew for sure was that Anna must truly want a child to be taking this route to conceive one.

John didn't have to wait long before Anna joined him in the office and took the chair next to his. Dr. Randolph was still not to be seen.

"How'd it go?" John asked Anna.

"Good. He said everything looked excellent and that I should be ovulating in about seven days." Anna couldn't keep the smile off her face. John on the other hand was beginning to panic. Before he had too long to think about what would need to happen next week, Dr. Randolph entered his office and slipped behind his desk to take a seat in the chair.

"You must be John," Dr. Randolph surmised. "Anna told me that she'd brought you with her and that she'd decided to have you father her baby rather than choose a donor from our bank."

"Yes," John answered, squirming a bit in his seat.

"Well, there's some good news for you, John," Dr. Randolph continued. "As Anna's upcoming procedure is intrauterine insemination and not in vitro fertilization, you don't have take a pile of antibiotics, etc. The bad news, or maybe not, is that I'm going to need multiple samples from you. We need to check your sperm count and motility. When was your last ejaculation?"

"Well, um," John stuttered, shifting in his seat, and looking from Anna to the doctor. Anna's face was crimson, and he took slight comfort in the fact that she was as ill at ease as he was. Dr. Randolph seemed to notice their discomfort and made the answer a bit easier for John.

"Let me rephrase that. Have you ejaculated in the last two weeks?" he asked.

"Um, no," John answered, feeling a bit better about that question.

"Good. I'm going to need you to visit our lab and leave a sample before you go today."

"Excuse, me?" John asked. Anna pressed her lips together to keep from giggling at his obvious discomfort. Dr. Randolph was very nonchalant about the process, yet it was still a lot for the two of them to take in, especially as they were not much more than friends at this point.

"Don't worry. You'll be fine. There's plenty of videos and magazines up there, and you'll just place your sample in the cup you're given. The lab is then able to analyze your sperm count and quality of your semen. It will give us a better idea of how probable a pregnancy will be. We already have Anna's stats," Dr. Randolph explained.

"Okay," John said as he swallowed. "Makes sense. Then will you use that same sample to inseminate Anna?"

"No," Dr. Randolph answered. "It looks like Anna will be ovulating in the next five to ten days. So after you leave your sample today, we'll need you to return in three days for another deposit. Assuming your numbers look good after our analysis, we'll wash the sperm you leave us in three days and prepare that for insemination." Dr. Randolph then turned his focus to Anna.

"Anna, I want you to come back on Friday so we can do another ultrasound and look at your egg. Hopefully, we'll be able to estimate when it will be released. We'll then schedule one or two inseminations, but you two should also engage in sex during that time as well. That will give us the highest odds of a pregnancy."

After Dr. Randolph's latest splurge of information, neither John nor Anna could speak. John wasn't expecting this, and it didn't seem that Anna was either. Not that he was against sex with Anna, but their relationship, if you could call it that, was so new. He still had questions about Greg's implication that Anna hadn't slept with him. Was Greg just messing with John or was Anna possibly a virgin? Even if their relationship were to become a sexual one, John wanted it to be on their terms, not something they were forced into by Dr. Randolph. He'd never agree to it if Anna wasn't willing, and he really didn't know where her head was. All he knew was that she wanted a baby, and he'd just assumed that it would all take place through the fertility clinic.

"I see I've given you something to think about," Dr. Randolph stated as he looked between the couple. "If sex isn't something you all are interested in with each other, we can just do as many inseminations as John's sample allows." _No pressure there,_ John thought. "It's just that if we can inseminate two or three times with washed sperm, and then you're adding some extra sperm into the mix, there's a higher chance that one of those swimmers will find Anna's egg. Plus, there's a theory that having a female orgasm can help with conception."

"It's definitely something to think about," Anna responded, partially to get Dr. Randolph to stop talking. She was already getting warm and feeling tightness in her lower belly just thinking about sex with John. She knew Dr. Randolph's description and recommendation were very clinical, but just the thought of being intimate with the man she'd had a crush on for years was becoming too much. Before John or Dr. Randolph could continue the line of thinking, Anna changed the subject.

"What are the chances we could end up with the twins?" Anna asked. Next to her, John coughed as he choked on his own saliva. Twins wasn't even something that he had considered.

"Very, very slim. You have one cyst on your right ovary, so that suggests that you will only release one egg. Since we did not give you any fertility medications to make you ovulate, we don't expect multiples. Either you or John would need to be an identical twin to raise the odds at all that you'd have more than one baby," Dr. Randolph answered.

"Well….funny you should say that," John responded, still trying to clear his throat after confusing breathing and swallowing moments earlier.

"He's an identical twin," Anna explained for him.

"Well, then, you're about three times more likely to end up with twins than the general public, but it's still a fairly low likelihood." Dr. Randolph looked between the two of them as if to ask if he'd answered their question. "Any other concerns?"

"How.." John began. "What do I need to do now?"

"Brandi will take you upstairs," the doctor answered him. John mentally shook his head, hoping that Brandi wouldn't talk this time. "She'll show you to the lab and there will be another nurse up there to give you further instructions.

"So," Dr. Randolph continued as he grabbed a pen and paper, "assuming we find nothing wrong with John's sperm, John you will return on Thursday to leave a sample that we will wash for use." He paused to write out those instructions. "Anna, you will return on Friday for another ultrasound to check on your ovulation progress. Insemination will happen sometime between Saturday and next Thursday; we'll be able to better estimate the date on Friday." He continued writing directions without looking up. "It would also help if you all have sex starting Saturday, once a day until two days after ovulation." He paused to look up and smile at the couple. "That shouldn't be a problem, should it?"

"No," Anna answered for them when it was clear that John was not going to speak. "No problem at all." However, in the back of her mind she felt that it might be a huge problem. Even though John had kissed her several times, he'd always done it at events when he was pretending to be her boyfriend. While she knew that the way she melted at his touch was not a show she was putting on for the benefit of others, she really had no idea where he stood on the matter.

* * *

As John left the fertility clinic, he couldn't help but think that he needed to talk with Anna, and soon. They had brought separate vehicles as he had met her there, and she had already returned to work. He was glad that she wasn't waiting on him to do his "thing" upstairs-he didn't need that pressure-but there was a lot they needed to figure out.

First of all, she had told him three weeks before insemination. It was going to be two weeks or less. Not that it really mattered, but he thought he'd had a little more time to wrap his head around fathering Anna's baby. In reality, he'd been thrown headfirst into it today, ready or not.

Secondly, John needed to find out from Anna if there was truth to what Greg had said at the party the other night. Not that he wanted to bring up the loser or open any old wounds, but if Anna had truly never slept with Greg, he wondered if she'd ever slept with anyone. If not, he couldn't ruin her for someone down the line. She may have been willing to jump the gun in certain aspects of her life, but he wouldn't deprive her this when she had waited so long to be with the right person. John realized that societal rules weren't what they used to be, but if it was important to Anna to wait this long, he was not going to take that from her.

At the same time, he knew the doctor had said that having sex would significantly increase their chances for conceiving a baby. But he didn't want to just have sex with Anna. If he ever had the honor of knowing Anna that way, he would make love to her, not just have sex with her. But he wouldn't take his pleasure at her expense. He would not take a precious gift intended for someone else.

Blowing out a breath as he got in his car to head over to the university, he thought about calling his mom and telling her what he'd agreed to do-that he and Anna were working on a baby and that perhaps he wouldn't let his brother down. He rejected the thought almost immediately, though, as he didn't want to disappoint either his mother or Jim. He'd wait until Anna was pregnant before he'd tell them.

Hearing his phone buzz, John picked it up to reveal a text from Anna. _Thank you so much for being there today. I don't know if I can ever repay you this favor._ John smiled at her choice of words. She was doing him the favor. If this resulted in a cure for Declan, then he would be in her debt forever.

But before either of them could get too excited about the possibilities this impending pregnancy would hold, they needed to make some decisions. Dialing her number and holding the phone to his ear as he made a right onto Queens Avenue, he waited for Anna to answer. When she did, he simply replied, "We need to talk."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you all so much for reading, following, favoriting, and reviewing! We're starting to get some place... Much more interaction with Anna and John in this chapter. I hope you enjoy, and keep the comments coming...they spur me on. :) Also, I could not do this with downtonluvr who is very supportive/encouraging and is so helpful when I get stuck. Thanks, downtonluvr! And thank you all. Hope you enjoy! I STILL don't own, DA, dang it.**

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Anna had not been able to talk to John when he'd called her that morning. She'd been with a client and only answered the phone because she was afraid something important had happened at the clinic. She'd agreed to meet him tonight at her place to discuss what was on his mind, and now her stomach was in knots, twisting with concern that he was backing out of the plan. She prayed she was wrong as she had come to realize she was even happier with her decision to become a mother since he had agreed to be the father.

John would be there any minute. He'd said he was going through some music with Joseph after work and that he'd swing by afterward. It was already eight o'clock, and Anna would ordinarily be getting ready for bed or to read or something by now. But not tonight. She had way too much nervous energy. She'd cleaned her entire kitchen after dinner, and she was now moving on to the mirrors in the house. Anything to keep her mind off what John might say tonight.

Just as she had finished the mirrors and was contemplating cleaning her already sparkling toilets, her doorbell rang. She put the Lysol back in the cabinet under the sink, quickly washed her hands, and nearly ran to open the door. She wasn't quite sure if she'd dreaded this moment or looked forward to it.

She swallowed hard as she opened the door to reveal John on the other side, wearing the same button down and khakis as he had this morning, even if they did seem a bit more dishevelled from a day of wear. John also smelled a bit like slide grease and metal to her, giving away, along with the nearly imperceptible red ring on his upper lip, that he'd been playing his trombone at Joe's. Maybe it was simply hormonal, but the smell and indentation was a combination that she found very sexy. So much so, that John grinned and asked if he could enter as she just stood holding the door, staring at him.

"Oh, yes," Anna answered, straightening and holding the door a bit wider. "Please come in. Would you like something to drink?" She asked, knowing she sounded formal but so nervous that John was getting ready to smash her dreams that she didn't really care.

"I'm good," he responded as he walked past her and into her living room. She closed the door behind him and followed down the hall. John paced a bit in front of the fireplace, but took a seat in one of the arm chairs when Anna sat on the couch. He sat on the edge of the seat, leaning his arms on his legs.

"About this morning," John started, not quite sure how to begin this conversation. "I thought we'd have a little more time to work out the details. I was thinking it'd be longer before we'd actually, um, inseminate, however we decided to do it. But this morning it sounded like Dr. Randolph wants us to use the clinic, and um, the bed. And I need to know how you feel about that." John finished and held his breath, waiting for Anna's reply.

Anna immediately relaxed and exhaled when she realized he wasn't changing his mind about fathering the baby. She knew there were some things left unsettled, but he didn't seem to be backing out. She felt as if a great burden had been lifted from her.

"I, well," Anna started to answer him, immediately lowering her eyes and picking lint off her skirt. "I want a baby." She looked up at him. "So, I'm open to doing whatever it takes to get one." Oh, she only wished she was so nonchalant. The truth was that she'd had a crush on John for years, dreamt of being in his arms for years, and she wanted nothing more than to give herself to him.

"About what Greg said the other night," John said as he shifted in his seat. "Is it true that you never slept him?"

"It's true," Anna admitted, wondering where John was going with this.

"Pardon me if I'm being too forward, but I think we've kinda crossed a line since we talked about my ejaculations this morning," he muttered, averting his gaze for a moment. Finding her eyes again, he asked, "Have you ever slept with anyone, Anna?"

Anna couldn't make the words form on her lips, so she just looked at him and shook her head no. She hoped this wouldn't be a turnoff for him. She'd had her reasons to wait, and she had furthermore realized over the last few weeks that there was no one she wanted to go to bed with other than John Bates. If she was truthful, that "innocent" crush ten years ago had probably played a part in her remaining a virgin. No man she'd ever dated had ever lived up to John Bates, and she'd decided years ago that if she could be more attracted to a man fourteen years her senior than she was to her own boyfriend, the boyfriend was not a keeper. Although she didn't particularly realize it at the time, looking back, the fact that Greg wasn't John probably had a lot to do with that relationship not working.

John stood at her answer and began pacing in front of the fireplace again. He stopped long enough to look at her and said, "Then I think we should do this solely through the clinic. I don't think we should add sex into the mix. It will complicate things too much."

Anna felt her heart break. She certainly hadn't asked John to father her baby simply to have sex with him, but the fact that he didn't want sex with her hurt more than she would have imagined. Somehow, she found herself defending her choices to him and negotiating their plans.

"Is it a turnoff that I'm not experienced?" she asked, looking up at him from the couch, surprised to feel her eyes welling with tears and her lip start to wobble.

"No," he answered immediately, with conviction. "That actually is a turn-on for me," he explained as he walked to the couch and sat down beside her. "But I can't be the one you give yourself to, Anna. I can't be your first. I can't tarnish you for your prince charming. You've waited this long, and I'm not going to take away that special moment. It's a moment you'll never get back, Anna, and I don't want to steal that from you or from the man whose it's supposed to be."

Anna reached for his hands as a tear slipped down her cheek. "Sentiment like that, Mr. Bates, is why I _do_ want you to be my first." She couldn't help the crooked grin that appeared on her face. "And this is not 1925. You would not be 'tarnishing me.' Plus, with that logic, my image will be sullied by being a single mother. No one's going to think, 'Oh, I bet she's still a virgin who used a fertility clinic to have that kid.' But I'm not particularly worried about what people think of me."

"Anna, you've waited this long and the moment needs to be memorable. In a good way - the best way. You need a man who can give you everything you deserve, not just a tumble in the hay in hopes of procreating."

"And you don't think you can be that man." It was more of a statement than a question. Anna let go of his hands and stood up, looking down at him. "Well, I do, Mr. Bates. I do. And since this is my body, my virginity, we're talking about, shouldn't I get a say in that decision?" John stood up beside her, taking in her features and the grit this petite woman encompassed.

Anna stared back at him, unable to read his thoughts. "Or do you not _want_ to be that man?" she asked him.

 _Oh, how he did wish to be that man._ But he didn't deserve to be. "Anna, if I'm truthful, I would love to be your first lover." _Your only lover_ , he thought. "But I can't keep from feeling like I'd be failing you. And if there's a good chance that the insemination at the clinic will work, then I think we just need to try that."

"You're not listening, John," Anna told him, shaking her head. He was the most infuriating man she'd ever encountered.

"I am. I hear you. Loud and clear. You think we should have sex to increase the odds of the pregnancy. I think your first time should be with a better man. Apparently we're at an impasse."

Anna couldn't stand it any longer. She threw herself at him, locking her arms around his neck and pressing her mouth to his. As she caressed his lips with the tip of her tongue, she felt him yielding to her advances. His hands came up to steady her waist, and it wasn't long until his lips parted and he was kissing her back with matching fervor. He pulled her closer as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, and he felt her melt against him. She was running her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck, and he wasn't sure he could get enough of her. His right hand moved up her back and entangled in her blonde tresses as his left hand moved downwards to cup her bottom, pressing her closer to him. As Anna let out a moan and collapsed further into his embrace, he felt himself hardening against her. This was no kiss for show. This was a kiss for themselves and no one else. A kiss he was pretty sure that Anna was using to prove a point. A kiss that was accomplishing her goal.

Gently, John loosened his hold on her and began slowing the kiss as he took a step backwards, giving her two short, tender kisses as he put some space between them.

"Anna, I see what you did there," he smirked at her.

"Did it work?" she asked with a bit of sass, rubbing her fingers across her lips and basking in what she could only term the best kiss of her life.

John chuckled and grinned. "If we're gonna do this, let me woo you first. Let me take you out Friday night. On a date," he stated matter of factly.

"Really?" she asked, a bit gleefully.

"Really," he answered. "Be thinking of what you'd like to do. If the date goes well, perhaps there can be a second date on Saturday...and maybe things will move, um, 'fast.'" She couldn't help but beam at him.

"We have a gig Saturday night, you know," she reminded him. "Which is no problem for me because you playing trombone has always been an aphrodisiac for me." _Did she just say that out loud?_ John raised his eyebrows but didn't make a comment.

"Let's just see how Friday night goes," he smiled. John leaned down and kissed her forehead and then headed towards the door. "I'll be in touch. Sleep well, Anna."

* * *

Two days later John found himself in the Crawley's backyard smoking meat with Robert. Cora had walked back inside a few minutes earlier, murmuring that it had been less than a week since Robert had gotten that smoker and that she was already sick of barbecue.

Robert sat down in one of the lounge chairs and took a swig of his beer. "Bates, how's life treating you these days?". John chuckled as he watched an airplane cross the sky from his vantage point on the matching chair next to Rob's. "How's your nephew?"

John had told Robert about the illness and his brother's request, but he hadn't told him that he and Anna had decided to have a baby in a partial effort to help save Declan's life. Even though Robert was his best friend, he wasn't sure he wanted to tell him that yet.

"About the same," John answered him. "We're still looking for a bone marrow donor."

"Well, Cora and I are wishing him our best. Let us know if there's anything we can do for you. We've both been on the national registry for a couple of years, or we'd get checked now," Robert let him know.

"I'm sure you would," John replied, folding his hands across his chest as he reclined in the lounger.

"How's Anna?" Robert asked him, catching John off guard. Robert noticed the furrowing of John's eyebrows in apparent confusion and elaborated, "It seems you've been spending more time with her lately. Like ditching me last Friday night for her."

"Ah, that," John smiled. "I was being a good friend. Friends help each other when they need it."

"I needed you. I had to eat ten pounds of meat by myself, nearly," Robert complained.

"I thought the Molesleys came over?" John responded, folding his hands across his chest.

"They did, but they don't eat much. Neither does Cora. I'm just saying it's been a long time since I've seen you turn down a good meal for a woman."

"It wasn't a date, Robert," John informed him with a chuckle.

"No? You didn't get dressed up and meet her out somewhere? You didn't pose as her boyfriend as you've been known to do on several occasions?"

"You've been talking to Mary, haven't you?" John asked, still not revealing much about his and Anna's relationship.

"When are you going to open your eyes and just ask her out?" Robert stated.

"What?" John asked, surprised by the question.

"Seriously. Anna has been making googly eyes at you since the first time she met you; you've just been too depressed to ever notice. But these last few months, since you've been 'pretending' she's your girlfriend, you've seemed happier. Why not ask her out and make it official?"

"It was convenient for her when she was trying to put off Greg," John admitted.

"But not now?" _Oh, I'm plenty convenient_ , John thought. He didn't know how much of her plans for a baby Anna had shared with Mary or her family so he wasn't going to go there with Rob. But, he had promised Anna a date on Friday night and was a little rusty on the whole courting dance. He could use some ideas and maybe Rob would have some advice.

"Well, if you must know," John began, swallowing hard. "Anna and I have a date on Friday night."

"A real date?" Robert asked incredulously.

"Yes, a real date. Is that so surprising? Just a minute ago you were telling me to go for it."

"But I didn't think you would," Robert defended himself. "What do you have planned?"

"I was hoping you could help me with ideas. Anna is pretty much leaving the details to me, I'm afraid, but I'm a bit out of practice on this whole dating business," John admitted.

"I always enjoy the botanical gardens," Cora piped up, neither man realizing she had come back outside. She moved over to Robert's chair and sat on the arm. "It gives Rob and I a chance to walk hand-in-hand, enjoy nature, and slow down a bit. Sometimes we'll pack a picnic. Of course a nice restaurant is good, too, but you get more privacy and fewer interruptions if you're on a picnic."

"I was going to say bowling," Robert told them. "Or a movie." He shrugged his shoulders, his ideas sounding unimaginative even to him.

"And this is why you never get to plan our nights out," Cora told him as she patted his shoulder.

"Well, you've given me something to think about," John told Cora. "And _you've_ given me nothing," he addressed Rob.

"You're welcome," Rob replied as he finished his beer and stood up to check on the smoker. "I hope you two are hungry because this pig is coming out." Cora rolled her eyes and shared a smile with John as she turned to head back to the kitchen. John rose from his seat as well and followed Cora into the house.

"Do you really have a date with Anna on Friday night," Cora asked over her shoulder as she began to pull plates out of the cabinet.

"I do," John answered her.

"I know Anna must be so excited. And probably nervous," Cora smiled. "You seemed to be oblivious but we all knew she had a crush on you years ago." John just shook his head.

"So everyone keeps telling me. I'm very flattered. But I'm a bit nervous, too. She's out of my league," he told Cora.

"Why do you say that? I think you'd actually make a good match. It just seemed like it was never the right time, you know?"

John wasn't sure how to respond. It was a real date this Friday, but it wasn't exactly spontaneous - more like a means to an end. Until now, since mentioning it to Rob and Cora, he hadn't thought how this might affect his and Anna's mutual relationships should this not end well. He'd be lying if he said, even to himself, that he had no feelings for Anna. He did. He just wasn't convinced that he was good for her. He only wanted the best for her, and he wasn't convinced that he was it.

If Cora noticed his brooding she didn't call him out on it. Instead she continued, "You know my favorite place at the botanical gardens is the fern dell. There's a bench near a little pond, and if you go in the evening when the weather is cooling off, there will be a little mist rising from the water. I bet Anna would like that, too."

 _God bless Cora,_ John thought. "Sounds nice. I'm not sure I'm much at packing picnics, though."

"What if you had the picnic catered? It could be a little nicer dinner that way. The fern dell would be a perfect spot. Then you could go for a sunset stroll after dinner through the gardens," she offered.

"Do you have suggestions for a caterer?" he asked, thankful for her experience.

"I do," Cora smiled broadly. "Beryl Patmore. I'll get you her number."

* * *

John stood near the entrance to the botanical gardens as he waited on Anna to arrive. They had agreed to meet there at six o'clock, allowing Anna time to arrive after leaving work. Mrs. Patmore was staking out the fern dell and setting up dinner as he waited. He couldn't believe how nervous he was about this evening as he looked down at himself, hoping he'd dressed okay. Weather was unpredictable this time of year - cool in the mornings and evenings but quite warm during the day. He was wearing the light blue button down shirt and the khakis he'd worn to work today, but he'd thrown on a sport coat to go with it. What did one wear for first date, anyway? It had been so long for him.

Before he could get lost any further in his thoughts, a horn beeped just in front of him. His eyebrows furrowed as he realized it was Mary, slowing her car to a stop about ten yards in front him. He noticed that Mary was not alone, though, and seconds after she put her car in park, Anna stepped out of the passenger side.

"I can trust you to get her home, right John?" Mary asked through her rolled down window.

"Yes, your Ladyship," he smiled. "I promise to get her home before midnight."

"Very well," Mary replied as she drove off, leaving the two of them standing there staring at each other. John took in Anna's appearance, wondering how he got lucky enough to have a date with this gorgeous lady. She was wearing a multicolored dress with sheer sleeves, and she'd traded her high heels from the other night for a more sensible pair of flats. Not that John knew much about women's shoes, but these shoes looked more comfortable for walking.

"Hi," Anna smiled at him as she made her way up to him.

"Hello," he answered back, his baritone sending thrills down her spine. She couldn't believe she had a date with him. A real date. She reached up for a hug when she made it to where he was standing. She had to stand a little taller on her tiptoes, and he had to bend over just a bit more since her flats accentuated their height difference. As his arms came around her back, pulling her to him, she couldn't help but feel like she was coming home.

"Shall we?" he asked as he released Anna from his embrace. He held his left arm open to usher her in front of him and into the gardens.

"What do you have planned, Mr. Bates?" Anna asked with a smile as she stepped in front of him through the gates. Once through, she moved over so they could walk side by side.

"We have dinner waiting for us ahead," he replied. "I hope you like beef stroganoff. I was unsure what you might want."

"As long as it's not Robert's smoked barbecue, it will be fine," she laughed. "Mary has brought leftovers to work for the last three days and forced me to eat with her."

"Well, I had thought about that, but I didn't think it was very romantic," John answered with a grin. Anna tried to hide her giddiness that John was trying to be romantic. "Plus," he continued, interrupting Anna's thought, "Cora recommended a chef she raves about who has made our dinner. I thought this was a safer bet."

The two continued in silence as they made their way through the gardens, their hands swinging by their sides. Occasionally, their hands would brush and Anna was unsure whether it was intentional on John's part or not. As much as she'd like to reach out and take his hand in hers, she knew that he was easing himself into the idea of a relationship with her, and she didn't want to ruin what could potentially be a wonderful night by pushing him too hard, too fast. Instead, she chose to break the ice with more conversation.

"The gardens are beautiful," Anna commented as they strolled through yards of chrysanthemums. "And the lighting this time of day is perfect. This was a good idea," she told him as she looked over and up at him.

He smiled down at her and said, "I'm glad you like it. Again, I have to give Cora the credit for the idea."

"So," Anna asked with narrowed eyes, teasing him, "just how much does Cora know?"

"Not as much as you probably think," he chuckled. "Only that you and I are going out tonight...and that I have no clue how to date," he smirked. Anna smiled at his response.

"So, she doesn't know about the baby?" she asked.

"She probably knows about my brother's request. Rob doesn't keep anything from her and of course he was the first one I talked to after Jim called me. But Cora doesn't know that we're planning on a baby together." He paused to look at her for a moment as they continued their pace around the grounds. "Neither does Rob."

"So it's our secret?" she asked, looking at him out of the side of her eye.

"Mmmm," he replied, grinning at her.

"I kinda like that, Mr. Bates. That we have a secret that no one else knows about," she smiled. He couldn't help himself from smiling back nor from reaching for her hand. John entwined their fingers and rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand. She squeezed his grip in return as they entered the red maple area of the park, feeling her heart flutter at the sight of the crinkles forming by his eyes.

They continued through this two-acre field, hand-in-hand, towards a large Japanese maple in the middle of the garden. On its left side there was a family picnicking with their young children, and neither John nor Anna could keep themselves from smiling as the toddler ran circles around the tree.

"I've been told that maple is over a hundred years old," John informed her as they walked past it, towards a brook.

"It's striking. Strong. Mature. All things I'm attracted to," Anna replied, and John got the feeling that she wasn't just talking about the tree.

"I also find the tree alluring," he stated as they headed over a stone bridge. "Beautiful. Elegant. Magnificent." Their steps slowed in the middle of the bridge, and they turned to face each other still holding hands.

"Steady," Anna added.

"Grand," John said. They were slowly drifting closer to each other.

"Deep," she said as she began to lean in and upwards towards John's lips.

"Majestic," he breathed as he lowered his head to close the distance between them.

Just then a shriek erupted from one of the children behind them and interrupted the moment. They pulled apart, and Anna looked down at her feet. She heard John let out a sigh and took comfort that he appeared to be as disappointed as she was that their moment was broken.

"Well, here we are," he stated, as he cleared his throat. Anna raised her head to look ahead on the other side of the bridge. He heard her sharp intake of breath as she looked forward at the fern garden. There was a small table set up with a tablecloth, candles, and two meals, right next to a misting pond.

"This is gorgeous, John," Anna breathed. She had never had a first date, or really any date, that was as romantic as this one was turning out to be.

"Which is only fitting for my present company," he replied as he led her towards the picnic. Mrs. Patmore bid him a quick goodbye as she left the premises as soon as they arrived, only waiting this long to ensure that their meal stayed unadulterated by other guests or wildlife.

John walked around the table and pulled out the chair for Anna, scooting it in as she took her seat. He took his jacket off and hung it on the back of his chair before joining her at the table.

"I'm sorry it's not served in courses," he told her, "but I didn't want the main dish to get cold. So there's a side salad to go with the entree and some chocolate cake to share for dessert."

"It sounds scrumptious and smells delicious," she told him. "I can't wait to taste it." They both began eating and conversation lulled for a bit before Anna broke the silence.

"I had another ultrasound today. They think I'll ovulate Sunday or Monday. I go back Sunday morning for another ultrasound. They'll either do the insemination then, or I'll come back Monday for it."

John continued eating, not responding for a moment. "It's crazy how exact science can be about this," he finally said after swallowing.

"It is," Anna agreed and took a few more bites of her food. "Um," she started again after working up her nerve. "Dr. Randolph reiterated that it would be best for us to start trying on our own tomorrow." Anna knew her face was turning red and was thankful for the low light in the dell so that her blush was hopefully less noticeable. John didn't respond at all to her statement, and she wasn't sure if it was a good sign or not. "He did say to skip Sunday," she hurried on. "You know, to let you, um, recuperate." She began to worry when John still didn't say anything and just continued eating. Finally, she couldn't handle his silence any longer. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?" Anna asked him.

John put down his fork and wiped his mouth with his napkin. Placing the napkin next to his plate he reached across the table for both her hands. "Anna," he started. "This is a date. Our first date. While I know what precipitated this outing, let's just forget about it for tonight. We can talk about it tomorrow. Tonight, let's just be us. I get it. I need to do my job tomorrow." He paused to smile. "And Monday. But we both know it's not going to happen tonight, and I'm sure you obsessing about it does not increase our chances for a successful pregnancy." She squeezed his hands in agreement and he let her go. She picked up her fork and resumed eating, taking his words to heart.

Half an hour later they had finished their meal and shared the chocolate cake, their conversation turning to lighter topics. Although she knew he couldn't understand it, Anna felt like a teenager going out with the star quarterback as their forks occasionally tangled, fighting for bites of the decadent dessert Mrs. Patmore had provided. As soon as the last bite was gone, John looked at his watch, knowing that Mrs. Patmore, or someone from her staff, would be back soon to clear the meal and the table. The sun was almost set by this point and the gardens would be closing soon.

"I know the night is still young," John started, "but we're gonna have to leave soon. The gardens close at nightfall." He stood and put on his jacket, walking around to Anna's chair to help her stand. When she did, he noticed a little bit of chocolate on the right corner of her mouth. He couldn't help himself from placing a gentle kiss on the spot and licking in clean. Anna grabbed his shoulders to steady herself, not ready for his caress at all. It was over as soon as it started but it was one of the most intense feelings Anna had ever experienced.

"We'd better head out of here before they lock us in." John looked toward the entrance of the gardens, and as he pulled away from Anna, he saw Mrs. Patmore and a younger girl walking towards them. "Do you have anything else you would like to do this evening? It's only eight o'clock."

Anna was still reeling from his unexpected...kiss?...and wasn't sure she remembered how to talk. Pulling herself together she somehow formed an idea and a question for him. "What if you just come back to mine? We could have some after-dinner coffee and relax a bit. This has been such a lovely evening, and I don't want to ruin it by adding a bar or some other loud-and-crazy venue to it, but I'm not quite ready for it to end. This has been perfect," she told him.

"As you wish," he answered her, offering her his arm as they began to make their way back to the entrance of the gardens. "We'll have to come back another time when we don't run out of sunlight to explore the grounds."

"That would be lovely," Anna answered, excited at the prospect of spending more time alone with John. She took his arm and leaned into him as they made their way back across the stone bridge near the Japanese maple tree. Halfway across the bridge, John slowed his steps to a stop.

"I believe we have unfinished business in this spot, Miss Smith," he drawled as he turned her to face him. The mist was rising from the brook below and the light of day was almost gone. He wasn't sure if he'd ever seen anything more beautiful than the woman before him and the backdrop behind her.

John raised his hands to cup her face, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs and letting his fingers entangle in her hair. He gently tipped her head back as he lowered his face to meet hers. Her lips parted for him before he even initiated the kiss, and she moaned in relief when his mouth made contact with hers. Her arms snaked around his shoulders as she felt her knees go weak. His pressure was firm but gentle, and his tongue reached for hers with practiced ease.

Anna had been kissed before. She'd been kissed by several different men and even enjoyed the moments. But every kiss with John separated the man from the boys. Sooner than she wanted, he was ending their kiss and pulling her to him for a deep hug.

"As much as I'd like that to continue, I believe the caretakers would like to close up shop," John told her, releasing her from his embrace. She nodded and helped herself to his arm again, enjoying the scenery one last time as they strolled towards the entrance. There wasn't much conversation - just companionable silence. Yet, Anna couldn't remember a better night out in her life. She was beginning to realize there was no place she'd rather be than in the company of the man beside her.

Two hours later, John and Anna were sitting on her living room couch, exchanging stories of their childhood after their second cups of coffee. She was laughing at the antics of him and his brother, and he was learning just how much family meant to her. He knew about her parents' deaths, of course, but to hear stories of her treasured memories with them gave him a whole new insight on on her decision to have a baby of her own.

John checked the time a bit later and realized it was going on eleven. "I'd best get going. It's getting late," he said as he stood to take his coffee cup to the kitchen. Anna followed him with hers. "I need to let you get some rest."

"John," she called quietly from a few steps behind him. "We haven't talked about tomorrow, yet." He was standing in front of the sink where he'd just placed his coffee mug. She walked up beside him and sat her mug next to his in the basin. John didn't move. Although tonight had been lovely, this was the awkward part. Sex was supposed to be spontaneous, not planned. Anna moved her hand to rub his back through his shirt, and he felt as if she was searing his skin.

"Stay," he heard her whisper. He turned his head toward her with raised eyebrows, questioning if he'd heard her right.

"There's no need for that," he answered softly, not sure of her intentions but playing dumb lest he misread her request. "I don't need to mess up your guest bedroom."

"No. Stay with me. In my bedroom," she clarified.

"Anna," he whispered. "Aren't we supposed to wait until tomorrow? You know, for timing, and all?"

"Yes," she supplied. "But that doesn't mean that we can't just sleep together. You know, to kinda get used to it?" John closed his eyes, she was still rubbing his back and it felt heavenly. However, her touch combined with her pleas for him to stay with her tonight were bringing out desires they weren't ready for. She didn't know what she was asking. Then it hit him, she really _didn't_ know what she was asking. "I was just thinking you could hold me, you know?" she added.

"I don't have anything to sleep in," John advised, neither one of them had moved from their positions.

"Do you need anything?" she asked. Then blushed. "I mean besides your boxers? You are wearing boxers, right? I was supposed to tell you that. It's better for the swimmers."

John smiled, finding her nervous chatter endearing. "I do have boxers, yes. Dr. Randolph gave me the low-down on that the other day."

"Then what do you say? Will you stay?" she asked again, trying not to beg. Truthfully, John knew that he couldn't deny her anything. He was surprised she hadn't figured that out by now. Or maybe she had.

"Okay," he nodded. A smile beamed across her features as she took his hand and led him to her bedroom. He stifled a groan at being dragged to this beautiful woman's boudoir, especially as he knew this wasn't going to lead anywhere tonight.

"You can get undressed in here," she told him. "I'll get ready for bed in the bathroom," she said as she entered the ensuite bathroom. Before he could reply at all, she was gone, the doors to the ensuite closed. He removed his shoes, socks, shirt, and pants, deliberating on whether to keep on or take off the undershirt. In the end he decided to keep it on, and began taking throw pillows off the bed in order to turn it down. He surmised from the position of the remote controls and a few personal belongings that Anna slept on the left side of the bed, so he slipped under the covers on the right side.

Anna emerged a few minutes later from the bathroom, wearing a modest cotton gown that was cut only a few inches below her neck and reached her knees. John still found it sexy, swallowing the lump in his throat and suppressing his more baser urges. _You'll see it tomorrow, he reminded himself. Keep it under control tonight._

Anna smiled at him as she walked towards the bed and turned off the lamp. He felt the mattress dip, though only slightly, when Anna slipped into bed beside him. Without saying a word, she snuggled up next to him, fitting her body to his and reaching her arm around his waist. A yawn escaped her, and he couldn't help wrapping his arm around her and settling her against his chest. A sigh of contentment left Anna as he sniffed her hair, taking in her aroma.

"John?" she whispered. "Could I ask you something?"

"Sure," he told her, but he was a little suspicious about what she was going to say.

"Will you take off your t-shirt?" she asked, leaving John dry in the mouth.

"Why?" he choked out, not sure why she was asking this now.

"Well, you'll think me funny, but I've always been curious about your chest hair," she answered him. The little tuft that often was on display at the top of his shirts had driven her mad for years now.

"Now?" he asked "The lights aren't even on. You won't be able to see it."

"I know, but," she paused to sigh. "Nevermind. It was a silly idea." _Did she do this on purpose?,_ John thought as he closed his eyes. Whether she realized it or not, she was becoming a master at manipulating him.

"Okay," he agreed, gently unfolding her from his side and sitting up to get rid of his shirt. She could see well enough in the moonlight as he pulled the cotton over his head, exposing strong arms and back muscles in addition to the chest hair she'd been longing to touch for years. She hoped he didn't hear her suck in her breath at the sight of his bare torso.

John laid back down and pulled her back to his arms, this time, her hand coming to rest in the fluffy fur of his chest, drawing circles in the hair covering his sternum. He began counting backwards from a hundred to try to control his urges at her touch. When she turned her head a bit and pressed a soft kiss on his collarbone, he knew he was done for. He placed his hand over hers on his chest and gently held it so that it could not move. So that it could not arouse him any further. Anna must have taken his hint as she relaxed further into his side and stilled her caresses.

"Goodnight, John," she whispered into his chest, hoping she never had to move.

"Goodnight, Anna," he replied as he placed a gentle kiss on the crown of her head, and then mentally changed his number to one thousand and began counting down again.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Sorry this has taken me longer than usual. Real life got in the way! Thanks for sticking with me and for all the wonderful reviews! You guys are great. As always, thanks to my beautiful beta! Hope you enjoy this installment. Disclaimer: I do not own Downton Abbey or any of its characters.**

* * *

Chapter 11

John slowly awakened as light began filtering through the windows. At first he was confused, unsure of his surroundings. He was lying on his side with a warm body pressed to his front. His arm was around her waist, and he couldn't remember feeling more comfortable. As he opened his eyes he realized that he was at Anna's condo. In Anna's bed. He rolled from his side onto his back as he cleared the morning fog from his head, gently removing his arm as not to disturb her. He turned his head to look at her sleeping form and realized she was in a deep sleep, the sunlight having no affect on her circadian rhythm.

Slowly, in hopes of not waking her, John eased out of the bed and collected his clothes from the chair in the corner. He slipped out of the room and headed towards the hall bathroom to use the facilities and redress. He didn't want to sneak out on her, but he knew he had to leave. Today was a big day for them, and he knew Anna well enough that as soon as the chance arose, she'd be ready to consummate the relationship. He didn't want this to be rushed, and quite frankly, he'd never enjoyed morning sex. He wasn't about to let Anna's first time be a fumble.

Pulling his coat on over his dress shirt in order to send a clear signal to Anna that he was not about to make love to her, he walked back to her bedroom and around to her side of the bed. He kneeled down beside the mattress, ignoring the quick pain in his right knee and smiling as he smoothed her blonde hair back from her face. She was holding onto a pillow like it was a childhood teddy bear, and her mouth was slightly parted in sleep. Even with her eyes closed and a slight amount of drool escaping onto her pillow, she was gorgeous. John continued to stroke her hair, mesmerized at how someone so beautiful, smart, and young would be interested in being his friend, much less lover. His smile went to his eyes as he considered himself the luckiest man in the world right now. Tonight, after their gig, he would make sure everything was perfect.

When he leaned in to place a soft kiss on her temple, Anna began to stir. The delicious, gentle touch caressing her hair felt so nice, and when she heard a man softly whisper her name, she snuggled tighter with her pillow and murmured breathlessly, "John." At his chuckle, her eyes began to flutter open, and when she realized he was nearly face to face with her, a blush covered her cheeks. He smiled bigger, revealing the eye crinkles she loved so dearly.

"Anna," he started, "I need to get going." His thumb ran across her cheek in a soothing motion. She quickly blinked the cobwebs away and started to sit up, and John let go of her and stood up and out of her way. She propped herself up against the headboard and rubbed her eyes.

"But it's Saturday," she said, still trying to wake up. "I need you here today."

"Not now," he said as he sat on the bed beside her. "Last night was wonderful, and I haven't enjoyed myself as much in a long - "

"Don't you back out on me, John Bates," she interrupted him, a bit forcefully. "Don't do that to me," she pleaded.

"I'm not, I promise," he comforted her and reached for her hand. "But, well, I've never really enjoyed morning sex, and I just think it'll be better if we wait until tonight. After the gig."

"But the gig won't end until eleven or so," she protested.

"Then you'd better get your rest this afternoon," John told her, kissing her hand and then winking as he stood from her bed and walked towards the door. "I'll pick you up at five for the gig. We'll go together and leave with each other afterwards. I can stay the night with you and go with you to your ultrasound in the morning if you want," he told her.

"That would be lovely," she smiled at him. "See you at five."

"See you then," he responded and left the room to let himself out of the condo.

* * *

A couple of hours later, after Anna had taken a shower and started preparing for the day, her nerves began to get the better of her. Last night had been a dream come true for her. She had a date, a real date, with the man she'd been infatuated with for years. She thought about how jealous her twenty-year-old self would be of her now. That girl never would have believed all those years ago that she'd end up strolling hand in hand with John Bates through beautiful gardens only to enjoy the most amazing kiss as the sun was setting. That girl would have passed out if John Bates offered to give her a child.

And then the nerves set in. She'd never gone this far with a man before and while she was more than ready to make that move with John, she didn't want to be an utter disappointment to him. Their love-making might be practical, but what woman didn't want to excite and please her man? She didn't want to talk to Mary about this. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk to anyone about it. But at the same time, she felt like perhaps she should get some advice from someone who'd had some experience.

Picking up her phone, she called her neighbor, Gwen. Within five minutes, Gwen was knocking on Anna's door. Anna answered with a grin on her face, and Gwen couldn't help returning it.

"What's this emergency?" Gwen smiled as Anna ushered her into the living room.. Anna sat on the couch, curling her legs underneath her, and Gwen made herself at home on the opposite end.

"You know that guy who opened the door for you a while back when you needed to borrow my phone?" Anna started, thinking about how John had been her knight in shining armor that night. How could she not help falling for him?

"Yeah," Gwen confirmed. "The tall, dark, and handsome guy in a suit?" She remembered that he'd looked somewhat familiar, but she was just suprised to him opening Anna's door. The last she knew Anna had been dating some blonde guy, Greg, who Gwen had never quite warmed to.

"Yes. That one," Anna smiled. "Well, we had a date last night. A really good date." Anna shifted in her spot a bit, nervously twisting her hands.

"Isn't he a bit old for you?" Gwen teased her, able to see how infatuated Anna was with this man, regardless of his age.

"No. Not really," Anna answered seriously, picking at a throw pillow she'd pulled onto her lap. "Yes, he's older than I am, but no one has ever made me feel the way he does." Anna had a look in her eyes that made Gwen chuckle.

"Wow. You have it bad, don't you?" she laughed.

"Oh, Gwen, I do," Anna responded, her shoulders sagging with the relief of admitting her feelings. She knew she was in over her head with this baby making scheme they'd devised, but she couldn't care less. Maybe there should be alarm bells going off all around her, and maybe there was, but Anna couldn't hear them. "We have another, um, date, tonight. After our gig."

"Oh, that's right. He's in your group, isn't he? I knew he looked familiar, but I couldn't figure out how I knew him," Gwen told her, furrowing her forehead a bit as if she was trying to remember where she'd seen him before. She had come to see Anna's group play several times, in support of her friend.

"Yes. Well, we're planning on coming back here after the gig. And I, um. Oh, this is hard," Anna pouted, beginning to wring her hands again.

"You're going to do the dirty!" Gwen supplied for her, teasingly. Anna blushed, but couldn't help from laughing at the comment. "How do _I_ fit into this equation?" Gwen asked. "Are you telling me this so I'm forewarned to wear my earplugs?"

"No," Anna answered, her blush turning darker red. "I was wondering if perhaps you'd go shopping with me this afternoon for some things. Help me decide what he might like."

"Well, I'll be happy to go with you, but I don't know him or his tastes," Gwen told her.

"And I'm glad you don't," Anna smirked. "But you have a husband and more experience than I do. You can keep me from picking something that will be impossible to put on-or take off," Anna told her.

Gwen laughed. "That I can probably do," she answered. "This guy must be special to warrant such intense preparation."

"He is, Gwen. He is."

* * *

As promised, John arrived at Anna's condo just before five. Their gig tonight was for a wedding reception at the Ritz Carlton in the uptown district. It was a swanky affair, and quite frankly, John couldn't wait for it to be over. Not just because of what he knew was coming afterward, but because he felt out of place with those posh people. Robert loved gigs like this, but John just tried to get through them.

Ringing Anna's door bell, John couldn't keep the smile off his face when Anna opened the door. "This is new," he said as he looked her up and down, taking in her black dress, noting it was different from the one she usually wore to their concerts. It was a classy number, perfect for concert black, but the lace trim on the short sleeves and the hem that clung to her calves added something that John couldn't explain-he just knew it was something that he liked.

"Yes," she smiled back at him. "I'm surprised you noticed, but I thought after wearing the same concert attire for a year or so, I was due a change." She looked down at the dress, pleased with the way it fit her.

Of course I noticed, John thought. I've noticed a lot about you recently. However, what came out of his mouth was, "What's wrong with consistency? I've been wearing this same tux for ten years."

"Well, it's different for women," Anna chuckled, turning to get her gig bag and music folder from the hallway credenza. And I'm not complaining, John thought to himself.

"Shall we?" he asked her as she walked into the hall and closed the door behind her. She smiled at him as she led him to the elevator. John couldn't help but appreciate her figure as she walked in front of him. He was nervous about this evening, but he was also looking forward to it, no matter how long it took her to talk him into it. He had made plans for them tonight, and he hoped it would be everything Anna had ever dreamed.

On the way to the venue, Anna reached over and held his hand as it rested on his thigh. He turned to smile at her and squeezed her hand in return.

"Are you nervous? About us?" Anna asked him, as if she'd read his thoughts earlier. He chuckled.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" he smirked, looking at her out of the side of his eye. He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles as he continued towards uptown.

"Probably," she answered him. "But I'm also excited about the possibilities."

John was indeed anxious, and comments like that made him even more so. He was worried that he wouldn't live up to her expectations, but his male pride would never let him admit that out loud.

He pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it lightly before letting it go so that he could put both hands on the steering wheel. "We'll take it as slow as you want," John told her. "And if it becomes too much, let me know. We can still just use the clinic."

Anna looked out the windshield and shook her head no. She knew she wouldn't change her mind about tonight. But she wasn't going to start an argument with John right now. She'd just show him later that she wanted him for him and not just as a means to an end.

Fifteen minutes later, they were valeting the car and carrying their gig bags and music into the Ritz. They walked next to each other in easy camaraderie as they followed the hall to the Belk Ballroom. They were the first of the group to get there, and quickly found their positions for the night and began unpacking their equipment.

Anna watched as John pulled out his trombone and attached the slide, adding some grease. His long fingers held the second brace as he worked the slide out and back on the horn. He puffed a little air through the mouthpiece, warming the brass of the horn. Sitting the horn on its stand, he put on his glasses and laid his music out on his music stand. Anna still hadn't moved. She continued watching him, mesmerized by his long fingers turning pages. Wondering what those fingers would feel like on her skin. Blushing when she realized she didn't have long to find out.

"Is your zipper stuck?" John asked without looking at her.

"Wha- What?" Anna asked, his question taking her by surprise.

"You haven't started unpacking. I was just wondering if the zipper on your gig bag was stuck," he answered.

"Oh. No, I was just taking in the, um, room. Trying to get my bearings," she replied, fairly sure that John had caught her staring at him. He gave a short nod, but she knew she'd been busted. Anna grabbed her bag and began getting her gear together, much as John had just done minutes before. Except that he excused himself as she unpacked instead of staying to observe her actions as Anna had his. It was times like this when she felt like a teenager with a crush all over again. Embarrassed to be caught staring and the feelings seeming one-sided.

Although Anna was pretty sure that John had some feelings for her, she had to admit that he might be doing this just to save his nephew's life. She'd all but bullied him to agreeing to this; tonight in particular. Yet, she couldn't see John consenting if he didn't at least partially return her feelings. Plus, last night had been the best date she'd ever had. That had to be a good sign, right?

Joseph, Robert, and Mary showed up before Anna could think about the situation with John any longer, and before she knew it, the wedding was in full swing. The reception lasted three hours with the group playing three forty-five minute sets. Anna couldn't help getting worked up over John's ragtime performance for a couple of songs, and unbeknownst to her, John was just as impressed by her adlibbed jazz solos for several of the charts. It was almost as if they were hearing each other play for the first time, despite being in the group together for years.

As the end of the evening approached, both John and Anna were becoming more nervous. As the gig concluded, Anna knocked all her music off her stand. Mary made a smart alec remark about her clumsiness, but bent down to help her clean it up. John almost knocked over his chair when he stood, and when he turned to steady the chair, his gig bag hit his stand and knocked it over. Robert caught it before it fell to the floor, but stared at his mate in wonder.

"What is wrong with you two?" Joseph laughed, looking from John to Anna. Both blushed but had no other response.

"I'll just go load up the car," John announced. "Anna if your horn is ready, I'll go ahead and take it, too." She handed him her gig bag and watched him disappear towards the lobby to summon the valeted car.

"What is going on between you and John?" Mary whispered as soon as John was out the door. Just as Anna was trying to form an answer and realizing she didn't know how to qualify her relationship with John, even if she was being totally honest, Robert interrupted the girls.

"Are you ready, Mary?" he asked, pulling his tuba gig bag over his shoulders, backpack style. Mary rolled her eyes in response, knowing she wouldn't get an answer from Anna now.

"Yes, your Lordship," Mary answered teasingly, pulling the strap of her horn bag over her shoulder and grabbing her music folder. "Walk with us Anna," Mary suggested as they made their way out of the room.

Joseph grabbed his gear and followed the other three. 'Wait for me!" he hollered, always feeling like a fifth wheel.

As the friends entered the lobby area of the Ritz, John met them, walking back in the building. "Is everything alright with the car?" Anna asked him, perplexed as to why he was coming in instead of waiting for her outside.

"Yes," he answered, looking around the group. "I just need to use the loo before we head out. Wait for me here, Anna, and then I'll take you home." He walked past them and headed down the hall. Anna watched him go and took a seat in one of the plush armchairs gracing the lobby.

"Well, I guess I'll see you guys later," Anna said.

"Have a good night," Joseph told her as he headed out the door.

"See you on Monday, Anna, and I'll want some answers. Our conversation isn't over, " Mary added as she followed her father to his car, leaving Anna alone waiting on John. It was then that her pulse began to quicken and butterflies began fluttering in her stomach. Just as she was playing in her mind how this night might continue, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning her head, she saw John standing beside her chair. He offered his hand to her, and she took it as he helped her stand.

"Shall we?" John asked and she stepped in front of him. Anna walked towards the front door, but John placed his hand on the small of her back and steered her in another direction. She looked over her shoulder and he simply replied, "We're not leaving yet." He escorted her to the elevators and smiled as she questioned him with her eyes. "Trust me," he told her.

John took Anna to the twelfth floor and then ushered her to the end of the corridor. Pulling a key from the pocket of his trousers, he opened the door to room 1217 and stood aside for Anna to enter. Anna sucked in her breath and put her hands over her mouth as she entered the spacious accommodations. The room was bathed in candlelight, and Anna's eyes followed the trail of rose petals that led from the door to the king size bed taking up the middle of the luxurious space. A peek into the bathroom revealed a large marble tub surrounded by more candles and a separate rain shower. The vanity housed double sinks and some amenities were laid out including soaps and lotions. Anna turned towards John as she heard the door close behind her.

"John," she whispered. "I wasn't expecting this."

"I know," he answered softly walking towards her.

"I'm not prepared for this. I didn't bring any other clothes," she said.

"I know," he said again, his lips curling into a smile as he reached out and began rubbing her upper arms. "You don't need them."

"But I need my toiletries," Anna told him, in a slight panic. She couldn't spend the night with him without at least having her toothbrush, face wash, and hair brush.

"All provided by the Ritz Carlton," he replied. He pulled her towards him and she placed her hands on his shoulders. He slipped his hands behind her back, and pressed her hips against his. He lowered his head to press a kiss on her neck, just below her ear.

"You know this might not work. We might not make a baby tonight," she told him, leaning into him, holding on to his shoulders for dear life as his kisses left her powerless.

"It might not. But it might. Doctors orders, remember?" he told her, sensing that she needed encouragement. Suddenly he realized she might be looking for a way out. Perhaps she'd changed her mind and was content with using the clinic only. He loosened his hold on her and looked deeply into her eyes. "But we don't have to do this. There are still other ways to make our baby."

If she wasn't already completely under his spell, she certainly was at the mention of the "their" baby. She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. I've dreamt of this for years, she thought. No way I'm backing out now. But to John she said, "I'm sure I want this. I'm sure I want this with you." He smiled back at her, the crinkles forming at his eyes nearly her undoing.

"I can't believe you arranged all this," she breathed as she leaned into his chest, referring to the petal-laden room.

"I told you your first time should be special, and I intend for it to be," he murmured as he resumed placing kisses along the length of her neck. Her hands gripped his shoulders as she felt her legs giving way beneath her. "I want you to stop me if at any time you are uncomfortable, okay?" he told her. She didn't say anything, but he could feel her head nod in agreement.

John raised his head enough to give her a tender kiss on the lips as he pushed her slightly away from him, allowing him to shrug out of his tuxedo jacket. He tossed it on the chair in the by the window, and Anna reached up and undid his bowtie and pulled it from his collar. She let it drop to the floor as he unbuttoned his top button. She took a step backwards towards the bed and John followed her continuing to unbutton his shirt. Anna could feel her temperature rising and her breaths coming more quickly. She couldn't believe this was happening.

By the time the back of Anna's knees hit the bed, John had removed his dress shirt and tossed it on the chair with his jacket. He reached for her and found the zipper at the back of her dress. He could feel her shaking and paused a moment to ask if she was sure she wanted to do this. She bit her lower lip as she looked at him with doe eyes and nodded again, unable to find her voice. John slowly unzipped it and watched her eyes grow darker at the touch of his fingertips on her bare back. He slipped the bodice of her dress over her shoulders and groaned when he saw the black lace covering her bosom. He could feel her trembling, which only accentuated the rise of her chest.

Obtaining her permission with only his questioning eyes, John couldn't resist any longer. He finished the zipper and dropped the dress to the floor at Anna's feet and immediately wrapped her in his arms, his mouth finding hers in the most urgent kiss they'd ever shared. He gently lowered her onto the bed, straddling her thighs with his knees, careful not to drop his weight on top of her. Her arms reached around his neck and when her fingers ran through the hair on the back of his head he deepened the kiss.

Anna reached for the hem of his undershirt, unwilling to wait any longer to feel the coarse hair of his chest again. Pulling the shirt over his head, she tossed it on the floor with his tie. She couldn't help pushing her chest up to make contact with his, feeling her nipples tighten with his groan at their contact.

"Anna, may I?" John asked, slipping a hand behind her to unhook her confines.

"Please," was all she could get out before framing his face with her hands and continuing to explore his mouth with hers. She arched her back to give him access to the clasp and shivered as she felt the undergarment loosen.

"This is much more racy than I had imagined your lingerie," John admitted as he slipped a strap down her arm slowly exposing her to him.

"I bought these for you," Anna told him, breathlessly, which elicited another groan from John. He slipped the other strap from her shoulder, completely baring her breasts to him. He trailed kisses from her neck to the valley between her peaks, watching her writhe beneath him. When he took a nipple in his mouth, Anna felt as if she would explode. Her hips involuntarily raised against his and she felt his manhood against her.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her one last time, raising above her but keeping her in his arms. "We can still stop. It's not too late," he told her, pressing a sweet kiss to her forehead.

"I've never wanted anything more in my life," she answered him.

John moved away from her long enough to remove the rest of his clothes, praying that he wouldn't frighten her. It was then he noticed she was still wearing her heels. She was clad in only black lace thong underwear and black heels, and as the thong matched the bra he'd removed earlier, he couldn't help but think she'd bought these with him in mind, too. "Dear God," he whispered as he took in her appearance, laying on the bed, almost completely exposed and surrounded by rose petals. If possible, he found himself becoming more aroused and just hoped he could last long enough to make this the night she deserved. He reached for her thong with shaking hands and slowly peeled the panties down her hips and legs, deciding to leave her heels on as he removed the garment. Anna lay in front of him, trembling with desire, begging for his touch.

John maneuvered himself over her once again and used his left knee to spread her legs slightly apart. "Is it okay if I touch you?" he asked, and she could do little more than nod and whimper. When his fingers parted her folds, Anna couldn't help but grab his face again and stare him straight in the eye. The desire he saw reflected there almost made him weep. She was wet. So wet. He slipped one finger inside her to test her readiness and closed his eyes as her breath hitched. He slipped it out again and gently rubbed the bundle of nerves at her entrance. "Do you like this?" he asked, wanting to make sure that she enjoyed this and that nothing made her uncomfortable.

"Yes," she breathed as she arched into his hand, silently begging him to continue his ministrations. Much sooner than either of them expected Anna reached her climax, literally becoming putty in his hands. She clutched at his shoulders, pulling him closer to her as she rode the waves of pleasure. As she clung to him, he positioned himself between her thighs, knowing that he was not going to last much longer. She began to relax beneath him, and he stroked her hair back from her forehead.

"Are you ready, Anna?" he asked, and moved himself closer to her as she whispered, "Yes." He pushed himself towards her opening, but stopped when her breath hitched. When she begged, "Please," he slowly pushed into her, giving her time to adjust to him. As she shifted her legs to wrap them around his waist, she gasped as it inadvertently pulled him further inside her. John moaned as he basked in the feel of her, knowing sex had never felt like this before.

"I'm going to move now," he told her, and she nodded. Slowly, he pulled back and pushed back in, gradually increasing his pace. Anna began meeting him, thrust for thrust, encouraging him to move more quickly. John tried to control himself, wanting to make sure that Anna found her pleasure again, but it was difficult when he'd never felt so at home. Holding off as long as could, he let out a loud groan as he emptied himself into her, holding her tightly to him. With one more thrust on her part, Anna was quivering beneath him again. John held her close, not ready to break their bond. He buried his face in her neck, but raised his face when he felt her tears on his cheek.

"Anna?" he asked, looking at her closed eyes. "Are you okay?" He hoped he hadn't hurt her. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but he was afraid he may not have been gentle enough with her.

"I'm wonderful," she whispered, opening her eyes to look at him. "I have never felt more special, more like a woman, than I do right now."

John couldn't help the glistening he could feel in his own eyes, and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. When they parted he pulled himself off her and settled beside her. His arms wrapped around her waist, and he tucked her against his side.

"Thank you, John," she said as snuggled against him.

"We don't know that it worked yet," he told her, kissing her hair as his heart rate slowly returned to normal.

"That's not what I meant," she murmured, nearly incoherently as she drifted off to sleep. He closed his eyes, inhaling her scent as sleep overtook him, too, afraid that he understood all too well what she meant. He could get used to this, and that scared him. He still didn't think he was good enough for her, but there was no doubt he was falling in love with her.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Whew, this chapter fought me. I wanted to have it posted much sooner, but it just would not write itself. Thanks so much to downtonluvr for shoving me over some speed bumps. This chapter still wouldn't be finished if it weren't for her. :) As always, I still own nothing Downton related - only in my dreams.**

* * *

Anna tried to ignore the niggling feeling that nature was calling. She was sleeping so soundly and comfortably, and she did not want to move for any reason. However, her body had other ideas and she was forced to realize that there would be no more sleeping until she relieved herself. Rolling over to throw the covers off and climb out of bed, she suddenly realized she did not know where she was. Giving herself a moment to compose herself, it all came flooding back. The gig. John. The hotel. John. The roses. John. She looked to her right and saw the man who was responsible for the most unbelievable night of her life softly snoring beside her. She couldn't help but smile at the memory of his touch.

Anna slid out of the bed and headed to the bathroom, doing her best not to wake John. She had no idea if he was a light sleeper or dead to the world, but she didn't want to disturb him either way. After finishing in the bathroom, she tiptoed back to the bedroom and suddenly felt very naked. Finding her thong on the floor she slipped it on and then grabbed John's undershirt from the floor several feet away where she'd tossed it a few hours ago. She pulled it over her head and took a moment to breathe in his scent as it lingered prominently on his shirt. Checking the bedside clock, Anna noticed it was only two in the morning. Smiling as she knew she had a few more hours alone with John, she crawled back beneath the covers and snuggled up to his broad back. He stirred slightly when she wrapped her arm around his waist, but he didn't wake up. He only pressed his back into her, unconsciously seeking the contact. Anna pressed a kiss onto the back of his neck and drifted back to sleep within minutes.

Four hours later, John awakened naturally and felt Anna cuddled up against him. He turned toward her, lying on his left side and found that she was facing him, apparently still asleep. She wasted no time in adjusting to the new position, and quickly nestled against his chest He wasn't sure anything had ever felt so right. Checking the clock, John realized that if they were going to be able to go home and change from their concert attire before heading to the fertility clinic, they probably should get up soon. Wrapping his arm around Anna and beginning to stroke her back, he noticed that she was wearing something cotton. Rubbing the material between his fingers and squinting his eyes against the dark to try to make out what it was, he soon figured out she was wearing his t-shirt. A smile tugged at his lips and a small chuckle rumbled out of his chest. Anna didn't stir, and it was quite evident that she was in a very deep sleep. Placing a kiss on her forehead, he turned from her to sit on the edge of the bed and then made his way to the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later, John stepped out of the shower with clean hair and a clean body. He'd dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist before he headed back to the bedroom to rouse Anna. Opening the bathroom door and letting the light flood into the bedroom, he watched as Anna stirred slightly, grunting in protest to the light. When he turned on the nightstand lamp, she rolled away from the glow, more emphatically objecting to the disturbance of her sleep.

"Anna," John gently called in an effort to wake her more properly. "Anna, you need to get up if you're going to get cleaned up before your appointment today." The reminder must have jostled her awake as she started stretching beneath the covers.

"Just once in my life I'd like to sleep until I woke up naturally," Anna murmured as she forced her eyes open. John chuckled and she glared at him for taking amusement in her misery. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"I hope you realize that once you have a baby, that ship will sail," he defended himself. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, adjusting to the light. It was then she noticed he was only wearing a towel, which immediately caused flashbacks to what had transpired the night before. She suddenly became aware of a mild soreness she'd never experienced, and she could feel her cheeks turning red. She was instantly glad that she'd grabbed his shirt in the middle of the night. Anna had no regrets, but this was different. She'd always heard about the awkwardness of the "morning after," but it had never been something she'd faced. _There's a first time for everything,_ she thought as she rose from the bed.

Twenty minutes later, Anna had showered and put on her clothes from the night before. John's t-shirt laid on the vanity in the bathroom. She picked it up and sniffed it, taking in his scent once more before she exited the bathroom and returned his shirt to him. However, when she re-entered the bedroom, he was fully dressed, sans his undershirt and tie. She held up his shirt as she said, "I guess you don't need this."

He smiled a half smile as her told her, "Seemed like you needed it more than me." She dipped her eyes as she grinned back and folded it as small as she could since neither of them had a bag to carry it out in.

"Are you ready?" John asked. "We have time to run by your place and let you change clothes before your appointment."

"Yes, I'm ready," she answered. "But what about you? Don't you need to change clothes."

"Smell me," John told her.

"What?" Anna asked with a nervous chuckle.

"Smell me," he said again. "As long as I'm not offensive, I don't think anyone will think it odd that I'm wearing a white button down and a pair of black slacks."

"You're serious?" she half-asked, half stated as she took a step towards him.

"I'm serious," he said without moving. He stood like a statue and watched her approach him. He held his breath as she sidled up next to him and took an exaggerated sniff.

"You're good," Anna told him as she took in his scent. God he smelled so good. He smelled like John. It wasn't a scent she could otherwise explain. Calling it a mix of clean and masculine didn't do it justice.

"Okay, then," John said as he moved to the door. "After you, Miss," he offered as he opened the door for her and then stood aside to let her step in front of him. She wrung his shirt in her hands, not knowing what else to do as he shut the door behind them. He placed his hand on her lower back and ushered her to the elevators. This felt so different from seven hours or so ago. Anna wasn't sure how to explain it; things just seemed weird.

An hour later, Anna and John had been to her condo, she'd changed clothes, and they'd made it to the fertility clinic for her 8:00 a.m. appointment. This time when she was called back, John didn't hesitate to go. He turned and looked toward the wall, pretending to read a magazine as she removed her clothes from the waist down and prepared for Dr. Randolph. Once she was covered with the paper sheet, John moved to sit in the chair by her head, trying to preserve her modesty.

Dr. Randolph did not keep them waiting long. He immediately performed an ultrasound, and frowned as he looked at Anna's ovary. If he had tried to hide his reaction from the couple he'd done a poor job, and Anna couldn't help but ask, "What's wrong?"

"Well," Dr. Randolph replied. "The good news is you have ovulated. The bad news is that by the looks of the follicle, you ovulated earlier than I expected." He rolled his chair back and looked at Anna and John. "Did you perhaps have relations over the past several days."

"Last night," Anna answered confidently.

"That's good," the doctor responded. "We'll go ahead and do an insemination as a released egg can live for about twenty-four hours, but I'll be honest and say that you may have ovulated before that. We may have misestimated your cycle," he told them honestly.

Anna could feel the tears welling in her eyes. John reached for her hand and squeezed it gently in support. "It's okay," he told her softly. "There's next month if this doesn't work."

She turned her head on the pillow of the exam table to look at him. "But what about your nephew? Does he have enough time?" she asked him.

Before John could reply, Dr. Randolph asked with furrowed brows, "What does this have to do with his nephew?" John sighed at the question.

"My brother's son needs a bone marrow transplant for cancer. We were hoping that perhaps this baby might be a match and we could use the cord blood," he told the doctor.

"You know that's a very small likelihood," Dr. Randolph told him.

"Yes, I do. It was happenstance that my nephew needed help when Anna needed a father for her baby. We just thought we'd try," John replied.

Dr. Randolph nodded and simply said, "Well, let's get down to business." The nurse handed the doctor the vial of sperm John had provided and had Anna check John's name and date of birth to ensure they were using the correct sample. When she agreed that it indeed was the correct vial, the doctor took it and began the procedure. He was done quickly and instructed Anna to stay where she was for the next ten minutes. The nurse informed her she'd be back to let her know when to get dressed, and then both she and Dr. Randolph left the room.

As soon as they were gone, Anna let the tears fall that she'd been holding back minutes earlier. John reached up to wipe them from her cheeks.

"It's okay, Anna. Most people don't get pregnant the first time they try," he told her. Not that he'd had a lot of experience in the matter. Vera had taken precautions to keep from getting pregnant, sometimes without his knowledge. But regardless, he remembered when Robert and Cora were planning children, and he knew that it hadn't happened immediately.

"I just thought since I was getting monitored and getting assistance that it was a pretty sure thing. I mean they told me it might not happen. I guess I didn't want to believe it," she told him.

"Well, let's not lose hope yet. You could still be pregnant," he tried to console her.

"It doesn't sound likely," she admitted.

A few minutes later the nurse returned to tell her that she could get redressed. John again turned away to give her some privacy as she redressed. When she assured him it was safe to turn around, he couldn't help but walking to her and wrapping her in his arms.

"It will be okay," he told her. He leaned back a bit to look into her eyes, but didn't remove his hands from her back. "If we've got to be a failure at something, this is not the worst thing. I certainly enjoyed practicing making babies with you last night, and practice makes perfect, I hear."

She couldn't help but smile at his words. She nodded and tightened the hug, hiding her face in his neck to prevent her from telling him that she loved him - she wasn't ready for that yet and certainly didn't want him to think she was only saying it because of last night. Still, whether he realized it or not, he always knew just what to do and say to make her feel better. He was quickly becoming her safe place.

Slowly, they stepped apart and left the room. Dr. Randolph was standing outside the room at the nurses' desk. He looked up from his chart as they passed by. "There's no use in more sex this month. Well, at least for procreation sake," he clarified. "We'll see what we find out in two weeks." Anna nodded and John smiled at him as they made their way to the exit. Anna was given an appointment at the checkout counter to come in for a blood test in fourteen days. They'd know at that point if they were going to be parents.

* * *

Anna was not surprised when Mary was sitting in her chair when she arrived to work Monday morning. She took off her jacket and hung it on the hook on the back of her door. Before she'd turned back around, Mary was speaking.

"What is going on with you and John?" she asked with preamble.

"Good morning to you, too," Anna answered. She opened the bottom drawer of her desk and placed her purse inside, despite the fact that Mary had not moved from her chair. Realizing that she was not going to, Anna took a seat in one of the chairs across from her own desk.

"I'm not sure I understand your question," Anna told her, and there was an element of truth to it. What exactly did Mary want to know? She wasn't sure how much she wanted to tell her yet, and she wasn't going to offer more information than she had to.

"Oh, don't play coy," Mary advised, smiling at her friend and colleague. "You two have been feigning that you're pretending to be couple when it's obvious neither one of you want it to be hoax. And a little birdie told me that you went on a real date Friday night, and you certainly seemed to be a couple at the gig."

"We took a walk in the botanical gardens Friday evening, yes, and we rode together to the gig," Anna admitted. "But I'm not quite sure where we stand with each other." She wasn't lying. She really didn't know.

"So you're not having his baby?" Mary implored. Anna closed her eyes for a moment. She really doubted that she was, and for some reason that stung more than she expected. While her mind told her that this month wasn't her only chance, her heart had seemed to be set on it.

"No. I'm not having his baby," Anna informed her.

"That's a shame," Mary lamented. "It seems like a win-win situation to me. So you're still using the fertility clinic?"

"Yes, I was there yesterday. And before you ask, there's nothing to tell yet. I'll let you know when and if it happens." Anna stood. "Now, if you'll remove your body from my chair, perhaps I will get to work."

"Well, I guess I've been given my marching orders," Mary said as she stood from the chair and walked to the door. "And for the record, I still think you and John would make beautiful babies." She was gone before Anna had a chance to respond.

* * *

John walked through the back door of his house Tuesday night and tossed his briefcase on the table. It was full of essays that needed critiquing, but he just didn't have the energy to do it tonight. His mind was in another place and reading poorly-written papers was not high on his priority list.

He grabbed a glass of water and made his way to the living room, where he collapsed into his recliner - the same recliner that he was sitting in when Jim had called to tell him about Declan. John still hadn't told Jim that he was trying to have a baby. He didn't want to get his brother's hopes up, and he certainly didn't want to put that kind of pressure on Anna. She'd been so upset when Dr. Randolph had informed them that they seemed to have missed the window of ovulation and that Anna would likely not fall pregnant this month. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little disappointed, too. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he sent Anna a text.

 _How are you today? Feeling any better? x_

He hadn't really talked to her since Sunday, but he couldn't get her disappointed look out of his mind. He'd tried to encourage her that it was too early to get upset, but she wasn't having any of it. Shortly afterward he sent his message, his phone vibrated with a response.

 _Not really, but I'll make it. Any news from your brother about Declan? x_

 _Nothing new. He's responding well to treatments, but they are only a bandaid, not a cure. x_

As soon as he'd sent his last text he instantly regretted it. He knew that Anna would feel guilty if she couldn't get pregnant soon. Granted she was probably already thinking along those lines to even ask about Declan. He waited a few minutes but he got no reply from Anna. He picked up the remote and turned "Jeopardy" on the television, but he paid little attention to the game show. Twenty minutes later, Anna still hadn't written back. Maybe she'd gotten busy with something, but John figured it was more like she was feeling personally responsible for Declan not being rid of cancer. He took his chances and sent another message.

 _How about dinner tomorrow night? Something to cheer you up. x_

Soon, John saw the ellipses on his phone that signified that Anna was typing a response.

 _I would like that. Meet me after work? x_

 _With bells on x_

John pocketed his phone after sending his reply. Suddenly, he seemed more excited about tomorrow. More excited about life in general. He wasn't sure what power Anna held over him, but he was beginning to realize that just the thought of seeing her, in any capacity, made him happy. Of course he couldn't forget Saturday night. He'd replayed it so many times in his head. But something about Anna was different than other woman he'd taken that step with. This wasn't just lust, but he didn't want to spend too much time putting labels on his feelings quite yet.

Easing from his chair, he went to the kitchen to fix a bite to eat. Settling at the table, he pulled the essays from his work bag and got to work grading, promising himself that his reward for enduring hours of fixing writing errors would be to see his Anna tomorrow night.

* * *

Anna was nervous. She didn't know why. She kept trying to talk herself down. She'd known John for nearly half her life. She'd been with him socially on hundreds of occasions. They'd had one date and one amazing night together and now she couldn't think straight. She was positively giddy at the thought of him meeting her for dinner tonight. She'd picked a place within walking distance from work and planned on meeting him there. He'd offered to meet her at work so that they could walk together, but she'd declined. She didn't want Mary asking any more questions right now. Until Anna understood the relationship, she didn't want to have to answer anyone's questions about it.

The day seemed to drag on, and at one point, she was sure the hands of the clock were moving backwards. Just before five o'clock, Mary stopped in Anna's office with her bag over her shoulder. "I'm calling it a night," she remarked. "The Stoker Group's account has worn me out. I suggest you get out of here soon, too. We deserve to work regular hours just like everyone else." Anna smiled at the philosophy.

"I'm on my way out, too. This day has dragged on forever," she replied.

"Want to walk out together?" Mary asked.

"Um, no. I'm gonna be a few more minutes, but I'm leaving soon. I don't want to hold you up," Anna answered.

"Alright. Have a good evening. See you in the morning." With that, Mary exited the office building, leaving Anna by herself. Twenty minutes later, Anna was locking up and on her way to Newtons, a pub and grill two blocks down the street.

When she walked into the establishment, she spotted John sitting at the bar. It wasn't completely full, but there were quite a few others sitting with him as well. He appeared to be trying to watch the sports news on the television, but a beautiful brunette to his right kept trying to get his attention. She was sitting on the barstool next to him, and Anna could see she was talking, presumably to John. He'd turn his head and nod every now and then. Anna felt a foreign feeling rising within her. She'd never been a jealous person, but the thought of another woman with John was an idea she wasn't fond of.

Walking closer to the two, she could hear that John was actually talking to the woman. "Nah, Honey, I'm good," he was telling her. "I've already got someone at home." Anna's heart soared. She wasn't sure if he meant what he told the lady, but she was overjoyed that he was rubbing her advances. Anna tucked her hair behind her ear as her steps brought her closer to them. John hadn't noticed her yet, and was sipping on his water trying to ignore the other woman.

Anna took a seat on John's left and laid her hand on his arm. "Hello, Handsome. Is this seat taken?" John sat back on his stool and slowly smiled at her. He could hear the woman on his left scoffing.

"Don't even bother, Sweetheart," she directed towards Anna as she leaned over the bar and around John. "He's made it very clear that he's not interested in what either one of us can give him." The brunette then moved back to a typical seating position and began stirring her dirty martini, still eyeing Anna.

"Well, I wouldn't say that," Anna replied. "What do you say, John?" she added, clearly indicating that she knew this man and was placing a claim on him. In response, John reached in his pocket and pulled out a vibrating buzzer.

"I say our table is ready." He stood and held his arm open in a gesture for Anna to step down from her stool in front of him. As she did and began walking towards the hostess podium, he looked over his shoulder and winked at the brunette, taking pleasure in her flabbergasted expression.

Once they were seated at their table, Anna looked over her menu at John. "You enjoyed that exchange at the bar, didn't you?" He couldn't help from smiling.

"Tell me when a man doesn't enjoy having attention from two beautiful women?" He pulled out his reading glasses so he could see the menu better. Anna felt a tightening in her belly when he slipped them on, and when he looked up over the spectacles at her, she was glad that she was already sitting. "You see which lady I chose, though?" Anna felt her temperature rising. John was exuding sex appeal right now, and she was having a hard time resisting it. Thankfully, the waiter arrived with water at that moment, and she wasted no time consuming the liquid.

"Can I interest you in anything from the bar?" the waiter inquired.

"No," they both replied. The waiter excused himself to get their orders in.

"Anna you don't have to pass on alcohol just because I don't drink," John pointed out

"Better not," she said. "In a few months, I'm going to have to give it up anyway."

It was the first attempt at a conversation that had involved their hypothetical baby and a pregnancy that had yet to be confirmed. He was glad she brought it up first, it showed him she was willing to talk about it. But he wouldn't press her for more than that if she wasn't willing. "Sounds like a good reason to give up drinking," he joked.

John and Anna shared an appetizer and their conversation turned to other topics of interest: childhood memories, hobbies, and books that they both enjoyed. It was refreshing to know that even though they had both been in each other's lives for so long that there were still new things to discover about one another. They were both well into their entrees now. Both of them knew they needed to discuss what had happened at the clinic, as well as what had gone on Saturday night, but neither really knew how to bring it up. John finally took a shot in the dark.

"When do you go back for your pregnancy test?" he asked, taking a bite of his green beans.

"Still another long eleven days," she sighed, pushing mashed potatoes around her plate. "It doesn't matter, though. I could tell from Dr. Randolph's reaction that it won't work this time."

"You don't know that," John protested.

"Yes, I do. The egg had already released, and it's only good for a few hours. Sperm can last for days. The insemination needed to be first."

"How do you know it wasn't?" he pointed out. She stopped and stared at him then. "We'd been together about eight hours earlier. It may have worked," he said encouragingly.

"I don't want to get my hopes up just to get disappointed," she replied.

"Anna, I'm no medical expert but the little bit that I've read so far, I don't think stress is really conducive to getting pregnant. I could tell the other night you were frustrated that we may have missed our window and that you are concerned for Declan. I can't tell you how much that means to me. And I won't lie, I'm concerned too. But, that's not why we are doing this."

"It's not?" Anna responded.

"No," John replied. His hand slid across the table top and came to rest over hers as he stroked her hand with the pad of his thumb. "We are doing this because you want to have a baby. It just happened to be a mutually beneficial situation. If Declan wasn't in the equation...well, I still would have helped you with this."

"You would?" she asked with tears in her eyes. He had been so opposed to it when she first brought it up. Of course he had been in a bad place at the time. Bless the man; he had always been so hard on himself and thought himself incapable of doing something like this. She still couldn't see why he thought so little of himself and how he could possibly drag her down. But she loved him for being so concerned about her reputation.

"Of course. I see the way you are and I think any child would be lucky to have a mom like you," he said with an easy smile.

"Thank you." She swiped the tears from her eyes with her free hand.

"I may not agree with your methods," he confessed. "I think if you would have waited a little longer the right man would have come around."

"Who says he wasn't already waiting in the wings to swoop in and save me all along?"

John flushed at her comment and was thankful the waiter arrived with the dessert tray at that moment.

* * *

Anna had read some books on pregnancy and had browsed through forums on the internet, so she knew that the "two-week wait" was one of the hardest parts of the process. Her two weeks were up today. She had been strong enough to avoid the urine test even though she had so badly wanted to run to the pharmacy and get one. But those same forums that talked about the difficulty of the two week wait, also talked about early pregnancy symptoms...and Anna didn't have any. She knew that it was still way too early to really feel different, but she'd be more convinced that maybe this worked if she at least had breast tenderness. But nothing.

She'd gone for her blood test this morning. They told her they'd call her by noon with the results. It was creeping towards midday, and she'd jumped the last two times her phone had rung. This time, it was the clinic. Even though she'd been expecting it, she wasn't prepared for the sadness that overwhelmed her when the nurse told her that she was not pregnant. Anna listened to her instructions for preparing for the next cycle, trying to hold her her tears at bay. When the phone call ended, she let the sobs overtake her. Knowing she wouldn't be able to talk, she sent John a text with one word.

 _Negative._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter (not too much), but this seemed like a good place to stop. I'm already working on the next one. As always, thanks to my wonderful beta, mr-and-mrs-bates. Also, thanks for all the reviews! i used words from one of you in this chapter, and have plans to use others in probably the next. You guys make this so much more enjoyable and spur me on. Thanks for reading! And I still have no legal rights to Downton Abbey...**

* * *

John hadn't expected to be as disappointed as he was when he found out that Anna wasn't pregnant. He was surprised that he was just as sad that he wasn't having a child as he was that he hadn't created a potential donor for Declan. Then there was another part him - the devil on his shoulder per se - that was excited that he had another chance to make love to Anna. Of course, that devil told him, they didn't have to make love solely to create a child, but somewhere deep down, John was afraid that Anna wouldn't let him make love to her if there wasn't a greater purpose than just sex.

He'd talked to her the afternoon she'd found out that she wasn't pregnant, but she told him she needed some time alone. Although he couldn't keep his mind off her, he granted her wish and had resisted calling or texting, despite picking up the phone several times to do so. She told him she'd call him when she knew what the next steps were; she thought it would be a couple more days before she found out. It had now been nearly a week, and he still hadn't heard from her. He was surprised at how difficult it was for him to be disconnected from her.

He was walking out of class one afternoon when he felt his phone vibrate on his hip. His heart sped up when he read the caller ID and realized it was her. He tried to sound nonchalant when he answered the call - not like he was thirsting to hear her voice.

"Hello," he said, willing his voice to stay steady, feeling foolish for being nervous and acting like a schoolboy. This was Anna. A person he'd known for nearly twenty years.

"Hi," she answered back. God how he'd missed that sweet voice, and it had only been a week.

"Does this mean we're ready to try again?" he asked, then winced at his eagerness. He hadn't even let her tell him why she called. "I didn't mean that like it sounded," he groaned. Her chuckle echoed through the phone and relieved his anxiety.

"Well, I hope you did mean it the way it sounded, Mr. Bates, because yes, Dr. Randolph says it's time." He could hear the smile in her voice and it truly made him happy. "Because I ovulated early last time," she continued, "he wants us to start, um, having sex again, and then he's going to monitor me more closely this time for the in-office procedure." John swallowed a lump in his throat and closed his eyes in an effort to control his hormones at Anna's admission. He was almost fifty years old, for Pete's sake; he shouldn't be as randy as a teenager.

"When are we supposed to start?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

"Tonight," she told him. He dropped the books he'd had under his left arm and let out an expletive.

"Is that a problem?" she asked, sounding a bit hurt. "Are you busy tonight?" She hadn't considered that he might have other plans.

"No. It's not a problem. I just dropped a few things," he told her, retrieving the books and turning down the hall towards his office. "What time do you get off work?"

"The normal time. I'll be off about five, and home between five-thirty and six. I was uh, thinking, that maybe you could pack a bag and come stay with me. For the week, you know." Dr. Randolph had told her that because John apparently had a fairly high sperm count that they could have sex everyday, once within a twenty-four hour period, and that John should renew his "resource" adequately during that time. Between that and three more chances to inseminate at the clinic this cycle, Dr. Randolph was pretty optimistic that Anna would end up pregnant this time. His optimism, in turn, excited Anna. She told herself that her enthusiasm was all about the baby, but deep down she couldn't deny that she was looking forward to a week of sex with John.

"Uh, yeah, I could do that," John agreed after taking a few seconds to mull it over in his head, shifting his books around so that he wouldn't drop them again.

"Great," Anna replied, not hiding her happiness. John told himself to remember she was excited about the baby, not him, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face either. "Come on over any time after six."

"I'll be there."

* * *

John felt like he was moving in with Anna considering the amount clothes he was bringing with him. They had a gig tomorrow night, which required his tux and horn, and Thursday was Thanksgiving. He usually went dressy-casual on Thanksgiving, which was different from his work attire. He hadn't discussed plans with Anna yet, but the university was closed Thursday and Friday, and he was sure she'd been invited to the Crawleys' for dinner Thursday afternoon, just as he had. Throwing his duffle and garment bags over his shoulder, he picked up his trombone and locked the car. Standing in front of Anna's door five minutes later, he was sure he was a sight for both her and her neighbors. He noticed Gwen eying him as she rode up the elevator with him. She threw a smile his way as she let herself into her condo, never saying a word to him.

When Anna finally opened the door, her smile left him breathless. She let out a chuckle as she looked him up and down. "I guess I didn't think about how busy this week is for you. For us. Unfortunately my uterus doesn't care what else is going on in my life."

John cocked an eyebrow at her comments, understanding what she meant, but still finding her words quite clinical. It was just a reminder that their relationship was simply a means to an end for her. She took his trombone from him and invited him in, taking his things to the guest bedroom. Before he could ask, she answered his unspoken question. "I figured it would be easier to keep your stuff in here. You can use the bed for your luggage. Feel free to hang anything that needs it in the closet." She placed his trombone down on the storage bench at the foot of the bed. "Have you eaten?" she asked as she backed out of the room, allowing John time to get settled.

"I have," he admitted. "But to tell you the truth, I could use a shower. I've been running around like a mad man today, and I'd like to wash off the day and put on more comfortable clothes."

"Sure," she told him. "The shower in my room is better than the one in the guest bath. Feel free to use it. Also, that's where all the good soaps are," she smiled. "I'll be in the living room when you're done." She walked down the hall a few steps and then paused, turning around.

"John," she called as he was heading towards bedroom. He turned his head and raised his eyebrows in response. "I'm sorry I've been distant. It wasn't you. I just needed time by myself to contemplate my sorrows. I'm sorry if it came across as shutting you out."

"We're in this together, Anna," he told her. "And that means you never have to cry alone."

Anna nodded in response, feeling a catch in her throat as she was not expecting such support from him. She knew it was ironic, but she turned and continued to the living room so he could not see the tears welling in her eyes from his words. If he was trying to turn to putty in his hands, then it was working.

John watched her go and then gathered his shaving kit and night clothes from the guest room and headed to her room. He felt a bit like he was invading her privacy, but then again she had offered. He shut her bedroom door behind him and tossed his clothes on her bed. His eyes raked over the bed where he'd held Anna as she slept. They hadn't become lovers that night, but to say they hadn't been intimate wasn't quite fair, either, the memory of her caressing his chest hair flashing through his mind. He noticed for the first time she had some pictures on the nightstands; after all the lights had been off most of the time he'd spent in this room. There was a picture of who he assumed could only be her parents, especially as the lady seemed to be a slightly older version of Anna. There was a picture of Anna and Mary, obviously celebrating an occasion as they both were dressed formally and appeared quite happy. On the small table that sat next to the armchair in the room, there was a picture of their brass quintet. Even if it wasn't a picture of just the two of them, John had to admit that he liked that Anna had a picture of him in her room.

Walking into the ensuite bathroom, John opened his shaving kit and hung it on one of the cabinets. He wasn't planning on shaving tonight, but he needed other toiletries that were in the bag. Turning on the shower water and letting it warm up, he shed his work clothes and then found a towel under the sink that he laid on the lid of the closed toilet, ready for use as soon as he finished his shower.

He opened the door and steam immediately escaped. Quickly stepping inside and closing the door behind him, he relaxed under the deluge of water. Anna was right; this shower was amazing. He took his time, hoping the downpour would ease some of the tightness of his muscles. Although he felt better after his fifteen-minute water massage, there was still tension in his body that the shower couldn't relieve. Drying off and applying his cologne and deodorant, he went ahead and brushed his teeth to get ready for the evening. It was earlier than he usually prepared for bed, but the opportunity was present so he took it. Returning to the bedroom, he pulled a Queen City University t-shirt over his head and dragged his cotton pajama pants up over his underwear. He'd rather just sleep in his boxers, but he didn't feel comfortable at this point in walking around Anna's condo half-dressed. He knew that might seem strange considering that they were now lovers, but he just didn't have that level of comfort around Anna at this point.

Returning his dirty clothes to the guest bedroom, he made his way to the living room. He paused when he saw that Anna was asleep on the couch. He knew she'd been under a lot of stress lately and while it was only seven thirty, he figured she probably needed the sleep. He thought of carrying her to her room and tucking her in bed, but he also knew that she'd kill him if they didn't make love tonight and then didn't end up pregnant this month. He leaned on the doorjamb from the living room to the kitchen and just watched her for a moment. God she was gorgeous. He made his way to the chair she occupied and kneeled beside her, cupping her cheek in his hand, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Anna, love," he softly called. "You should wake up and get ready for bed."

"Mmmm," she replied, turning into his hand. He thought she was still asleep until she pressed a kiss to his palm. "I like the sound of bed, Mr. Bates," she murmured, her voice a bit hazy from her power nap.

He let go of her and stood, wincing a bit at the pain in his right knee. It had been getting worse lately, but that wasn't something he was going to let stop him tonight. Once he was standing he offered Anna his hand and helped her stand, then tugged her with him to her bedroom.

Crossing the threshold he pulled her to him and slowly dipped his head to kiss the lips he'd dreamed of for over a week. He felt her succumb under his touch, and when his lips grazed hers she snaked her arms around his neck, her fingers playing with his hairline. She pressed her body upwards into his, meeting him more than halfway and deepening their contact. He'd meant to take things slowly, but his body was responding more urgently than expected in anticipation of being reunited with Anna.

Bending down and sneaking his right arm behind her knees, John scooped her up and took three steps to the bed before playfully tossing Anna on the mattress. As she squealed in delight, he smiled and crawled over her on the bed, careful to straddle her and not drop his weight onto her slight frame.

He bent his head and began suckling on the skin just above her collar bone. Anna's breath caught at the sensations running through her mind and body. His wet hair. His clean smell. His scruffy face on her neck. It was a sensory overload. Suddenly, as if a wanton woman possessed her body, she wrapped her arms as tightly as she could around his back and rolled them over, wasting no time straddling his hips. She sat up and pulled her shirt over her head before bending down and capturing his mouth with hers.

John for his part was speechless. Who was this creature? He had no complaints. He was more than willing for Anna to have her way with him. He reached around her back and released her bra, then slowly slid the straps down her arms, tossing the garment across the room once she was free from it.

"You are so beautiful, Anna," he growled, as he reached to cup one of her breasts, reveling in the pebbling of her nipple at his touch. His other hand ran down her side to rest on her hip, pressing his fingers into her skin. She leaned forward, and he took her other nipple in his mouth, eliciting a moan from her that aroused him in a way he wasn't sure any other woman ever had.

Soon, they were both naked under the sheets, and he was back on top, slowly joining them together. John wanted to be tender, but controlling himself around her was becoming harder to do. This was only their second time being together - it was only her second time making love at all. He wanted to make sure she was comfortable and enjoying it, thus willed himself to keep things gentle. "Are you okay," he asked as he slowly began moving within her.

"Yessss," she answered sultrily, spurring him on whether she intended to or not. She bucked against him and raked her nails down his back. Briefly, he thought she might be ready for more raucous lovemaking, but spent no time dwelling on it. With only a few thrusts, he felt her tighten around him and shudder beneath him. It was a feeling that nothing he'd ever experienced compared to, and sooner than he had anticipated, he'd emptied into her and collapsed on top of her.

"God, Anna," he said into her hair before rolling off her and pulling her to him. He pressed kisses to the crown of her head and her temple, not knowing how else to express himself. He'd never felt like this before. Sex had never felt like this. Before he realized what was coming out of his mouth, he heard himself say, "I think I love you."

Anna, however was already softly snoring and missed his declaration.

* * *

John was a bit confused why Anna wanted to show up at the gig separately the next night instead of riding together. When he'd brought it up earlier, she'd waved him off, saying Mary asked too many questions when they showed up together the last time and she rather avoid a repeat. He knew that Anna and Mary were close and that Anna considered Mary - and all the Crawleys - her family. But he'd never really considered that Anna might not want Mary to know that he was fathering her child. Hell, she might not want anyone to know. He and Anna hadn't really talked about what their relationship would be once she got pregnant. Maybe he needed to make his planned involvement with the baby apparent.

When they both arrived back at the condo after their gig, John grabbed a glass of water and sat on a stool at the kitchen bar. Anna emerged from her bedroom, now in lounging wear instead of her concert dress, and poured herself a glass of milk.

"Anna," John began as she came around and sat on the stool next to his. "Why did we take two cars tonight? I know you said Mary had a lot of questions about us after we showed up at the Ritz together last time. Were the questions that bad? How much does she know about what we're doing?"

Anna's face turned red and she took a gulp of her milk to stall her reply while she contemplated her answer. "Mary knows I'm going through a fertility clinic to get pregnant. She's the only one who knows besides you. And she also knows that your nephew is sick and might benefit from cord blood of your child."

"How does she know that?" John asked, feeling slightly betrayed that Anna would divulge that information to Mary.

"She overheard Robert talking to Cora about it months ago. When you first found out about Declan I think." Anna shifted on her stool. John felt slightly better that it wasn't Anna who'd disclosed his family business, but he still wasn't pleased that Mary had found out without his knowledge.

"Mary already knew that I was planning a baby when she learned about your situation," Anna continued. "And at the time, you and I were pretending to be girlfriend/boyfriend quite often. She's been encouraging me to have your baby ever since."

John sat his glass down and stared across the kitchen at the refrigerator. _This is why Anna wants to have my baby? It's Mary's idea? It probably didn't even cross Anna's mind until Mary suggested it._ John felt a knot forming in his stomach.

"And you don't want her to know that you're actually going to have my child," he concluded.

"I didn't say that," Anna quickly replied.

"Then you don't want her to know you and I are trying to get pregnant the old-fashioned way," he inquired further.

"I didn't say that, either."

"You didn't have to," John told her, turning to look at her directly. She wasn't sure why, but she was almost certain she saw hurt in his eyes. "She asked you if we were having a baby together after the gig at the Ritz, didn't she?" he surmised.

"Yes, she did."

"And you didn't tell her that we are, did you?"

"I didn't tell her that we weren't," Anna defended herself, surprised that John seemed upset by this. "I know how discreet you are with details of your life, John. I didn't want to betray your privacy. We haven't really talked about who, if anyone other than us, is going to know about this. To know that you're the father of my baby."

"Maybe we should talk about this, then," he told her. "You already pointed out that a lot of people will suspect I'm the father just because of our pretenses earlier in the year. Furthermore, I don't think I've made my intentions clear. I know I reluctantly agreed to father your baby and that when I did I was thinking of Declan. But I meant what I said the other night - that I would do this for you even if Declan wasn't part of the equation." He paused for a moment as Anna stared at him, speechless. He wasn't sure what she was thinking, but it was obvious that she wasn't expecting this discussion tonight. "As I've had more time to process what we're doing, it's become clear to me that I want this baby, too. I want to be a father, and I plan on doing my damnedest to be a good one."

Anna reached for John's hand, her smaller ones encircling his left one. "I want that, too," she whispered. "But I don't want Mary medling in my business. In our business. She's like a dog with a bone."

He nodded his head. "I understand." If Anna didn't want Mary to know about their relationship, he would honor that. Hell, he didn't even know what their relationship was, but he didn't really want to get into that conversation right now. He just wanted Anna to get pregnant and then they'd go from there. Still, there were some questions that needed answering and now seemed as good of a time as any.

"How involved will you let me be?" John asked her. "When the baby's born, I mean. I don't just want every-other-weekend visitation. I don't want to miss any of the milestones. I want to be a real dad."

"Let's not jinx this by planning too much before we get pregnant," she answered him. "But you can be as involved as you want to be. I'll never keep you from your child. You _will_ be a 'real' dad."

"And what if I want to be there for the middle of the night feeds?" he asked.

Anna wasn't sure if his question was straightforward or if there was an intended subtextual meaning. Looking him the eye, she answered confidently, "You can be there for those, too, if you want to be." John stared back at her wondering if there was a hidden connotation to her words. What if they moved in together? Would Anna be open to that? Before he could figure out how to ask her, she was talking again.

"But," she said, lightening her tone and stepping down from her stool, "if we don't get to work, there will be no baby to plan for. Let's go, Mr. Bates. It's time to get busy." He couldn't help but chuckle as he watched her head down the hall to her room, admiring her backside as she went. What had he done right in his life to be ordered to have sex with this vixen every night? He wasn't going to dwell on the fact that they only had a few more days of this before the doctor would announce the ovulation window was closed. He wasn't sure how he was going to control himself at that point, but he'd find a way for her. For her, he'd find a way to do anything.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you all for continuing to read and for all the reviews! It means so much to hear from you, even though I admit I'm not really good at personally responding. :( I will do better! My goal is to post at least another chapter before Christmas-my family got a lot going on this holiday season, and I'm not sure I can do more than that. In the mean time, I hope you are enjoying the read. I still don't own Downton Abbey, and I still owe a lot to my beta...but any errors are all mine and not hers.**

* * *

Anna had an ultrasound scheduled Thanksgiving morning and John willingly went with her, even if it was scheduled at 7 a.m. on one of the few days they both could have actually slept in. They'd been having daily sex for the last three days, and it was now time to check on the cyst on Anna's ovary that would soon become an egg.

Dr. Randolph had better news for them this time. Anna had not yet ovulated but likely would within the next few days. He told them that he would typically expect it to be at least three more days, but since she went so quickly last time, he thought she might actually ovulate as early as today. Because of that, he decided to go ahead and perform a clinical insemination while they were there. John and Anna had to return to the waiting room for a bit while the clinic prepared the sample John had left a month ago. Both of them were so excited at the prospect of becoming parents that they didn't mind. Sitting together on a loveseat watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the television, John reached for Anna's hand and squeezed it in support. Anna smiled at him and wrapped her fingers through his. They were still holding hands when the nurse came back for them twenty minutes later.

After the procedure was finished, Dr. Randolph told Anna to come back again in the morning and they would check again and potentially perform another insemination. He also told them to continue their home regimen and that he saw no reason why Anna shouldn't get pregnant this cycle. Anna's smile at this news was breathtaking, and in that moment John wanted more than anything to give her a child. He wanted to be the reason she was smiling.

They returned to Anna's condo together, but John announced that he wanted to swing by his house and pick up his mail from the past few days as well as check on the house in general. Anna stayed behind to work on the pumpkin pie she'd promised Cora she would bring for dinner.

"I'll just meet you at the Crawleys'," Anna told him as he gathered his dirty clothes in his duffel bag to take with him. "There's no use in you coming back here before we go. This will be done in an hour or so, and I'll head over." John tried not to feel hurt that she didn't want to go together. She'd explained to him the other night that she wasn't ready to tell Mary that he was fathering her baby, yet. _Or maybe at all,_ he thought.

Just as his thought process was getting the better of him, he felt Anna's hand on his arm, and she stood on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek. "Stop your brooding," she told him. "I'm not trying to avoid showing up with you, it's just silly for you to come back here first, logistically." He wasn't sure he believed her, but he gave her a half-smile.

"I'll see you at Rob's," he told her as he walked out her door. She stared at his retreating back wondering when they were going to be real with each other about their feelings.

* * *

"John's out back with Dad," Mary informed Anna as soon as she opened the door to Robert and Cora's Eastover estate. Anna rolled her eyes at Mary and stepped past her with the pie in her hands. While she was indeed excited to know where he was, she wasn't going to give Mary the satisfaction of knowing it.

"Well, I'm headed into the kitchen with this," she said, raising the pie. "Is everyone else here?"

"Sybil and Tom are on their way. So are Joe and Phyllis. Edith is out back with Dad and John, and Mom and I are finishing up dinner," Mary informed her as they both headed towards the kitchen.

"Hi, Cora," Anna stated sweetly as she sat her pie down on the island in the kitchen and walked towards her hostess with a hug. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"You can take this glass of iced tea out to John," Cora answered. "He asked for it ten minutes ago but things got busy in here and I haven't gotten it out there yet."

"Sure, I'll be happy, to," Anna told her, reaching for the glass. _Here we go_ , Anna thought, unsure how to play her relationship with John today. She realized she'd been guarding her heart from Mary; if she admitted to her friend that there was something going on between her and John, the world would know within hours. Mary would be so excited for her that she would want to scream from the rooftops that her best friend's college dreams were coming true. But what if they weren't?

On the other hand, John seemed a bit upset last night that she hadn't shared their arrangement with Mary. She didn't want to hurt him, but she truly had no idea where their real relationship stood. Once she was pregnant, would she see him? Oh, she figured he'd want to be there for ultrasounds and the birth and all - he'd all but told her he was going to be a hands-on-dad - but before the birth and after he'd played his part in the pregnancy, would she see him any more than she had a few months ago? She knew they were going to have to talk about this, but she wasn't looking forward to it. She was afraid she'd end up pregnant and heartbroken, and ignorant bliss seemed to be the lesser of the two evils at this point.

Stepping out onto Robert and Cora's back patio, Anna saw John lounging on a chaise while Robert sat opposite him in a wooden rocking chair. Regardless of her mixed-up emotions, she couldn't help but return John's smile when he saw her appear. Walking towards him, she held out the tea.

"This is for you," she told him. "Cora got busy in the kitchen and asked me to bring it to you." He reached up to take it from her, his fingers lingering against hers for a moment, sending shock waves through her arm.

"Thank you, Sweetheart," he told her as he took a sip of the drink. She blushed at his show of affection in front of Robert and Edith. He wasn't making figuring out her feelings any easier.

"You're welcome," she told him and headed back for the door. "I'm going to see if Cora needs any more help."

"Oh, stay," Anna heard Edith pipe up from the corner of the patio. "Mom and Mary have things under control."

"Well, let me check where she wants my pie, and then I'll try to come back out," Anna told her, not comfortable staying on the patio when there may be work to be done inside. Once she had returned to the kitchen, Edith couldn't resist asking John a question.

"What is up with you and Anna?" she pointed towards him. "There's some major sexual tension going on there." John nearly choked on his tea.

"Yeah, how'd your date go the other night?" Robert piped in. "The one I helped you plan."

" _Cora_ helped me plan," John corrected Robert. "It went well, I think. I certainly enjoyed myself."

"You went on a date with Anna?" Edith asked incredulously. "I can't believe she fancies an old man like you," she teased.

"It is a wonder," he replied. And he wasn't sure that she did fancy him. Yes, everyone kept telling him that Anna had had a crush on him the whole time she was in college. Even she had pretty much admitted that, but no one had confirmed that she still wanted him. She truly seemed to enjoy being with him physically, but he knew what she was after - only what he could offer her. And he couldn't blame her. Even he knew he wasn't good enough for her. Which brought him full circle to wonder why she even wanted his baby, anyway. He quickly answered that question for himself; she wanted to help Declan.

"Oh, Uncle John, stop it," Edith ordered him. Apparently, it wasn't difficult for anyone to tell when he was brooding. "I was just teasing you! It's obvious to anyone who's been around you two over the last fifteen years that this was going to happen sooner or later. Can't you just be happy for once in your life?"

John tried to give her a smile, but it didn't quite make it to his eyes. He heard what she was saying, but his heart just couldn't believe it.

"So where do you stand with her?" Robert asked. "Do you consider her your girlfriend?"

"I don't know that she wants to be my girlfriend," John answered, truthfully. She wanted his baby, but that didn't mean that she wanted him.

Mary walked out on the patio with a mimosa just in time to hear John's last comment. Shutting the door behind her and taking a seat in the rocker next to her father, she stated, "Oh, come on, John. She's wanted to be your girlfriend since she was nineteen years old."

"So, you keep telling me, Mary, but I've not seen the evidence of that over the past dozen years. She's had several boyfriends and none of them have been me."

Just then Anna opened the patio door and took a step onto the deck. The group's conversation quieted as its subject appeared. "Well, don't let me kill the party," Anna joked as she found a chair next to Edith. "Looks like dinner will be ready as soon as the rest arrive," she updated them.

"Good," Robert replied. "I'm getting hungry and the smells coming from the kitchen are delicious."

"Yes, Mom's a great cook," Edith agreed. "I'm so glad her back is better, and she is able to throw the kind of party she loves."

"You mean we all love," Anna corrected her.

"Yes, indeed," Mary added. Just then the Bransons and Molesleys walked through the patio door together, the rest of the group cheering in welcome.

"Looks like the gang's all here," Robert proclaimed. "Let's get inside and carve the turkey!"

* * *

An hour or so later, the group was sitting around the formal dining table, passing food and sharing conversation. John sat between Mary and Anna, with Joseph on Anna's other side. Across the table was Edith, Sybil, Tom, and Phyllis, with Robert and Cora anchoring the table on the ends.

The group spent a lot of time playing catch-up as it was rare that they all had a chance to sit down and spend a day together. Cora was happy to tell everyone that she'd finished physical therapy for her back and was proclaimed to be "as good as new" by her surgeon. Joe and Phyllis had been married for several months now and were shopping for new living arrangements closer to Joseph's flower shop. Edith was still the travel editor at the Queen City Observer, and although she had a condo Uptown, she seemed to be traveling the world more than she was at home. Mary and Anna talked about their work and how well business was going. They were already booked solid for the Christmas and New Year season, not really having a break until after Valentine's Day. John admitted to now having taught at QCU for twenty years and, at Robert's insistence, promised a new book in the not too distant future. Robert talked of his band and the upcoming QCU Christmas Concert, ordering all his guests to be there for the show. Lastly, the Bransons gave their update.

Sybil and Tom had been married for just over a year and lived in a suburb just outside of town. She was a nurse at an outlying medical center and Tom owned his own car and tire shop. Robert had been against the union early on, feeling that Sybil could do much better than a high school dropout with a GED. Over time, though, it became clear how devoted Tom was to Sybil, and Cora helped Rob see that there was more to a man than his position in life.

"We have some news we'd like to share," Tom announced, looking towards Sybil and reaching for her hand. He then looked around the table, finding eight sets of eyes on him. "Next May, we're going to be parents."

Cora's gasp was audible, her hands flying to her mouth and her eyes brimming with happy tears. Robert dropped his fork, it clanking on his plate as he contemplated how he'd become old enough to have a grandchild. Edith wrapped her arm around Sybil, clearly excited for her younger sister and at the prospect of becoming an aunt, while Mary made a bit of a face and proclaimed that she hadn't seen that coming.

"It just happened," Sybil told them, smiling. "We weren't trying. We didn't even find out until last week."

Anna felt like she might be sick. She knew that she should be happy for her friend and congratulate the couple, but it was very difficult. Anna knew what she was supposed to do. She knew she should gush. But it felt like a knife had just been stabbed into her heart. She watched as Phyllis and Joe offered their best wishes. Anna thought John might have even said something, but she just couldn't muster up the strength to show the same enthusiasm.

Anna knew she'd only been attempting to get pregnant for a month and that she shouldn't be upset at this point, but when Sybil admitted that she and Tom hadn't even been trying for child, it was as if she'd been slapped across the face. John shot a sideways glance in her direction and read her less-than-thrilled expression. He reached under the table for her hand, giving her a firm squeeze. "It's your turn next," he whispered, trying to lighten her mood. She appreciated his support, but it didn't work. Thankfully, if anyone else noticed that Anna was unhappy, they didn't acknowledge it.

The rest of the afternoon was somber for Anna. She participated in the annual game of charades, but her heart wasn't in it. She kept telling herself she was being silly, but she just couldn't shake herself out of it.

By three o'clock she excused herself and gave everyone goodbye hugs, promising to see them soon. John held her a little closer and a little longer than the rest, and she sunk into his brawn for just a moment.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked so that only she could hear. She gently shook her head "no" and squeezed him tight one last time.

"I'll see you tonight, right?" she asked softly as she stepped from his embrace. He gave her a short nod, careful not to let the others see. She obviously still didn't want them to suspect there was anything between the two of them.

* * *

John stayed at the Crawleys' shooting the bull with Robert for several hours after Anna had gone. When he finally left, he pulled out his phone and called his mother. His mom had travelled several hours away to his brother's house for the holiday, but John had made his excuses not to go.

John had talked to his brother a few times since Jim had called to tell him about Declan's illness, but thankfully Jim had not mentioned a baby again. John toyed with the notion of telling his twin that he was trying for a child, but he didn't want to get Jim's hopes up. What if Anna didn't get pregnant? Or what if she didn't get pregnant in time? Or what if the baby wasn't a match? After all, nothing is harder to live with than false hope.

He decided he would wait until a pregnancy had been confirmed before he'd say anything to his brother, but he wondered if he should tell his mother. They had always been close and he felt like he was almost lying to her by not letting her in on his plans. At the same time, he was afraid she'd be disappointed in him for entering into such an arrangement with a woman he had no intentions of marrying. He knew his feelings for Anna were growing, but he still felt that he was no good at marriage. One failed attempt was more than enough for him.

In the end, John didn't tell his mother about his agreement with Anna and wrapped up his phone call just as he pulled into her condominium complex. He parked and texted Anna that he was there so she could let him in. When he made it to her door, he found it unlocked and Anna in the living room curled up in an armchair, her arms around her knees. She was melancholy, but the lamp light was shining on her in a way that stole John's breath. He sat across from her and gently began inquiring about her mood.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, knowing that she was a bit down and assuming he knew the reason why.

"It will be," she sighed, letting her legs go and putting her feet on the floor. "I am so ashamed for feeling horrible," she told him.

"Is this about Sybil's baby?" he asked, knowing deep down that it was.

"Yes," she sighed. "I wish it wasn't, and I know that I'm being irrational, but yes, it is." She paused to run her hands over her face, wringing them as she placed them back in her lap. "I know we've not been trying for long in the grand scheme of things, but they weren't trying at all. They've had sex longer and more often than us. The probability was in their favor. But that knowledge doesn't take that sting away." She looked up at John and he could see tears pooling in her eyes. "They weren't even trying, John. We were."

When her lip began wobbling he was done for. He pulled her from the chair and gathered her into his arms, pressing kisses to the top of her head as he let her break down against him. John wanted to say something meaningful. He wanted to take her hurt away. But all he could do was hold her. He would not pretend to understand her emotions; he'd learned long ago the futility of trying to rationalize women's feelings. But John also knew that Anna's distress was not going to help her cause. "It's okay, Anna. We'll keep trying. It's going to happen for us," he shushed her.

"It might not," she sobbed into his chest. "Mom couldn't have more kids," she reminded him.

"But she had you," he pointed out. "Listen," he said, shifting his hold on her so he could look down into her face. "I'm no doctor, but this stress can't be good for you or the chances of conceiving." He began rubbing her arms. "Dr. Randolph thinks it will work this time, remember?"

"But what if it doesn't?" she asked, looking as vulnerable as a child.

"Then we keep trying." She wiped her eyes and nodded, borrowing from his strength. He noticed the slight change in her demeanor and smiled. "It could have already happened, even. You are fertile right now, and we need not let someone else's happiness impinge on ours." A hint of a smile began to curve at her lips as she let his words sink in. Reaching for his hand, she laced her fingers through his and squeezed to let him know she appreciated his encouragement. Taking this as his cue, he tugged on her hand and led her down the hall.

"Let's go put a baby in you."

* * *

The two week wait was just as painful this time as it was last month. John had gone with her to see Dr. Randolph the day after Thanksgiving, and sure enough, Anna had ovulated. Dr. Randolph performed another insemination that day, and Anna and John had spent the night together that night. John then packed his bags and returned to his house the next day, leaving Anna with mixed feelings she wasn't ready to explore. On one hand, she was glad that time was passing and that she'd soon find out if she was pregnant. On the other hand, she missed John.

John texted her each day to see how she was feeling and make sure that she was okay. She'd called him one night just to talk because Mary had gone on and on about Sybil's pregnancy at work, and Anna just couldn't take it anymore. Mary even suggested that Sybil's baby be tested as a bone marrow match for John's nephew. Not that it was a bad idea, but it just rubbed salt into the wound caused by Sybil's pregnancy.

But today was the day. Today was the day that Anna would find out if she was pregnant. She stayed away from the internet this time and did not look for symptoms, trying to set herself up for minimal hurt if the test was negative again. She'd gone in for the blood test this morning, and she now was waiting not-so-patiently for the phone call with the results. She wasn't sure if she was dreading it or looking forward to it, and she wouldn't know the answer to that until she received the news of whether she was to be a mother or not.

Then it happened. The phone rang. Anna stared at the screen almost paralyzed and had to will herself to answer it. When the nurse gave her the results, the tears began flowing. Try as she might to control herself, it was as if a dam burst. She hung up with Dr. Randolph's office feeling an intense need to talk to John. But this time it needed to be in person. This time the nurse had said _positive_.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Whew! This took me much longer than I wanted. And then I couldn't stop. Still could have kept going, but after nearly 8,000 words and the fact that I wanted to post before Christmas, I decided to stop. So, you've got more to look forward to after this...just not sure when I will have a chance to post as I am traveling through the holidays. Thanks for all the reviews! I really wish I could reply to the "guests!" Feel free to message me on my Tumblr account (DrStaciB) if you don't have a account. Thanks again to my masterful beta...and like always if there are mistakes they are not her fault...only mine. Similarly, after all this time I still do not own Downton Abbey or its characters.**

* * *

Anna walked through the halls of the Humanities building, searching for office 722 as the sign in the lobby stated that it belonged to John Bates. She'd never been to John's office, but she was familiar with the campus since it was her alma mater. As Anna turned the corner towards his office, a smile crossed her face as she realized he could have easily been her professor. In the grand scheme of things she was glad he hadn't been. It would be a bit strange to be in a relationship with your teacher, former or not.

Anna found his office and paused by the door. This was it. She was about to tell him that he was going to be a father. She was about to give him hope for his nephew. She took a deep breath, suddenly feeling more nervous than she could remember. Just as she was getting ready to knock on his office door, Anna heard his voice from the other side. She listened for a minute, feeling a bit bad for eavesdropping, but it was clear that he had a student with him. She listened for a bit longer, hearing him offer advice and encouragement the student, and she couldn't help but imagine him coaching and praising their child.

Before she realized it, her eyes filled with tears and her vision blurred. She began dabbing them with her sleeve and stifled a chuckle when she realized she was out-and-out crying. She'd heard that pregnancy hormones caused all kinds of irrational behaviors and emotions, but Anna had not expected to fall prey to them so soon. Officially, she was four weeks pregnant. She didn't quite understand how the numbers worked; to her, she should be two weeks gone. But regardless, she was a month into the pregnancy.

Anna walked down the hall a bit where a bench was positioned under a window, deciding to sit and wait for John to finish with his student. She rifled through her purse, hoping to find a tissue or extra napkin to blot her eyes and cheeks. The attempt was futile; the best she could come up with was her purse-sized appointment book for work. Which reminded her that perhaps she should make a note of the baby's due date.

August nineteenth. She drew a heart in the small square for the day, not daring to write anything more permanent. There was still the lingering fear in the back of her mind that the pregnancy could end in miscarriage, but she was, for the first time in a while, feeling optimistic. She couldn't wait to tell John. She began laughing to herself as she felt the tears pooling in her eyes again. She must look like a deranged person, she thought, as several college students walked passed her, pretending not to notice the emotional woman on the bench.

Just then, she noticed a young man leaving office 722. He was walking down the hall towards her, his backpack slung over one shoulder. "Is Mr. Bates still in his office?" she asked him as he neared her. He looked at her a bit strangely and replied, "Yeah," as he kept going. She quietly thanked him and headed towards the room the student had vacated. Softly knocking on the half-opened door to John's office, Anna heard his deep bass rumble "Come in," as she crossed the threshold into the room.

For his part, John would be happy when the day was done. His office had been nothing but a barrage of students all day, which was a far cry to his typically lonely office hours. To be honest, he liked the slow days, but it was the end of the semester and finals were in full swing. The deadline for final papers to be turned in for his class was midnight tonight, and so every living being left on campus seemed to need help at the twelfth hour.

Looking up over his reading glasses, John was surprised when it was not a student who stood before him, but Anna. He could tell she'd been crying, and she had a nervous look on her face that he couldn't quite interpret. Standing from his chair and placing his glasses on his desk, he walked to the door and shut it, never taking his eyes from Anna.

Returning to stand a few steps in front of her, he stated, "I think I know why you're here, and I hope I'm wrong." His eyes raked over her face, taking in her pale complexion and the tear stained cheeks. She had yet to say one word to him, but he was sure she was trying to hold it together for his sake. By her look, he was all but certain she'd been told that she was not pregnant this cycle, either. He closed his eyes as he felt his heart breaking for her and for his nephew. And if he was truthful, for himself, too.

"What do you think you know?" Anna asked him, wondering how she should tell him the news. She hadn't expected this to be so hard or to be so nervous. He knew she was trying to get pregnant. It wasn't like she was telling some one-night-stand that they were having a baby. But it might just be easier if he figured it out for himself; she simply wasn't sure how to get started.

"I think you've been to the doctor today, and I think you've been given some news. And based on your red eyes and tear-streaked face, I'm afraid to know the answer." John was standing rigid, scared to move as if his posture would affect what she had to say.

"You're not wrong in all of it, but you're wrong if you think what I've come to tell you is sad. My news is happy. Very, very happy." As she spoke, her face softened and her eyes shown bright. She couldn't help the smile that was tickling her lips, either. And then it was as if a light bulb came on for John.

"Oh, God. Are you sure?" he whispered. Anna nodded in response. "Really?" he sought confirmation.

"Really," she told him. Before she knew what was happening, John swept her into a bear hug and twirled her around the room. Gently placing her back on her feet, he reached up to cup her face, tracing her tears with his thumb.

"What's all this, then? Why the tears?" he asked, sincerely.

"I don't know," Anna laughed, as her eyes welled up again. "I guess it's pregnancy hormones." She took a step back from him and turned away, wringing her hands, a habit she seemed to fall into when she was nervous. Anna stopped and faced him again, continuing her answer. "I overheard you encouraging that young man who was just in here, and I suddenly began imagining you with our own child and my emotions took over. I have no idea what I even look like right now," she admitted.

"You look beautiful," John said as he took a step forward and gathered her into his arms again, pulling her close and just holding her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, inhaling his scent which seemed to be stronger today. Or maybe that was her hormones, too.

"Do you want to know the due date?" she asked into his shoulders.

"Do I?" he asked, straightening up but not letting go of her. "Of course I do!"

"August nineteenth," she told him, smiling and feeling proud when his smile grew to match hers. "I have my first scan in two weeks," she said. "You're welcome to come with me if you want to."

"Do you want me to?" he asked, not really sure where his place in all this was. They had only scratched the surface of what they needed to discuss regarding their relationship and how they planned to parent, but he knew now wasn't the time for that conversation. Until things settled down a bit, he would simply follow her lead.

"I would like you there, yes," Anna told him. "I don't want to tell anyone else about the pregnancy yet, just in case…" she trailed off, her eyes growing dark for a moment. "Just in case it doesn't pan out. That being said, I'm not sure that I could handle it on my own if I go in for the scan and there's no heartbeat."

John's heart broke a bit at her words, understanding her fears and hoping with all he had that Anna would not have to face such a horror. "Of course I'll be there," he promised her. "Wild horses couldn't keep me away."

He was grinning at her. It was the smile that she adored. The one that caused his eyes to crinkle, and it was all she could do not to blurt out her love for him. But she didn't want him to think it was just because of the baby. She didn't want him to think it slipped out because she was overly emotional. If and when the time came to tell him, Anna wanted to be sure that John did not confuse the admission of her feelings for him with pregnancy hormones. Still, she couldn't help but tighten her arms around him and stretch up to give him a quick peck on the lips. John laughed, his widening smile turning Anna's insides to goo.

"We're really giving Declan a chance, aren't we?" he asked. Anna's smile slipped a bit, but she nodded, feeling a bit crestfallen at his question. Perhaps all of John's joy revolved around his nephew. Not that she wasn't happy for that, too; it was why she'd made this arrangement with John rather than an anonymous donor. Or at least that's what she told herself. But deep inside Anna hoped that John wanted this baby for himself as much as he did for Declan.

"Listen," John said, breaking her thought process. "Let's do dinner to celebrate. A nice one. My grades are due soon, and I'm covered up today, but how about tomorrow night? Just you, me, and our baby?"

Anna smiled, her eyes filling with unshed tears once again. "I'd like that."

* * *

John stared at himself in the mirror, tying his tie. He couldn't help but smile at himself. He was going to be father. The baby's mother was a beautiful lady, inside and out. His nephew now possibly had another chance at life. But mostly he was excited about being a dad.

John had not thought about having kids in a long while. Once upon a time, when he'd first married Vera, he'd assumed they'd start a family a few years down the line. Sadly, she'd convinced him that he'd make a horrible father, and eventually he'd tried as much as she had to avoid a pregnancy. But there was something about Anna. Something in her that had quickly thawed his heart when she approached him about a baby. She had him believing that he could do this.

John was looking forward to dinner with Anna tonight. He wasn't sure that it could be called a date; he wasn't sure that either she wanted to call it that, but that was something that needed to be addressed sooner or later. Anna and he had been skirting the bigger issues in their arrangement, partially because they did not want to plan for a baby before the baby was reality. And while he knew that it was still early in the pregnancy and part of him told him not to get excited or plan too much yet, another part of him was ready to press forward and make some decisions regarding their future.

Twenty minutes later, John was at Anna's door, picking her up for their dinner. He'd made reservations at a small, but well-respected restaurant on the fringes of Uptown. It had an intimate setting, and he hoped it would set the scene for the conversation they both knew they needed to have.

The ride to the restaurant was made in mostly companionable silence, each of them periodically catching the eye of the other, only to be met with a smile. John valeted the car upon arriving and walked into the establishment with Anna proudly on his arm. They were soon seated at a corner table and had both turned down the offer of wine as John had a bad history with alcohol and Anna had another person to consider now.

After placing their orders and receiving their salads, John decided that it was time to discuss some of the unanswered questions revolving around them. Shifting in his seat to get more comfortable and placing his fork on his plate, he took a chance that Anna was ready to discuss their future as well. For some reason, though, John couldn't garner the nerve to ask her how she felt about him, so he worded the question a bit differently.

"How do you see our family playing out, Anna?" he asked, seemingly catching her a bit off guard. Her eyes found his to try to determine if his inquiry was serious or if he was yanking her chain. As far as she could tell, his question was genuine. Anna knew there was some decisions the two of them needed to make, and she was not surprised that John planned on addressing at least some of them tonight. But she wasn't expecting such a heavy question right out of the box.

In her head, the 19-year-old Anna answered, _I see us married with children all around us, me planning parties as you spend time in your office at our home writing your books._ But the 34-year-old Anna knew that things weren't quite that simple. Or could they be?

Resting her fork on her plate and taking her napkin from her lap to dab her mouth, Anna began to answer him. "Well," she started, replacing her napkin on her legs. "I would like us to raise our child together." She looked over the trio of flowers serving as a centerpiece to catch his eyes again.

"And what does 'together' mean to you?" he asked, feeling his mouth go dry. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear her answer. He truly had no idea what she might say.

"Well, I want the baby to know that I'm 'Mommy' and you're 'Daddy,' and that we will always be there for him no matter what."

"Him?" John smiled.

"Or her," Anna shrugged.

"So, if the baby knows I'm his daddy, then I assume you're going to let Mary know I'm the father."

 _Ah._ Anna thought. _We're back to this._ "Yes," she told him. "I will tell Mary. I will not keep my baby's parentage a secret. Like I said, I want us to be equal partners in this."

John scooted a bit closer to the table before placing his elbows on either side of his salad plate. "What if I said that I do, too? Want us to be equal partners. And that I think we should live under the same roof?" John pressed his lips together, unconsciously holding his breath waiting for her answer.

Anna's eyes widened at John's proposal, and she could feel the blush creeping up her cheeks. She knew she should be over the crush on him - she was having his baby for goodness sake - but the thought of moving in with him was not something Anna had really considered when she'd introduced this baby-making scheme. Was he really asking her to live with him?

"Are you serious?" she asked him.

"Yes," he told her, holding her eyes. "I'd like us to be there together. I meant it when I said I'd like to be there for the middle of the night meals and the wet diapers and all that. This is probably my only chance to experience parenthood."

While Anna understood where he was coming from, she hoped he didn't see the sliver of hurt cross her features as she processed his intentions. While she was starting to dream of playing "house" with him, he was only interested in having the baby close to him. Still, she had no family to help her raise the baby and having him close to support her was very alluring.

"I," she started, lowering her eyes as she picked up her fork and began pushing lettuce around her plate, "I think I'd like that, too. It would be helpful for both me and the baby." Looking up to catch his gaze, she could see how happy her agreement had made him. She couldn't help the smile that stretched across her face to mirror his. John, too, picked up his fork and resumed eating.

"What do you think about buying a new house? Together?" he asked, knowing that he might be pushing the envelope.

"What's wrong with my condo?" she responded, furrowing her eyebrows together.

"A couple of things," John told her. "First, there's not enough rooms. I need an office and the baby needs a room - your place doesn't have that space. Secondly, I'm a big advocate that kids need a yard to play in. There's not any private green space available in your area."

Anna mulled over his objections to her condo and realized he was right. While it wasn't small, it wasn't big enough to meet all their needs. It was a great place, though, and she did not cherish the thought of leaving it or letting it go.

"What about your house?" she asked him. She'd been to his place once a few years ago after the whole quintet ended up there after a gig. It was not as nice as her condo, but it was bigger than her place and had a private yard.

"It's not very convenient for your work," John answered, wrinkling his nose. "Plus, there's no attached garage. I don't like to think of you and the baby coming in after dark, and you having to drag her and all her belongings across the driveway to the house. Especially if I'm not there."

"So, she's a girl now?" Anna smiled at him, ignoring the part of him not being there at night. Why would he not be there at night if it was his house?

"Just covering my bases," he shrugged, taking another bite of his food. "So, I was thinking, we could maybe look for houses in Malone Park. It's close to work for me, is just a few miles from your office, and there are good schools in the area for when the baby gets old enough."

"I'm not sure that's in our price range," Anna replied even though she knew that living in that area would be perfect. It was a great neighborhood full of families and would be ideal for raising their child, but there was no way they could afford it on her commission and his teaching salary. The folks who lived there pretty much came from "old money."

John's face turned red and he looked a bit embarrassed as he met Anna's gaze across the table. At her questioning look, he told her, "I have made quite a bit of money on my books. We could afford it." Her heart sped up at the thought that she could possibly have her dream home - and live with her dream man, to boot. But, she also did not want to be a kept woman. She didn't want to owe anything to anyone - not even to John.

"I don't want to be your burden, John. I want to be partners in this," she told him.

"You're having the baby, Anna. I'm not sure you can put a monetary value on that. No amount of money I invest in a house could counter that." Anna's heart melted a bit at his comment. Was she really getting to have this man's baby and live with him?

"Are you sure this is what you want?" she asked him, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I've never wanted anything more, Anna. I swear it," he told her, his eyes boring into hers.

"When do we go shopping, then?" The smile that reached his eyes at her question had her swooning, and when he reached across the table to grab her hand she knew that she was a goner. He could ask her to move into a tiny house with him at this point and she wouldn't be able to tell him no.

"After the first of the year," John told her. "Let's let the holidays settle down and then we'll call a realtor." He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it as if to say, "Thank you." She smiled and laughed quietly at his action. Could this man be any more perfect?

The rest of the dinner had gone well, Anna updating John on the planned appointments for her and their baby. He'd confirmed his intention to be with her for the ultrasound in two weeks, and they enjoyed being excited together. They had discussed other topics as well, including the insane amount of gigs they had scheduled during the holidays. This led to a conversation about whether or not it would be safe for the baby for her to continue playing trumpet, particularly in the first trimester. The thought of harming the baby by performing trumpet had put her into a bit of a panic as the group couldn't operate without her. John did a nice job of calming her down and promising to put Robert on the case of getting a back-up trumpeter in case the doctor told her not to play.

Two hours after they had arrived at the restaurant, John escorted Anna back to her condo, walking her to her door to make sure she was safely home. He still wasn't sure if it was a date, so he simply kissed her cheek as he told her good night. Then taking Anna by surprise, he stooped to gently kiss her belly before quickly walking away, never seeing the tears brimming on Anna's lashes at his act of love for their child. And never letting Anna see the tears of joy collecting on his.

* * *

Anna dragged into work on Monday, feeling more tired than usual. She'd spent her Sunday morning at church and then relaxed most of the rest of the day, but it was harder to get up this morning than typical. She smiled to herself as she blamed it all on hormones.

Sitting at her desk, Anna looked through her calendar to review the parties she and Mary were planning over the next few weeks. There was one every Friday and Saturday night, not to mention a few in between. When she came across the faculty Christmas celebration for Queen City University, Anna remembered the conversation she and John had about her not playing trumpet while pregnant. Mary had arranged for their quintet to be the entertainment for the party, but the group would never be invited back if the melody was missing from half the music. The quintet also had three other gigs before Christmas, so Anna knew she'd better find out as soon as possible if Robert needed to find a substitute.

A few hours later, Anna had spoken with Dr. Randolph who had informed her that he would prefer she not play trumpet for at least the first trimester of the pregnancy. Something about intra-oral pressures and the like. She picked up her phone to have John contact Robert about finding someone to fill in for her over the next few months. But just as she was starting the text, Anna realized that in order for Robert to find a replacement, he would find out why Anna couldn't play.

Mary. Mary knew Anna was trying to get pregnant. Mary could help find a substitute trumpeter without having to know that Anna was indeed already expecting. She could just tell her friend that the doctor didn't want her playing while trying to get pregnant. Yes, Anna had promised John that she'd tell Mary that she was pregnant with his child, but Anna didn't want to tell anyone about the baby until the end of the first trimester. She was still worried about miscarriage, and if that was something she had to face, Anna would rather do it privately than with the whole world knowing.

Mary reluctantly agreed to help Anna find a proxy, not liking that their group would be altered on such short notice for what, in her mind, could be put off until after the holidays. But Mary was nothing, if not efficient. Within the hour, she had secured Charles Carson, the man who was the original reason behind their group's formation, as Anna's temporary replacement in the quintet. She'd even somehow managed to get Dr. Carson's and the other members' collective schedules to line up for an extra rehearsal before the Christmas gigs started. Anna asked Mary the excuse she'd given the others for her absence this holiday season and was met with a quick, "No worries, Darling. None of them know you are trying for a baby and that the doctor told you not to play." Mary paused to roll her eyes before adding, "Although you know I still think one of them should know, and...well...be involved."

"Yes, I'm fully aware of your thoughts on the matter," Anna replied, smiling as her friend walked away. She would tell Mary about the baby and about John. She would. But not until she'd made it past the first thirteen weeks of her pregnancy. Until then, it was her and John's little secret, and Anna wasn't sharing it with anyone.

* * *

It turned out the excuse that Mary had given the quintet regarding Anna's inability to perform with the group was that Anna had to represent their firm at tonight's holiday party-and apparently every holiday party that the group was to perform. Thankfully, they were all parties planned by the girls' firm so the cover story was a good one. Anna wasn't sure what the excuse would be after the holidays were over, but at least it bought her some time until it got closer to the second trimester.

Tomorrow would be a week since John and Anna had gone to dinner. Since then, he'd called daily to check in on her and the baby. He'd even met her for lunch one day after she'd had a meeting near the university, but unfortunately it had to be quick as she had another meeting planned for early that afternoon. She missed John terribly, but had had no other time to attempt to see him this week. By the time Anna was done working each day she was beyond exhausted. Each night after work Anna had grabbed a quick bite to eat and gone to bed as soon as she was able. Mornings were even worse. She hadn't experienced any actual sickness yet, but before she even stepped a foot out of her bed, Anna felt like she'd been run over by a Mack truck, and it seemed to take twice as long to get ready for work.

Still, Anna was actually excited about the QCU faculty party tonight. She knew that seeing John there was part of the reason for her good mood. She didn't know why she wasn't brave enough to just admit her feelings to him-they'd been obvious to everyone else for years. Maybe it was because Anna wasn't entirely sure how he felt about her. She was going to live with him, for Pete's sake, but Anna felt that John's desire to make a home together was more because he wanted to be with the baby than with her. And that was just it. She loved how he treated her and he seemed to enjoy himself when he was with her, but was it all just for the baby? After all, he'd not pursued her nor acted this way towards her before he'd agreed to father her child.

Before she could let her thoughts ruin her mood, Anna decided to pick out an outfit for tonight. Did it really matter why John liked spending time with her, anyway? She was just happy that he did. Anna felt herself smiling and she looked through her clothes, trying to find something both festive and yet conservative. As the party consultant, she wanted to stay in the background as much as possible and not detract from the festivities, but she also wanted something John would appreciate.

Arriving at the banquet hall an hour early, Anna was happy to see that everything looked good to go. There were over three hundred faculty and guests invited today and around two hundred and fifty RSVPs. The brass quintet would provide music throughout dinner, and then there was a short presentation of gifts by the president of the university. After dinner, there was dancing with a DJ, and Anna fully expected that many of the faculty would clear out at that point. She, however, needed to stay until the end, which was scheduled at ten o'clock. She was hoping that she could keep her eyes open that long.

Anna was checking spacing between the chairs at the banquet tables when she heard the door open behind her. She turned and was excited to see John walking through the doors with a music stand in one hand and his trombone gig bag slung over his left shoulder. And that tux. God, how she loved him in a tuxedo. Her knees went weak as she processed that this fine specimen of a man was the father of her child. When his eyes found hers, he smiled and began walking towards her.

"Where would you like us to set up, Boss," he asked as he sat the stand down and moved his trombone bag from his shoulder to hold the handles with his left hand.

She met him halfway and reached up to place a kiss on his cheek. "Over by the Christmas tree," she told him, taking a step backwards so that he could grab the stand and make his way to his spot. "The chairs are already set up."

Before he walked away he asked, "How are you feeling today, Mama?" It was a simple question, but it made her heart melt.

"Not too bad," she smiled, following him to the tree. "I'm a bit more tired than usual, but overall good. Five weeks, John. I'm five weeks pregnant. Can you believe it?"

Putting his bag down, he turned around. She was standing right in front of him, her face radiant. He couldn't help but bend down and capture her lips with his own. It was a chaste kiss, but it conveyed so much.

"I can't believe such a young, beautiful woman is giving me a child," he answered, wrapping his arms around her and bending his head once more, intending to make this kiss a little more heartfelt. Suddenly, the slamming of a door startled them apart. John slowly let go of Anna as Mary and Robert entered the hall. He was pretty sure they had seen the embrace, but he didn't care. He only hoped that Anna didn't mind, either.

As if she could read his mind, Anna grabbed his hand. "I will tell her. I promise. But probably not tonight." He smiled and nodded as she let go of his hand and left him to go greet Mary.

The night moved on easily and things progressed as planned. Hors d'oeuvres began at six, followed by dinner at seven. Then at eight, Dr. Neyland, president of the university, gave a short speech and announced that the annual faculty Christmas gift this year was a QCU fleece jacket and a monetary bonus that they would see with their next paycheck. They could pick up their jackets on their way out tonight.

Anna moved to stand by the QC Quintet during Dr. Neyland's speech, missing playing with her comrades tonight. Dr. Carson had done a great job filling in, especially at the last moment, but Anna was happy to hear him make a few mistakes throughout the evening. She didn't want to feel that she could be easily replaced in their group. Still, she thanked Dr. Carson with enthusiasm as he packed his gig bag to leave for the night. Since he was still technically faculty as Director of Bands Emeritus, she asked him to stay for the rest of the party. However, he quickly declined saying his wife, Elsie, was expecting him home any time now.

When Anna turned from Dr. Carson, she found John standing a few feet away talking with another woman. Mary and Robert were deep in conversation another ten feet away, and Joseph was absent-mindedly humming to himself as he, too, packed up from the gig. John caught Anna's eye and the lady beside him followed his gaze to also look her way. Anna took a step towards them, smiling as she looked between the two.

The lady with John was very pretty. Stunning was probably a more accurate word for it. She was older than Anna but probably not quite as old as John. Her features were beautiful and her figure petite. Anna couldn't help but think they made a handsome couple.

Nearing John's side, he called her name. "Anna, I would like to you meet someone. This is Dr. Joyce Gordon," he told her. "She's new to the faculty in the Language Arts program, and her family has Yorkshire ties just like yours."

"Is that right?" Anna replied, unsure what else to say and reaching her hand toward the other woman. "I'm Anna Smith, nice to meet you. Most of my English accent is gone, but I'm told you can still detect a bit of it if you know what to look for."

"Nice to meet you," Joyce answered, she too having very little, if any, English accent. She shook Anna's hand as she continued speaking. "John tells me that you are a regular in their little group but that you had to work the party tonight instead of playing. Great job, by the way. This has been great."

"Thank you," Anna replied as she tried not to clinch her teeth at the "little group" comment. She knew the woman meant no malice by it, but it was much more than a "little group" to any of them. "I'm glad you've enjoyed the festivities. And there is still more to go," she added as the DJ's tunes began thumping in the background.

"And that's my cue that I need to get out of here," John interjected. "This party is about to get too young for me." Anna rolled her eyes at his comment. "If you'll excuse me ladies, I need to run an errand before I head out." Anna chuckled as he walked towards the restrooms; Joyce just watched him leave, staring appreciatively at his backside.

"So is John seeing someone?" Joyce asked Anna, as soon as John was out of earshot.

"Wh-What?"

"I mean, he said your group had been playing together for years. I assume you'd know if he was involved with anyone. I noticed he doesn't wear a ring, but not all men do. Do you know if he's single?" Joyce elaborated.

"No, I don't believe he is." Anna could feel her back stiffen. Joyce was gorgeous and probably a better match for John on many levels, but the thought of John with her, or any woman, made Anna a bit sick. Technically, John was single, but there was no way Anna was going to let this woman think she had a chance with him.

"Is he serious about her or do you think it's worth a go?" Anna was surprised by Joyce's audacity, but she guessed she couldn't blame her for her interest in John. He was pretty spectacular.

"Well, he keeps his private life private. He's very hard to read at times, but...I'd say he's serious."

"And what about her? Do you know her? Is she fond of him?" Joyce asked, as if she was weighing whether it was worth the effort to try and steal John's affections.

"Yes, I know her quite well, and I'd say she's very fond of him, indeed." Anna's voice had become a bit steely. She hadn't meant to get defensive, but Anna was realizing that she was very quickly thinking of John as hers.

"So it's not worth my time?" Joyce asked, narrowing her eyes a bit as if she was still contemplating taking action.

"I wouldn't think so, no," Anna answered politely but cooly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I see Dr. Neyland trying to get my attention." Anna wasn't sure that she could continue to talk to Joyce without losing her composure, and she knew it was best to remove herself from the situation.

Anna then got caught up with work related concerns and wasn't able to speak to anyone socially for the next hour. She was sure that John had already left, and she had actually seen Robert and Joseph walk out the door. Mary had stuck around to help her represent their firm and was currently schmoozing the room. It was nearing the end of the night, and Anna's exhaustion was setting in.

Finding a seat at an unoccupied table in the back of the hall, Anna sat and slipped off her left shoe, crossing her ankle over her knee so that she could rub the sole of her aching foot. Now having time to be on her own and take a break from her work, her thoughts drifted to John's new colleague, Joyce Gordon.

Anna didn't particularly like that John could potentially see Joyce every day at work and that the woman clearly had a thing for him. She felt disgusted when she thought of the two of them kissing, or better yet, making love. She was actually getting nauseous as the thoughts crossed through her mind. And the feeling got stronger as Anna realized that it wasn't just Joyce that made her feel this way; it was the thought of John with any woman. Now that she knew him intimately, she didn't want to think about him making someone else feel the way she did when she was with him. Her stomach lurched as her imagination got away with her, and she was shocked to realize that she was about to be sick. Tossing off her right shoe as well, Anna quickly jumped up from her seat and ran for the bathroom. She wasn't excited about being in the loo in her stocking-feet, but she knew she would be quicker bare-foot than running in heels.

Staring at herself in the mirror after emptying the contents of her stomach, Anna realized she'd had this same reaction when Greg had admitted to cheating on her. Only John hadn't cheated; it was just the thought of him with someone else that made her sick. As she continued to splash cold water on her face-careless about her makeup at this point in the evening-she came to a realization. She had to tell John how she felt about him. She couldn't continue to keep her feelings hidden in order to protect herself. This wasn't a college crush she was embarrassed about anymore. And her silence could be the one thing that hurt her most.

Just as Anna was drying her hands and preparing to leave the ladies' lounge, Mary walked in, holding Anna's shoes. "I believe you lost these, Cinderella, in your mad dash to the restroom." Anna could feel the heat rising in her cheeks at the statement, but was then glad that at least some of her color was returning.

"You look like shit," Mary offered as she handed Anna her heels. Anna murmured her thanks as she slipped the shoes on her aching feet. "You're pregnant, aren't you?" Mary asked. Anna's head snapped up, the shocked look in her eyes giving Mary all the answer she needed.

"How did you know?"

"Oh, the backing-out-of-the-gigs thing got me thinking. I figured there was more to the story than you 'trying' to get pregnant. And then I realized there was something different about you. Literally a glow-just like they claim in books and movies. Finally, your race to the toilet just now cemented it for me; morning sickness isn't always in the morning." That made sense, Anna thought. She was actually relieved to realize that maybe it wasn't just her feelings for John that made her ill a few minutes ago.

"And I think I've got one better prediction," Mary continued. "I think John's the daddy." At Anna's gasp, Mary sensed she was right. "I knew it!"

"How?!" Anna asked, truly perplexed.

"The two of you have been closer over the past few months. I'm not blind. And you were holding each other rather intimately when Dad and I showed up tonight. But the big tell was the daggers you were shooting that woman talking to him earlier. I know you've liked John for years, but I've never seen you warn someone off him."

"She was asking me if she should make a move for him!" Anna defended herself.

"So he is the father?"

"Yes, dammit, he's the daddy," Anna answered, mad that Mary had figured it out like this. Still, she was relieved that the cat was out of the bag as far as Mary was concerned.

"Oh, Anna!" Mary exclaimed as she smiled widely and lurched towards her friend to give her a big hug. "I'm so happy for you!" Anna couldn't help but squeeze her back.

"Well, let's not get too excited yet. I'm only five weeks along. But I'm hopeful. We both are."

"So, did you use the clinic or his bed? Mary asked, brazenly.

"Mary!" Anna blurted, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"It was the bed, I see," Mary concluded. Anna was so easily embarrassed and so easy to read. Mary was enjoying this.

"Mary!," Anna exclaimed again. Her cheeks were bright red, now, and she knew there was no use in denying it. "It was both, actually."

"I am so happy for you," Mary told her, genuinely. "You're getting the baby and the man of your dreams."

"I'm not sure about the man," Anna told her. "I'm a means to an end for him."

"Oh, Anna, you are so much more than that to John. Any idiot can see that."

"I hope the idiots are right," Anna replied. She checked her face again and smoothed her hair before leaving the restroom. Mary assured her that she looked fine and that no one would know that she'd just tossed her cookies.

Stepping back into the banquet hall, Anna was surprised to see John sitting at the table she'd occupied a few minutes ago, sipping on a water. The party was ending in about fifteen minutes and the crowd was thinning appreciably. He saw her walking towards him and began smiling. She returned the grin and looked behind her to see Mary following.

"I thought you'd already gone home," Anna told him as she reached his side.

"I wanted to make sure you got home okay," he told her, standing from his seat.

"Congratulations, Daddy," Mary blurted and walked passed Anna to give John a hug. John returned the hug and gave Anna a questioning look over Mary's shoulder. She nodded at him and his smile grew from ear to ear.

"Thank you, Mary," John told her as he let her go.

"No one else knows, Mary, so please keep this between us," Anna cautioned.

"They don't know that you're pregnant or that John had it in him to be the father?" Mary clarified.

"Well, either," Anna answered.

"Thanks for that," John pointed out. But he could care less about the insults. Anna had told Mary about them and he saw this as a step forward in their relationship.

"My lips are sealed," Mary assured them. "But I'm glad I know-you'll need to take it easier, Anna. In fact, why don't you go on home now, and I'll take over."

"Oh, thank you, Mary. I am so exhausted. I can't wait to crawl into bed," Anna told her.

Mary eyed her and then John. "I just bet you can't." Mary bit her lip to stifle a laugh as Anna and John both turned red. "Get out of here, Anna. I've got this covered."

Ten minutes later, John was helping Anna into her car. "Would you like me to follow you home?" he asked her. "To make sure you get there okay?"

"Only if you stay," she told him. He raised his eyebrows at her forwardness. "I'll meet you there," she told him, and before he could reply to her comment, she shut her door, turned the engine, and drove off, leaving him in the parking lot. He stood there, frozen to his spot, staring at her taillights. What just happened? Just then he noticed her brake lights and she rolled down her window and stuck her head out into the cool night air.

"Are you coming or not?" she yelled back at him.

"Go on," he bellowed back. "I'll be there in five minutes."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Sorry this update took a little longer. I've been traveling more than I've been at home over the last two weeks, and it has made writing difficult. Thank you to all you lovelies who continue to read and review. It means so much. Extra special thanks to my beta, mr-and-mrs-bates.**

* * *

John's mind was moving in several different directions on his way to Anna's. Why did she tell Mary about the baby when she'd made it pretty clear she wasn't telling anyone for a few more weeks? Why did she ask him to come over? Why did she ask him to stay tonight? He was as nervous as a teenager. Was she implying what he thought she was? Lord knew he missed being with her, but there was no practical reason to continue having sex with her. If they made love now, it wouldn't be about procreation. Could they even do it right now? He'd never been with a pregnant woman. Would it hurt the baby? Would it hurt Anna? Sure they'd shared a few kisses since they'd started their physical relationship-even since she'd told him she was pregnant. But kissing and making love weren't exactly the same thing.

John wiped the sweat from his palms on his pants before knocking on her door. He'd left his tuxedo jacket and tie in the car this time as it was an unseasonably warm December evening. He was shifting from foot to foot nervously when Anna opened her door.

Anna, for her part, was wishing she hadn't been so bold as to invite John over, especially in the manner in which she did. Since she'd got home five minutes ago, she'd already had to run for the bathroom once. It seemed that "morning sickness" had taken full hold of her. She was no longer in the mood for anything sexy. She hoped that wouldn't disappoint John.

John's eyebrows knitted together as he took in Anna's appearance. She was much more pale, and perhaps a bit greener, than she was when they'd parted from the party. She was also leaning on the doorframe as if it was holding her up.

"Are you alright? Can I come in?" he asked, almost panicked. Suddenly, his nerves from earlier were gone, but he was anxious for different reasons.

"Yes, come in," Anna told him, moving out of his way a bit, still leaning on the wall. "It seems your child wants me to know he's there. I've been expecting this….just not right now."

John stepped around Anna and shut the door. He then reached for her and helped her walk to her bedroom. He guided her to sit on the edge of the bed, and he knelt down to take off her shoes. They had an intricate buckle that likely had prevented Anna from kicking them off as soon as she'd gotten home. Her stomach lurched as John removed the first shoe, causing him to fall back on his haunches trying to get out of the way of any potential "sickness." He was surprised to hear Anna's giggles and also happy that he seemed to be clean.

"Baby Bates is still protesting, but I promise you, there's nothing left to come out. You're safe," she told him. John smiled widely at her remark as he began working on her other shoe. Anna thought she heard him murmur, "Baby Bates," as he unbuckled the footwear, but she couldn't be sure. He sat her shoe to the side and began to stand up.

John groaned as his right knee protested his movements. It had been bothering him more and more lately, reminding him of his progressing age. He knew he needed to see his orthopaedic doctor again, just to check on the wear of the joint. Dr. McGinnis had told him several years ago he was headed for surgery. He'd informed John that "you'll know when." John was beginning to think that he might be starting to "know" something.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked him as he shook out his right leg. John hadn't told her about his injury. It happened when he was in college and was fairly embarrassing. What self-respecting person wrecked his leg in a marching band drill? John knew that Anna would not judge him for it, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her about it. Not yet, anyway.

"Yeah," John answered her, even if it was a lie. "I'm fine. I should be asking you if you're okay." He admitted that Anna seemed to have some color returning to her face, though.

"I'm good," Anna told him. "At least I know that I'm sick for a good reason." She started picking at her skirt as John took a seat beside her. "This is not how I planned for this evening to go, you know," she told him, looking over at him. Grinning, she continued, "I… I've missed you. And I wanted some alone-time with you." She looked back down at her lap as her cheeks turned red.

"You've got all the alone-time you want right now," John told her.

"This is not what I meant, silly beggar," Anna told him, sweeping her arm around her room as if to say that sitting and talking to him was not on the planned agenda. "I wanted some adult time."

Even though this is what John had figured from her invitation, he still was delighted to hear her confirm it. She wanted him. And not just as the father of her baby. He was already that. She wanted him presumably because she was truly attracted to him. To him. John Bates. Of course it could just be hormones, he reminded himself.

John wrapped his arm around Anna's shoulder and pulled her to him, pressing a kiss to her temple. "There will be other opportunities," he told her, and she shivered at his words. This man. He was giving her all her dreams. Anna had wanted him for so long, even longer than she had wanted a child. She reminded herself that John had agreed to father her child; he had not agreed to any other relationship with her. But the fact that John was all but promising to make love to her again was filling her heart with all kinds of hope for a future with him. She leaned into him and sighed.

"John," she started, knowing she needed to clean her conscience of something before she could continue to dream of a real relationship with him. "There's something I need to tell you." Anna pulled away from John so that she could shift on the bed to see his face. His worry lines had appeared again on his forehead as he waited for her to continue.

"Your colleague, Joyce. The one with Yorkshire ties who you introduced me to tonight. She likes you," Anna told him. John wasn't surprised by this. While he was no social butterfly, he didn't typically make enemies among his co-workers.

"I like her, too," John answered, not sure where Anna was going with this. As he responded, he saw Anna's face lose color again. Thinking for sure she was going to get sick again, he jumped from the bed and grabbed the trashcan from the corner of her room, bringing it to her. Anna smiled a grin that didn't quite reach her eyes and assured him that she was not going to be physically ill again right now. At least I hope not, she thought.

"You do like her?" Anna asked, feeling her heart plummet to her stomach.

"Yes. Don't you? I thought the two of you might really hit it off with your similar backgrounds. She's going to be a great asset to the department. Did she say something to you to upset you?" he asked, still wondering why Anna brought her up.

Yes, she did, Anna said inside her head, but aloud she said, "No. She seems perfectly marvelous." Try as she might, though, Anna apparently didn't hide her disdain for the woman.

"Anna," John said. "What did she do to upset you? I like her, but I don't like her that much. If there's something I need to know, please tell me." John sat again beside Anna and reached for her hands, grasping her petite fingers with his much larger ones. Anna's eyes narrowed as she began trying to decipher what John meant by "he liked her." Perhaps it was not "romantically," as she had first feared.

"John, do you know what I mean by 'she likes you'? She likes you. As in she asked me if you were single." He was still holding her hands as she looked into his eyes, waiting for his answer. Anna could see when recognition dawned on him.

"Oh," he said. "OH. No. No, I do not like her that way. Please tell me you don't think that's what I meant?" John asked her, squeezing her hands more tightly, his question holding an urgency to it.

"Well, I wasn't sure," Anna admitted. But before she could continue, John interrupted her.

"Did that upset you? That she likes me?" he asked. Anna suddenly couldn't look him in the eye. She wasn't sure if he wanted her to be upset about it or if he thought her childish for doing so. Before she garnered the courage to tell him, yes, it bothered her that another woman was interested in him and ready to make a play for him, John continued with his questions.

"What did you tell her?" he asked. "When she asked if I was single?" He scooted a bit closer to Anna. She could feel his body heat, and as if she wasn't nervous enough, his proximity was making it hard for her to concentrate.

"I told her no. I told her you weren't available." God, she hoped he wasn't mad at her. She still couldn't meet his eyes.

"And am I? Am I taken by someone else?" She slowly raised her face to meet his gaze. He was still holding her hands. Anna couldn't read his expression. What did he want her to say?

"Are you mad at me for telling her you aren't single?"

"No, no I'm not mad," John told her. "I just wonder if you know something I don't." He leaned in towards her face and Anna's eyes dropped to his mouth. What was he doing to her?

"I…" Anna started. "I know that I don't want you to date her."

"Why?" he asked, leaning even closer so that his nose brushed her cheek.

"Because I want you," Anna told him. "I need more than just being your friend." At her admission, John wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. Did she really just say that she wanted him? Was she really jealous of Joyce? He pulled back to look at her face.

"I'd kiss you right now if you hadn't just gotten sick twice," John told her, smiling as he saw relief flood her face. She chuckled at his remark, realizing she probably wasn't her most kissable.

"I'll go brush my teeth," she told him, getting up and walking towards the en suite bathroom. Anna paused halfway there and turned towards John, who was still sitting on the bed.

"Will you still stay tonight? Even though I'm not sure either of us are in the mood to be amorous?" Anna asked him.

"Consider it a date," he told her and began removing his shoes. Anna smiled broadly as she continued to the bathroom. "Morning" sickness and all, this was turning out to be one of the best nights of her life.

John watched Anna close the bathroom door and then laid back on her pillow with his hands linked behind his head. He crossed his feet as he waited for her to complete her nightly ritual, as he was somewhat accustomed to it after spending a week at her place when they were trying to conceive. John blew out a puff of air as he further considered the conversation he'd just had with Anna. His initial reaction had been pure elation, but as he had time to think things through, he wasn't sure what was driving Anna's desire to be with him.

John was concerned that Anna's feelings for him were all driven by the baby. It was clear that pregnancy hormones were setting in. He was sure that there was something biological involved that caused a pregnant woman to be attracted to the father of her baby. Is that all that was going on? Had Joyce's questions about his relationship status brought out Anna's primal urges? Or maybe she was concerned about raising the baby on her own. Even though John had told her more than once that he wanted an active role in the baby's life, including living with the child, maybe Anna wanted a more concrete reason for John to stick around. He was a brooder by nature, and John couldn't help but worry about this. His reasoning made much more sense to him than the possibility of a beautiful, young, successful woman wanting to be with a boring old man like him because she liked, or dare he say loved, him.

Before John could get lost any deeper in his wonderings, Anna emerged from the bathroom with a clean face and her hair in a pony tail. She didn't look much older than a teenager, and it hammered home the age difference between the two of them again. Anna was so cute in her flannel pj pants and her t-shirt, and when she smiled at him he felt his stomach clench. She was marvelous.

Anna could tell that something was bothering John went she returned to the bedroom. They may have only spent a few nights together, but she knew his ritual. She knew that him laying on her bed fully clothed was not a good sign. At least his shoes were off, so she took that as a sign he wasn't planning on leaving any time soon.

"You're a little overdressed for bed," Anna said as she began pulling back the corner of the quilt covering her mattress.

"Well, I didn't bring any pajamas," John replied, not moving from his nest. Anna sat down beside him, trying to better gauge his mood.

"I wasn't under the impression that you needed any," she told him.

"True. Before when I slept with you they would have been a hinderance." At least he was smiling now. She was blushing, but he was smiling. Laughing with his eyes. Before Anna realized what she was doing, she tossed one of the throw pillows at John's head.

"Oh, strip down to your boxers. I'll keep you warm if you need it," Anna said as she slid her legs under the covers. John chuckled as he sat up and began unbuttoning his shirt. Anna couldn't keep her eyes off him as she watched him undress. When he finally pulled his undershirt over his head, leaving only his boxers and socks on his body, Anna had to actually check to make sure she wasn't drooling.

John could see the lust on Anna's face. And while he knew that should make him feel good, it didn't. He was afraid it was all hormonal and none of her feelings substantial. For her part, Anna could see emotions running across John's face and could tell he was contemplating something that seemed to concern him.

"I wish you'd just come out with it," Anna told him.

"With what?" he asked, pulling the quilt back from his side of the bed and slipping under the covers next to Anna.

"With whatever it is that is bothering you," Anna told him, her hand going to his chest like a magnet to metal. She just couldn't get enough of his chest hair, nor the warmth of his skin and the beat of his heart. He sighed and pulled her to him, resting his chin on top of her head.

"It's just," John started and then paused, as if trying to work up his courage to tell her what he was feeling. "I don't want to get my hopes up when your judgement might be clouded right now." He felt Anna pulling back so that she could look him in the eye.

"What do you mean?" she asked him, confusion evident on her face.

"I mean, I know you say you want to date me, etc., but how do I know that this is you talking and not your hormones?"

"You'll have to trust me," Anna told him, seriously, but she couldn't really focus on his distress right now. He'd just admitted, whether intentional or not, that he had feelings for her and that he was opening himself up to being hurt by her.

John rolled over on his back and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "I want to. I really do," he said, moving his arms back to his sides. "I've just been burned before. Badly. It may take me some time."

"I have time, John," Anna told him. "Would it help if I promised not to hurt you?"

"It would if I trusted you," he smirked at her, rolling back to his side to face her. "It's just, I know I'm already falling for you...probably harder than I should."

His admission allowed a pit to settle in Anna's stomach, and she was certain that it was anxiety and not their baby causing the sensation; she knew the baby was much too small for her to feel anything yet. Anna just wasn't sure where John was going with this. Was he getting ready to tell her that he couldn't do it? That he couldn't be involved with her romantically? Or was he telling her that he wanted to be?

"If we make a go of this, I'll be in too deep, especially when I set eyes on you with our baby for the first time. I just don't want you to regret anything." He felt like he was rambling now and wasn't making any sense. The look of confusion on her face told him she wasn't sure where he was heading with this. "If things don't work out...between us, that is...I'd respect your decision. But you should know that I'd be walking away broken hearted. I don't imagine I'd ever love anyone as much as I love you."

Anna was fighting the tears now, but she knew John needed her reassurances now more than ever. "I'd love to convince you that this won't end badly. I'm just not sure how. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you."

"You really don't see the same thing I see, do you?" he asked her. "Why does this beautiful, young woman," he continued, "want to be with this old, washed-up author, who teaches for a living, who is greying at the temples, and who has very little to offer her?"

Anna shook her head in disagreement. "How about you try looking at it from my perspective?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him. "This beautiful, young woman is attracted to a mature, handsome, intelligent, distinguished man who is a prolific writer and nurtures his students to follow in his footsteps. He also plays a mean trombone, which is super-sexy, by the way. And he has sooo much to offer, including, but not limited to, being an amazing lover who a younger man could only envy. What woman would not be attracted to that?"

John pulled her to him again, tightening his arms so that she couldn't pull back to see the tears forming in his eyes. "Well, when you put it that way," he told her, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I think I might be a little in love with me."

Anna swatted his shoulder and murmured, "Silly beggar," into his chest. That was quickly becoming his favorite nickname.

* * *

It was two days before Christmas, and John was as anxious about Anna's baby scan as she was. Maybe more so. Anna was so happy to become a mother, and he just hoped and prayed that all would be well with the ultrasound. It wasn't even Declan he was worried about, not that he wasn't still seriously concerned with his nephew's health. But John knew that Anna would be devastated if this pregnancy didn't work out. He'd already vowed to himself to help her again if things didn't go well, but he really didn't want to face that situation.

John had been seeing Anna nearly every day since they had begun officially dating, but he had yet to spend the night again since the faculty party. He was too scared of hurting Anna or the baby if he and Anna were intimate. He hadn't voiced this concern to Anna, but he was pretty sure that she had either figured out that he was uneasy about sleeping with her right now or that she shared his apprehension about the matter. She hadn't even invited him to spend the night.

John knocked on the door to her condo the morning of the scan. He'd agreed to meet Anna at her place so that they could go to the doctor's appointment together. She didn't leave him waiting long, and his eyes immediately softened when he saw her. Anna looked gorgeous. She was wearing her typical business casual attire as she'd be heading into the office after the scan, but there was a light on her face that emitted radiance. John didn't stop himself from bending his head to kiss her, feeling the usual sparks when she stood on her tiptoes and reached her arms around his neck to kiss him back. He rather enjoyed this part of their new arrangement. He could kiss her whenever he liked rather than only when they were pretending to be a couple or actively trying to create a child. Not that they hadn't snuck a few kisses at other times before, but now he didn't have to wonder what those meant.

"Are you ready to go see our baby?" Anna asked him as she stood back on her feet, letting go of his neck.

"I've been ready since we knew he was conceived," John answered smiling. Anna turned to grab her purse and then stepped outside and locked the door behind her.

"Let's go meet Baby Bates," Anna told him, reaching for his hand. John felt his heart swell, and then his anxiety took root again, telling him that things didn't go this well for John Bates. The other shoe was bound to drop at any time. Regardless, he held tight to Anna's hand, taking strength from her as they left the building.

Thirty minutes later, Anna was dressed for the scan, and John was seated next to her holding her hand. Dr. Randolph knocked on the door and entered with a female nurse. Anna was surprised to find out that Dr. Randolph was doing the ultrasound himself instead of a technician, but there was also something comforting about that.

"Are we ready to see our baby?" Dr. Randolph asked as he took his seat at the end of the table. The nurse handed him the prepped ultrasound wand, and he explained to Anna how the procedure worked. Once confirming her understanding, Dr. Randolph began the procedure. John squeezed Anna's hand and whispered, "I'm here, no matter what." Anna turned her head to smile at him, but then was taken by surprise by the ultrasound wand and broke eye contact with John.

Within seconds a dark area and a blob could be seen on the screen of the ultrasound machine, and even more amazingly, a rapidly thumping sound could be heard. Anna sucked in her breath, and John was sure his heart had stopped.

"Do you hear that, folks?" Dr. Randolph asked. "That's your baby's heartbeat." Anna immediately began crying and looked toward John, who tightened his hold on her hand. His eyes filled with tears as well, seeing not only how happy Anna was but also after witnessing the most amazing thing he'd ever seen.

"And we have what looks like a healthy fetus," Dr. Randolph announced. He took measurements of the baby and the placenta, rattled out numbers for his nurse to write down, and then proclaimed Anna to be nearly halfway through the first trimester and everything looked good. He also assured Anna that her "morning sickness" should resolve in a few more weeks.

Anna was so excited. She didn't know what to do or what to say, but she'd never been happier in her life. She was going to be a mother. It was really happening. She could do nothing more than look at John, knowing that she couldn't speak if she tried. By the look on his face, the feeling was mutual. When he brought her hand to his lips, she chuckled, causing a happy tear to slip from her eye.

The rest of the appointment was a blur for Anna. Dr. Randolph printed some pictures and gave them to John. He performed some further tests on Anna's body and announced that she could resume sexual relations. Anna hadn't realized until that point that she wasn't supposed to be intimate these past weeks, and suddenly she was glad that she had gotten sick the night of the faculty party. Especially as Anna was unsure if she'd ever wanted John more than she did that night-until she got sick, that is. Since that night, about a week ago, Anna hadn't pushed John for intimacy. She was determined that he know that she wanted him for him and not just because her hormones were raging. It was true that she was more attracted to John than ever, but truthfully, even she wasn't sure if that's because she'd had a taste of him or if pregnancy hormones really were playing a part in her desires.

John drove Anna to work after the ultrasound appointment since Mary had promised that she could take Anna home when the day ended. He parked outside the girls' building but didn't get out of the car. He turned to Anna as she gathered her work bag and purse, and he began to speak.

"Can I ask you something?" John started as he shifted in his seat.

"Sure," Anna replied as she pulled her bags onto her lap.

"Can I keep a couple of the ultrasound pictures?" he asked, unknowingly melting Anna's heart a bit. "I… I want to have one for my wallet, and I was thinking, if it's okay with you, that I'd give my brother one for Christmas."

Anna felt the blood drain from her face. She was full of mixed emotions. She loved that John wanted a picture of their baby for his wallet. And she knew that his participation in this pregnancy was based on the hope that the child could help save his nephew's life. But Anna wasn't sure she was ready to tell the rest of the Bates family about the baby. It was still early in the pregnancy. What if she miscarried? And what if she didn't but the baby wasn't a bone marrow match?

"I know it's still early," John interrupted her thoughts, "but I just thought that the gift of hope would be an amazing Christmas gift."

And how was she supposed to say no to that reasoning?

"I will explain that it's still early and that we won't know if the baby is a match for a long time, but at least he'll know I tried to help Declan," John told her.

Anna hated how emotional she'd become, but she felt herself getting teary again. She had to let him do this, despite her fears that it could end badly. She hadn't really talked to John about his relationship with his family despite them playing such a major part in this plan. Nor had Anna considered how or when they would tell his brother about the pregnancy. In reality, John's idea was a good one. Anna couldn't imagine a better Christmas present for his brother and his family.

"Which two pictures would you like?" Anna asked him, pulling the scans from her purse. John had given them to her for safekeeping before they left the appointment. He looked at the pieces of paper she held out to him and could tell little difference in all the prints, so he just took the first two.

"Are these alright?" he asked her, and Anna could feel herself falling harder for this man. She was beginning to think that the reality of John Bates was better than anything she'd ever dreamed of when she was in college.

"Those are fine," she assured him. "When will I see you again?" Anna asked him as she put the other scans back in her purse.

"When do you want to?" he cheekily asked, smirking when he saw her blush.

"Well, I know that you have Christmas plans with your mother and brother, and I told Mary I'd be at the Crawleys' house on Christmas morning for brunch. It's kind of our tradition since they 'adopted' me," she told him. "Other than that, I have no plans over the next few days."

"Well, Jim and his family should arrive at Mom's tomorrow night. Mom likes me to spend the night so that both her boys will be with her on Christmas morning." John paused for a moment and shifted in his seat. "Is it too early to ask you to come with me?" he asked.

Anna's face softened, but she knew she had to turn him down. "Yes, I think it is. You've not even officially introduced me to them or told them that we're dating. I think it would be odd for me just to show up and spend the night. Presumably with you. I would feel a bit of a fish out of water."

"Well, they are going to have to meet you sometime. You're carrying my baby," he told her.

"Yes, I am," she smiled. "And proud of it," she told him, leaning in to give him a peck on the lips. "But I'm not ready to intrude on Christmas when your brother doesn't know I even exist and your mother only knows me as a member of your brass quintet." Fair enough, John thought.

"But you're okay with me telling them that you're having my baby even though you're not ready to meet them?" he asked, a bit skeptical that she was ready for him to make the pregnancy announcement.

"It's not that I'm not ready to meet them, John. Just not on Christmas. It's too much. But I do think telling them that you've created a child that could help heal their son and grandson is the best gift you could give them."

"Okay," John agreed, reluctantly. Anna made good points, but part of him wondered if she really didn't want to go public with their relationship. "I'll be at Robert's later on Christmas. I'm not sure if I'll make it in time for brunch, but I'll be there in the afternoon for sure."

"So, I'll see you then?" she asked, finally having an answer to her original question.

"Wild horses can't keep me away," he told her. He knew it was less than two days, but he also knew he was going to miss her. "Can I have a kiss?" John asked her. "To take with me?"

Anna laughed and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Of course, you can. But it's only two days, not two months." She then placed her other hand on his neck and leaned in to meet his lips. When they touched, it was almost as magical as if they were kissing for the first time. Anna couldn't believe how much she felt for this man and how electrifying being near him was. Warmth was beginning to pool low in her belly as John continued to caress her lips. She had never felt this way with any other boyfriend. Her eyes were still closed when John pulled away.

"You'd better get inside before I get carried away," John warned her, smiling as she blushed. Anna was not opposed to either of them getting carried away but she knew she was already starting the day late and didn't need to postpone her work day any longer. So instead, she nodded, leaning back in her seat, then threw her bag over her shoulder and opened the passenger door.

"Call me tomorrow?" she asked him as she stepped out of the vehicle.

"Of course," John smiled at her. Anna shut the car door and walked inside the building. He watched her go and felt as if she was taking a piece of his heart with her. Two days. It felt like an eternity.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: This chapter didn't want to be finished. Ever. I had originally intended for it to include more than it does, but the madness had to stop somewhere! The rest of what I had planned will just have to come later. Thanks for continuing to read, follow, and review. Many thanks to mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me. I still don't own any of this. Too bad.**

* * *

John had never been good at giving gifts. His mother told him that gifts weren't his "love language," whatever that meant. But he tried. After parking his car in his mother's driveway, he opened the backdoor of his vehicle to retrieve the gifts he'd brought for his family. John had suggested drawing names a few years back - buying for only one person would make things easier for him - but he'd been shot down by the women of the Bates family. Neither his mother nor sister-in-law thought it was a good idea. So John did his best, but rarely gave gifts that anyone would brag about. He simply didn't know what those gifts would be. But this year, he thought and began to smile, this year, he hoped to give the family a gift they'd never forget.

John gathered his things and walked towards his mother's front door. Shifting the packages, he was able to ring the doorbell. He had his own key, of course, but with his arms full he felt it would be easier to have someone open the door for him. He was expecting Jim or his mother, but instead he was welcomed by his sister-in-law, Brenda.

Brenda politely opened the door and gave John a smile that didn't seem to reach her eyes. "Merry Christmas, John. Come on in. We're just getting into the appetizers," she told him, stepping out of his way as he entered. John sat his packages on the table in the entryway and turned to give Brenda a hug. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, but John could feel that Brenda wasn't as affectionate toward him as she usually was. As he broke the embrace, he took a step back and tried to read her face. He couldn't tell if she was upset about something or not.

"Jim's in the kitchen with your mother and Declan. We should join them," she told him as she walked towards the kitchen. He nodded in response, still unable to determine her disposition.

"Let me just get these presents under the tree, and I'll meet you all at the table."

John returned to the hall table and grabbed the two scarves he'd had the department store wrap - one for his mother and one for Brenda - as well as the remote-controlled Millennium Falcon quadcopter he'd purchased for Declan. He also had a gift card for Jim to his favorite home-improvement store, knowing that Jim was constantly working on honey-do and handy-man projects. Carefully making his way to the living room and placing the presents under the tree, John slowly stood and reached for his brother's best present, which was currently tucked close to his heart.

John reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out the copy of the ultrasound picture Anna had given him. He stared at the peanut that was apparently his baby, still in awe that he'd help create another human being...even if its picture didn't much resemble one. Silently, he slipped the photo into Jim's stocking, excited for his brother to find it. Pleased with himself, he joined the rest of his family in the kitchen.

As soon as he crossed the threshold into the room, Jim was to his feet greeting his brother. "Sorry that I didn't meet you at the door," Jim apologized as he wrapped John in a strong bear-hug, "but Ma had me working on these munchies."

"Taste-testing is not an actual Christmas Eve job, Jim," John replied, hugging his brother fiercely. Even though they only saw each other two to three times a year, there was a bond between the twins that couldn't be explained by logic. In fact, no one who wasn't half of a set of identical twins could probably ever understand it. John's hypothesis was affirmed when he caught Brenda's gaze again as he separated from his brother. He'd never had any issues with his brother's wife, but her eyes were cold tonight whenever they met his. As if John had done her wrong. As if she didn't approve of her husband's display of affection with his brother.

Choosing to ignore his sister-in-law's moodiness, John began looking around the room. "Where's Declan?" he asked as his mother swooped in for a hug.

"You haven't cared a stitch about me at Christmas since that boy was born," his mother lamented, stretching upwards to give John a kiss on his cheek.

"You know you're my best girl, Mom," John told her, returning her hug and kiss. "He's just my favorite boy." At this, Brenda forcefully scooted her chair back from the table and stormed out of the room, leaving the three other adults to stare after her.

"I'd better go see about her," Jim said as he left the room to follow his wife.

"What was that about?" John asked his mother. She sighed in response, not hiding that she knew why Brenda was upset.

"Well, I may as well tell you. There's obviously no way in hiding it if she's going to act like that," his mother told him as she walked over to the stove to stir the pot of beans. "Brenda is apparently upset that you refused to have a child to help Declan."

"Ah," John said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He had only talked to Jim about Declan's illness; he hadn't considered that Brenda might be upset with him since Jim had come to terms with his declination. Should he tell them that Anna was pregnant now? He really didn't want to ruin the surprise, but he also didn't want this evening to be strained.

"So they haven't found a bone marrow donor yet, I presume?" John asked his mother.

"No, it seems not," Harriet Bates sighed. Before they could continue their conversation, Declan bounded through the kitchen door.

"Uncle John!" he yelled as he ran to his uncle, wrapping his arms around John's waist. "Did you bring me a present?"

"I brought you the _best_ present," John told him, hugging him back. Declan was taller than the last time he had seen him, but he felt thinner to John. He probably was, John told himself; that was a typical effect of chemotherapy. As was losing hair, which was evidenced by the shining crown of Declan's head. John felt a lump forming in his throat but willed himself to stay strong for the boy.

"How are you feeling?" John asked as he let Declan go, automatically reaching to ruffle his hair but finding only skin.

"Not too bad right now," Declan answered. "I go back for another chemo treatment at the beginning of the year. I'll be feeling pretty bad then, but it doesn't last forever. And it's helping me, so that's all that matters." John nodded and smiled at his nephew, amazed at the boy's maturity and positive outlook. _We could all learn from him_ , John thought.

Declan walked away from John and joined his grandmother at the stove. Within seconds she had given him several tasks to complete, including setting the table for dinner. John's brother returned to the kitchen momentarily, but Brenda was still elsewhere. He walked towards John and rolled his eyes.

"Brenda is a bit on edge these days," Jim started. "She wanted me to apologize for her behavior, and she's taking a few minutes to compose herself." John looked down at his shoes before replying.

"Mom told me that she's disappointed I didn't attempt to create a donor for Declan," John stated.

"Yeah, but she knows she's being irrational," Jim responded. "The doctor told us it would only be a 25% chance of a match if Declan had a full-blooded sibling. A child of yours would only be a half-sibling so obviously that's even less of a chance." Jim sighed and leaned on the kitchen counter. "We had no right to ask such a humongous favor of you. We both know it. We just wanted to exhaust every possible avenue for a cure for Declan."

"I understand," John told his brother, moving to stand beside him and wrap his arms around his shoulders. "I would be doing the same thing in your shoes."

Brenda returned to the kitchen just then and shot the Bates brothers a shy grin as she moved towards Harriet to help her finish the food preparations.

The next few hours occurred as if it was no different than any other Christmas Eve. The Bates family typically opened their gifts from each other the night before Christmas, and then opened their stockings after breakfast on Christmas morning. Declan stopped receiving gifts from Santa Claus last year, even though his parents, uncle, and grandmother all thought that he was a bit young to stop. However, Declan had told them that Santa was more about spirit than presents and that he would rather spend time with his family ringing the bell for the food bank to honor the Christmas spirit. Initially a bit dumbfounded, his parents couldn't argue with the boy's logic. Declan seemed to be an "old soul" and wise beyond his years.

Everyone seemed very happy with their presents. John received a new cross-body leather satchel from his mother that he could use for work. His brother and sister-in-law gave him a gift card to his favorite book store, and Declan gave him a long-sleeved t-shirt that said "World's Best Uncle." Declan proclaimed that no one could even challenge that statement when he unwrapped his indoor drone, which although was not on his wish list, was by far his favorite gift.

The family then attended the midnight mass at St. Alban's Catholic Church per Harriet's request. She knew that John was not a regular church goer, but he always attended with his family at Christmas and Easter. She figured a twice a year Catholic was better than none at all.

Upon returning home, the Bates family went their separate ways. The adults headed to the two guest rooms, and Declan took the pull out couch. John settled down in his room and pulled out his phone. He had told Anna that it would be late before he got a chance to text her, but he wondered if she was still awake.

 _Goodnight, sweetheart. Let me be the first to wish you a Merry Christmas. I miss you and can't wait to see you tomorrow. x_

John was just putting his phone down when he heard the text alert. He was a bit surprised that Anna responded so quickly. Even though she'd known he'd text late, he'd assumed she'd be asleep. She'd been so tired ever since she'd gotten pregnant.

 _Merry Christmas, Mr. Bates. How did your brother like his present?_

 _I haven't given him the good one yet. The picture is in his stocking for him to find in the morning. I feel a bit like Santa Claus right now._

 _Just remember to tell them that we can't guarantee the baby will be a match for Declan._

 _They know that, but I'll make sure their expectations are realistic. You should get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon._

 _I can't wait. Seeing you will be the best Christmas present I'll get. xoxoxo_

At her last text, John felt his heart stop. He had not gotten Anna a Christmas present. He was an idiot. He knew he wasn't good at gifts, but how could he forget to get the mother of his child and a woman he was trying to woo a Christmas present? And now it was Christmas. Damn. He was a jerk. He texted her back _xoxoxo_ , put his phone on the nightstand, and spent the next 2 hours staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what he could do to make it up to her.

* * *

Christmas morning found Anna on her way to the Crawleys' house. It was barely 8 a.m. but she wanted to make sure she arrived in time to help with breakfast. Mary had begged her to spend the night Christmas Eve as she was going to be there, too, but Anna was too afraid morning sickness would hit and she'd have to explain herself. Right now Mary, and soon John's family, were still the only ones who knew about the pregnancy. She was becoming a little less nervous about miscarriage, but Anna still wasn't sure she wanted to share the news with anyone for a few more weeks.

Anna wondered if the Bateses were up yet and if they did indeed know about the baby. She smiled, hoping that John's gift was well received. How could it not be, she reminded herself. He was giving them a baby to save their son. But more than that, he was making his mother a grandmother again and his brother an uncle for the first time.

There were several gifts on the passenger seat of Anna's car. She had difficulty finding a gift for Cora and Robert as there was nothing they needed and their budget was much bigger than any gift she could afford. So as was becoming customary gifts for them, she'd bought Cora a bottle of wine and Robert his favorite whisky, although it was a much smaller bottle than he'd probably buy himself. She also got Mary cooking lessons with her favorite local chef. She wasn't as close to Sybil and Edith, so she just got them gift cards. Sybil's was a joint gift with Tom, and was a certificate to the baby store; Edith's was a certificate to her favorite clothing shop. The last present she'd brought today was for John.

Anna had debated on bringing his present today or not. She wanted to give it to him on Christmas, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to do it publically. Anna had thought about having him back to her place to give him the gift after they left the Crawleys', but she wasn't sure if his mother was expecting him to return to their family gathering or not. So she brought the present, but was yet to decide whether she'd actually take the present inside or not.

When Anna pulled into the driveway, Tom was outside with the dog. He waved to Anna and came over to greet her, opening her car door for her once she'd cut the engine.

"Merry Christmas, Anna," he said with his thick Irish brogue, enveloping her in a hug.

"Merry Christmas, Tom," she answered, returning his embrace. His cologne seemed strong today, although she knew it was probably her hormones.

"Let me help you with your packages," Tom told her, letting her go and walking around the car to open the passenger door and scoop up the presents.

"Anna!" Mary yelled from the front door! "You're here!"

"You knew I would be," Anna laughed, following Tom into the house.

"I know, but Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas until you get here." The two women exchanged hugs and walked towards the back of the house. "Edith, Sybil, and Dad are still asleep. Mom is starting breakfast, but she's having Mrs. Patmore come in to fix our dinner."

"Mrs. Patmore?" Anna asked as they crossed into the kitchen. "Is she the lady who catered the date that John and I had a few months ago?"

"Yes, it is," Cora replied before Mary could. "Merry Christmas, Anna. I'm so happy you're here." Cora quickly washed her hands before meeting Anna for a hug.

"I'm so happy your family continues to treat me as if I'm one of your own," Anna replied.

"Of course we do. You are," Cora smiled. "Speaking of that date with John, did anything ever come from it?" Mary coughed as she picked up some celery to to chop for Bloody Marys. She recovered quickly and waved off her mother when Cora looked at her with concern.

"We're seeing where things go," Anna responded, knowing it was both the truth and an understatement.

"So it's not serious?" Cora asked, trying to get a feel for her two friends' relationship.

"I wouldn't say that, but I'm really not sure how to quantify it, yet. It's still early," Anna told her.

"Well, I think it's good that you're taking things slowly," Cora told her, rubbing Anna's arm as she walked away from her, back to her station near the sink. Mary had begun coughing again at her mother's statement, and this time had to get a drink of water to stop the onslaught.

"Really, Mary," Cora told her. "You're gonna need to get that checked out if it continues. Please don't cough on the food." Anna giggled in the background as Mary downed the water.

* * *

"Is it time for our stockings, yet?" Declan asked as he finished clearing the plates from the breakfast table.

"As soon as we get the dishes clean," his grandmother told him, taking and rinsing the last plate from him.

"Oh, come on, Mom," John interjected. "That'll be another thirty minutes. The kid is too excited to wait." In truth, John was too excited to wait a moment longer, either.

"Well, then you're cleaning up the dishes when we're done. Once I'm in my chair today, I'm not getting out of it," Harriet Bates declared.

"Done. Now, let's go," John replied.

"Yay!" Declan exclaimed as he skipped to the living room, the adults following behind. Declan pulled everyone's stockings from the mantel and passed them out accordingly. Once everyone was settled in a seat, the whole family dug into their stockings. Except John. He was too excited, and nervous, to look at his gifts. So he watched as his brother pulled out a new toothbrush and toothpaste - no doubt from their mother, and he'd bet he had one in his stocking, too. Jim then pulled out a pack of rubber bands and a box of paper clips. John could hear Declan and the ladies oohing and ahhing over their stocking stuffers, but he was waiting on Jim to find the picture. Jim continued pulling out candy and socks, and John was beginning to wonder if Jim's stocking was bottomless. And then he found it. Jim pulled out the ultrasound picture and looked at it with knitted eyebrows. Slowly, as if recognition dawned, he looked at his wife.

"Brenda?" Jim asked tentatively, his voice a little shaky.

"Yes?" she replied, with a much stronger voice. Jim held up the ultrasound picture for her to see.

"Did you put this in my stocking?" he asked her, a million things going through his mind. Was she pregnant? That wasn't possible, was it? She'd gone through early menopause. Right? Secondly, his vasectomy reversal hadn't worked, so if she was pregnant, it couldn't be his, could it? Had she cheated on him? But if she did, why would she put the evidence in his stocking?

"That's not mine," Brenda told him, the smile she'd been sharing with her mother-in-law slipping as confusion began to set in.

And then Jim saw it. On the back of the picture. In his brother's handwriting was written, "Merry Christmas, Uncle Jim. Can't wait to meet you in August." Jim's eyes snapped to John. John couldn't keep the goofy grin off his face.

"John," Jim whispered as his voice seemed to be lost. He cleared his throat in an effort to make his voice work. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Yes. That's a baby. A baby who shares at least 25% of the same genes as your son," John answered. Brenda gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. Jim's face crumpled as he tried to hold the tears back. But he couldn't, and he lunged at his brother, hugging John as tightly as he physically could.

"Thank you, John, thank you!" Jim repeated over and over. John pounded his brother's back in response. Jim took the hint and released John, going back to his seat by the fire.

"You're welcome, brother. But you know this is not a guaranteed match for Declan. It's a slim to none chance, but I had to try," John told him.

"What changed your mind?" Jim asked. "You were so adamantly against it."

"Anna," John told him.

"Is she the mother?" Brenda asked. She'd been listening to the entire conversation as if she was watching a television show. She still wasn't sure this was real.

"Yes. Anna and I have been friends for a long time. Let's just say that she made me see sense."

"I already like her," Brenda smiled and stood to walk towards her brother-in-law. He stood to meet her, and she nearly threw herself into his arms. "Thank you, John. However can we repay you?"

"No repayment needed," he answered, wrapping her in his arms. "Family does for family. But like I said, we still don't know that this will work. I don't want you all to get too excited just for the baby not to be a match," John cautioned.

"Well, you've still made me a grandmother again," Harriet chimed in, taking her turn to hug her youngest son, even if he was only younger was by a mere eleven minutes. He didn't know that, though. Harriet had never told Jim and John who was the oldest. She supposed that she should sometime before she died, but hopefully that wouldn't be for a good while longer. "Of course, if you were married to the girl, I'd like it better, but under the circumstances I'll forgive you."

"Thanks, Mom," John told her, kissing her cheek.

"Are you going to marry her?" It was the first time that Declan had spoken during all of this. Truth be told, John had no idea how much Declan understood of what was happening. "You did get her pregnant after all." Brenda was horrified by her son's comment, and Jim was barrel laughing.

"Yeah, John," he laughed. "Are you gonna make her an honest woman?"

"Well, I don't know, bud," John told Declan, ignoring his brother. "But I promise I'll take care of her and the baby. Are you excited about getting a new cousin?"

"Are you having the baby for me, Uncle John?" Declan asked instead of responding to his uncle's question.

"Partially, yes. Mostly. But I'm also excited about becoming a daddy," John told him truthfully. Then it was Declan's turn to hug his uncle. He ran towards and jumped on John, throwing his arms around his uncle's neck.

"I told you my gift was perfect, Mom!" Declan exclaimed, letting go of John. John looked at Brenda with confusion. She was blushing.

"I tried to talk him out of the shirt. Mostly because it didn't really seem to fit your style, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit upset still that you didn't even consider a baby to help Declan. But now, well, let's just say that I would have made that shirt my present to you had I known the truth. Whether this works or not, you truly are the best uncle in the world." Brenda came over to hug John again. It quickly turned into a group hug when Jim, Harriet, and Declan joined in. John held his tears back as he received the love of his family. If only Anna were here, this might be the most perfect moment of his life.

* * *

Breakfast at the Crawley's house had been enjoyed by all and now it was late morning. Mrs. Patmore had shown up and run Cora and the girls out of the kitchen while she began to prepare the main meal for the day. The family would eat again in the late afternoon, skipping lunch but having an early dinner.

The family was now all lounging in the spacious family room. Just as everyone was getting comfortable and Tom was beginning to hand out presents, a task he'd been assigned by Robert, his phone rang. Tom looked down to see that it was his new partner at work and excused himself for a moment. Mary rolled her eyes, making a comment about Tom putting business before family. Sybil defended him saying that he was only concerned that his business did well so that he could support his family. Before the argument could escalate, Tom returned.

"I'm sorry. That was my new business partner. I was afraid there was something wrong with the shop, but it turns out he was just calling to wish me a Merry Christmas. Apparently, he's celebrating alone this year," Tom informed them, probably telling them more than he needed to.

"Is the shop open today?" Mary asked. "What kind of pathetic man is working on Christmas? Or who would take their car to the shop on Christmas?"

"There's always emergencies," Tom defended his business. "People have car trouble even on Christmas. But no, the shop isn't open. I just thought maybe an alarm had gone off or something, and he'd gotten the notification. Apparently, he was just lonely."

"Well, why don't you invite him over?" Cora piped up. "John will be here shortly and that'll make eight of us. What is one more? I hate to see anyone alone on Christmas."

"Careful, Cora," Anna said, smiling. "You had that thought about me fifteen years ago and now you can't get rid of me."

"Invite him, Tom," Cora reiterated.

"Okay, I'll be right back," Tom told them and left the room to presumably call his partner.

"He's kinda cute," Sybil piped up. "Maybe you or Edith will take a shine to him."

"'Take a shine to him'?" Mary laughed. "Oh, come on Sybil."

"Well, not for me," Edith interjected. "I've started seeing a real estate agent. I'm not sure it's going anywhere, but I'd like to give it a chance before chasing after someone else. And why does every single man we come across need to be a potential romance? Why can't he just come as Tom's friend?"

"That's a great point," Robert chimed in. "Let's just be nice to the poor chap and not throw anyone at him, okay?" Tom returned before anyone could reply.

"He'll be here in an hour or so. I think he's a little self-conscious about joining a family gathering, and no offense to Anna or John, but I told him that he wasn't the only non-family straggler to be here," Tom informed them.

"Well, let's at least open the presents before Tom's friend gets here," Cora suggested. "That way he doesn't feel any more awkward than he already does."

"Shouldn't we wait on John?" Robert asked.

"We all know what John got us," Edith said. "Gift cards to the mall just like he does every year. He can open his presents later, but we already know what ours will be without him even here. There's no need to wait."

"Except to be polite," Robert added.

Anna wondered if John got her a gift card to the mall as well. He didn't usually give her a Christmas present, and she didn't typically get him one. But considering their situation, she expected that he'd do something. Her gift to him wasn't much, but she thought he would appreciate it and she was looking forward to him opening it. She seriously hoped he got her a better present than a gift card.

Just then, as if they had conjured him up, John appeared in the family room, in his hands several envelopes, but no packages. Anna hadn't talked to him all day other than a quick "Merry Christmas" text. She couldn't wait to find out how things had gone with this family. She also couldn't wait to get him alone for a minute so she could properly greet him for the holiday. John was wearing a button down Oxford shirt with jeans and a sports coat, and Anna couldn't help the warm sensation low in her belly as her eyes raked him in. She was sure the sparks she felt when his eyes finally met hers were palpable by the Crawley family, too, so she shyly looked away from him.

John began dispensing his cards as Tom was already distributing the gifts from under the tree. When John was done handing out his cards, he took the only empty seat left, a wooden rocking chair sitting next to the fireplace. Anna was a bit disappointed that he wasn't on the love seat beside her, but she couldn't very well kick Edith out of her spot. She was also a bit disheartened that John hadn't given her a card. _Maybe he's saving it for later_ , she told herself. But even Mary seemed to notice and raise an eyebrow at the omission.

The family spent the next thirty minutes opening their presents, and true to Edith's prediction, John had indeed purchased everyone Simon gift cards, which were good at hundreds of shopping malls nationwide. Anna wasn't sure if she was relieved or not that she hadn't received one. She hoped her lack of gift from John was an omen that he had her a better gift than he gave the others.

"There's one more gift under the tree," Tom announced. "There was no name on it, so I left it there. Does anyone want to claim it?" he asked, looking around the room. "Because if not, I'll have to assume it's for me and add it to my pile."

"It's for John," Anna spoke up, her cheeks a bit pink. She met his eyes and could read his surprise. Maybe they weren't to the point of exchanging Christmas gifts yet.

"Should I open it?" he asked Anna, as if they were the only two in the room.

"Of course you should," Tom egged him on. "She brought it for you, didn't she?"

John's eyes didn't leave Anna's, looking for her approval before he opened the present. Although they both knew that if he didn't open it now it would cause more chaos than if he did. She nodded her consent, but her cheeks turned a brighter shade of red. She'd never intended for him to open the present with everyone's attention directed at him.

John carefully removed the ribbon and began cautiously tearing into the paper, unveiling two five by seven picture frames. In the first frame was a picture of Anna and John from Dr. Carson's retirement celebration ten years ago. That was the first time that the Queen City Brass Quintet had performed together. John smiled, studying the picture. Anna looked no different in the picture than she did today; this photo could have been taken yesterday. But John could see that he had aged since the picture was taken. Granted, having to live with Vera, much less going through a messy divorce with her, would age anyone. In the image John was holding, he and Anna were standing close, his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist. It was one of Anna's favorite photos. But it was evident the pose was of two friends, and in it John seemed to be giving off a big brother vibe.

The second frame told a different story. It was a picture from Joe and Phyllis's wedding, and Anna was dancing in John's arms. Her face was more visible than his in the photo, and in it Anna was staring into John's eyes as if she could get lost in their depths. John's face was more in profile, but the crinkles around his eyes were prominent and his smile was genuine. This picture looked like a couple in love.

"Wow," Tom breathed, standing over John's shoulder. "You are smoking in that second picture, Anna!"

"Tom!" Sybil yelled.

"Not as hot as you, Darlin'," he recovered.

John had not moved from his seat and was still staring at the two pictures that Anna had given him. He felt that he could look at the second picture for days. John would never tire of her looking at him that way. He hadn't noticed it that night, or if he had he probably put it off to her putting on a show for Greg, but John vowed to himself that he would do all he could to keep Anna looking at him that way for the rest of their lives.

Robert made his way over to John and looked over his shoulder at the present that seemed to have John dumbfounded. "Wow. Look how young you were in that first picture, John," Rob commented. "I suppose we were all young once," he then rationalized.

"Yes, but Anna stayed young. That's the difference," John replied, looking up to meet Anna's eyes across the room for the first time since opening the gift. She was sitting on the loveseat with Edith, her feet tucked up under her, and she smiled gently when he caught her gaze.

"I hope you like it," Anna said. "It's not much, but I thought…" she trailed off, not sure what to say. _That we've known each other long enough to start giving each other Christmas presents? That under these circumstances a gift was appropriate? That I love you and wanted to get you a gift?_ Thankfully, John cut off her thoughts before the pause became awkward.

"It's perfect. I love it," John told her. _I love you._ He wanted to say it. But he couldn't. Not with all these people looking on. Thankfully, the doorbell rang just at that moment, breaking the tension in the room. Tom announced he'd answer the door as it was likely his friend, and Sybil announced she needed a bathroom break. Anna followed her out as she, too, could stand to use the toilet. The crowd temporarily dispersed in different directions except for John staying in his chair, staring at the two photos.

Shortly, Tom returned to the family room and introduced his new business partner, Henry Talbot, to Robert, John, Mary, and Edith as the others were yet to return to the party. Robert quickly welcomed Henry to the fold, Edith offered him a drink, and Mary looked him up and down. Henry seemed quite at home once he had the drink in his hand and appeared educated, which was more than Mary expected from a partner of Tom's. As he sat down on the sofa, Robert began asking him questions and soon the group had a short biography of the stranger in their living room.

It appeared that Henry had been a NASCAR driver on the Nationwide Circuit hoping to make it to the Sprint Cup circles. He'd moved to the area ten years ago and had done very well in the Nationwide series. His teammate, Charlie Rogers, was the driver in the Sprint Cup series, and although Henry had driven for him in a race here or there when Charlie had been hurt, he'd never been able to convince the team owner than he deserved his own Sprint Cup car. Then a year ago Charlie had been killed during a NASCAR race when his car was "tapped" and he spun into the wall. His vehicle was then hit by several other cars as it skidded down the track, and a fiery six car pileup ensued. Charlie never had a chance.

Henry lost interest in racing after that. He'd been offered Charlie's spot on the team, but to take it seemed to be disloyal to his friend. Henry did not want to benefit in any way from Charlie Rogers's death. So, he got out of the racing business. When a former crew member from his team introduced him to Tom Branson, who was looking for help with his car shop, Henry saw an opportunity. Over the past few months, Tom had become a dear friend. And since Henry had distanced himself from anyone who knew Charlie - it was too difficult to be reminded of his sparring buddy - Tom was who he reached out to today.

After hearing Henry's story, Mary left the room to collect herself. It reminded her too much of Matthew and the car wreck that took his life. Why had Tom invited this man? She was doing better than she had any Christmas since Matthew died until this Henry showed up.

"Did I say something wrong?" Henry asked, noticing Mary's abrupt exit.

"She's probably just checking on Sybil," Tom covered for her. "She's been very protective of Sybil ever since she found out she's going to be an aunt." Edith rolled her eyes in the background as if to say that Tom was lying, but why should this man feel bad for Mary? She was self-absorbed and only feeling sorry for herself. Henry was obviously grieving his friend, and he didn't need to know that Mary had twisted his story to be about her and her dead fiance

At Tom's excuse, John decided that Anna had been gone a while, too. He excused himself to check on her, but gave the excuse of refilling the water pitcher. Cora usually stayed on top of that, but she was yet to return as well. Heading to the kitchen first, John found Sybil and Cora there, chatting with Mrs. Patmore. When Cora saw the empty pitcher she immediately took it from him to refill it.

"I'm so sorry, John. It seems more people have been drinking water than I expected. I figured it would just be you and Sybil," Cora said as she began running filtered water from the refrigerator into the container. "You head back to the family room. I'll bring this along in a minute."

"I believe I'll make a detour first. Perhaps I've consumed more of that water than you expected," he smiled at Cora and then left the kitchen to head towards the bathroom. He didn't really need to use it, but he was hoping to come across Anna. It was killing him to be in the same room as her and not be able to really be with her.

The bathroom was free when John got there, and he tried not to be disappointed when he saw no sign of Anna. Sighing, he decided he may as well use the restroom while he was there. He could at least check his appearance-maybe make sure his hair wasn't too unruly. Emerging a short time later, he saw Anna coming down the hall from the family's bedrooms. A smile spread on her face when she saw him, and John was sure his face was a mirror of hers. Anna quickened her pace when she saw him, desperate to kiss him. But before she could reach him, Sybil and Cora walked out of the kitchen.

"Come on guys," Cora motioned. "We're just about to start the game." To make it worse, she waited for them. John looked towards Anna and rolled his eyes, reaching his hand out for her, and she gladly took it. Sybil gave them a knowing look and ushered her mother through to the next room.

When John and Anna got to the family room, he let go of her hand and stood aside so that she could enter through the doorway first. One step into the room, Sybil stopped them both in their tracks as she shrieked.

"What is it? Is it the baby?" Tom asked eagerly making his way over to his wife.

"No," She told him. "I still can't even feel the baby, yet. Look. John's under the mistletoe. In all my twenty-four years I've been trying to catch Uncle John under the mistletoe, but he always avoids it. Not today."

"You want to kiss him?" Tom asked incredulously.

"No, I want someone, too, though. I always feel sorry for him. He's always single," Sybil replied.

"Thanks, Sybil. I appreciate that," John quipped, beginning to step away from the threshold of the door.

"Oh, no you don't. Someone kiss the man," Sybil demanded. All eyes turned to Anna, whose cheeks were burning. Anna looked around the room and then at John, who now had his hands in his pockets and was looking rather smug.

"Well, go ahead, Anna," Henry chimed in. "It looks like it's either going to have to be me or you, and I'd prefer it not be me." Robert chuckled and slapped Henry on the shoulder. He was rather enjoying getting to know this chap.

Shrugging her shoulders, Anna turned and took a step towards John. When he looked down at her and smiled, she was done for. She missed his kisses so badly that she didn't care who was watching. Grasping his shoulders she raised on her tiptoes and captured his lips as he lowered his head to meet her. Tom let out a wolf whistle as their kiss lasted longer than the peck most people got under the twig. When John pulled his hands out of his pockets and placed them on Anna's hips, the whole room cheered. The couple slowly ended their kiss, and John steadied Anna as she dropped back on her heels.

"I'd gather that's not the first time you two have done that," Henry observed.

"Oh, they've been masquerading as an item for a while now, serving as each other's dates when it's convenient," Robert replied to him. "But we all just wonder when they are going to figure out that they are the only ones who think they are pretending." Both John and Anna blushed and then went their separate ways, she back to the loveseat with Edith and John back to the rocker.

The day continued to drag on until it was quite possibly the longest one either of them had ever experienced. After dinner, Henry made his exit and Edith announced she needed to leave as well. Soon thereafter, Anna thought it would be alright for her to go as well. She discreetly asked John to walk her out and was pleasantly surprised when he said his goodbyes as well.

"I was hoping I could talk you back into coming over to my place, but I thought maybe you might want to stay with Robert a little bit longer," Anna told him as he walked her to her car.

"I would love to go with you," John replied, "but I can't stay the night. I promised Delcan I'd come back to Mom's tonight since they'll be leaving tomorrow to head back home." Anna tried not to be disappointed but nodded her head in understanding.

"I do have something for you," he told her, reaching his hand out to caress her cheek. She couldn't help but lean into his touch. "For Christmas, you know." Anna's heart sped up when she realized that he hadn't left her off his Christmas list. "I'll give it to you when we get to your place." Anna smiled at him, and he leaned down to kiss her cheek. He then took a step back and opened her car door for her.

"Follow me?" she asked him, stepping into the car.

"You bet," he answered, shutting her door once she was settled. _I'd follow you anywhere._


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thank you for your glorious reviews! They spur me on. Please continue! Also, if you are a praying person, please pray for MY aunt Brenda. (Her name is the inspiration for the Brenda in this story but she's a much nicer person!) My aunt is in a coma following complications from a routine surgery and needs all the prayers / positive vibes she can get. Writing this has been good escapism for me this week. Thanks, as always, to mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me for helping with this story...especially this week. I still do not own these characters or many of their lines. Oh, well.**

* * *

John followed Anna out of the Crawleys' driveway and towards her condo. She didn't live very far, which was good. John was already nervous about giving Anna his present. He just hoped that she would like it. He still felt like an imbecile for not thinking of getting her something sooner and was thankful for his mother and sister-in-law's input. He was also thankful for the internet and a laser printer.

When Anna arrived at her building, John wasn't there yet. She'd noticed him get caught by a traffic light a few miles back, and truth be told, he'd probably been caught by more than one. As it was getting dark and chilly, Anna decided to go on in the building and wait for John. She sat on one of the couches across from the security desk and waved at Harold, the security guard and doorman.

"Merry Christmas, Miss Smith," Harold said to her. "Are you waiting on someone or just here to visit me?" he asked good-naturedly.

"My boyfriend," Anna answered, and then smiled. It was the first time that she'd referred to John as such, and she rather liked how it rolled off her tongue.

"That him?" Harold asked, nodding toward the man approaching the door. At his question, Anna turned her head to look out the door. Harold knew she'd dated a tall, blonde guy over the past few years - Greg, he believed was the guy's name - but Harold hadn't seen him around in a while. He had seen an older fella with dark hair come by a lot recently, and he'd seen Anna leave with him a few times. Harold was pretty sure the man walking towards the building was the fella he'd seen most recently with Anna.

"Yes, that's him," she beamed, standing from the couch and heading back towards the entrance. Harold went ahead and opened the door for the man.

Stepping through the open doors, John matched Anna's smile and reached for her hand, which she willingly gave before turning back towards Harold.

"You may as well just start letting him in without buzzing me," she told the doorman. "He's going to be coming by a lot more often."

"I figured, judging by the smile on your face, Miss Smith," Harold replied reaching for his book. "What's his name, just in case it's not me sitting here? I'll put him on the 'approved roster of guests.'"

"John Bates," John answered, smiling down at Anna, although for the first time, he felt a little tug in his gut when someone referred to Anna as "Miss Smith." He wasn't sure what it meant, but something didn't quite feel right.

"Okay, I've got it," Harold reported, shutting his book.

"And while you're at it, make sure that Gregory Jones is removed. I think Tony already took him off, but just double check, will you?" Anna added.

"Yes, Ma'am," Harold replied as Anna led John to the elevators. "Have a good evening."

"Goodnight, Harold," she replied. Shortly, the ding of the elevator door could be heard and John stepped aside so that Anna could enter. He walked in behind her and pushed the button for the seventh floor. As soon as the door closed, he turned to face Anna, smiling.

"Come here," he growled and Anna stepped into his arms. _I could get used to this_ , Anna thought as John bent his head to kiss her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body as close to his as possible. She could not get enough of this man. The dinging of the elevator arriving at the seventh floor broke them apart, or maybe it was the lady clearing her throat on the other side of the doors. Anna smiled as she walked past Gwen, dragging John along behind her.

"Merry Christmas, Gwen," Anna greeted her as she continued down the hall. "Have a good evening."

"It's good to see you, too," Gwen called out from the elevator. John chuckled at the two of them while he waiting on Anna to unlock her door.

"Would you like something to drink or snack on?" Anna asked John as she opened the door and walked into her home.

"Gosh, no," John answered emphatically, following her inside. "I think I'm good for a few days after that feast at Robert's. Plus, I'm sure that my mother will force me to eat something tonight when I return to her house." Anna's eyes saddened a little at John's comment.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, wondering if he'd offended her by declining her offer.

"I just wish you could stay here, tonight, is all," Anna told him. "But I get it."

"I love my family more than anything, Anna," he said truthfully. Deep down John knew she must understand that; otherwise, he wouldn't have attempted to make a baby for Declan's sake. "But I won't deny that I wish I could stay here tonight."

"Well, I have you for now, so let's go cuddle on the couch for a bit," she told him, pulling off her shoes and heading towards the living room. John followed her, shrugging out of his coat, and hanging it over the back of one of her dining room chairs. He then made his way to the couch and settled himself in the corner before Anna sat beside him and snuggled close.

"How did your brother like his Christmas present? I've been dying to ask you about it all day," Anna told John, wrapping her arms around his middle and resting her head on his chest. She loved the smell of him. His cologne, deodorant, and sweat created his own unique scent, and she was becoming quite attached to it. He shifted a bit to make himself more comfortable before answering.

"He loved it, of course." Anna could hear the smile in John's voice as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I will never forget the look on his face when he figured it out. At first he thought Brenda was trying to tell him she was pregnant," he chuckled.

"I didn't think they could have any more kids," Anna said, a bit perplexed.

"They can't. But that was just the first thing that popped into his head," John explained.

"How did he figure it out? That the baby is yours, that is?" she asked.

"I wrote on the back of the scan picture, ' _I can't wait to meet you, Uncle Jim'_ or something like that."

"Oh, John. That's so sweet. Is he happy?"

"Of course he's happy," John replied. "He and Brenda are both ecstatic."

"But they know this might not work, right? Nothing is harder to live with than false hope."

"True. But it _is_ hope. We don't know that it will work, but we don't that it won't. So it's not exactly false," he corrected her. "And this baby isn't Declan's _only_ hope. His doctors are still scouring the country to find a match."

"I hope the baby is a match," Anna told him. "I want this baby more than anything, but how amazing would it be if he could play a part in his cousin's cure?"

"Or she," John added, smiling. "And it would be amazing," John replied, and Anna heard a little quiver in his voice.

"How long can you stay?" Anna asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, I need to get back to Mom's around seven or so," he said.

"That's only an hour," Anna pouted, snuggling closer into John's chest.

"I know," he sighed. "I still owe you a Christmas present. I need to get up. It's in my coat pocket."

Anna's heart raced at her first thought of what might be small enough to fit in his coat pocket, but she quickly calmed herself, knowing that it was way too early for that. She sat up so that he could retrieve whatever he had for her, and she told herself she'd be happy no matter what. However, when she saw him pull a card out of the breast pocket, she pleaded internally that it wasn't a gift card to the mall. Not that she was trying to be ungrateful; she reminded herself that the gift was more about the giver than the receiver, and she should be happy that he made an effort. After all, he'd never gotten her a gift for Christmas before, so just the fact that he'd gotten her anything should make her feel special. But she still hoped for something other than a mall gift card.

John settled back next to her on the couch and handed over the red envelope. "I'm not the best with gifts," John admitted to her, and his eyes couldn't quite meet hers. "I wanted to get you something special…" he trailed off before he could tell her, _but I screwed up and forgot about it until it was already Christmas._ "Anyway," he hurried on. "I hope you like it."

John seemed nervous and that somehow endeared him more to Anna. He seemed to be genuinely hopeful that she would like his gift. She decided then and there that it could be a ten dollar bill and she would be happy with his effort. Slowly, she slid her finger under the flap of the envelope, opening it up to reveal a card. Before she could even read it, John interjected.

"I forgot the card," he admitted. "I got that one from Mom's stash. I wish I had a more heartfelt one and not such a generic one." Anna met his eyes and smiled. She looked back at the card and noticed it was a Madonna and child. _That makes sense,_ she thought to herself. She couldn't see John picking such a religious card, but she could imagine that his mother had a whole box of these.

Opening the card, a folded up piece of paper fell out onto Anna's lap. She laid the card aside and picked up the paper, slowing unfolding it. Her eyes scanned it for a few seconds before she realized what it was. The top of the page had the logo for the renowned Orchard Park Hotel, and it appeared that John had booked a long weekend for the two of them at the mountain retreat, along with a spa day. On the schedule at the spa was a prenatal massage. Anna's eyes snapped to John's as if to question if what she was reading was real.

"John," she whispered. "Is this really a retreat to the Orchard Park Hotel?" she asked a bit incredulously. He said he was bad at gifts. This was not a bad gift. This was an awesome gift. He nodded his head, looking at her as if he was skeptical that she would like it.

"This is the best gift I've ever received!" she told him and flung her arms around his neck. She felt him exhale as if he'd been holding his breath.

"You like it then?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Do I like it?" she shrieked. "I love it!" Then a thought hit her. She assumed that John meant it as a gift for both of them, but maybe he was just sending her on her own adventure. Or meant for her to take Mary or Gwen or the like. She sat back on the couch, but left her hands on his shoulders.

"You're coming, too, right?" she asked. "Or is this solo for me?" John flinched a bit as he hadn't really considered that she might like to have a solo retreat. After all, his mother and Brenda had given him the idea. They seemed to think that he should go with her. But maybe it was too soon for that.

"Well," he started, unsure of which Anna would prefer. "I booked it over Valentine's Day weekend, and I was thinking we'd go together. But…" Before he could finish his sentence to tell her that if she preferred to go alone or make it a girls' weekend that she could, Anna tightened her arms around his neck and pressed her lips forcefully to his. John immediately relaxed and began returning her kiss. When she shifted to sit on his lap, straddling his hips, John couldn't help the groan that came from his throat.

Anna softened the kiss and pulled back a little. "Of course I want you to go," she told him between tender kisses. Her fingers went to the buttons on his shirt and began undoing their closures.

"Good," John moaned back, rubbing his hands up and down her back. "Because I want to go." He moved his lips to her neck and began nibbling the juncture at her shoulder, pushing her sweater out of his way. John continued his ministrations but noted between kisses, "I haven't thanked you for your gift to me."

Anna dropped her head back, giving him access to her throat. She let out a sardonic laugh as she told him, "My gift pales in comparison to yours. I'm embarrassed by it now that I've received what you got for me."

"Why?" John asked with knitted eyebrows as he raised his head to meet her gaze. "I love it. I already know where I'm going to put them in my office."

"Don't you share that office?" she asked John.

"Yes, but the other two have pictures of their family in there. Why can't I?" Anna's heart melted at his response. He considered her his family. This man was making her feel things that no man had ever made her feel. However, when she put her hands on his shoulders inside of his dress shirt and began pushing the shirt down his arms, John gently grabbed her wrists. The action took her slightly by surprise. The last thing Anna expected was John halting her advances.

"Anna," he whispered huskily, causing her to shiver. "It's not that I don't want this. I do. But I have to get back to Mom's, and I don't have the time to do this properly." He pulled on her wrists so that she leaned into him and he could press a kiss to her cheek. "I don't want to rush through this. The next time we make love, I want it to be slow and tender and convey all my feelings for you. I don't want it to be a fumble here on your couch, in a rush so I'm not late for dinner at my mother's."

Anna was conflicted. On one hand she agreed with what he was saying, but on the other she wanted him so badly she could hardly stand it. Perhaps….maybe he didn't want her. They had yet to make love since they'd found out she was pregnant. Maybe the times before was just a means to an end. Despite all the beautiful things he'd said and done recently, maybe he wasn't attracted to her now that she was with child. That crushing thought alone was enough to cause her to shrink back from him. Her face fell, and of course John noticed.

"Anna, please. Don't be upset. You have to believe me when I say that all I want is to be with you. I just want more time with you, that's all."

His voice and eyes held so much sincerity that Anna had no choice but to believe him. She pressed down the aching feeling of insecurity welling up inside of her, and gave him a soft smile.

"Of course I believe you," she all but whispered, as she shifted off of his lap and back onto the couch. "I just wish you didn't have to go." Anna stood and started walking towards the foyer, and John got up as well, re-buttoning his shirt and grabbing his coat as he followed her to do the door.

"I know," he told her as he caught up to her. "I wish I didn't have to go either, I really do, but I promised Mom and Declan I'd be back." John bent down and placed a kiss on Anna's forehead. "Come over in the morning for breakfast. Meet everyone," he told her. Anna immediately felt anxiety running through her body. She bit her lip as she looked up at him.

"I'll come pick you up if that will make you more comfortable," John offered, sensing Anna's uneasiness. But his family needed to meet her sometime, and before his brother headed home tomorrow seemed like the ideal opportunity.

"Okay," Anna smiled, digging deep for the courage meet the people she'd graciously agreed to help. "What time should I be ready?"

"Is eight o'clock too early?" John asked, grimacing as he knew Anna liked to sleep in whenever possible.

"Yes, but I'll make it work," she smiled, raising on her tiptoes to kiss John's cheek. She'd never tire of the feel of his stubble against her skin. He turned his head to capture her lips for one last, slow kiss before he walked out her door.

"I'll see you in the morning," he told her as he broke the kiss and stepped into the hall.

"Goodnight, John."

"Goodnight, Anna. Merry Christmas."

* * *

John escorted Anna to his mother's front door the next morning, and her stomach was churning. Some of it might be the pregnancy hormones, but the rest of it was that she felt like she was going to be on display. Anna knew deep down that John's family would be grateful to her, but she also wondered what they thought of her. What kind of woman just offered to have a man's baby? They didn't know the whole story, and Anna didn't really want to get into all that with them on the day she first met them.

John opened the front door to the house and ushered Anna inside. He then walked Anna to the kitchen where they found his mother there by herself. Anna had been introduced to Harriet Bates before, but she'd never spent any significant time with the woman. Therefore, Anna was just as nervous about meeting Harriet as she was John's brother and sister-in-law.

"Anna!" the older lady welcomed her, wiping her hands on her apron as she approached the younger lady. "It's so good to see you again. We can't ever thank you enough for what you are doing for Declan," Harriet said as she wrapped her arms around the mama-to-be. Anna couldn't help the smile that nearly split her face at the older woman's hospitality.

"Well, I hope it works out," Anna replied, returning the hug. "I'm just as thankful to John for this chance to become a mother." Anna looked at John, whose face was turning red at the thought of his mother thinking about what he'd done to create this baby. Harriet's gaze also turned on her son with a bit of judgement. John knew his mother thought marriage should come before children, but thankfully she'd not been too vocal about it considering the circumstances. Still, John was thankful when she turned her attention back to Anna.

"Regardless, I'm glad you're willing to try to help Declan. This is no little thing."

"Don't worry," Anna smiled. "There's just as much in this for me as there is for you all."

Brenda and Jim entered the kitchen just in time to hear Anna's last comment. Brenda's eyes narrowed a bit, wondering what Anna meant by her comment, but she quickly put those thoughts out of her mind as her gratitude filled the forefront. Anna, for her part, couldn't help but stare at Jim, who looked so much like John. He didn't exude the sexiness that John did, but the same features were there. She'd never been up-close-and-personal with identical twins, and she found it curiously odd.

"Jim, Brenda," John started, already sounding like a proud papa, "this is Anna, the mother of my child." Anna's spirits were a bit dampened when John didn't refer to her as his girlfriend. She kind of got it. John was letting them know that she was the woman who was affording their child a chance. But after their heartfelt conversation last week and John's assurances yesterday, Anna felt that she and John had taken a step forward in their relationship and was surprised he didn't call her his girlfriend. The insecurities from last night when he'd stopped their lovemaking began welling up again. Nonetheless she reached her hand towards Jim and Brenda in greeting.

"Aw, bring it in for a hug," Jim told her, taking it on himself to wrap her in his arms. "This is something that deserves more than a handshake." Anna accepted Jim's hug as she tried to push her doubts about John's feelings out if her mind. She was soon distracted by the fact that this man who looked so much like the one she loved felt so different. And she was pretty sure that was a good thing.

As Jim stepped back, Brenda stepped up to embrace Anna. Her eyes weren't as warm as her husband's or mother-in-law's, but her appreciation was evident. "We can't thank you enough, Anna. Ever," Brenda told her as she stepped away. "Thank you," she whispered as her eyes filled with tears. Brenda wasn't sure if she liked Anna yet or not, but she could not deny what the woman was offering her son.

"Where is Declan?" John asked, looking around the room and walking back towards the hall.

"We just woke him up. He's brushing his teeth and should be here any minute," Brenda answered.

"Can I help you do anything?" Anna asked Harriet, hoping to keep busy and get rid of some of her nervous energy.

"Oh, no. Jim and Brenda have been helping all morning, and we are ready to eat. Just grab a chair and a napkin," Harriet smiled.

Just then, Declan sauntered into the kitchen, drawing up short when he saw the visitor. He looked at his uncle and asked, "Is this her, Uncle John?"

"It is, Declan. This is Anna, the mother of your cousin." Declan smiled brightly and walked towards Anna. Anna tried to ignore that John had just done it again. He'd refused to give her the title of his girlfriend.

"Can I hug you?" Declan asked her, looking up with puppy dog eyes that Anna noticed looked much like John's.

"Of course," she told him. "I would love a hug." Soon, Anna wasn't sure who was hugging who. When Declan let go, he asked, "Can I sit by you for breakfast?"

"Certainly," Anna answered, flattered that the boy had taken to her. At the same time, she second-guessed her decision to have a baby for his sake. If this didn't work, she may have brought more heart-ache for this young man and his family. To give him hope and then yank it away would be worse than never giving him a chance to begin with.

The family took their seats around Mrs. Bates's dining room table, Harriet and John at the ends, Jim and Brenda on one side, and Declan and Anna on the other. Conversation flowed freely, and Anna was beginning to feel comfortable with his family. She found out that Brenda was a second-grade teacher and that Jim also taught at a university, teaching forensic science. Anna explained that she was an event coordinator and co-owned her own business in the uptown area. She noticed that Brenda, in particular, seemed surprised by that, but everyone seemed accepting.

"How are you two going to raise this baby?" Harriet asked, taking the younger adults a bit by surprise.

"Gee, Mom, get right to it, would you?" Jim asked. "Way to put them on the spot. Maybe this is something they are still figuring out."

"No, it's okay," John interjected. "We _are_ still working out details, but Anna and I both want to be active parents. We are going to start house shopping at the first of the year so that we can live together as a family."

"Oh, yeah?" Brenda asked. "What's wrong with your house, John?"

"Well, it's not the best layout for a family," John told her. "And the location isn't the best for Anna's work."

"You have a three bedroom ranch near _your_ work. How far away is uptown?" Brenda asked, as if to say that she disagreed that John's house wasn't good enough for his family. "And what about Anna's house? Maybe that would work for you if yours won't."

"Anna and I have discussed the pros and cons of both of our homes, and we really think that a house in Malone Park will be a good compromise," John told Brenda, hoping to put her concerns to rest.

"Swanky," Jim remarked as he stuffed a bite of eggs into his mouth, referring to the Malone Park area of town.

"Yes," Brenda continued. "That's quite an upgrade isn't it?" John bit his tongue as he was beginning to get agitated at Brenda's implication that he wasn't making a good choice.

"It works for us," Anna inserted as she could tell John was getting distressed by the conversation. His jaw was clenched, and she noticed a tick under his left eye. Harriet seemingly could also feel the tension as she then took over the conversation and changed the topic.

The rest of the meal progressed without discord, and Anna enjoyed getting to know Declan and his parents better. She was also beginning to see that John got his wit from his mother, who she was starting to like very much. Eventually, though, Anna had to excuse herself to use the restroom, a pregnancy side-effect that she was not terribly fond of. Harriet rose from the table to show Anna the way to the bathroom, and when the older lady returned to the kitchen, she could hear Brenda and John having an intense conversation.

"I'm just saying you've gotten into bad situations with women before," Brenda told him. "How do you know that Anna isn't after your money? I heard her say that there was something in this pregnancy for her, too. And now she wants a house in Malone Park? Who's paying for that? I'm betting the salary of an event coordinator doesn't afford a house in that neighborhood."

John felt the ire rising in his chest. Anna was nothing like the picture Brenda was painting, and she was giving them a child in hopes to cure their son. Couldn't Brenda be a bit more appreciative and less accusatory? He opened his mouth to retort, but his mother placed her hand on his shoulder to quiet him.

"Now, Brenda. That's not fair," Harriet remarked. "Anna has been in John's life for a long time. He's known her for fifteen years or more. If she was after his money or anything self-serving, she could have made her move long before now."

"I'm just saying that Vera seemed very sweet at first as well," Brenda answered. John's chair shot out from underneath him as he stood abruptly, clamping onto the edge of the table with his hands. His mother placed her hand over one of John's before he could spew venom that might damage his relationship with his brother and sister-in-law. She also didn't want Declan to witness dissension between his uncle and parents. Similarly, Jim squeezed Brenda's leg as if to say, _Enough._

"It's not that I'm not grateful to Anna. I am. I just want you to be careful, John. I don't want to see you hurt again," Brenda elaborated.

"And I don't want to see my nephew die." At that point, John noticed both his brother and Declan looking past his shoulder to something, or someone, behind him. He turned to see Anna. She smiled sheepishly as she surveyed the room.

"Don't let me interrupt. I can stay in the living room if you all need some private time," Anna told them. She hadn't heard the whole conversation, but she'd caught Brenda's last statement and witnessed John's proclamation. And she'd be lying if she didn't admit that she was hurt by their words. John kept telling her that it was okay if this baby didn't provide a bone marrow match for Declan, but she wasn't sure that he really felt that way, even if he wanted to. She was becoming attached to John, but deep down, she couldn't quite get past that niggling feeling that he might be invested in their relationship just because of the baby. And if this baby did not provide the treatment needed for Declan's cancer, then John might not want to continue his relationship with her.

"No, please stay, Anna," Brenda told her. "You know how families are." But she didn't. Anna was an only child and had gotten along well with her parents. She knew nothing of sibling rivalries or in-laws. And in that moment, Anna had never felt more alone. She had no biological family other than the baby in her belly, and the family she so wanted to be a part of seemed to not want her.

Jim and Declan stood and began clearing away the breakfast dishes. John turned towards Anna and took a few steps in her direction. Reading the emotions on her face, he asked her, "Are you ready to leave?" Anna felt a weight settle in her stomach and nodded her head. It seemed that even John didn't want her to stay with his family any longer today. What had started out so promising was turning into one of the worst days of her life.

John announced their departure to the rest of his family, and hugs were shared all around. Anna felt like Jim's and Brenda's embraces were strained, although those she received from Harriet and Declan seemed genuine. She forced a smile on her face as John escorted her out of his mother's house, and she nodded her understanding when Jim and Brenda offered their thanks again for her willingness to help create a cure for their son's illness. Harriet made her promise to come around again soon, and then John was helping her into his car.

The ride back to Anna's condo was quiet, neither of them knowing how to discuss what just happened. John was still so upset with Brenda that his blood was nearly boiling. Anna was still concerned that John cared more about saving Declan than anything else, despite earlier assurances that she and the baby meant more to him than that. When he pulled up to her condo, he stopped in front of the entrance, but he made no move to get out of the car.

"I promised Jim that I'd come back to help him load the car," John lied. He was going back. But he was going back to give Brenda a piece of his mind without Anna present.

"I understand," Anna told him, but he could read the hurt in her eyes. Damn, Brenda. Damn this situation.

"Listen. I'll contact a real estate agent, and we'll start looking at houses next week," John told her, trying to brighten her mood.

"You don't have to do that, John," Anna told him. "Brenda's right. We can just use your house." At least he still wanted to live together, she told herself. Anna tried not to think about the fact that he wanted to be close to the baby, not necessarily her.

"We are not letting Brenda dictate our lives," he told Anna, reaching for her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. "We decided on Malone Park and that's where we're going to look." When she started to say something, John put a finger over her lips. "End of discussion." Anna couldn't help the smile that twitched at the corner of her mouth. Then John moved his hand to her neck and nudged her face closer to his. He sweetly pressed his lips to hers, hoping to convey that they were in this together, against the world if they needed to be. Anna felt a warmth envelop her soul and for a brief moment she forgot the awful events of the morning.

"I'll call you," John told her as he pulled away from her.

"I'll be waiting," she told him as she opened the car door to step onto the sidewalk. She shut the door and blew him a kiss before turning and entering her building. He waved as he drove away, but Anna couldn't help the feeling that choppy seas may lay ahead for them. She just hoped she didn't get too seasick.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thank you all for continuing to read and review. Thanks especially for the kind comments, thoughts, and prayers for my Aunt Brenda. She is now in Day 11 of her coma and things are not looking great; there will be difficult decisions ahead. But on to happier things...Chapter 19. And I still don't own any part of Downton Abbey-not that you thought I did.**

* * *

John stormed back into his mother's house. He passed his brother and nephew outside, and for the boy's sake, he hoped they stayed there.

"Brenda!" John bellowed, looking for his sister-in-law.

"Yes?" he heard a muffled shout coming from one of the upstairs rooms. He took the stairs two at a time and found her folding Declan's clothes to pack his suitcase for their trip home.

"What in the hell were you thinking?" John asked without preamble.

"What do you mean?" she retorted, sincerely perplexed. Brenda knew the Bates men had fiery tempers - they _were_ part Irish - but they weren't violent. She could see that John was upset with her, but she didn't feel threatened. Still, she braced herself for his razor sharp tongue. It wouldn't be the first time she'd seen him use it.

"I _mean_ the way you treated Anna. Christmas Eve you all but damned me for not fathering a child for Declan, and then when it turns out I have, you accuse the mother of being nothing but a gold digger."

"I don't mean to be ungrateful or wishy-washy, John. Of course I'm thrilled that you're having a child for Declan. I'm indebted to you. But the part of me that isn't Declan's mother - the part of me that is your sister - feels like you're setting yourself up to get hurt."

"You don't approve of my choice of mother." It wasn't a question.

"John," she said, placing the last of Delan's shirts in the bag. "You have to admit that there is something odd about the situation."

"No, I don't," he replied.

"She's half your age!" Brenda argued.

"She's not quite that young," John defended her - and himself.

"Anna admitted that there was something in this for her. How are you going to deny that she had ulterior motives by having your child?"

"I'm not. But why do you assume that she's using me? You don't think I could actually have a girlfriend like Anna?"

"You didn't call her your girlfriend," Brenda pointed out. Her words hit John like a ton of bricks. No, he didn't. He should have, but he didn't. For the first time, John considered how Anna might have felt about being introduced as the mother of his child instead of his girlfriend. Brenda took the loss of color from John's face to mean that she'd made her point.

"See? And she wants a house in Malone Park? She knows you have money, doesn't she? She's only after what she can take from you. She'll use that baby to extort money from you for the rest of your life."

"Anna is not Vera," John seethed, clenching his hands into fists at his sides. "I'm glad you think that I can't attract anyone with a moral compass."

"Oh, John. It's not that."

"Then what is it? Anna is the most pure person I've ever met. I've known her for longer than Declan's been alive."

"If she really means that much to you, why have we never heard of her?"

"Because _I'm_ not good enough for _her_." John turned on his heel and left the room, and Brenda could hear his footsteps going down the stairs. She stood without moving, feeling like the conversation wasn't over but unsure of why John had just left. Shaking her head, Brenda began packing again and just as she zipped Declan's suitcase closed and pulled it from the bed, she heard footsteps climbing the stairs. Soon her brother-in-law re-entered the room, and in his hands were two framed photos.

"This is Anna's Christmas present to me," John told Brenda as he handed her the pictures. She looked at the first one. It was undoubtedly several years old but Brenda admitted that the young Anna looked a bit giddy to be standing next to John. And this was probably before his book had been published - before he had money. Brenda knew that look on the young girl's face, even if John had been oblivious at the time, and she imagined that he had been. Indeed, if he had figured out that this woman-child was infatuated with him, he wouldn't have entertained any fantasies with her seeing as he was a married man. Brenda knew her brother-in-law that well; he was loyal to a fault. She was just afraid that his blind loyalty was playing a part in his current defense of Anna.

But when Brenda looked at the second picture, she had to admit that she may have misjudged Anna. There was no doubting the look of love on the woman's face.

"You see it, too," John said. "No one has ever looked at me that way until Anna."

"I'm sure that's not true," Brenda argued.

"It is." John was sure of it. If anyone had ever looked at him that way before he'd have been a fool to let her go. He certainly knew Vera had never looked at him like that.

"When was this taken?" Brenda asked.

"This past summer. At a friend's wedding. The wedding photographer apparently snapped it while we were dancing."

"That was before we knew Declan's diagnosis," Brenda realized.

"Yes, it was." John could see the wheels turning in Brenda's head. He could almost hear her thought process as she realized that maybe Anna did care about John for more than what he could give her. That she cared for him before he had money and before he'd given her a child. "Do you still think she saw this situation as a means to access my money?"

"I don't know. I guess I was just burned badly by Vera," Brenda told him. John huffed at her comment. _She_ was burned by Vera?

"What did Anna mean by there was something in this pregnancy for her, then?" Brenda asked. That comment had bothered her since Anna said it.

"The baby," John answered. "Anna wants a baby more than anything in this world. She was already going through fertility treatments and about to use an anonymous sperm donor when she found out about Declan. Anna was going to have a baby no matter who the father was." That thought had never settled well with John, and it certainly didn't now. "But then she found out about Declan and was brave enough to open up to me and ask if I wanted to be the father. I originally turned her down. She said she'd give the baby's cord blood to Declan anyway, knowing that without me there'd pretty much be no chance of a match. But she was still willing to do it. This selfless lady is the one you're accusing of being an opportunist."

Brenda sat down on the bed and covered her face with her hands. "Oh, John," she lamented.  
"I'm just so confused and emotional and hurt and angry." She let her hands fall to her lap, and John could see the anguish in her eyes. "I'm still in denial that my baby is this sick. That this... _disease_...could actually take his life," she all but whispered. "I can't stand the thought of his illness causing more pain than it already has." When she looked up at John, he felt his fury with her slowly dissipating. He couldn't imagine what she was going through, and he needed to keep that in perspective. The thought of losing Declan was tearing him apart, and Declan wasn't even his son. The idea that his unborn baby could ever be that sick was unfathomable. John knew he should probably cut Brenda some slack about her behavior as she was living through an emotional roller coaster. Forgiveness was just hard when she was cutting down the most wonderful woman he knew.

"I am beyond grateful for what you are doing, John, but I'd never forgive myself if your efforts resulted in you being hurt again. It's like this is a Catch-22. Someone loses either way."

"It doesn't have to be that way. I'm not planning on getting hurt with Anna," John defended his decisions.

"No one ever _plans_ on getting hurt, John." John sat down on the bed next to Brenda and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She relaxed into his embrace. "So what made you change your mind? To tell Anna that you'd father her baby?" Brenda asked him, surprising him a bit.

"I figured out that she was really going to get pregnant one way or the other. And the thought of her baby not being mine, especially when I knew it could be, made me sick to my stomach." John could feel the bile rising as he remembered the feeling.

"You love her, don't you?" Brenda inquired, but she didn't need to wait for his reply to know the answer.

"I do, Brenda. I do." Admitting it out loud to anyone seemed to take a weight off his chest. He knew it should be Anna he was professing his love to, but right now it was important that his sister-in-law know that there was more to this baby than just a chance for Declan.

"Then I suggest you start introducing her as your 'girlfriend' rather than the 'mother of your child,' or you'll get to watch as another man sweeps her off her feet and raises your baby." John swallowed hard at Brenda's advice. He'd already figured out he'd screwed up by not referring to Anna as his girlfriend, but Brenda's warning hit home.

"Duly, noted," he choked out as he gave Brenda one last squeeze and then left the room.

* * *

After John left her, Anna was more depressed than ever. She'd changed into her PJs and pulled her hair into a ponytail, even though it was only noon, and settled on her couch with a carton of ice cream and a spoon. Grabbing the remote, she turned on the television and began flipping through channels. It was Saturday and there was nothing but infomercials on. She finally settled on a home design show and watched it without much interest, but at least it kept her mind from wandering too much. She didn't want to think about what happened this morning and how John's family - well his sister-in-law - didn't seem to care for her much. His mother was nice, as was Declan and Jim. But Brenda didn't like her; that was easy to tell. And for the life of her, Anna couldn't imagine why. She'd always been likable. People just didn't _not_ like her. Especially people who she was helping.

Just as "the big reveal" was getting ready to happen on her show, there was a knock at Anna's door. At first, she thought she'd imagined it, but then, there it was again. Gwen probably wanted to talk about what she'd seen on the elevator last night between Anna and John, but Anna wasn't sure she really wanted to talk about it right now. Was that just last night? It seemed like days ago now. Anna got up and put the ice cream back in the freezer as she made her way to the door.

Anna reached the door just as the knocking got louder. Looking through the peephole, she was surprised to see John standing on the other side. He'd said that he'd call her. Maybe he had. She really wasn't sure where she'd put her phone. She was still looking through the peephole as he pulled his phone from his pocket, his eyebrows knitting together as he began dialing a number. Anna watched him put the phone to his ear, and turn from her door to start pacing the hall. And then she heard her phone ringing. _What was she doing?_ As if waking from a trance, she quickly unlocked her door and opened it.

John turned back towards the door and lowered his phone, ending the call. "I thought you were ignoring me," John told her. His face relaxed a bit, and he smiled a sheepish smile.

"No, I was just watching TV and didn't register the knocking at first," she told him, leaning on the door. She hadn't invited him in yet.

"And my phone calls? You didn't hear them, either?" John asked skeptically, but not accusingly.

"Actually, no. I put my phone down somewhere, and I'm not even sure where it is at the moment." Anna didn't move.

"Can I come in?" John asked her.

"Oh, sure," she told him, immediately opening the door wider and stepping aside so that he could enter. "I don't have much to offer you in terms of refreshments. There's water and ice cream if you want that."

John chuckled as he responded. "I didn't come here for a snack."

Anna closed the door behind him and turned to face him. "What did you come for?" She hadn't intended to be so forward, it just came out. But now that it had, she was curious. Why _was_ John here?

"Because I need to talk to you." John reached for Anna's hand and led her to her couch. He could see her nest of blankets built in one corner of the sofa and admitted it looked cozy. He picked up the remote to the television and turned off her show, and then he sat on the couch, tugging on her hand so that she sat beside him. He let go of her hand so she could settle comfortably, and he turned slightly to face her. The silence between them was awkward, and he knew she was waiting for him to speak. Taking a deep breath, he began.

"I owe you an apology," John stated, his eyes boring into hers. In her mind she asked, _What for?_ , but in reality she waited silently for him to continue. It was Brenda who owed her the apology, but then again, Anna had to admit that she wasn't completely pleased with John's behavior today, either.

John could see that Anna was not going to make this easy for him. What had he expected? He wasn't sure, but a part of him had hoped that she would have argued with him - told him that no apology was required. But since she didn't, he figured he'd better man up and swallow his pride.

"First of all, the way my sister-in-law treated you today was disgraceful." Anna could almost see the indignation rising in John's chest. "I've talked to her about that." Anna's eyebrow quirked. In a way she wasn't surprised that John went back to his mother's after dropping her at home, but she wasn't really expecting that he went back to defend her.

"However, Brenda made me see," John continued, "that this is my fault." Whatever Anna had expected him to say, it wasn't that. What did he mean? What is his fault? The pregnancy? The situation? Their relationship? What was he trying to tell her? A feeling of dread filled Anna's heart, and she could do nothing but stare at him and wait for him to continue. John let out a huff of air and looked around the room. Anywhere seemed preferable to Anna's imploring eyes. He swore that she could see right through him.

"I should have never referred to you as the 'mother of my child'," he told her. Anna tried to protest, but John pressed a finger against her lips to stop her words. "I should have introduced you as my 'girlfriend.'" Anna sat in stunned silence as John let his finger drop from her lips. He was staring at her expectantly, and Anna was sure she should be saying something, but she wasn't sure where to start.

"Am I?" she choked out. "Am I your girlfriend?"

"Do you want to be? We haven't really talked about it."

"Are you an idiot? Of course I want to be! I've wanted to be your girlfriend for fifteen years!" Anna's face turned bright red as her hands flew to her mouth. It was one thing for others to suspect her schoolgirl crush on John, it was another thing entirely for her to admit it out loud _to him._

John's whole body immediately relaxed. He couldn't stop himself from reaching for her. She was so damn cute with that ponytail and those rosy cheeks. He pulled her to him and buried his face in her neck. "I thought you were over that crush years ago," he told her. She had a few serious boyfriends in the past few years, including the most recent, Greg.

"I'll never be over it," she murmured into his shoulder. John pulled back and looked into her eyes. She had the same look on her face as she did in the photo from Joseph's wedding, and it was his undoing. He slowly leaned in to capture her lips, and Anna nearly swooned at the contact. His hands were resting on her waist, and he slipped his fingers just inside the waistband of her flannel pants and gripped her hips. Anna couldn't keep the moan from escaping her.

"You aren't going to start something again that you don't plan on finishing, are you Mr. Bates?" she asked him as she threw her head back, exposing her neck to him. She could hear his deep chuckle and feel his smile against her throat as he pressed kisses there.

"Not unless you want me to," he told her as he continued to brush his lips against her skin. Even though he had shaved this morning, his stubble was beginning to grow, and Anna couldn't get enough of the feel of his scratchy face on her neck.

Anna leaned further back on the couch, pulling John with her and using her previous nest of blankets as a pillow for her head. John let go of her hips to reverently move his hands to her belly and pushed her sweatshirt up just enough to expose her navel. Catching her eyes before he moved lower, he pressed gentle kisses to the outside of her womb.

"Hello, Baby Bates," he whispered, causing Anna to giggle. "Just keep napping in there and don't worry about all the rocking."

"John!" Anna laughed out loud.

"What? I want her to know that what's going to happen is normal and not to get upset," John defended himself, looking up from her belly.

"I don't think _he'll_ mind. I'm not sure he's big enough to get upset about anything," Anna told him.

"Come on," he told Anna, standing and reaching for her grasp. "I meant it last night when I said I didn't want a fumble on your couch." She took his hand and together they walked to her bedroom.

John paused beside her bed and looked down at her. "Are you sure you want to do this? I don't want to take advantage of your hormones." Anna rolled her eyes at him.

"I love that you're being a gentleman, John, but I thought I'd made my position clear a few minutes ago." Anna then squealed as he picked her up in his arms and all but tossed her on the bed.

"I love it when you talk dirty," he teased as her laughter continued.

John pulled his sweater over his head, quickly followed by his undershirt. He then toed off his shoes before he realized he might seem a bit overeager. He had promised her slow, gentle love-making that proved his love for her. However, when he moved to crawl onto the bed beside her, Anna protested.

"What happened to my strip show?" she asked, good-naturedly. John's eyebrows shot up in response.

"You want to watch me undress?" he asked her, a bit surprised. No one, including Vera, had ever asked for that.

"Well it was going well so far," she told him, scooting up on her pillow to get more comfortable as she watched him.

"Well, okay," he ceded, backing up a bit and feeling quite awkward. He'd never performed a strip tease. Ever. He began humming a "kick line" melody and reached to unbuckle his belt. He tried to pull the leather strap from his pants' belt loops in one suave motion, but it got stuck halfway through. Two more yanks and it was free and he was tossing it over his shoulder. Anna sat on the bed giggling, which he wasn't sure was a good thing.

John continued humming as he unbuttoned his pants and released his zipper. He could see Anna's eyes darken and was excited to see that perhaps she was enjoying his show. He pulled his jeans down over his hips, leaving his boxers in place. He let the pants drop to his ankles and stepped his left leg out of them. He then lifted his right leg with the plan of somehow sexily kicking his pants across the room. However, his knee chose that moment to lock up and he ended up kicking his jeans into his own face. He was sure the next door neighbors could hear Anna laughing.

"Don't quit your day job, Mr. Bates," Anna told him between snickers. He narrowed his eyes at her, but he was still smiling. He slowly approached the bed, wearing nothing but his underwear and socks.

"Oh, you'll pay for that comment, Miss Smith," he told her as he climbed on the bed beside her. Anna shrieked as he straddled her hips on his hands and knees and nuzzled his face into her neck. His right hand slid underneath her sweatshirt and upwards to cup her breast. Anna sucked in air as John stilled as well.

"You're not wearing a bra," he said, as if she didn't know.

"I'm not. I was getting comfortable. I wasn't planning on seeing anyone," she told him. He lifted his head to meet her eyes, but his hand remained rested on her bosom. He could feel her nipple hardening underneath his palm. Anna closed her eyes as she reveled in the sensation, and John could feel his body responding as well.

"Anna," he whispered, raking his eyes across her face. He still couldn't believe that this woman actually wanted him. His gaze moved to her hair and the urge to run his fingers through it was almost overwhelming. He licked his lips as he removed his hand from her breast and grabbed the hem of her shirt to pull it over her head.

With a little help from Anna, she was soon exposed down to her waist, and John lost no time reaching for the tie that held Anna's hair up. He slipped it from her mane, and he watched in awe as her tresses fell to the top of her breasts. She looked like a goddess laying before him. Soon, his lips were on hers, and he had rolled them to their sides. John pulled her close, relishing in the feel of her naked chest against his as his fingers found her silken hair.

Anna, for her part, could not get enough of his chest hair against her nipples. And the way he was cradling her head as he gently, but thoroughly, kissed her, made her feel like the most desirable woman on earth. Soon, she was running her hands down his back, and under his boxers to grip his behind, which elicited a guttural groan from deep in his chest.

John let go of Anna's locks long enough to move his hands to her pajama pants. He adeptly pulled them, along with her underwear, over her hips, and she bent her knees so that he could more easily slip the garments off her body. Anna wished for just a moment that she had put something on that was more sexy than her comfy clothes, but John didn't seem to mind at all. Suddenly, she was naked beside him and she could see his arousal tenting his underwear.

As much as John wanted to take things slow and make them special, he knew he wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer. Thankfully, for him, Anna didn't seem to want to extend matters much, either, as she tugged on his boxers, clearly indicating that he should be as bare as she was. Soon, his socks were the only pieces of clothing left on either one of them.

"I don't want this to be rushed, Anna," he told her, trying to slow things down as he caressed her back with his fingers. "I want you to enjoy this and feel cherished, not just wanted."

"Oh, John, I do feel it. But it's been weeks since we've made love, and if you make me wait much longer, I don't think I can stand it," Anna told him as she tugged him back on top of her. "Make love to me, John. Now."

John implored her with his eyes to make sure she truly was ready, and he saw nothing but openness. Using his leg to spread hers apart, he slowly lowered himself to meet her aperture. He pushed himself towards her and could feel her heat, and when Anna wrapped her legs around his waist, there was no holding back. John entered her as slowly as he could, and the feeling of her surrounding him was like a homecoming. He stayed that way without moving until he felt her roll her hips to urge him into action. Soon, they were meeting each other thrust for thrust. John could feel his climax coming but didn't want to finish before Anna reached her end. Just as he began to reach his hand between them, he felt Anna close around him and shudder beneath him. It was all John needed to spur his own release, and he collapsed on top of her. Quickly, though, he supported himself with his elbows, concerned not only for Anna, but for what his weight might do to their baby.

"I love you, John," Anna whispered, still holding him as close to her as he would allow. It was not lost on John that it was the first time that Anna said the words out loud, but it certainly wasn't the first time he'd felt her love. He knew he should say it back, but he couldn't seem to make words of any kind come out of his mouth. Instead, he nodded against her neck, hoping she understood what he meant.

Rolling beside her, still trying to resume normal function, John pressed his lips to her temple. Anna snuggled into his side, laying her head on his chest as his right hand reached up to play with her hair again.

"Can I ask you something?" Anna requested before John could summon the energy to tell her that he loved her, too. His spirit fell a bit when he realized the moment was lost.

"Anything," John answered quietly, still catching his breath from their exertions.

"What did you say to Brenda today?" He let a chuckle out at Anna's question.

"That I loved you, and that she needed to accept you." _There. He'd said it._ Anna sat up in a flash, covering herself with the sheet as she looked down at John.

"You said what?" she asked him. He'd told her that he was falling in love with her, but he had yet to say those three little words _._

"I said, 'I love you,'" John confirmed, his voice now strong, and he reached up to cup her face. "And I do, Anna. I really, really do."

Anna couldn't keep the sheen out of her eyes as she leaned down and gave John the most tender and heartfelt kiss of her life. His arms wrapped around her back as she poured her love into the caress. Slowly pulling away from his lips, Anna slipped her fingers through the hair at John's temple. "I love you, too, John. I love you, too," she told him as her fingertips grazed his scalp.

Tears filled John's eyes at Anna's words, but he blinked them away before any broke loose. He was actually thankful when Anna snuggled into his side and chest again, and he didn't have to make eye contact with her. He knew it was silly, but he didn't want her to see him cry.

"Why doesn't she like me?" Anna asked, taking John by surprise. She began rubbing her hand through his chest hair, which was quickly becoming one of her favorite pastimes.

"Well," he started, shifting slightly to get more comfortable. "She thought you were using me." Anna's hand stopped moving as she processed what John said.

"Why would she think that?" she asked perplexed, but began to stroke John's chest again. He took a deep breath as chill bumps covered his body. "I don't mean this to sound offensive," Anna continued, "but I would think that if anyone appeared to be getting used in this situation - and I'm not implying that they are - wouldn't it be me?" John let out a throaty chuckle.

"You would think, right?" He wrapped his right arm more tightly around her and began stroking her shoulder. "But she thought maybe you were trying to extort money from me."

"What?" Anna laughed. "I don't even have any idea how much money you are worth. My only clue that you might have more than you look like is that you said we could afford a house in Malone Park."

"Hey," John jested. "What do you mean 'more money than I look like'? I'm not exactly a hobo."

"And I wouldn't care if you were," Anna assured him.

"I know," he said and meant it. Brenda couldn't be more wrong about anyone's intentions if she'd accused the Queen of England of wanting to be his lover.

"Is Brenda okay with me now?" Anna asked, wondering just exactly where she stood with his family.

"I think so, yes. She's hurting so badly right now about Declan that I'm not sure she's thinking straight. But when she saw the pictures you gave me for Christmas, she couldn't deny that you loved me."

"What?" Anna questioned, smacking John's shoulder. "You showed her those pictures?"

"They weren't private, were they? You said I could put them in my office."

"No, it's fine," Anna told him sincerely. "But I'm not sure how they convinced Brenda that I'm not after your money."

"Well, it wasn't _just_ the pictures," John told her. "She really is grateful to you, all evidence today to the contrary."

"I guess I'll just have to trust you on that," Anna told him, nuzzling closer to his chest and slipping her arms around his waist. He wrapped her more securely in his arms, and relished how lucky he was to be holding the love of his life while she cradled their child in her womb.

"You can always trust me, Anna. Always."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** This is a mostly fluffy chapter. We lost my aunt earlier this week, and I needed fluff. Thank you all for continuing to read and review, as well as your kind words/thoughts/prayers for my aunt. Thanks, as always, to the wonderful mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me who have been great support to me. Disclaimer: I do not own any DA characters.

* * *

New Year's Eve was rapidly approaching and Anna was working hard to put the finishing touches on several events. Most of them were small fetes and would be run by facility managers. The last was a bigger party at the Ritz that needed more of her attention, and their quintet would be playing for that celebration.

Anna was a bit sad that she still wasn't playing with the group again; she missed their camaraderie. She was going to talk to Dr. Randolph and see if and when she could start playing again. Of course, one of the reasons she loved their quintet was because it was an excuse to see and spend time with John. But now she didn't need a rehearsal or a gig as a cover. He was her _boyfriend._ Anna smiled at the thought.

As if she could conjure him up out of her dreams, John knocked on her open office door and stepped inside. "Hey, there!" she greeted him as she pushed her chair back and walked over to hug him. John met her halfway and bent down to kiss her she reached him.

"Hello, beautiful," he told her. "I just thought I'd drop by and say hello. Maybe take you to lunch."

"You sweet, sweet man," Anna replied, beaming up at him. "I am getting pretty hungry. Let me grab my purse, and we'll go." She was more than ready to take a break as all she'd been doing was staring at computers and numbers all morning.

John took Anna to a cafe near her work and they settled at a back corner table near a fireplace. "I don't know if I'll see you tonight," John lamented. They had spent every night together, at least for part of it, for the last three days. "Charles wants to have a rehearsal before the New Year's gig, and tonight is the only night we can all get together." Anna sighed in response.

"I miss playing," Anna admitted defeatedly.

"And here I thought that your sigh meant you'd miss me," John chuckled.

"Well, that, too," she agreed. "But I was just thinking about this earlier. I'm gonna ask Dr. Randolph if i can start playing again without harming the baby. I know plenty of women who've done it. I haven't touched my horn in two months, and I'm going into withdrawal." Anna knew how much was riding on this pregnancy and she would do nothing to jeopardize it. But she missed performing the gigs more than she thought she would.

"I just want you to be safe. For you and the baby," John told her.

"I know. But I'm gonna lose my chops. I don't want to lose my spot to Charles permanently."

"You can still come to the gigs as my girlfriend," John told her. "Hang out with Cora and Phyllis."

"You're not helping," Anna told him. "As much as I like Cora and Phyllis, I want to be playing."

"Just promise me you won't touch your mouthpiece until the doctor has okayed it," John told her. Anna could almost feel his fear. She reached over to cover his hand with her own.

"I promise."

* * *

Anna and John arrived at the Ritz together on New Year's Eve. Anna was a bit jealous that John had his trombone slung over his shoulder while she was carrying a shoulder bag of party plans. But she did love her job, as well, so she really couldn't complain. Anna gave John a good luck kiss as they entered the ballroom, and they went their separate ways - him to set up for the gig and her to check on things in the kitchen.

The night moved along quickly, and around ten o'clock, Anna was ready for a break. She found Cora, Phyllis, and Dr. Carson's wife, Elsie, all gathered around a table, conveniently with an empty chair next to Phyllis. Anna took it without invitation, sighing in relief as the pressure came off her feet.

"Anna, tonight is wonderful," Cora told her, beaming a smile her way.

"Thank you," Anna said. "This event was easy to coordinate compared to some of the others we've done recently," she added. There was no invitation list for tonight's New Year's Eve party at the Ritz. It was a first come, first serve basis. Tickets were sold, first to hotel guests and then to the public. The mix of attendees were eclectic, some obviously seasoned at attending such swanky parties and others noticeably new to this type of scene. Regardless, everyone seemed to be having fun.

"Don't the boys sound great?" Elsie mentioned, and although Anna smiled her agreement, she was a bit saddened by the comment. Her worst fear about letting Dr. Carson sub for her with the quintet was that he'd want to stay with the group and that she'd be pushed out.

"Don't forget about Mary," Cora chimed in, interrupting Anna's thoughts. "Poor only girl playing," she cooed as if Mary was still a baby. "She's also the only one who doesn't have a significant other at this table," Cora added, looking around at the women. Phyllis and Elsie followed Cora's gaze as if they were processing what she said. Phyllis sucked in her breath as she realized what Cora meant.

"So you and John aren't just pretending to be a couple anymore?" Phyllis asked her. Anna's face went hot as she realized all three ladies were staring at her.

"Well," Anna started, realizing that none of them knew that she and John had made their relationship official. "No, we're not pretending anymore."

"I'm sorry if I said something I shouldn't have, Anna," Cora told her. "Robert told me that you and John were a proper couple now, so I just assumed it was public knowledge."

"It is," Anna assured her. "I'm just realizing that not everyone knows. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure Mary knows as we've both been so busy and haven't had time for good girl talk in a while."

"I'm pretty sure that she knows," Cora informed her. "Mary is very perceptive."

"You're right," Anna smiled.

"So, things are going well?" Phyllis asked.

"They are," Anna agreed, smiling and her posture relaxing. "I am so lucky to be his girl," she told them. Elsie and Cora nearly "aww"ed in unison at the comment.

Just then, John lifted his trombone's bell for a solo, capturing the whole table's attention. Anna felt a stirring in her belly as John belted out the melody. Elsie leaned in towards Anna and whispered, "It is kind of sexy when he does that, isn't it?" Anna's head snapped towards the older lady, and she knew her face was as red as a beat. Elsie had a smug smile as she continued to watch the performance

"Yes, it is," Anna told her, "and you can't have him." Elsie chuckled and patted Anna's hand.

"It's alright," Elsie told her. "I like the gray-haired one, anyway."

Anna looked up just then to see Sybil, Tom, and Henry heading their way. She quickly stood to greet Sybil in a warm hug. Although Anna hadn't announced her pregnancy yet, she already felt a bond with the younger girl. In a few more weeks she would tell everyone. And a part of her couldn't wait.

"Hello, Henry," Cora called from the table. "It's so nice to see you again." Cora had taken a liking to the young man almost immediately when she'd met him at Christmas. She wasn't going to push, but she wondered if he might be a match for Mary or Edith. He seemed more Mary's type, but she'd learned not to hope for much with Mary since Matthew's accident.

"Hello," Henry nodded as he approached the table with the Bransons. Introductions were made, and just as Anna was getting ready to make her rounds to make sure the party was still running efficiently, the quintet began playing an uptempo jazz number.

"Oh, Tom!" Sybil cried. "I love this song. Let's go dance!" Tom looked over his shoulder at the table and shrugged as Sybil grabbed his hand and led him to the dance floor. Henry stood still, looking like a lost puppy without his friend.

"Come on," Anna said, grabbing Henry's hand. "Let's go dance, too. My boyfriend is a bit busy right now, and you look like you could use a friend."

Henry smirked as he followed her. "Does your boyfriend know about your kiss under the mistletoe with that Bates fellow on Christmas?"

"He does," Anna answered coyly.

"Your boyfriend _is_ that Bates fellow, isn't he?" Henry smiled as he took Anna in his arms.

"You're very astute, Mr. Talbot."

"So he won't mind me dancing with you?" He asked.

"I don't think so," Anna told him. "He's more mature than that."

"Well for my sake, I hope you're right," Henry smiled at her. Then he let out a big sigh.

"What's the matter?" Anna asked, as she placed her hands on Henry's shoulders.

"I don't know whether coming tonight was a good idea or if it makes me look pathetic," Henry told her as they moved around the dance floor.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked, knitting her eyebrows together.

"Well, Tom seems to have this idea that his sister-in-law and I would make a good couple. He begged me to come to this party tonight when he found out I was planning on just heading home and calling it an early evening," he told her, twirling her out and back in.

"Doesn't being home alone on New Year's Eve seem more pathetic?" Anna asked him, smiling.

"Not as pathetic as showing up to this party alone. Mary will think I couldn't get a date," Henry explained.

"Pshhh," Anna refuted. "If you are interested in her, then wouldn't it be worse to shove your date under her nose?"

"You have a point," Henry said, thoughtfully. "But I'm not sure that I am interested in her. And I'm fairly certain she's not interested in me."

"What makes you say that?" Anna asked, perplexed.

"Well, she couldn't seem to get away from me fast enough at Christmas."

"Ah, that." Anna squad. "Did Tom tell you about her fiancé?" She felt Henry stiffen at her question.

"He most certainly did not. Now I feel like an even bigger idiot." He looked over Anna's shoulder, unable to meet her eyes.

"So you are interested?" Anna concluded.

"I didn't say that." He wished the floor would swallow him whole as he was becoming more embarrassed by the minute.

"Well, she doesn't have a fiancé, anymore,"Anna told him gently. "He died in a car wreck a couple of years ago. I think the story about your friend at Christmas just brought back some bad memories."

"Ah, I see," Henry said, throwing his head back. "I am such a jerk."

"You didn't know," Anna defended him.

"Well, it seems to still be pretty fresh for her," he noted.

"She's doing much better recently, believe it or not. I don't think she's too far from dating again. And perhaps Tom is right. Maybe you're just the shove she needs."

"I don't want to be anyone's 'rebound,' Anna."

"Who said you would be?" The song ended, and Henry escorted Anna back to her table, chancing a look at the brass quintet. His eyes momentarily locked with Mary's, but she quickly looked away as if she'd been caught. Another pair of eyes seemed to continuously size him up, though. Those belonged to John Bates.

* * *

Anna was exhausted and hungry. She'd worked until seven tonight as she'd had a checkup with Dr. Randolph this morning and come into work late. Dr. Randolph, the reproductive endocrinologist, was transferring her care back to her OBGYN, Dr. Clarkson, since she was now eleven weeks pregnant and all was progressing well. Dr. Randolph had also told her that once she was out of the first trimester that she could start playing her trumpet again. In fact, he'd told Anna it was probably okay to play now, but he'd just feel a bit better if she'd wait another couple of weeks. She was okay with that; she'd waited this long, what was another couple of weeks?

As Anna exited the elevator and walked toward her condo, she could smell delicious aromas coming from one of the units. Her sense of smell was quite acute these days, and her stomach rumbling seemed to make whatever it was seem even more desirous. Anna's brain told her stomach to calm down, though, as she would only be having some canned soup and maybe a sandwich. She certainly didn't feel up to cooking a meal that smelled as good as the one her neighbor was eating. For a moment, she thought of knocking on Gwen's door to see if it was her who was cooking whatever smelled so scrumptious, but her fatigue wore out. Soup and a sandwich would be fine.

Strangely enough, the aroma seemed to get stronger as Anna approached her door. She chalked it up to her pregnancy hormones and hunger, and unlocked her door, ready to kick off her shoes and put on her pajamas.

When she opened her door, though, she could not deny that the smells wafting her way were coming from her own kitchen. Then she saw him, as she began to close the door behind her. John was standing at her stove, putting the finishing touches on what appeared to be a some kind of cheese sauce. He turned his head to her when he heard the door close.

"You're home," John stated, smiling at Anna. "I'd come welcome you home properly, but I can't stop stirring or this will burn." Anna wasted no time setting down her bag and kicking off her pumps in the foyer and then making her way to the kitchen to wrap her arms around his middle from behind.

"What are you doing here?" Anna asked him as she laid her face against his back, inhaling his scent. It was almost as decadent as the food he was cooking.

"Well, you said that you'd be getting off work late tonight, and I knew you'd be tired so I thought I'd put that key you gave me to good use," John answered, continuing to stir.

"I am so happy you're here," Anna told him. "And as much as I am really looking forward to this meal, we could have ordered pizza or something."

"I thought you'd want to celebrate," he told her as he took a step back from the stove.

Anna let go of John and stepped out of his way as he turned to pour the sauce over the chicken and noodles.

"What are we celebrating?" Anna asked good naturedly but at a loss for what he was talking about.

"That you've been given the okay to play your trumpet again," John replied, looking sideways at Anna. "I know how much you've missed it." He sat the pot, now empty of the sauce, on the counter and turned to welcome Anna into his arms. "And the truth is, as talented as Dr. Carson is, I miss you playing with us, too." John bent down and placed a sweet, gentle kiss on Anna's lips. Even though it wasn't the most passionate kiss they'd shared, Anna still felt her knees go weak and was thankful for his embrace.

"Go sit at the table and let me serve you dinner," John told Anna as he released her. She walked to the table in a bit of a stupor. Was this really happening? Did she just come home exhausted and a man she loved was pampering her? She thought this only happened in romance novels. It certainly had never happened to her before. _That's because you've never had a boyfriend who really loved you until now_ , she realized.

Shortly, John had served two plates and joined Anna at the table. After they had taken a few bites, he decided it was time to bring up the house again.

"So, I think it's time we start shopping for our home," he told her. Anna nodded as she swallowed her food. She was starving, it was delicious, and she was trying not to scarf it down in an unladylike manner. However, she wasn't sure if she was succeeding.

"Okay," Anna told him between bites, reluctant to say much more as she truly just wanted to inhale her dinner. It appeared the baby was very hungry tonight.

"I think we should make a wish list," John continued. "Like for me, the house needs an office space and an attached garage."

"Two-car garage," Anna amended. "And a fenced in yard so the baby can play safely outside."

"We could always build a fence if we need to," John told her, "but we'll still put that on the list. How many bedrooms?"

"Well, three would be ideal. One for us, one for the baby, and a guest room," Anna told him. "But two would work if it helps us stay in the budget."

"Oh, I'm sure we need three. You know, an extra for you to send me to when you get tired of me," John teased her.

 _Like that will ever happen_ , Anna thought to herself, but instead she replied, "Well, I'm sure like all men, you'll do something stupid to upset me. Like leave your clothes on the floor or not take out the trash or forget my birthday."

"May twenty-third," John said.

"What?" Anna asked with a short laugh.

"Your birthday. May twenty-third."

"You know when my birthday is?" Anna asked, truly surprised. Yes, he'd probably been around for a birthday dinner or two for her at the Crawleys' house, but she didn't expect him to remember the date. Of course she knew that his was April fifteenth, but she'd been in love with him for years. And women were much more detail-oriented than men.

"Of course I do. When I date a woman, I try to pay attention," he stated.

"That's good to know," Anna smiled as she continued to devour her meal.

"So bathrooms," John continued. "I'd like two and a half. A full bathroom for us and one for the baby and overnight guests, and then a half bath for guests who just come to visit for the day." It was obvious to Anna that John had put a lot of thought into this.

"Apparently, the way we are planning, we're gonna have tons of visitors," Anna teased.

"Well, we'll never complete with Robert and Cora, but I'd like a place for my brother to stay if he wants," John responded.

"Agreed. Plus, having those extra rooms will help with resale value if we ever decide to move," Anna added. She pushed her plate away from her a bit, finally taking her last bite.

"Would you like some more?" John asked, a smile in his eyes.

"More bedrooms?" Anna asked, her heart rate speeding up. Why did he want more bedrooms? Was he thinking of more children? They hadn't really talked about their long term future.

"Well, I meant more food, but we can discuss more bedrooms if you wish," John smiled with a chuckle.

"No, I'm good with three bedrooms," she answered, feeling a bit sheepish, and somehow disappointed, that she'd misunderstood the question. "And I'm good on food. I think I'll just let this digest for a bit," Anna told him. "But ask me again in ten minutes." John chuckled as he took another bite of his chicken alfredo.

"So," Anna continued, "so far we have three bedrooms, two and a half baths, an office, and a two-car attached garage. Any other 'must-haves'?"

"I think that about covers it. Everything else we'd want would come in any house-like a kitchen, living room, laundry," John told her.

"Guess it's time we hire a realtor."

"I'll start looking online and see if we can narrow things down a bit," John said as he finished his last bite. "Are you ready for seconds?"

"No," Anna told him. "I think I'm good. That really hit the spot. Thank you, John," she told him appreciatively as she pushed her chair back from the table and picked up her plate. She then walked around to his side of the table and took his empty dishes. Anna made her way to the kitchen and placed the dishes in the sink, while John got up to retrieve his briefcase.

"You didn't bring work with you, did you?" Anna asked as she began straightening up the kitchen and the leftovers. There was enough left for her lunch tomorrow, and she was excited about that.

"Well, I have some work I could do, yes, but I thought maybe I'd start looking at houses," John answered her. He sat down at the dining room table again and powered up his laptop as Anna continued to load the dishwasher and put things away. He'd just pulled up several listings in the Malone Park neighborhood when Anna came in and sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She'd managed to squeeze between his chest and the table.

"Found anything worth looking at?" she asked him, staring at his computer screen.

"I've found something very lovely right in front of me," he answered.

"Oh, yeah?" Anna asked, still looking at the screen. "This house?"

"I wasn't talking about the house," John murmured as his right hand moved from the keyboard to slide under Anna's shirt and rest on her belly. "I'm not sure how long we'll be able to fit like this," John told her sultrily. "When will Baby Bates start making his presence known to the world?" Anna giggled at John's question.

"If you're asking when I will start showing, I'm not sure, but soon, I think. From what I've read, my belly will just sort of 'pop out' one day. I was reading this morning that right now, she should be around the size of a kumquat or a fig," Anna told him. "Neither one of those are big enough to pooch my belly out much."

"Mmmm," John hummed as he rubbed circles on Anna's torso, silently enjoying how anytime he assigned a gender role to their baby, Anna responded with the other one.

Whether it was his intention or not, John's touch was arousing feelings Anna had not thought possible a few hours ago when she'd wanted nothing more than to crawl under the covers and sleep for days. Crawling under the covers still sounded good, but sleeping was no longer immediately on her agenda.

"Kumquat," John repeated. "Fig. Those would make good names. Kumquat Bates. It has a ring to it, no?"

"No," Anna told him. "Neither does Fig. Try again." Anna began unbuttoning John's shirt as she talked to him.

"Anna. I thought you wanted to look at houses?"

"I never said that. You wanted to look at houses. Am I distracting you?" Anna asked as she finished the buttons and pushed the shirt off his shoulders.

"A little bit, yes," John told her.

"Oh, well," Anna teased as she stood from his lap and walked down the hall towards her bedroom. "I'll leave you be to look at your houses." John quickly shut the laptop and followed her down the hall.

"I'm done with the houses," she heard him say as he caught up with her and swept her off her feet. She screamed with glee and giggled all the way to the bedroom, where the thought of houses was erased from both of their minds.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I didn't think this chapter would ever finish...and it could have gone on...and probably will be continued into Chapter 22. But, it was getting lengthy, so I thought I'd better find a stopping point. I still enjoy and appreciate all your reviews. Thanks to my betas as always, and sadly, I still own none of DA and get no royalties.**

* * *

Valentine's weekend came around quicker than Anna had anticipated. She was now 13 weeks pregnant and officially in the second trimester. Her morning sickness seemed to be over, and she'd even started playing her trumpet a little bit. She hadn't yet rejoined the quintet as she was still trying to take things easy even though Dr. Clarkson had told her playing wouldn't be a problem. Maybe the biggest reason, though, was that she hadn't figured out how to tell Charles Carson that his services were no longer required. According to John, Dr. Carson seemed to be having a great time and had mentioned that he'd be happy to continue for as long as the group needed him.

As Anna put the last of her things into her suitcase, her front door opened. "Anna? It's me," she heard John call. He was always very conscious to announce his presence so she'd know it was him entering her home. He sauntered down the hall and found her closing the suitcase on the bed. Smiling, he walked around the bed to meet her and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

"Are you ready to go?" John asked as he grabbed her suitcase.

"I am," Anna smiled. "I cannot wait to spend the day in the spa tomorrow. I went online and checked it out, and that spa looks amazing. They have magnificent pools with underwater music and waterfalls. Did you know there's even a couples' lounge?" John smiled as Anna rambled on, but he secretly loved her enthusiasm. He knew he had his mother and Brenda to thank for the idea, but he was really glad that he'd gotten Anna a Christmas present she was so excited about. Before he had a chance to respond to her comments, Anna was talking again. "If the spa is tomorrow, what do you have planned for us today? It's only a few hours drive to the mountains so we'll have quite a bit of time today to explore."

"Well, I thought maybe we'd stop by Biltmore. It's been years since I've been there, and I hear they've opened some more rooms to the public." Biltmore was a private home built in the late 1800s by George Vanderbilt and was opened to the public in 1930 to boost tourism to the area during the Depression.

"That sounds wonderful!" Anna exclaimed. "I've always wanted to go there!"

"You've never been?"

"No. Mom and I always talked about going, but we never had the chance." She didn't have to add "before she died;" John understood and nodded. He saw the sadness momentarily flash across her face as it often did when she spoke of her parents. There were lots of smiles when she reminisced about them, too, but even all these years later, it was evident their loss still left a void in Anna's life.

"Well, today you shall go," he decreed as he led the way out of the condo and to the car.

Four hours later, John and Anna had reached the Orchard Park Hotel and checked into their room. It was quite extravagant, much like the room at the Ritz that John had booked for them last Fall. However, they didn't spend much time in the room as they just dropped off their bags and headed towards Biltmore.

Anna got more excited as they neared the mansion, not realizing how delighted she really was until this moment. She tried to calm down by telling herself that this was just a house, albeit a large one. But she also realized that it wasn't just seeing the home that made her happy, but that she was doing so with John and that this outing was his idea. With Greg, and her previous boyfriends, she did all the planning. None of them ever made plans for the two of them on their own, other than maybe making dinner reservations every once in awhile. Turning sideways to glance at John, Anna stretched her hand to cover his, which was resting on the console.

John smiled as he turned to look towards Anna and squeezed her hand. He was almost overwhelmed at the look she was giving him and he couldn't help but wonder for the thousandth time what he'd done to turn her head. As if she could hear his thoughts, Anna spoke.

"I love you," she said, simply.

"I'm glad," he replied.

"I've never been treated like this in my whole life. Never. Thank you." Anna's eyes sparkled with unshed tears, but she bit her lip so they wouldn't fall. Damn her hormones.

"You're welcome," John told her softly as he brought her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss there. He then placed her hand back in her lap as he put both of his hands on the wheel to navigate the twisting driveway towards Biltmore. They were surrounded by tall trees on either side of their car and there was no civilization in sight. It was hard to believe that just a few miles back they were actually in a city.

John and Anna continued on the approach road for what seemed like forever, but in truth it was closer to five minutes. Anna was astounded by the three-mile-long driveway and the beauty of the nature surrounding it, but when the trees cleared, her mouth dropped. She'd seen pictures and even advertisements on the television for the estate, but neither had done the property justice.

John pulled over into the parking lot that was still a ways from the house, but in truth he preferred it that way. He didn't want the beauty of the mansion to be marred by modern automobiles. "Wow," Anna said, stepping from the car. John chuckled as he reached for her hand and led her to the Visitor Center to purchase their tickets. Once that was taken care of, the two of them embarked hand in hand on the path to the house.

"So what do you know about this house?" Anna asked him as they made their way towards the mansion.

"Well, some," John told her. "I know that George Vanderbilt the II had it built in the late 1800s as his 'country home.'"

"I can't imagine what his permanent home was like if this was his vacation house," Anna stated.

"Well, I think this was his main residence after it was completed. I believe his daughter and at least some of his grandchildren were born here. In fact, his grandson is still the owner," John told her.

"Does he live here?"

"I don't think so. I think it's solely open to the public at this point, but I guess we can find out. I'm sure there are tour guides to answer all your questions."

"You're doing a pretty good job of that, Mr. Bates," she told him, smiling up at him. "I like you being my personal tour guide."

John looked down at her to meet her gaze. "Well, I'm afraid you now know most of what I do about this place, so you'd better take some headphones if they offer you any."

Over an hour later, John and Anna were still touring the home. They'd learned that there were thirty-three bedrooms for the family and guests as well as forty-three bathrooms. John had spent some extra time in the library staring at the more than 20,000 books George Vanderbilt had collected. He was only sorry that he wasn't allowed to touch any of them. As a writer, he'd give his right arm to flip through the pages of some of the first editions in Vanderbilt's library.

Anna was mostly amazed at the recreation facilities in the house. There was an indoor pool as well as a bowling alley. She knew those perks were probably not uncommon among the wealthy's homes today, but for those to be included in a 19th Century home had to be unheard of.

When they reached the servant's quarters, Anna couldn't help but let her imagination take control. It was as if the lifestyle this home personified was out of a fairy tale. Of course, it might be more like a nightmare if you were a servant. However, Anna imagined that their lives had to be good in some way or they would have chosen a different path. Then again, maybe there wasn't any other employment options for these folks. She couldn't quite wrap her head around it.

"Can you imagine living like this?" Anna asked John. "Being servants to other people?" She looked around the common room at the table for playing games, the book shelf, and the desk that was likely used to mend clothes. "What if we were born in another time, John? This could have been us."

"What makes you think that we wouldn't be the ones being served?" John scoffed.

"Yeah, right. Look at us. Mary Crawley is the type who would get 'served.' I'd probably be her maid."

"And who would I be? The butler?"

"No, I don't see you that far up the ranks," Anna told him.

"Hey!"

"I mean, if I was Lady Mary's maid, you'd probably be Robert's….maid? What do they call it for men? Or do they not have their own servants? Oh, that's it. Manservant. You'd be Robert's manservant," she laughed.

"They are called valets," John corrected her.

"And how do you know this? Were you one in a past life?" Anna giggled. But truthfully as much as he seemed to know about this home, she guessed that she shouldn't be surprised that he'd know this information either.

"I'm a writer. I read."

"So, if this was a hundred years ago, and we were indeed servants in this house, do you think they'd let us be together? Romantically, I mean. Or would one of us have to leave?" Anna asked him.

"Well, I'm sure there were trysts going on between servants, but I'm not sure that public romances were allowed. And I'm pretty sure if you ended up pregnant you'd be fired, lest an unmarried pregnant woman bring shame upon the house."

"Well, that's not fair," she commented.

"Maybe not, but that's how it was."

"Would you have married me to save my reputation and my job? If we'd been in this situation then?"

"Yes. If you'd wanted me to."

 _And what if I want you to now?_ Anna thought, but she wasn't brave enough to say it out loud. Instead, she continued with the ruse.

"Do you think I could have still worked? After I had the baby that is? Or would I be home alone with our baby while you continued to toil for Robert?"

"If it really were Mary and Robert we worked for, I think Mary would put your baby in the family nursery so that she could keep you by her side. But if it was anyone else, I'm sorry to tell you, you'd be gone."

"Oh, my gosh, John! Is that Joe and Phyllis?" Anna exclaimed, grabbing his arm. He started a bit at her rapid change in subject matter. Looking around, he noticed the other couple had just entered the servants' hall from across the room.

"It sure looks like them," John conceded.

"Joseph!" Anna yelled to get his attention. When Joe spotted her and John, he tapped Phyllis on the shoulder and pointed to their friends. A smile spread across both of their faces and they made their way over to John and Anna.

"Fancy meeting you here," Joseph said jovially, smiling at the other couple. "What are you guys up to?"

"John gave me a trip to the mountains as my Christmas present, and I'm cashing in this weekend. I've always wanted to come and see Biltmore. It's practically in our backyard and I've never been." And told him. "We were just discussing what it would have been like to be servants here. Can you guys imagine? _This_ is the room you get to relax in after you've worked 18 hours straight?"

"That doesn't sound like much of a life to me," Phyllis chimed in. "But folks did what they had to do to make ends meet."

"Yes," Anna agreed. "I just told John that if we'd been here a hundred years ago that I'd probably be a maid to someone like Mary Crawley, and then we decided that he'd be valet to Robert." Phyllis chuckled at the remark.

"The Crawleys are a bit posh, aren't they? And their current home is a bit estate-like. I could see them living here a century ago."

"So who would you all be?" John asked. "If Anna's a maid and I'm a valet, who would you all be?"

"I'd be the butler," Joseph answered, puffing out his chest.

"Yeah, right," John laughed. "Anna already told me _I_ wasn't good enough to be butler, so we for sure know that you're not. I think you'd be a bumbling footman."

"Hey! I'd at least be a valet or whatever that is," Joseph defended himself.

"Not in this scenario," John told him. "There's only one valet for the Crawley house as Robert is the only male." Joseph huffed as he considered defeat.

"I guess I'd have to be Cora's lady's maid," Phyllis smiled. "I'd rather that than work in the hot kitchen."

"I could see Cora's friend, Mrs. Patmore, working in these kitchens," Anna whispered conspiratorially.

"The one who made Christmas dinner?" Phyllis asked. John and Joseph exchanged glances and rolled their eyes as the ladies continued the charade.

"Yes!" Anna exclaimed, clutching Phyllis's arm.

"Oh, you're right. I bet she'd rule the scullery and galleys with an iron hand," Phyllis agreed.

Joseph leaned in to John and whispered, "Next they'll have Dr. Carson as the butler and his wife Elsie as the housekeeper." Before John could even nod in agreement, Anna piped up.

"That's so true, Joe! They'd fit those roles perfectly!"

John looked at Joe and said, "Let's get out of here before they decide Tom Branson was the family's chauffeur who defied social standards and stole the youngest daughter's heart." Anna and Phyllis stared at each other, bursting into a fit of giggles as John and Joe left the room.

* * *

John and Anna spent the rest of the afternoon with Phyllis and Joseph, touring the house and walking around the grounds. There were beautiful gardens and stables to peruse, not to mention the winery. Of course neither John nor Anna had planned on visiting the winery since neither one could drink, but Joseph was insistent on going and that the other couple join him and Phyllis. The tour of the vineyards and the cellars was fascinating even to John, but once the foursome entered the tasting room, where the tour ended, John immediately exited the building. He'd been sober for years, but part of the reason was he'd removed stumbling blocks from his path of alcoholism recovery. And if it weren't for spending time with his friends, he wouldn't be in this place today.

Anna followed John outside as their friends accepted a flight of white wines for tasting. She caught him stretching and taking in a big breath of fresh air.

"Do they know?" Anna asked John softly as she approached him from behind. John turned towards her and raised an eyebrow. He knew she was asking if they knew he was a recovering alcoholic.

"I've never discussed it with them, but I think everyone in our circle knows I don't drink, even if they don't know why," John told her.

"Are you okay? I didn't think about how this could affect you when I told Phyllis we'd do the winery with them. I was just curious how it all worked."

"It's fine," he assured her with a genuine smile and opened his arms for a hug. Just as Anna was settling against his chest, Phyllis stepped outside, looking for them. Spotting them, she walked towards them.

"I saw you guys leave, and then it hit me that maybe you didn't like wine." Anna stepped out of John's embrace and turned to face their friend. "I'm sorry if we pulled you into something that was not enjoyable for you," Phyllis continued, twisting her hands.

"It's not that we don't like wine," John started, but Anna cut him off before he could continue. She knew part of recovering from alcoholism was admitting that you were an alcoholic, but as far as she knew he'd been sober for years and if Phyllis didn't already know, then there was no reason to tell her now,

"I can't drink right now," Anna told the other woman as she reached for John's hand. Phyllis looked back and forth between the two, wondering what that meant exactly but not feeling bold enough to ask further questions.

"We enjoyed the tour. Truly," Anna added, trying to make Phyllis feel better. "But I think we're ready to head back to our hotel. Where are you all staying? Or are you headed home this evening?"

"No. We're up here for the weekend," Phyllis smiled. "Joseph bought a Romance Package at the Orchard Park Inn."

"Seriously?" John chimed in. "We're there, too. Anna has a day in the spa tomorrow. I was thinking of renting some clubs and hitting the golf course in the morning. Maybe we could meet up with you all later on."

"I have a facial and massage scheduled for tomorrow, too," Phyllis responded with a smile. "Maybe I'll see you in the spa, Anna."

"If Joseph doesn't have any plans, he's welcome to join me on the links," John told her.

"I'll mention it to him. I'm sure he'd be happy for your company," she told him.

"Have him text me."

"I will," Phyllis said as she turned and went back inside the winery. John squeezed Anna's hand and looked down at her when Phyllis left.

"You didn't have to do that," he told her. "You didn't need to take the blame for leaving the winery."

"And you didn't need to air your demons. Plus, it's the truth," Anna told him, smiling up at him.

"What if she'd asked questions?"

"Like, 'Are you pregnant?'" Anna chuckled.

"Well...yeah."

"Then I would have told her the truth," she told him. "I'm in the second trimester now. We aren't going to be able to hide it much longer. And I don't really think I want to." John smiled at Anna and placed his hand on her belly. Her body still seemed sleek to him, but he'd seen the ultrasound; he knew the baby was there. And he was finding that he was beginning to want the world to know that Anna was carrying his child. He couldn't wait to shout it from the rooftops.

* * *

The next morning, John and Joe teed off on the golf course at 8:00 a.m. despite the frigid temperatures. Anna had breakfast in bed, arranged by John, before showering and heading to the spa when it opened at nine. She was in the locker room, changing into her robe when Phyllis was escorted in.

"Good morning, Anna," Phyllis greeted her. "I'm so excited about my day here at the spa. Have you been here before?" Phyllis opened a locker and began taking off her clothes and placing them inside. She tried to get a peek at Anna's belly as the younger women pulled her robe closed. Phyllis felt a bit odd checking out another woman's body, but she was suspicious that she knew the reason that Anna "couldn't" drink yesterday. Alas, Anna had the robe closed quickly and Phyllis couldn't tell if she had a baby belly or not.

"No, I've never been," Anna replied. "This is my first time, but as luxurious as the entrance and locker room is, I can't wait to see the rest. Michelle, I believe her name was, is going to take me on a tour as soon as I'm done changing." Anna paused to slide her feet into her spa-provided slippers. "Have you been here before?" she asked, looking over at the slightly older lady.

"I have," Phyllis smiled, "and it is _wonderful_." Anna returned her smile and then left the room to meet up with Michelle.

Michelle was waiting for Anna as soon as she stepped out of the locker room into the women's lounging area. This space was more than Anna had expected and included comfortable chairs and a fireplace. From there, stairs led to a sauna area and some shower heads used for rinsing before entering the pools. MIchelle was quick to inform Anna that the pools require swimwear and were coed. She led Anna through the cave-like room that housed three different pools and two hot tubs, and they entered another area where all the massage suites were located. After showing her around this space, she settled Anna on a couch in a waiting area. There was a fireplace here, as well, and the lighting was quite dim. Anna was already feeling more relaxed than she had in long time, and when Michelle brought her water and she propped her feet on the ottoman, she'd decided her day at the spa was worth it even if she did nothing else the rest of the day.

Shortly, Phyllis entered the area in her robe and took a seat near Anna. There were a few other folks in the waiting area, but it was tranquil. Soft music played in the background, adding to the relaxing environment.

"I tried to get Joseph to join me for a couples massage, but he was insistent that he wanted this time to be about me," Phyllis told Anna as she reclined back and closed her eyes.

"Is that possible?" Anna asked her. "For both of you to have a massage together?"

"Yes. I don't know why Joseph didn't want to do it."

"I wish John had scheduled it that way. But then I guess men can't get prenatal massages, can they?" Anna realized what she'd said after it came out, but she wasn't ashamed. She meant it when she'd told John last night that she was ready to tell people about the baby.

Phyllis's eyes popped open and she turned her head towards Anna. _She knew it!_ "Are you having a prenatal massage today?" Phyllis asked, trying not to give away that she'd suspected that Anna was pregnant. Her suspicions were confirmed when a smile split Anna's face, and the younger woman giggled and nodded her head.

"That is so wonderful!" Phyllis exclaimed, before quieting her speech as others began to look at her. "I have so many questions, but they all seem inappropriate," she whispered. "When are you due?"

"In August," Anna told her, still smiling. "You're the first to know. Outside of John and Mary, that is."

"Well, I'm honored. Can I tell Joe?" Phyllis asked, unsure of whether Anna was keeping the pregnancy a secret or not.

"Of course. But keep it to yourselves for now. We want to share the news with everyone. John would kill me if Robert found out from Joseph instead of him."

"Understood. Well, congratulations. I'm so happy for you."

"Me, too, Phyllis. Me, too."

* * *

John and Joseph were relaxing in the hot tub in the "pool cave" as Joseph had dubbed the space. They'd played nine holes of golf and decided it was too cold to continue the rest of the course. In fact, the more they thought about the girls spending time in a warm and inviting atmosphere versus them freezing their toes off in the February mountain temperatures, the more they decided it was just stupid not to use the spa benefits that came with their stay. They may not have scheduled treatments, but they still had access to the pool, weight room, and lounges. Neither of them had packed swim trunks, so they ended up spending fifty bucks each on trunks offered by the spa. It was a ridiculous amount of money for the swim suits, but they were cold and desperate to get to the hot tub. Thus, by mid-morning they were settled into their positions in the pool cave.

After ten minutes or so, another man joined them in the water. He was probably about John's age and carried a bit of extra weight around his middle. The man tried to strike up a conversation with them, asking if they, too, were waiting on their wives.

"We're mostly warming up from our frigid golf game," Joseph answered. "But, yeah, our girls are getting treatments while we relax." The man nodded and positioned himself where he could see the path from the women's lounge to the massage suites.

"Yeah, mine is getting the works. I bought her the best for Valentine's Day. Gotta keep the little lady happy." The man laughed at his own words. "Plus, I can sit here and watch all the pretty women come by in swim suits. I'm married, not dead!" He elbowed John and laughed louder. John just smiled a smile that didn't quite make it to his eyes, while he contemplated how he could switch to the other hot tub without this guy following. However, the other tub had two teenage girls using it, and it would seem creepy if John joined them. There was the lap pool. It was heated even if it wasn't quite as relaxing as the hot tub, but there was a svelte young man swimming. John had no plans of actually swimming laps, so it would be odd if he moved to that pool, too. Unable to figure out a way to remove himself from the man without compromising his comfort or his ethics, he decided to stay put and rough it out. The man couldn't stay forever, could he?

Just then, two women made their way from lounge towards the massage center. "Too bad they are wearing robes, huh, fellas? I'd rather see babes in swimsuits." John was beginning to tire of the man's monologue, when Joseph spoke up.

"I care more about a woman's heart than her looks," Joseph told him. The man cut his eyes towards John.

"His wife must not be much to look at, eh?" he whispered out of the side of his mouth to John.

"No, I wouldn't say that. I'd say both he and I did just fine. We've got beautiful women of integrity." John answered, wishing with all that was in him that this extrovert would leave him alone.

"Okay, Okay. I'm picking up what you're putting down," the man said, raising his hands as if to say he was giving up. "You're more interested in minds than bodies." John closed his eyes and counted to ten, reminding himself that this man was not worth his time or energy. "But you have to admit it's nice to watch a pretty woman walk by. Like that one. You've got to agree that it's too bad that one's wearing a robe, I don't care who you are."

When John opened his eyes, he saw that the pretty woman that the man was referring to was Anna. She looked over at him and Joseph, and smiled shyly. If Anna was surprised to see them there, she didn't show it. Joseph just looked at John and chuckled, not saying a word.

"I see how you're looking at her, mate," the man postured towards John. "You might be interested in women's minds, but that look on your face says you're interested in that girl's body."

Joseph grabbed John's arm under water when he saw his friends eyes narrow at the other man. "Let it go," Joe whispered to John. Taking a deep breath, John decided that Joseph was right.

Ten minutes later, Anna reemerged from the locker room in a swimsuit. And not just any swim suit. It was a black bikini, and John had to actually try to hold his mouth shut. He also had to restrain himself from hitting the stranger next to him when the jerk let out a slow whistle between his teeth.

But more than all that, something else was distracting John. For the first time, he noticed that Anna was thickening up around the middle. Just a small pooch at the bottom of her belly. But it was enough for all kinds of emotions to well up inside him and swell his chest. Joseph had also noticed the change in Anna's figure and looked questioningly at John.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Joseph asked, never quite taking his eyes off Anna. Anna smiled at them as she took the steps into the pool across from them. John knew she couldn't come into the hot tub because of the baby, but he was stuck to his seat, taking it all in.

"I think he wants to tell you that he's human after all," their uninvited guest blurted out. "It appears that he's taken by this woman's beauty, not her mind."

"I wouldn't say that's completely true," John defended himself, as he continued to watch Anna as she sank beneath the water and raised up again, the water falling off her long blonde tresses. He bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to control his body.

"Ha!" the man laughed. "I would! Too bad for you, though, that you're spoken for just like us," he added, pointing to himself and Joe. "Plus, it looks like some man has already put his mark on her. Looks like there's a baby in that belly."

"You're right," John told him. "About all of it. I am mesmerized by her beauty-inside and out. I'm also a taken man. And there _is_ a baby in her belly. I put it there."

"I knew it!" Joseph cried as he slapped the water. "Whoohoo!" Several people in the pool area turned to look at him, and he had the grace to look a bit sheepish that he'd disturbed the calm. All the while, John made his way out of the hot tub to join Anna in the pool.

"Is he serious?" the man asked Joseph.

"Yeah, he is." They both watched as John joined Anna in the pool. She smiled as she swam over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips. John looked to the hot tub and waved at Joe and their new friend before turning his attention back to Anna.

"Are you going to kiss me or not," she whispered to him, smiling.

"You bet I am," he growled before capturing her lips with his. He couldn't help himself from deepening the kiss more than was prudent for public, but the combination of Anna sending his hormones into overdrive and wanting to show off for the obnoxious man in the hot tub overtook his senses. John also felt his body responding to Anna, especially in their position. When he finally broke the kiss, Anna was nearly breathless.

"What has gotten into you?" she asked him as her eyes fluttered open and her arms tightened around his shoulders. "I mean, I can _feel_ part of it. And I'm very flattered, but this is a public pool."

"I don't know," he told her sultrily. "There was this beautiful mermaid rising from the waters, and I couldn't resist her siren song. And just when her powers had pulled me into her pool, she swam to me and pressed her body against mine." He paused for effect before continuing. "And there's also a jerk in the hot tub over there with Joseph making lewd comments about you and I just needed to show him you were mine." Anna turned her head to look at the man, noticing that both he and Joseph were staring at them. She didn't really care, though. She was in John's arms, her favorite place to be.

"And am I yours, Mr. Bates?" Anna asked, knowing the answer but never tiring of hearing him say it.

"For always," John told her as he lowered his head to meet her lips once more. Anna's legs went weak at his words, and her heart filled with love for this man. Suddenly, she didn't want to spend any more time in the spa. She wanted to get back to their room. She ground her hips on his arousal to make her desires known. John groaned and broke the kiss.

"I think we'd better slow down," John told her as he pushed her slightly away from him.

"I think we should go back to our room," she told him, reaching for his hand to pull him from the pool.

"Wait," he said. Anna stopped tugging on his hand, but looked at him perplexedly.

"I can't just get out of the pool right now," John told her, nodding towards his crotch. Anna blushed a bit as the realization of what he meant dawned on her. "Plus, by the time we went to the locker rooms, changed clothes, and got to the room, the moment would be broken."

"What are you saying?" Anna asked, with narrowed eyes. John hefted a big sigh before answering.

"I'm saying that we may as well enjoy what the spa has to offer right now and look forward to continuing what just happened later."

"Oh," Anna said, the disappointment evident.

"Anna," John started, pulling her back into his arms. "I know you could feel how much I wanted - still want - you. But a little anticipation never hurt anyone." Anna huffed at his words.

"Try being a sex-starved pregnant lady with raging hormones," she told him.

"You're hardly sex-starved," John defended himself.

"Maybe not starving, but hungry," she bemoaned.

"I promise to feed you. Later," John smiled, leaning in for another smooch. "But for now, you need to get away from me so I will be able to get out of this pool in a few minutes without having to be ashamed."

"Oh, John Bates, don't ever be ashamed of _that._ Never." Anna then slipped under the water and swam to the other end of the pool. John just looked over at Joseph and the other man and shrugged, grinning like the cat who ate the canary.

* * *

John had made dinner reservations at the hotel's five star restaurant, and since it was Valentine's weekend, he was sure it would be full. He couldn't take his eyes off Anna as she walked slightly in front of him down the hall from the hotel lobby towards the restaurant. She was wearing a red dress that was a bit tighter, he was sure, than when she bought it. But her bosom and backside filled it out incredibly, and he couldn't wait to get her out of it. He could also see the hint of their baby across her belly, and he was surprised at how much of a turn on he was finding that to be. He could feel his fingers itching to touch her womb. To feel his child nestled there. _Soon_ , he told himself.

Fifteen minutes later, they had been escorted through the throngs of people waiting for a table to their reserved seat. John saw the man from the hot tub sitting at a table with whom John presumed to the be the man's wife. She wasn't ugly, but she was definitely nothing to write home about. John could understand why the man had been window shopping in the spa. He couldn't help the smirk on his face when the man nearly choked on his food as Anna walked by in her tight-fitting dress. The coughing caught Anna's attention, and she turned to look at him. She quickly recognized him as the man from the pool and smiled when she determined he was okay, continuing to follow the hostess to her and John's table.

As they settled in and perused the menu, Anna's curiosity was piqued. "Do you know that man other than from the pool?" she asked John.

"No, I just met him today," John told her, looking at her over his menu. "He was talking to me and Joe about how beautiful you were and how we must wish our women looked like you. Then he implied that you'd never take a second look at one of us."

"So that's why you came into the pool when you did? And gave me that mind-blowing kiss?" Anna asked him.

"Well, that's not the _only_ reason. But I'd be lying if I didn't want to show off a bit. Preen my feathers, so to speak." He smiled a half smile.

"I am not a prize to be won," Anna told him, and he wasn't sure if she was upset or not.

"I know. I'm sorry. But I get a perverse pleasure out of showing other men that someone as gorgeous as you could be interested in someone as unworthy as me." John looked down, unable to meet her eyes. However, if he had been looking at her face, he would have seen her blue eyes soften, and a smile creep up the edge of her lips. She reached over and grabbed his hands.

"Just so you know, I like showing you off, too. I wish you'd stop with this self-deprecating business. You have no idea how many women find you attractive."

"Yes, I do. Pretty much only you. And I still don't understand why."

"That's untrue, but if it wasn't, what does that say about me?"

"All I know is that I saw you dancing with Henry Talbot the other night, and I couldn't get out of my mind how he was the type of man you should be with. Not someone like me. He can offer you so much more than I can."

"He can't offer me anything I want. It's you I love, John. It's you I've waited my whole life for."

John squeezed Anna's hand at her words and his eyes began to tear. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed that the waiter arrived to fill their water glasses at just that moment.

Nearly an hour later, their dinner dishes were cleared, and they were waiting on coffee and dessert. Anna dabbed her lips with her napkin as she shifted in her seat, trying to find a more comfortable position.

"So, I have one more question about what happened in the pool today," she told John as she put her napkin back on her lap. "Just what was Joseph's 'whoohoo' yell about?"

"You heard that, did you?" John asked, as if he didn't know the answer.

"The whole spa heard it. What was going on?"

"Well, it was hard not to notice that you're expecting in that bathing suit you had on," John started.

Anna blushed. "I felt so fat in it, but I didn't care. I wanted to swim."

"You didn't look fat, my darling," John told her. "You look like a woman who had been properly loved. And I couldn't take that man insinuating that the baby was some mystery man's when _I_ am the father and was sitting right there. So I kinda blurted out that you are pregnant with my child. Then Joseph whooped." John was a bit nervous telling Anna that Joe knew about the baby. She'd said she was ready to tell people, but maybe that meant that _she_ was ready to tell people and not that he could.

"I'm glad he's happy for us," Anna responded, and John felt his shoulders relax involuntarily. "I have a confession, too. I told Phyllis about the baby."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Just Mary and your family," Anna answered. "I asked Phyllis not to share the information with anyone other than Joe so that we can tell people in our own time and in our own way."

"Fair enough." Just then, the waiter returned with their dessert and coffee.

"I was surprised you wanted chocolate," John told Anna as he watched the waiter place a six layer chocolate cake in front of her. He had ordered a raspberry cheesecake for himself. "I thought chocolate made you sick these days."

"I seem to be over that," Anna said as she nearly stuffed a bit of the cake into her mouth, closing her eyes as she savored the taste of the dark chocolate. "I've been craving chocolate all week," she added after swallowing. "I guess it's a shift in hormones or something." Anna continued to eat the cake as if she'd had no dinner, and John couldn't help but stare at her in awe. She finished her rather large slice of cake before he'd even eaten half of his much smaller cheesecake. It didn't take her long to eye his dessert and ask if he was going to finish it.

"Are you still hungry?" John asked, his eyes laughing. Where was this petite lady packing away all this food.

"Maybe," she said, biting her lip, hoping he wouldn't think her a cow.

"Go ahead," he chuckled pushing his plate towards her. He leaned back in his chair and began sipping his coffee. Anna's eyes fluttered shut as she continued to consume his dessert. "I guess I'll have to stock our new house with chocolate and cheesecake," he noted.

"That sounds fabulous," Anna replied, not even opening her eyes. "In fact, I'm pretty sure that's all it will need. No other food, or even furniture, is required." John chuckled at her response.

"I've lined up three more houses to look at this week when we get back," John told her. "We'll have to see how big the pantries are. That might be the deciding factor, it seems." Anna opened her eyes and caught his gaze.

"If you're there, then the house can be a shoe, and I will be happy however, whatever, whenever," Anna told him.

"Those are big words," John smiled at her.

"Those are true words," she professed.

Suddenly, the bill for dinner could not arrive soon enough. John signed the check to charge the meal to their account, and he stood to escort Anna back to their room. They held hands all the way to the elevator, and he tried to slow his speeding heart rate. He wanted to go slow with Anna and enjoy every minute of the night.

When the elevator arrived, he was pleased to find it was empty and no one else was waiting on a lift to their room. As soon as they were inside and the doors had shut, John placed his arm around Anna's waist and pulled her close to him, leaving a small amount of space between their bodies. His right hand reached to caress Anna's belly, cupping the small bulge that was their baby.

"I love that our baby is becoming visible," John whispered in her ear as his lips grazed her cheek. "I had no idea that it would be such a turn on."

"Well, lucky for you, Mr. Bates," Anna told him as she turned to wrap her arms around his neck, "that apparently being pregnant is also a turn on for me." John groaned as she stretched up to press her lips to his. The elevator doors dinged to signal the arrival on their appointed floor, and Anna tugged John by the hand towards their room. He wouldn't push her away this time, like he had at the pool. This time, he was completely at her mercy.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: There's a lot going on in this chapter, picking up right where we left off in Chapter 21. Thank you for continuing to read and review. I really appreciate it although I'm horrible at thanking you all personally. As always, I'm thankful for the ladies who help beta my work and push me when I'm stuck. And I still own none of the characters or several of the lines in this story. Without further adieu, Chapter 22 awaits.**

* * *

Chapter 22

Anna awakened as she felt the bed shift. Turning, she saw John's retreating back as he walked into the bathroom. It was still dark outside so she knew it wasn't time to get up, and she was thankful for that. Rolling back on her side, she tried to ignore the urge to empty her bladder. Unable to get comfortable, though, she decided she'd better relieve herself. As she was sitting up, she heard John come out of the bathroom.

They both were still naked from their earlier exertions, and the light from the bathroom allowed John to see Anna's silhouette as she sat on the edge of the bed. Flashes of last night swept through his mind. His body over hers. Her body on top of his. Her cries. His moans. He shook his head as he felt his body responding to his thoughts. Anna stood and stretched, and he had to close his eyes. Her pert breasts were outlined perfectly in the dim light and the baby bump made her even more desirable to him, which was something he'd never expected. He quickly slipped beneath the covers as she rounded the bed for her turn in the bathroom.

When Anna reentered the bedroom, she could see John's broad back as he was lying on his side, facing away from her. Flashes of her nails digging into his back as she clung to him flickered through her mind, and she felt warmth invade her from her cheeks to her belly. Circling the bed, she crawled beneath the covers and snuggled into to John's chest. She'd never tire of his scent or the feel of her face against his chest. She closed her eyes and released a happy sigh as she raised a leg to wrap around his hip and replayed last night's events in her mind. Little did she know that he was doing the same thing.

 _John was unsure how they'd made it back to their room before he'd grabbed her and crushed her to him. Tonight was not about going slow. At least not right now. She'd been driving him mad all day and it was time to claim her as his._

 _Anna couldn't get enough of John. She had to admit that his possessiveness had been a major turn on for her, today. To watch him taking pleasure in showing her off and to see how proud he was to call her his set her heart, and other parts of her, on fire. Anna had wanted to be his for so long, and to observe him professing publicly that he wanted her took their relationship to a new level. She realized their relationship was backwards-pregnancy first and all. But she didn't really care what led to their being together, she was just glad that he was hers._

 _John quickly unzipped Anna's dress and pushed it off her shoulders to a pile in the floor. He sucked in a quick breath when he realized that she was not wearing a bra. Her areolas were bigger and darker now that she was pregnant, and he could feel his body growing harder. Anna threw her head back giving him access to her throat and John wasted no time pressing kisses there and suckling her skin. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as his hands slipped from her back to her derriere. A moan escaped John as he grabbed the flesh left exposed by her thong. Anna tightened her grip on his shoulders, and John pulled her hips towards his, his fingertips biting into her buttocks. Anna could feel his arousal and could not help grinding her pelvis against his._

 _Soon, John had lifted Anna to the bed and was ripping his own clothes off. Anna kicked off her shoes, but before she could remove her thong, John was back, naked and on top of her. Suddenly and forcefully, he captured her left nipple in his mouth. Anna arched her back into him with a scream, and then he hooked his thumbs in the elastic of her lingerie, pulling them over her hips and down her legs in one smooth motion. Quickly, he was back above her, this time his lips on hers. Using his leg to spread hers apart for him, John plunged inside her without preamble. Anna was warm, wet, and welcoming, and she dug her fingernails into John's back as he began moving inside her. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she met him thrust for thrust, crying out his name over and over. John buried his face between her neck and shoulder, nipping and sucking at her sensitive skin. She'd likely have a mark left tomorrow, but he didn't care. As far as he was concerned it was just proof that he could please someone as gorgeous and desirable as this lady._

 _Just before his own orgasm, John reached a hand between them to find her clitoris and with two circular motions she was done, screaming and clutching him as close to her as possible. Two more thrusts on his part and John joined her over the edge, tightening his arms underneath her back. He never wanted to let go of her, and she never wanted to move. When he slowly relaxed his grasp and started to lift off of her, Anna tightened her grip with both her arms and legs._

" _No. Not yet. I wish I could be even closer to you," she whispered in his ear._

" _But the baby?" John replied, rolling to his side, taking Anna with him, still connected to her in the most intimate way possible._

" _The baby is fine. I need you."_

" _You have me," he told her, never meaning anything more._

" _I love you," she breathed as her grip began to slacken and her eyelids drifted shut._

" _I love you, too," he smiled as he watched her fall asleep in his arms. He gently moved them into a more comfortable position before falling asleep with her. It was nearly two hours later when she awakened him, sitting atop his hips._

Back in reality, Anna smiled against John's chest, relieving her memories. He rubbed her back as he did the same.

"I'm sorry I scratched your back," Anna told him, her voice muffled by his body.

"I'm not," John chuckled in response. "I'm not sorry I gave you that hickey, either."

"What?" Anna said, stiffening in his embrace.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that right here," he paused to trace the left side of her neck with his finger, "there's a mark."

"John!" she protested, smacking his shoulder lightly.

"Hey, I didn't hear you protesting last night," he pointed out. Anna had to admit that he was right about that. She was not complaining about anything that happened last night.

"How're you feeling?" John asked her.

"Satiated," she murmured, snuggling back against him. He smiled in response.

"I meant, do you have any morning sickness? I know you said you'd been doing better with it. And does everything feel okay, um, in your belly? We didn't hurt him last night did we?"

"She's fine," Anna smiled. "And so am I. Now, let me get a bit more sleep before the alarm goes off and we have to check out of this magical wonderland."

"Your wish is my command," John told her as he pressed a kiss on the crown of her head and wrapped the covers more securely around her. It was only five a.m., but he knew his sleeping was done. He didn't care; he was content to watch this beautiful woman sleep in his arms. He was still waiting for the other shoe to fall, though. Waiting for her to realize that she could do so much better than him, despite her assurances that she couldn't. He wanted to believe her, and sometimes he did. Right now, he did.

* * *

A month passed since Valentine's Day, and Anna was now 17 weeks pregnant. If she wore loose shirts she could still hide her growing belly, but most everyone knew by now that she was pregnant. Cora and Robert had been so excited for them when they announced their pregnancy, and Cora and Mary vowed to host a baby shower for Anna. Afterall, they had recent practice after they'd just thrown one for Sybil.

Anna had finally broken the news to Charles Carson that she would be taking back her position in the brass quintet, at least temporarily. She'd need him to potentially sub again after the baby was born until she got the green light to resume playing from Dr. Clarkson. Charles had taken the news graciously and informed her that he would be glad to fill in any time she needed him and would stay out of her way the rest of the time. The group didn't have another gig for two weeks, but Anna was trying to play daily and review the charts so she'd be ready to go. It had been almost five months since she'd played with the band, and it seemed like an eternity.

Also, John and Anna had looked at a handful of houses over the past month, but had yet to settle on one. There was one house that Anna had fallen in love with, but she'd tried to hide that from John. There was no way that she was going to ask him to invest that much money in a home. It was nowhere near the budget they'd discussed. It was on a beautiful street, lined with a canopy of willow oaks, and it had nearly twice the square footage the two - well three - of them needed. Anna wasn't even sure why the realtor had chosen this house for them to peruse, other than to tease them. Perhaps the realtor had realized that the house would capture Anna's heart after seeing her reactions to the other homes they'd looked at and after listening to Anna's preferences over the past several weeks. But still, Anna wasn't going to tell John that the house on Hamilton Street was her favorite. She'd just have to find a new treasure.

The next evening, John sat down at Anna's dining room table and opened his work bag. He set up his laptop and spread the contents of a manilla folder on the table.

"What's this?" Anna asked as she turned on the dishwasher after their dinner.

"It's the houses we've looked at. We've looked at 33 different houses in Malone Park, and it's time we make a decision," he answered her, pulling one of the houses up on-line.

"I know," Anna sighed as she pulled out a chair and took a seat at the table next to John. "There has to be a winner in here somewhere, right?"

"Well, as we've seen every house on the market that's within our set budget and our desired area, then yes, we need to pick one of these. Or rethink our parameters," John answered her. "Plus, if we are hoping to be moved in before the baby is born, that means that we've got a deadline to meet. Have you listed your condo, yet?" John asked her as he shuffled the papers on the table. He had put his house on the market for sale as soon as they'd gotten back from their trip to the mountains. There was a lot of interest in his home, but as far as Anna knew, no one had made an offer yet.

"I did today," she told him. "It was kinda bittersweet. I really love this place, you know." John leaned back in his chair and looked at her with compassion.

"I know, Sweetheart. I like it, too. But we can find another place you love just as much. Even more."

Immediately, the house on Hamilton Street crossed Anna's mind. She knew she could be happy there. It met all of their wish lists and then some - four bedrooms, space for an office, an attached garage, and a fenced in backyard. But she couldn't get past the price that that was more than a hundred thousand dollars outside of their range. Part of the price difference was the updated interior and fixtures, and part of it was location as it was on one of the most coveted tree-lined streets in town. Pushing thoughts of that home from her mind, she reached for the printout of another house.

"You're right," Anna told John, trying to make her smile reach her eyes. "One of these has to be it."

"Anna," he spoke her name softly. "Are you having second thoughts about this. About us living together and raising our baby?" Her eyes shot to his immediately, and he was relieved to see in them the honest shock at his question.

"No," she assured him. "I am not. I know in my heart it doesn't matter where I live; I'll be happy as long as I'm with you and our baby. It's just none of these seem right for us. None meet our entire wish list."

"She showed us one that did, remember?" John reminded Anna, as if she needed the prompting.

"No, it didn't. It didn't meet our price range. By a lot. I'm not sure why she even showed us that house." Anna was a little mad about it, truth be told. Why had the lady showed them something she knew they couldn't afford?

"I think her point was that we are going to have to sacrifice _something:_ either our wish list or our budget," John stated. "So, let's prioritize these houses based on our wish list items and then eliminate homes from there. The last one standing will be our choice." It sounded so logical, but it also felt cold to Anna. They shouldn't pick a house based on a paper; they should pick a house because it felt like home when you stepped into it. But as none of these had, Anna didn't have a better method for choosing their new house.

John put his pen down and leaned against the back of the chair, crossing his arms across his chest. "If we had the money for the house on Hamilton Street, is that the one you would want?" he asked her.

"Yes," she said flatly. "But we don't, so I don't really want to think about it. I kinda wish she'd just never taken us there," Anna sighed. John reached for her hand and covered it with his own. She looked up at him and saw nothing but love as he picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles before returning it to the table.

In the end, they'd chosen a three bedroom cottage with an attached two-car garage. The third bedroom was going to have double as a guest room and an office, and John was going to have to fence in the yard himself. But the price and location was right and they both agreed that they could make a go of their new life in this home. Perhaps they could even build onto the house in the future so the guest bedroom wouldn't have to be an office, too. John promised to talk to the realtor in the morning, and they'd make an offer on the house. Anna was mostly relieved that they'd made a decision. She told herself that she would grow to love the house as much as she loved the man she was going to share it with. It might not be the house on Hamilton Street, but it would do.

* * *

Anna was in the middle of reviewing a layout for a wedding reception when her cell phone rang. A quick glance told her it was a number she didn't know, so she let it go to voice mail. It might be a wrong number, and if it wasn't they would leave a message. She returned her attention to the computer screen and contemplated whether the wedding party table was too crowded or not. After spreading out the seating arrangements a bit, she heard the chime that indicated that she did indeed have a message. Picking up her phone, she found her missed calls and the message.

At first she was surprised to hear the voice and was initially afraid there was something wrong with John. But she quickly realized that Mrs. Bates was not panicked and was inviting her to a ladies luncheon in a couple of weeks. Harriet asked her to call her back in her free time, and she'd give Anna more details then.

Anna's heart warmed immediately that John's mother would think to invite her on an outing of sorts. She had not had much conversation with his family since Christmas even though John assured her that his family did indeed like and appreciate her. Anna wasted no time pushing the "call back" button and waited for Harriet to answer.

"Hello?" It didn't take long for the older woman to pick up the phone.

"Hello, Mrs. Bates. It's Anna," Anna replied with a smile.

"Hello, Dear. I assume you got my message?"

"I did. And I'd be delighted to attend a ladies luncheon with you," Anna responded, genuinely. She was more excited than she would have expected to be if this situation had been presented to her hypothetically, and she relished being included in an event with John's mother. It had been a long time since she felt like part of a family - not counting the Crawleys. "You tell me when and where, and I'll make sure I can get there."

"Oh, it's just an annual luncheon sponsored by the women's group at church. It's in the middle of the week, though. Thursday in two weeks from eleven to one. Can you make it?"

"Of course I can," Anna answered without even looking at her calendar. This was the first time anyone in John's family had reached out to her, and she'd clear her schedule for it even if she already had plans.

"I'm looking forward to it, and I'm glad you'll be my guest," Harriet told her.

"I'm glad you asked. I'll be honored to attend with you."

"Do you want to meet at my place at 10:30 that morning? Then we can ride together," Harriet asked, the smile evident in her voice.

"It sounds like a lovely plan. What's the dress code?" Anna asked, taking notes in the margin of her planner.

"Church dress," Harriet responded. "Nothing super formal, but leave your jeans at home." Anna chuckled at Harriet's attempt at humor. Or maybe she wasn't trying to be funny. Anna didn't know her well enough, yet.

"Okay, I've got it," Anna responded. "I'll see you in a couple of weeks."

"Great, I'll be looking forward to it."

"Me, too. Goodbye, Mrs. Bates." The smile on Anna's face threatened to crack her cheeks wide open.

"Goodbye, Anna."

It was a simple thing really, and perhaps Anna was reading too much into it. But to be included in Harriet's life and social circle meant a lot to Anna. Her relationship with John was going well, and now she had a chance to strengthen her tinuous bond with his family. Perhaps it really wasn't too late for her dream family to become reality.

* * *

"Mr. Bates," Sandra, the realtor started. "Let me get this straight. After weeks of telling me that your budget was firm, you've now decided to significantly increase it?"

"Isn't that what you wanted when you showed us the house on Hamilton Street?" John asked.

"Well, not exactly. I was trying to show you that your expectations and financial goals didn't agree, at least not for this neighborhood. I expected you to change your wish list, not your budget."

"Is this a problem?" John asked, wondering if his realtor was really arguing with him when he just said he was willing to pay more money for a house.

"Of course not!" Sandra quickly defended herself. "I just could have shown you other houses in your new price range if I'd known that was an option. There may be houses out there that you'd like better."

"No," John told her. "I saw the look on Anna's face as soon as she stepped through the front door. She seemed more at home in that house than any of the other dozens we looked at. It wasn't about the size or the wish list; there was just something about that house that spoke to her. And last night when we finally chose one of the less expensive houses, I could tell her heart wasn't in it. I want her to be happy."

"Spoken like a man in love with his woman," the realtor smiled. "Or one that's whipped."

"Maybe both," John smirked.

"So, I just need to put in an offer and then you and Anna will have to sign some paperwork," Sandra told him.

"About that. She'll never okay me spending this much money," John said. "Is there any way that we can do this without Anna?"

"Well, sure, but then it'll just be your name on the property."

"Can it be just my name on the mortgage but both our names on the deed?" John asked.

"Yes, but not without eventually getting her signature." This was going to be more difficult than John had thought.

"So regardless, she's gonna find out about this. No way to keep it a secret from her without keeping her name off the deed," John confirmed with Sandra.

"That's correct. But you can keep it a secret until closing," Sandra offered, with a twinkle in her eye. "It's up to you - I'm not telling you to lie to her. But you could maybe make her think you really did purchase the house on Catawba Avenue, and surprise her at the closing with the house on Hamilton Street. Is she really going to protest that much at that point? In front of lawyers and all?"

"No, I don't think she would. And I know she'll be happy. That's why I'm doing this," John told her.

"Then what's your offer for the house on Hamilton Street, Mr. Bates? I'll contact their realtor right away."

* * *

Anna's life seemed to be hectic these days. This particular week had been a whirlwind, indeed. On Thursday John called her to tell her that their offer had been accepted and that they would be closing on their new home in thirty days or less. Anna panicked because neither of their homes had sold at this point, but John reassured her that he had more than enough money to take care of it until their homes did sell. While she was certain that the combined funds they obtained from his house and her condo would cover the cost of the house on Catawba Avenue, she tried not to worry too much about how fast things were moving.

On Friday morning, Anna had her monthly checkup with Dr. Clarkson. All was going well and Dr. Clarkson had no concerns regarding Anna's pregnancy progress. He did, however, mention that it was time to get the amniocentesis scheduled if she was still interested in finding out whether this baby was a match for Declan's bone marrow. Anna felt trepidation about the procedure because she knew there were risks involved for the baby. She was already so attached to this child that she knew she would not survive if something happened to her baby. But at the same time, she knew that Brenda was likely feeling the same thing and also that she had promised John to do this for him. So, she nodded her head and scheduled the procedure.

The next Monday, Anna was shocked to find out that a couple had made an offer on her condo after viewing it over the weekend. The offer was her exact asking price and as she and John had a closing date coming up in two weeks on their own home, she knew she'd be a fool not to accept this one. Within a few hours, her condo was under contract with a new owner.

Wednesday brought Anna's first gig back with the group. It felt so good to get back in the "game" and to escape real life for a few hours. She thought she maybe felt the baby move a few times while she was playing, but as she'd never been pregnant before she wasn't really sure what to expect. It could just be her out-of-practice abdominals protesting to all her puffing away on her trumpet.

By Friday, she was certain she was feeling the baby move. John came over to help her start packing up, and each time she'd feel a flutter she would grab his hand and place it on her belly. He never felt it, and while he was somewhat disappointed, he tried to encourage her that he _shouldn't_ be able to feel the baby move yet and that there would be plenty of time left for him to assess the child's soccer legs.

On the following Monday, Anna dragged into work, feeling more fatigued than she had in weeks. She'd put in a lot of hours over the weekend packing up her condo, and she probably had overdone it, truth be told. John had been helping the whole time and continually encouraged her to rest with her feet up, but that was hard for her to do. She finally acquiesced as John played the trump card by saying, "Do it for the baby, even if you won't do it for me." And her condo was pretty much ready to be moved. Movers were scheduled for Saturday, and Anna now felt like she was living out of a suitcase as most of her belongings were taped up in cardboard. She rubbed her lower back as the ache had intensified over the past few days. She'd actually become worried that perhaps she should have listened to John more and helped with packing less, but she eventually decided that the pains were normal - just ligaments stretching and her hips widening to make room for the baby.

The quintet played another gig on Tuesday night, and Anna put her soul into the performance, trying to escape the fact that she was living in a dysfunctional condo and that she was about to undergo a somewhat dangerous procedure tomorrow. Still, regardless of how nervous she was about the amniocentesis, she knew she would do this all again. If it weren't for Declan she wouldn't be with John now. At least she doubted it. And she most certainly wouldn't be pregnant with his child - someone else's maybe. That thought turned her mouth sour; now that she'd experienced John's love, physical and emotional, she couldn't imagine living without it or carrying someone else's child. She'd signed up to help Declan, and she intended to carry through with it, no matter how scary that prospect had become.

John accompanied Anna to her appointment on Thursday morning. It was not with Dr. Clarkson, but at Maternal and Fetal Medicine, with a perinatologist, Dr. Douglas. John could feel Anna's anxiety, and if he was truthful, he was scared as well. He was scared for Anna, scared for the baby, and scared that after all this that the baby would not be a match for Declan. But he wouldn't voice any of that to Anna right now. She needed him to be her rock.

Holding her hand as he sat in the chair next to the exam table, John watched as the technician squirted gel on Anna's belly, causing Anna to squirm at the chill.

"Sorry, our gel warmer is broken. I forgot to warn you it would feel cold," the tech chuckled. Anna tried to smile, but the tech's aloofness wasn't helping her anxiety. When the tech pressed down with the wand, though, Anna heard a gasp. She wasn't sure if it was from her or John or both. A strong, fast heartbeat sounded from the monitor.

"That sounds like a healthy baby," Dr. Douglas announced as he put on his rubber gloves. "Are you all ready to find out if you're having a boy or a girl?" he asked looking back and forth from Anna to John. Anna turned her head to look at John and kind of shrugged her shoulders.

"We haven't really discussed it," John said for them.

"I want to find out," Anna said, strongly.

"Are you sure?" John asked Anna, not sure if he was ready to know. Anna nodded emphatically, and John knew he couldn't deny her this even if he'd rather wait.

"You heard the lady," John smiled at the tech. "We're ready to find out."

The ultrasound technician continued her exam of their baby, taking measurements of arms, legs, head circumference, and body length. Then she got to the private area. "You're sure you want to know?" she asked, giving them one more chance to opt out.

"Yes," Anna and John answered in unison. The tech froze the ultrasound wand in its position and looked towards Dr. Douglas. He smiled at the tech as he got ready to reveal the gender.

"Well, it's looks like you've got a daughter," Dr. Douglas informed them. Anna smiled and giggled, immediately thinking of all the girly activities they'd be able to do together. Pedicures, baking, shopping. John was quiet, but when Anna looked over at him, she could see a tear running down his cheek as his smile spread from ear to ear.

"John, we have a daughter," Anna told him, squeezing his hand. He chuckled as he stood and pressed a kiss to Anna's forehead.

"I can't wait until we can meet her," he whispered.

"Okay," Dr. Douglas interrupted their moment. "Sorry to move things along, but we need to start the procedure now." The technician handed the wand to Dr. Douglas, and he moved the wand around Anna's belly, looking for the best pocket of fluid in which to insert the needle. Shortly, he'd found the area and asked the technician to take control of the wand again.

"Anna," Dr. Douglas continued, "I'm going to put a topical numbing agent on your belly to help with the sting of the needle. I will then insert the needle into your womb and withdraw a small amount of fluid. There is very little risk to the baby, but this is still going to be slightly uncomfortable and will probably feel like you're having light period cramps. Just try to be as still as you can. The whole procedure will take about ten minutes."

Anna was still holding John's hand from before, but tightened her grip and looked for strength in his eyes. Truthfully, she was terrified of what was about to happen, but she didn't want John to know. This needed to be done, and she didn't want him to try to stop her.

John found Anna's eyes and could see her fear. He wanted to be strong for her, and he hoped that he looked like he was. Because in all honesty he was just as frightened as she was. Although the doctor told them that he felt like this procedure was fairly low-risk, John knew that those risks, as unlikely to occur as they were, were usually fatal to the baby. He felt so selfish for asking Anna to do this; if she'd had a baby with an anonymous donor like she'd originally planned, she wouldn't be here today putting her baby at risk. And while the thought of Anna's baby not being his now made him sick to his stomach, being responsible for a late-term miscarriage would likely kill him.

"Here we go," Dr. Douglas announced, pushing the needle into Anna's abdomen Anna screwed her eyes shut as the needle entered her body but she managed not to flinch. Dr. Douglas was right, this was uncomfortable, but she knew she had to do this for Declan. John stood and stepped next to the bed, smoothing Anna's hair back from her forehead in a soothing motion. Shortly, Dr. Douglas had finished and removed the needle. Anna let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. The ultrasound technician then did a quick check on the baby and both she and Dr. Douglas announced that everything looked good.

"Okay, Anna," Dr. Douglas started, taking off his gloves. "We'll have the results from this test back in two to three weeks and then you can send those to your nephew's oncologist to determine if the baby will be a bone marrow match. If so, we'll harvest the cord blood at your baby's birth and try to time everything so that your nephew is ready to receive the stem cell transplant at that time." The doctor smiled widely. "Do you have any questions for me before I step out?"

"Only what kind of symptoms over the next few days might be a sign that something is wrong? That this procedure might have caused an issue?" Anna asked. John nodded beside her, glad that she'd thought of that question.

"Great question. If you develop a fever or chills, you need to be checked. As well as if you start bleeding or leaking fluids or have persistent abdominal cramps or back pain. A little back pain and cramping is normal, but if it doesn't go away within a day or so, you need to see Dr. Clarkson." Anna nodded in agreement, unable to form words. The thought that any of those things might happen was too much to consider right now.

"Thank you, Doctor," John answered for her. "I'll make sure she takes it easy."

"Yes, I'd stay in bed or on the couch the rest of the day. No lifting or exercise of any kind. Let your husband wait on you," Dr. Douglas told her.

"Oh, he's not my husband," Anna told him. John stood next to her red-faced. He might not be, but did she have to be so quick to point it out?

"I apologize. Force of habit I suppose, assuming you were married," he looked a bit embarrassed, but tried to hide it.

"It's okay," John told him. "I'll take care of her as if I were her husband." Anna's heart melted at his words, and not for the first time, she imagined what it would be like to be John's wife. She wouldn't push him; she knew that the horrible experience he'd had with Vera had soured him on the institution. But she'd be lying if she didn't admit, at least to herself, that she'd love to wear his ring.

"Okay. We'll leave you alone to get dressed. We'll call you with the results. Continue to follow up as planned with Dr. Clarkson." With that, Dr. Douglas and ultrasound technician left the room, closing the door behind them.

John bent down and kissed Anna, gently, but fully, on the lips. "We're having a girl," he whispered, smiling. "I hope she looks exactly like her mother, otherwise she's doomed." Anna giggled in response.

"Well, you do look better as a boy than a girl," she teased, "but I hope she will have your wit." She leaned up to give him another quick kiss. "Now, I need to get re-dressed so we can get out of here."

"Yes, and then I'm taking you to my house. It's less dismantled than yours, and I think you'll be able to rest there better."

"But all my stuff is still at my condo," Anna protested, as she pulled her pants back up over her belly.

"Yes. Mostly in boxes. I'll go pack you an overnight bag, and you'll stay tonight at mine. Plus, you've never done that. I feel like it's time."

"But I've got that luncheon with your mother tomorrow," she countered. "You'll never be able to pick out an appropriate outfit for me."

"I'll get Gwen to help me," he stated.

"You have an answer for everything don't you? Well, I've only got a couple of maternity dresses anyway; it can't be too hard to put together a suitable outfit with just two choices for dresses."

"I promise I'll get Gwen to help," John insisted.

"Okay, then," Anna finally relented, gingerly swinging her legs over the side of the table. She flinched a little as a pain swiftly raced through the area where the needle had been inserted into her abdomen. Her hand quickly landed on the spot.

"What?" John asked, taking a step towards her and grabbing her hands, the look of concern on his face causing his forehead to wrinkle.

"It's nothing," Anna assured him with a small smile that was less than convincing. "I'm just sore where the needle stuck me."

"Are you sure?" John asked, his face relaxing slightly but not fully. "Do I need to go get Dr. Douglas?"

Anna shook her head in reply. "No, I don't think so. I'll be fine." She met his eyes and read his next question there before he could voice it. " _We'll_ be fine." She smiled as she stood and let go of his hands to reach for her shoes.

"I'll do that," John told her, bending to pick up her shoes and hand them to her.

"I'm not an invalid, John," Anna told him.

"I know, but you're supposed to be resting today." John watched her slip on her shoes and reach for her purse. He captured her hand in his own and led her out the door. "Let's get you home and off your feet," he said as they walked towards the checkout desk Anna could see that John meant it when he told Dr. Douglas he'd take care of her, and she wasn't sure she'd ever felt more loved.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: So...I know it's no excuse but my personal life got extra busy all of a sudden, and I've had little time to write. Still have lots of ideas...no worries, it's just a bit longer between chapters right now. The next one could be posted within a week, but it may take two or three weeks. I'm crossing fingers for shorter amounts of time between chapters. Anyway, here's the next installment of Performing in Harmony. I still own no characters.**

* * *

Anna had been to John's house before, but she'd never lingered very long. If they stayed the night together, it was always at her place. In general, most of their time with each other was spent somewhere other than John's home. His house was small, but functional. There was minimal furniture, but it was well put together. A few boxes were stacked in the corner of the living room, and the built-in shelves were, for the most part, empty. Anna assumed it was likely their contents were in the boxes, ready to be moved into their new new home when they closed on it. The rest of the house was much the same. No knickknacks or extra decor anywhere - only what was absolutely needed for day to day living. Whether this was because John had already packed non-essential items in anticipation of their move or whether his house was just a typical bachelor pad, Anna wasn't sure.

"The bedroom is this way," John told her as he led her down the hall. "It's not much compared to yours, but it's comfortable and there's a television." Anna stepped into his room and was not surprised by the red and navy plaid bedspread. She made her way over to the bed and gingerly lowered herself to sit on the mattress. Her abdomen was a bit sore from the amnio procedure, but she had felt the baby moving not long ago so she knew all was okay.

"Why are you smiling?" John asked with a raised eyebrow as he knelt in front of her to help her with her shoes. He knew she could probably do it herself, but he'd promised Dr. Douglas he'd take good care of Anna and this was part of that assurance.

"Because I'm in John Bates's bedroom. I would have died to do this at age twenty-one. I just like to revel in the fact that a dream is finally coming true."

"Anna, you're pregnant with my child. Isn't getting giddy about seeing my bedroom a bit anticlimactic?" John asked, looking up at her as he finished with her shoes.

Anna couldn't help but chuckle at his question. "Oh, no. There's definitely nothing about being in a bedroom with you that is anticlimactic."

John's face turned red as he realized Anna's implication. "Let's get your feet up so you can rest," he told her, changing the subject. He'd never understand what he'd done to turn her head all those years ago, but he was beginning to count whatever it was as one of his greatest achievements. Helping Anna get comfortable on the bed, he grabbed the extra pillows beside her and tucked them behind her back as she leaned against the headboard. He disappeared for a few seconds before returning with the fleece blanket from his couch.

"Would you rather use this or get under the covers?" John asked, holding the blanket out for her perusal.

"The blanket is fine. Thank you, John," Anna answered and John covered her with the fleece, tucking the edges under her feet and legs. He disappeared again and returned with a glass of ice water.

"I don't really have much to eat here," he apologized as he sat the glass on the nightstand next to Anna. "As you know, I've been pretty much living at your place the past few weeks. I'm gonna run over there now and get your things for tomorrow. Would you like me to get you some food while I'm out?" John asked as he picked up the remote control to the television and handed it to her.

"Some soup might be good," Anna told him. "I don't want anything too heavy. I'm a bit nauseous after the procedure. I'm not sure if it's a side effect or my nerves, but either way, I want something safe to eat." A small smile slowly crossed his face as he bent and placed a gentle kiss on Anna's forehead, and she closed her eyes and leaned into him.

"I love you," he told her. "I'll be back as soon as I can." Anna just nodded and grinned as she sunk into the pillows and watched him leave. She felt like the luckiest woman on earth to have this man taking care of her, and in that moment she was sure that she wanted to be Mrs. John Bates one day. They had never talked about it, and she didn't know where he stood on the matter, but her dreams of simply being with John had come true. Why couldn't there be more?

* * *

"I'm glad you were able to meet me," John told Gwen as they walked into Anna's apartment. "If you hadn't been available I'm not sure what I would have done. I promised Anna I'd get you to help me."

"Oh, I'm sure you would have done fine," Gwen told him as she followed him to Anna's closet.

"You have more faith than you should," John replied.

"So, this is a church luncheon tomorrow?" Gwen clarified. "Does she need things just for tomorrow or for a few more days as well."

"I think just tomorrow, but it might not be a bad idea to pack for a while longer. That way I won't have to bother you again, hopefully," he told her.

"It's no bother," Gwen assured him. "Now let's see what we have to work with."

Twenty minutes later, Gwen had picked out a dress and sensible shoes for the next day. She also packed a work outfit for Friday, and some more comfy clothes for the weekend. Thankfully, she took care of PJs and underwear, too. John realized he probably wouldn't have even thought about those things. Gwen put together a cosmetic bag and then asked John if Anna had a toothbrush at his place. He looked at his toothbrush in the cup on Anna's sink and felt bad when he answered, "No." But then again she'd never spent the night at his place before today.

In the end, there was a suitcase packed full of Anna's belongings, and John just had to trust Gwen that Anna would be pleased with the choices. He locked up Anna's condo and headed home, stopping by a local deli for some soup on the way. By the time he arrived, it was a little after noon and Anna professed to be starving. He brought her a tray with the soup, and returned to the kitchen to make himself a tray so that he could join her for lunch. However, by the time he returned, Anna had already finished her bowl of soup. _So much for her upset stomach_ , he thought as he surrendered his bowl to Anna after she had slurped down hers. He went back to the kitchen to grab a protein bar for himself and decided that he probably ought to go to the grocery store and purchase some things to make them a dinner tonight. Apparently, he needed to make a big meal.

Anna finished John's soup and tossed some of her extra pillows on the other side of the bed as snuggled down on the bed to take a nap. She felt a little bad for eating his soup, but it was so good that she couldn't make herself feel too guilty. She was feeding his child, she reasoned. Pulling the fleece blanket up over her shoulder, she rolled onto her side.

"John?" she called, wondering if he was coming back. She'd been watching the Game Show Network while he was gone and was content to continue watching the Family Feud, but she'd really like him to come lay down with her.

"Did you call me?" John asked, stepping into his room finishing his protein bar. Anna turned to look at him and her face fell.

"I'm sorry I ate your lunch. You shouldn't have let me." She truly felt bad that he'd be reckoned to eating what amounted to a snack for lunch.

"It's fine. I'd rather my girls have it," he smiled at her. Anna's heart melted at his words, and his gentle gaze made her fall even more for him.

"Come lay with me and watch this show," Anna told him, patting the bed beside her.

"I need to go to the store if we want to eat anything for dinner," he said, rounding the bed and sitting down beside her. He stretched his legs up on the bed, groaning softly at the ache in his knee, and then he laid back on the pillows that Anna had placed back on his side of the bed. He rolled towards her and began brushing her hair back from her face. Anna's eyes fluttered shut, and she smiled softly at his touch. John couldn't help but feel proud that she reacted in such a positive manner. He was honored that this woman professed to love him, and he was more excited than he ever expected to be that she was carrying his child. Somewhere along the way this had become more for him than just healing Declan and giving Anna a child. He'd become attached. He hadn't counted on or planned for that. Or maybe he had planned for it, he thought, as he remembered the house he'd purchased for their family, even if he hadn't expected to develop such deep feelings.

"What?" Anna asked, not opening her eyes.

"Hmm?" John asked in confusion.

"You're chuckling. I just wondered why," she told him, raising her eyelids to look at him.

"Oh, I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you lying in my bed, carrying my baby, being my friend. Being my girl," he told her.

"Oh, yeah? Then why is this the first time you've allowed me in your bed?" Anna meant it to be teasing, but John flinched a bit anyway.

"I'm sorry, Anna. I should have invited you over before I suppose," John told her, "but your home is so much nicer. I couldn't afford to make this place homey when I left Vera and moved here, and truth be told, I probably wouldn't have done a very good job if I'd tried. Then after living like this for years I didn't see a need to change things. It seemed like a waste of money."

"So is it safe to assume you haven't invited any women here?" Anna asked, not sure what made her ask that question and not sure she wanted to know the answer.

"Umm," John involuntary stuttered before he could think of how he wanted to respond, and he could tell by the look on Anna's face he'd taken too long to decide.

"So, there have been women who have seen this room?" she asked, unsure why it bothered her. She knew he wasn't celibate when they'd met, and she tried to rationalize why she shouldn't be upset.

"Anna," John started gently, scooting closer to her and wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her to him. She snuggled up to him and nuzzled her face in his neck. "You know I've not been a monk."

"I know. And I don't hold that against you. I guess I just don't want to imagine you sharing what we have with anyone else," she told him. "I don't want to think of you taking pleasure from another woman. And maybe more importantly I hope that I can live up to..to..the others."

"Oh, Anna, I've never experienced what I have with you with anyone else. Not even Vera in the good days. You've ruined me for other women. Plus, you're the only one that the plaid bedspread hasn't scared off. You're the only one who's still here." She laughed and smacked his shoulder, causing him to chuckle, too. "In all seriousness, Anna," John continued, "you may not have been my first or my only, but if you want to be, you'll be my last."

Anna's heart swooned at his words, and for the briefest second she wondered, _Is this a proposal?_ When he didn't continue she assured herself that he was not popping the question, and she found herself simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Mostly, she was just happy to call him hers, and even though he may not be asking her to be his wife, he was, in essence, promising himself to her.

"I love you, John Bates," she told him, pulling him closer and pressing a kiss to his throat.

"And I love you," he responded, kissing her crown and rubbing his hands up and down her back as she settled into a more relaxed state.. "I'm going to let you rest while I go get us some some groceries. Call me if you need anything. I'll be back in an hour or so." She nodded her agreement into his neck and then with one last kiss, he tucked her in for her nap, turned down the television, and left the room.

* * *

John had returned as he promised and Anna was still asleep. He had gone about making them some pork chops and rice and delivered dinner to Anna in bed. They'd snuggled on the bed and watched a movie before they both put on their pajamas and called it a night.

The next morning, Anna woke up with a back ache. She was a little nauseous, but not as bad as her morning sickness had been. She groaned as she rolled over, stretching to wake for the day, and feeling some pain relief as her lower back popped. Sleeping on an unfamiliar mattress had obviously not been good for her spine. Looking over at where John had slept, she wasn't surprised that he was no longer in the bed. Letting out a sigh that she was going to have to get up and shower, she turned her head to the right just in time to see John walking out of the bathroom, tying his tie.

"Good morning, Beautiful," he told her, smiling at the gorgeous blonde draped across his bed.

"Hey," Anna smiled. "You sure are dressing fancy for class today," she commented as she pushed herself up on the bed.

"The president of the university will be in the department today. I figured I should look like I care about my job," he told her.

"You look amazing," Anna assured him. "Very handsome and classy." John simply smiled at her compliment.

"I hung up your dress for today. It's in my closet and your shoes are there, too. How are you feeling?" he asked, looking at himself in the mirror to put the finishing touches on his tie.

"I'm good," she told him. There was no use mentioning the back ache. It was a normal part of the pregnancy and it would either worry him for no reason or make him feel bad about his mattress, neither of which she wanted to do.

"Mom is going to pick you up here around 10:30. Take it easy until then, okay?" he told her, checking his appearance one last time. "She'll bring you back here when the luncheon is over."

"John, I told you I wanted to go to work this afternoon. It's been nearly the twenty-four hours Dr. Douglas told me to rest," Anna protested, swinging her legs over the edge of the mattress.

"Well, let's play it by ear. Wait until after the luncheon to decide. If you're not feeling your best, why don't you just take the rest of the day off. You've already taken off half of it." Anna walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "It's not worth risking the baby for a few hours of work." She stiffened a bit at his comment.

"Are you implying that I care more about work than the baby?" she asked him, a bit edgily.

"Of course, not," John quickly assured her, rubbing his hands up and down her back. "I just know you try to be everything to everyone and I want to make sure your priorities are straight." Anna pulled away from him and narrowed her eyes.

"I'm just making it worse, aren't I?" John asked, his cheeks growing red.

"Yes. So I think you'd better just get on out of here and go to work before you swallow your whole foot." He knew she was a little mad, but he took his chances and closed the space between them. John was encouraged when she didn't step away from him or turn her head when he bent to give her a quick kiss. She probably wouldn't admit it, but he was certain that she kissed him back, miffed at him or not.

"Call me if you need anything. I should be available most of the day. I'll see you tonight. Let me know what you decide to do about work." He bent and kissed her one more time before he left the room to grab his work bag and leave the house.

"Okay," she agreed. "I love you!" Anna called to him down the hall.

"Love you, too!" she heard him reply before the door shut behind him.

* * *

Harriet picked up Anna promptly at 10:30 just as John had said she would. And he had done well getting her belongings from her condo. She was wearing her pink floral maternity dress, but she had to laugh when she saw the pair of flats that John had brought her. They were black, so they went with the dress well enough - thank you, Gwen - but Anna would have chosen something with more of a heel if she'd been able to select for herself. She was sure, though, that John had not allowed Gwen to choose something more fashionable for fear that she would trip and hurt herself or the baby.

The ladies arrived at the church at 10:55, just in time for the luncheon without being too early nor late. Stepping through the doors of the fellowship hall, they were greeted warmly by a middle-aged woman.

"Welcome to the Mother-Daughter Banquet," the lady received them. Anna looked at Harriet a bit confused. "There's a few more seats at the table in the corner," she informed them as she ushered them towards the table. "Enjoy," she said as she left them to take their seats.

"Oh, Harriet," another lady, Nancy, addressed Mrs. Bates. "Is this your daughter-in-law? Jim's wife?" Anna and Harriet took their seats, and Anna could feel the pink in her cheeks. She was trying to gather her bearings as she was realizing that this "women's' luncheon" was not technically open to all women, but aimed at family. She quickly tried to process that Harriet had asked her to come as her daughter and not just a friend.

"No, this one belongs to John," Harriet skirted the question, patting Anna's hand under the table. "This is Anna, and that little bump on her belly is my grandchild." Her smile stretched from ear and to ear, and Anna couldn't help mirroring Harriet's look. She was so happy that Harriet was proud that she was carrying John's baby. They had never really talked about how Harriet felt about hers and John's arrangement other than that she was happy they were trying to help Declan. It warmed Anna's heart to have Harriet embrace her pregnancy so publicly. And at her church, too. Anna knew that some here would probably be judgmental that she was unmarried and pregnant, but she also knew that others were more open-minded.

"Well, that old dog!" Nancy laughed. "I knew he deserved so much better than that shrew he used to be married to, but I never thought he could land a looker like this one!" Anna coughed as Nancy's daughter interrupted with a, "Mom!"

"Well, it's true," Nancy continued. "They came to church once or twice at Christmas-"

"Because I made them," Harriet interrupted, indignantly.

"Well, nevertheless, I swear I could feel evil around that woman," Nancy continued.

"You _could_ ," Harriet agreed.

"Ladies," Nancy's daughter interjected, but she couldn't quite hide the smile on her face. "This may not be Sunday morning, but it's still a place of worship. Let's try to make God happy by not demeaning others."

The luncheon continued peacefully, and Anna enjoyed her chicken cordon bleu more than she thought she would. It had never been her favorite dish, but she was learning that her palate was changing as the baby grew. The speaker for the event was the daughter of an experienced preacher and spoke on the theme, "All the King's Daughters." She was very entertaining and the luncheon was over before Anna had realized two hours had passed. Soon, her bladder reminded her that she'd been sitting for a while, and she excused herself to use the bathroom.

Once there, Anna noticed that her underwear was damp. _I really waited too long to go this time_ , she thought to herself. Apparently her daughter was using her bladder as a pillow, and she was getting to the point in the pregnancy where she was becoming incontinent. Finishing her business and washing her hands, she exited to the bathroom to find Mrs. Bates waiting on her.

"There you are. I was beginning to worry. Everything okay with you and the babe?" Harriet asked.

"Yes," Anna smiled. "I wasn't gone that long, was I?"

"No. Just a few minutes. I just worry is all. Especially after your procedure yesterday. John told me you were supposed to have bed-rest all day yesterday. I just want to make sure that you didn't over-do anything on my account."

"Harriet," Anna started. "I have been sitting on my bum eating. I don't believe we've caused any problems." But her smile slipped a little when she thought of the wetness on her underwear. Everything was okay, wasn't it? She wasn't in any pain. Her back was feeling better and there were no cramps. No, she was fine. She was just getting paranoid because of John's mother's innocent remark.

"Hello, Mama Bates," a swarmy voice came from behind Harriet and Anna. Both women turned to see who was addressing Mrs. Bates in such a manner. At the sight of the woman, Anna clamped her jaw shut to keep it from falling, and Harriet's eyes narrowed.

"Vera," Harriet responded coldly. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I bet not," Vera laughed, evilly. "God knows you never invited me to attend the Mother-Daughter luncheon with you." If the comment bothered Harriet, she didn't show it.

"I meant in a church," Harriet clarified. "I didn't expect to see you in God's house. But beyond that, I never felt as if you were my daughter, so no, I never invited you." Anna stood staring at the two women with mixed emotions. Just the sight of John's ex-wife made her sick to her stomach.

"And John's little tart seems like a daughter to you?" Vera interrupted Anna's thoughts, raking Anna up and down with her eyes. "I'm disappointed in you, Mama. I can't believe that you approve of this harlot. She's an unmarried, pregnant woman in your church. Parading in front of your righteous friends. What do they think about this situation?" Harriet stretched herself taller, and her green eyes turned cold. No sooner than Harriet had opened her mouth to respond to Vera, the malicious woman continued, pointing at Anna. "Are you even sure that is your grandbaby in her belly? When we were married, I often waffled between wondering if John was cheating on me and knowing that he wasn't because he couldn't get it up."

Before Anna realized what she was doing, she reached out and slapped Vera across the cheek. Vera's head swung to the left before she caught her balance and slowly turned back to look at Anna, a wry smile slowly stretching her lips upward. "I gather I struck a nerve," she smiled. "And you've assaulted me in a public place with many witnesses. What do you think about Little Miss Perfect now, Mama? All but admitting the baby is not your son's and acting out in such a way in front of all your friends."

"I'd kindly like to you stop addressing me as 'Mama.' You never called me that when you were with John, and you certainly have no right to use that title now."

For her part, Anna was shocked that she had slapped Vera. Oh, it had felt good, but it was so out of character for her. She could only blame the action on the pregnancy hormones and her desire to protect John. She immediately regretted that she'd hit Vera, but only for Harriet's sake, not John's ex-wife's. This was the first time that Harriet's friends had met Anna, and as much as as she loathed to admit it, Vera was right. Many of these church-goers would not look favorably upon the fact that Anna and John were bringing a child into the world out of wedlock. A bout of nausea rose from the pit of Anna's stomach as she looked around to see if anyone had seen her hit Vera. She was relieved that no one seemed to be paying attention to the three of them, but soon another wave of nausea hit her. Anna's hand immediately went to her belly, which drew the attention of both of the other women.

"Why are you even here, Vera?" Harriet asked, trying to defuse the situation when it was clear the woman was getting ready to take verbal aim at Anna and her baby again. Vera moved her eyes from Anna to Harriet and shifted her weight. Anna looked around for an easy escape route. She was feeling worse by the second and would love to get to at least a chair.

"Susan Flincher invited me," Vera told her proudly. "I've been serving as her caretaker and companion for a few months now, and since her rebellious child, Rose, ran off to Europe, she says I'm the closest thing she has to a daughter now."

"Well, I'm glad to see Susan out of the house," Harriet said, truthfully, even though she'd never cared for Mrs. Flincher. She'd always seemed like a bit of shrew if Harriet was honest. "I thought she was completely home-bound."

"I am a good caregiver, Harriet. And I could have been yours if your son wasn't such an idiot."

Harriet had had enough. "That's enough, Vera. I'm glad you and Mrs. Flincher could make it today, but if you are going to continue to insult my family I must excuse myself." She reached for Anna's arm and gently pushed the younger woman to the right. "Good day."

Anna took the hint and walked away from Vera, something she wished she'd done as soon as she'd seen her. Suddenly, with Anna's next step, a pain flashed across her abdomen. She flinched and stiffened, and Harriet couldn't help but notice.

"Anna dear, are you okay?"

"I don't know," Anna admitted. "I think so, but I'm really not sure. I've had a bit of pain, and my panties were wet in the bathroom."

"That's it. Let's get you to the hospital. It may be nothing to worry about, but let's have you checked out. I don't like those symptoms considering that you just went through amniocentesis." Harriet shook her head as she escorted Anna to her car. "I never should have had you come with me after I realized it was the day after your procedure."

Anna tried to remain calm, but honestly, Harriet's concern was worrying her. Harriet, after all, had been pregnant before. Anna had not. She had no idea if what she was experiencing was normal or not. Opening the door of the car and lowering herself into the passenger seat, Anna's nerves began to grow. She closed her eyes and prayed harder than she ever had as Harriet sped towards midtown and Methodist Medical Center. Pulling out her phone to call John, she almost cried when she got his voicemail. Leaving him a message to meet them at the hospital, she hugged her belly, praying that their baby would be all right.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I have not abandoned this story! Just crazy life. Lots of family stuff and an unplanned (but welcomed) move. I'm back into more of a routine now and hope to publish regularly again. I'm still thankful for my betas, as well as all my readers and all of those who leave me reviews and send me messages. It certainly spurs me on and motivates my writing. Thank you for continuing to support this story, and I hope this chapter does not disappoint you!**

* * *

Anna had never been so panicked in her life. The ride to the hospital in Mrs. Bates's car seemed to take forever. The fact that John wasn't answering her phone had tears of fear and anger spilling silently down her face. How could he not answer his phone? Damn him for being such a rule follower and turning the thing off when he was teaching. Or in that stupid meeting. Or whatever he was doing.

Anna dialed his number again as Harriet fought traffic towards Methodist hospital. Again, John's phone went straight to voicemail. She'd left him a message the first time, trying not to sound too scared, stating that his mother was taking her to the hospital because she seemed to be leaking fluids. She'd assured him that she was fine and this was probably normal, but she couldn't convince herself of that. Right now she was scared more than anything that she was about to lose the fantasy life she'd created around her.

Surely God had not let her come this close to her dream just to take it away? And furthermore to take away a potential miracle for John's nephew? Anna loved her baby more than anything and in a way she never could have fathomed despite her yearnings for a baby and family of her own. Memories of losing her parents came flooding back, and she nearly crumpled in the seat. She couldn't lose this baby. She couldn't lose her world again.

Because that's what would happen if anything went wrong with the baby. Whether it should be or not, she knew this baby was the key to her and John's relationship. Oh, she loved him for _him_ \- not just because he was the father of her daughter-but she also knew that their child is what brought them together in the first place. If she lost her baby, she wasn't sure that she wouldn't lose John as well. As despair that she could lose everything she held dear washed over her, Anna welcomed Harriet's hand reaching for hers.

"Don't worry, Love," she cooed, trying to calm Anna. "He'll get the message and be here in no time. And if he doesn't, I'll go get him myself." Anna squeezed the other woman's hand in gratefulness and nodded her head. It was all she could do as she prayed her world wasn't falling apart.

* * *

John was kicking himself for turning off his phone. He'd promised Anna he'd be available. He'd just not wanted the president to walk in on his teaching only to hear his phone chiming or vibrating. _Who of any importance would need to contact me?_ he'd asked himself. _Mom and Anna are together and they can take care of each other._ He had no idea so much could happen during that hour of class.

And while he was thankful that his mother was with Anna, _he_ should be there. John could tell from Anna's messages that she was panicked. The first one was decent. She had obviously hid her fears pretty well. But there were a couple of messages that she obviously hadn't meant to leave. It was like she had thought she'd ended the call when she got to his voicemail, but she hadn't. He could hear Anna's and his mother's muffled voices, and he could tell that his mother was trying to calm Anna. Harriet had even gone as far as promising to come find John if he didn't pick up the phone soon. He felt like such a heel. _Why_ had he turned off his phone? Even if Harriet and Anna were together, he knew the doctor had told Anna to take it easy. He was so _stupid_! Damn the president of the university. He would have rathered he'd gotten fired for taking a call during class than for Anna to be alone in this.

And even worse, it appeared that Anna had now turned off her phone. Or perhaps the battery had died or she'd left it in the car. Regardless, he'd been unable to reach her since he got her message, and his mother apparently hadn't brought her phone with her, either. He quickly parked his car and nearly ran into the emergency department at Methodist Hospital. His knee protested the quick movement, but he didn't care. He barely registered the discomfort.

"I need to see Anna Smith," John announced to the lady at the front desk as soon as he reached the counter. He was slightly frantic, and his hair was askew from the way he kept running his fingers through it on the drive to the hospital.

"What is your name, sir?" she asked, flipping through some papers.

"John Bates," he heard himself say. He wasn't sure how he was managing to talk right now, much less remember his name.

"Are you related to Ms. Smith?" the lady asked. John could feel his anxiety increasing at the woman's calm and collected nature. She seemed in no hurry to get him to Anna and their baby.

"Not exactly," he choked out, trying to tamp down the temper that was rising. He knew from experience that would only get him into trouble, and that would not lead to seeing Anna.

"Just a friend, then?" she surmised.

"Well, a bit more than that," he sighed, beginning to get irritated. "I'm her boyfriend, and she's carrying my child."

"I see," the woman said, clearly looking John up and down trying to determine if he was telling the truth. He was used to be people giving him odd looks when referred to Anna as his girlfriend. It was as if they wondering what a beautiful woman like Anna was doing with an old cad like him. He usually took it as a compliment, and it invoked a sense of pride that Anna had chosen him among any number of other alternatives. But today, that _look_ felt like a criticism. Like a doubt. And he realized that without Anna by his side to confirm the relationship, he probably did look as if he was only speaking wishfully.

"She's having my baby," John insisted. "That baby is the reason she's here. Don't I have the right to be there?"

"You do if you really are the father, Mr. Bates, but any man could come in here and claim to be the father of any unborn baby in this hospital and I'd have no idea if it was true or not. If it really is your child, you should be thanking me for taking the time to check and not letting any Tom, Dick, or Harry back there with your girlfriend." John bit his tongue. On one hand, the nurse had a point, he guessed, and he should be grateful. On the other hand, he was still pretty sure that the nurse didn't believe _he_ was the father and that didn't sit right, either.

"Let me verify that she wants you with her, Mr. Bates," the nurse continued, "and then we'll see what we can do."

"I can promise she wants me with her, Ma'am," John said sternly and held up his phone. "Would you like to listen to the half a dozen messages she left me? Furthermore, why would anyone claim to be her baby's father who wasn't? How would he even know she was here to claim it?"

"You tell me, Mr. Bates." And with that, she turned on her heel and left the reception area, presumably to find Anna. John clenched his jaw at her assertion and began pacing the area in front of the desk. Thankfully, no one was in line behind him right now because he was not moving far from the window regardless if the person behind him was bleeding out. Nothing was more important than Anna and their daughter. Nothing.

Just as John was about to lose all patience, the door to the triage area opened and the receptionist stood there, ushering him in. "It appears Ms. Smith is eagerly waiting your arrival, Mr. Bates."

"I told you," John responded as he wasted no time entering the triage ward. He stepped aside so the receptionist could lead him to Anna, and he never stayed more than a foot behind her. When he finally reached Anna's room, she burst into tears at the sight of him. He rushed to her side and wrapped his arms around her, bending his frame over the rails of the hospital bed and burying his face in her neck.

"Are you okay?" he asked before straightening enough to move a hand to her belly. "How's our girl?" His voice was shaking despite his earlier assurances to himself that he would stay strong. He would be strong for Anna. But seeing her there in that hospital gown with fear on her face and tears on her cheeks, he could barely hold it together.

"They think she is okay," Anna told him, hanging on to his hand as he pulled a chair next to the bed. "They are trying to figure out what is wrong. She has a good strong heartbeat, but I'm leaking fluids. They are getting ready to do an ultrasound to check my fluid levels." Her face crumpled. "If they are too low they may have to do an emergency C-section, and it's too early John. She won't make it." Anna began crying in earnest, and John was up again from his chair, gathering her into his arms as best as he could.

"That's not going to happen, Anna. You'll see. It's gonna be fine. They aren't gonna have to deliver her today," John encouraged her, trying to make himself believe, too. What did he know? Nothing, but he couldn't stand to see Anna hurting so. He'd do anything-say anything-to take her pain away. Plus, he was certain her distress wasn't good for their daughter and not helping matters at all. After Anna had calmed a bit, John returned to the chair next to the bed, and only then did he notice that his mother was in the room.

An hour later, Dr. Randolph had been in to see Anna and John. Harriett had left to give the couple some privacy, but promised she'd be back if needed. The ultrasound had confirmed that Anna was leaking a small amount of fluid, but her levels were still good. Dr. Randolph wanted to monitor Anna at least overnight, and set her up with some IV saline to try to keep all fluid levels in her body adequate.

Anna looked towards John when Dr. Randolph announced that she would be in the hospital for at least twenty-four hours. Dr. Randolph looked on and could see questions formulating in Anna's head. John could also tell Anna had something she wanted to say.

"What is it?" John asked gently, squeezing her hand.

"It's just, we were supposed to close on our new house tomorrow and now we can't," Anna answered, feeling as if it were her fault that they would not be getting their new home tomorrow.

"I'll get the closing rescheduled," John assured her. "It's no big deal. My place isn't even listed, yet. Your health is much more important."

"I know," Anna answered, "and it's not that your place isn't nice, but I'd just been looking forward to our new house. A place that's _ours_ and not yours or mine."

"I know, sweetheart. We'll get there. I'm sure there's contingencies for this type of thing. It can't be the first time it's happened-where one party was ill or in the hospital."

"It's not," Dr. Randolph chimed in. "I had a patient once in a very similar situation. She gave birth, five-weeks early, on the day before she and her husband were closing on their new house. She was able to sign over her power of attorney to her husband so that he could sign all the documents for her. If you a get a notary in here, you can sign your rights over to Mr. Bates so that he can go ahead and close on your house tomorrow." Dr. Randolph shrugged his shoulders. "Just a suggestion."

"I like it," Anna admitted. "Will you call a notary, John? Then we won't have to change our timeline."

"Anna," John cautioned, "it's really not that big of a deal. Maybe I can get them to change it to Monday." He turned his attention to Dr. Randolph. "Will she be out of here by Monday?"

"It's hard to say. I'd like to say yes, but I'm not promising anything," he answered. "I have to be confident that Anna is not leaking a significant amount of amniotic fluid before I'll allow a discharge-or better yet, that she's not leaking at all."

"See, John? You need to go ahead and close for us," Anna reiterated. John cocked his head as he considered it. If he closed tomorrow, he could go ahead and get Anna's stuff moved from her condo and into the house. It would make the home more welcoming once she was discharged from the hospital. Also, if he closed on his own, he could keep the secret longer that he'd actually purchased Anna's dream home and not the house she was expecting. He was a little giddy, already, to see her reaction. But before he could get too excited, his thoughts returned to Anna's admission to the hospital. He didn't want to be negative, but he didn't want to put the cart too far in front of the horse, either. It could turn out that Anna wouldn't be leaving the hospital happy at all, dream house or not.

"What caused the leaking, Doctor?" John asked, ignoring Anna's comment about closing. John was afraid he knew what caused it. It was the amniocentesis. The procedure that Anna only had because of John's nephew's need for a stem cell donor. Oh, he wasn't upset with his nephew-it wasn't Declan's fault that he'd become ill. However, Anna had wanted a child and now John's involvement in the conception might be coming back to bite him. To bite them both. Dr. Randolph sighed before answering the question.

"Oh, it could be a number of things," Dr. Randolph began. "There appears to be a small lesion in the amniotic sac that we are hoping will resolve. There is research that backs spontaneous 'healing'-if you will-of small ruptures in the fetal membrane after amniocentesis. It could be the amnio that caused this issue, and if so, it could take several weeks for the fetal membranes to stop leaking fluids."

John's face fell with the news. He knew this was his fault. He knew that if it weren't for his involvement that Anna would not needed the amniocentesis, and thus would not be experiencing this problem now.

"But, it could also be things besides the amnio," Dr. Randolph continued. "Stress of different sorts can cause a rupture - including physical stress or pressure put on the sack or even psychological stress."

Anna felt the blood drain from her face. She'd experienced all that. From the amniocentesis to intrathoracic pressures from playing the trumpet, to muscular strain from moving boxes, to the psychological stress of her encounter with Vera. It was all there. It was all her fault. Declan would not have a stem cell donor, and she would not have a child because of her own actions. She could feel the tears welling behind her eyes and a choking feeling enclose her throat.

Both John and Dr. Randolph could see the panic crossing Anna's face. In an effort to keep Anna calm, Dr. Randolph continued, "But we don't know anything right now. Sometimes things just happen for no explained reason, and like I said, there's a good chance that the leaking will stop on it's own. In the mean time, let's just stay peaceful and try not to worry. It will only make things worse."

While John nodded his agreement, Anna was wondering who Dr. Randolph was to tell her not to worry about things she knew were her fault. She was going to lose her child, and Declan was going to lose his chance at life all because of her. Because _she_ missed playing trumpet. Because _she_ was insistent on nesting and getting her place packed and moved. Because _she_ reacted to Vera. A metallic taste filled Anna's mouth as she realized that Vera was ruining John's life still. This time, two innocent children were the ones getting hurt. How better to break John than to take his nephew and child away from him?

Anna knew that Vera couldn't realize what was happening. She didn't know, Anna didn't think, about Declan's illness or that Anna's baby was Declan's chance at life. And it's not like she attacked Anna's belly. But that's what was happening in reality. Vera's venom had upset Anna so much that it threatened her child's life. John's child. Anna couldn't let Vera hurt John again. And in that moment, she willed herself to calm down as she promised herself that John would never know about the confrontation today with Vera. If something really did happen to their baby, Anna would take responsibility. Blame it on the trumpet playing. John couldn't feel guilty for that. She'd never let him know that Vera harmed his child.

* * *

Later that afternoon, John still sat by Anna's side. She had been moved from the triage unit to the women's special care ward as it appeared that she would spend at least one night at Methodist Hospital. The nurses had continually assured them that all was going well, that their daughter still had plenty of fluid, good fetal movement, and a strong heartbeat, but that didn't stop John's worries. Anna was now napping, the exhaustion of the day finally overtaking her. John couldn't sleep, though. Feeling as if he needed to stay alert to guard his family.

He noticed the white board on the wall had Anna's name listed, along with her assigned physician, and then he saw "UF Smith" with a different physician listed. John wondered what that meant, not being able to figure out what "UF" meant at all. Nor did he recognize the physician name. Making a mental note to ask about it later, he continued to watch over Anna as she slept.

John had contacted a notary a few minutes ago. The closing was at 3:00 p.m. tomorrow, and the notary had agreed to meet John and Anna in her room at 10:00 in the morning to temporarily sign over her power of attorney to John. He'd also talked to the realtor to make sure that this would work, and after she had talked with the closing attorney's office, the realtor assured John that the closing could go through in this manner.

The more John thought about it, the more he liked the idea of closing without Anna. It wasn't even because of the surprise. But he knew that if she was in the hospital, he could get things moved and set-up without her scurrying around and trying to help. He didn't want her helping right now. If he had his way, she'd stay in bed for the rest of the pregnancy, and he'd wait on her hand and foot. But he knew, unless the doctor ordered it, that Anna would not agree to that. Maybe he could at least talk Dr. Randolph into keeping Anna in the hospital over the weekend. The movers would bring the big stuff from Anna's condo to the new house on Saturday, and if he had another day or two, he could get the Crawleys to help him set everything up.

John had talked to both Rob and Mary earlier. Although Anna had already texted Mary to let her know she'd be out of work for at least a few days, Mary had called him a bit ago to check on Anna's status. Not surprisingly, she'd offer to do anything she could to help. Even though he couldn't think of anything to ask her to do at the time, he was sure that she would help unpack Anna's belongings. What's more, he knew he could trust her to put Anna's things away in a manner Anna would be pleased with. Rob had also called, offering his assistance. John told him he'd call him if anything came up, but for now he was good. He just wanted to be with Anna and their baby and take all the pain and hurt away.

Anna began stirring then, bringing John out of his thoughts and back to the present. He put on a strong face and smiled at her as she sleepily opened her eyelids. Rubbing her eyes, she said, "I'll take it by your smile that there's been no negative news since I went to sleep."

"None," John confirmed. Anna pushed herself up on the bed a bit more and surveyed the room, noticing that the light filtering from the window was not as bright.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Almost 5:30," John answered. "Your dinner should be arriving anytime."

"Oh, good. Hospital food," Anna replied, making a face.

"I hear it's not too bad these days. If you don't like it, I'll run out and get you something else."

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be fine. Your daughter isn't too picky about what she eats as long as she gets fed," Anna answered.

"I hope she stays that way. Declan went through a phase where all he would eat was pasta," John chuckled. Anna smiled in response, but soon as they realized he'd mentioned the boy who had in essence started this relationship - this baby - their smiles faded. As John could see the worry lines forming on Anna's forehead, he changed the subject.

"What does 'UF Smith' mean?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked, confused.

"On the board there. It has your name, 'Anna,' listed along with Dr. Randolph's name. Then it says 'UF Smith' and Dr. Berkowitz. What does that mean?" John clarified. Anna's cheeks turned pink as she realized she didn't want to tell him. She knew it was kind of silly but she was wondering if he would be upset.

"Unborn Female Smith," she answered, searching his face for his reaction. "The doctor listed is the perinatologist."

His expression didn't change as he asked, "Why not Unborn Female Bates?" Was this a decision that Anna had made? Did she not want their baby to have his name? A knot formed in his belly when he wondered if she really had only wanted a baby from him and if everything else she professed was just an illusion she'd talked herself into. Anna opened her mouth to respond, but was somewhat thankful when the nurse who had just walked into the room answered for her.

"The baby always has the mother's last name, regardless of what is planned to go on the birth certificate. As long as Anna's last name is Smith, that's the name the baby will be born with." John looked confused as the nurse explained the procedure. The nurse just chuckled. "A lot of dads who aren't married to the mom have that same reaction. Yes. The baby's ankle bracelet will say 'Smith.' Does that answer your question, Dad?"

"Um, I guess," John answered. Truthfully, he and Anna had not discussed baby names - first nor last. He'd just assumed the baby would have his name. He realized now how much he wanted the baby to have his name. But he wasn't sure what Anna wanted. He knew how much this baby meant to her and how much having a family of her own meant. She had no Smith relatives left. She might want the baby to carry on the Smith name. So as much as he wanted to ask the nurse if they couldn't just print out the baby's bracelet with "Bates" on it, he decided he probably shouldn't.

Before he could say anything if he even wanted, Anna's dinner arrived. Simultaneously, his phone rang, and he looked at it to see it was his mother calling. Excusing himself from the room with a wave to Anna, turning the phone toward her so that she could see his mother was calling him, he stepped out into the hall. "Hello, Mom," he answered, walking towards the lobby area of the Women's Center, so as not to bother other patients on the hall.

"Hi, Johnny. I'm just checking in. How is Anna doing?" Harriet asked.

"She's doing well. Her supper just arrived," he answered.

"Oh, well, then I'd better let you go," Harriet said, ready to end the conversation.

"No, it's okay, Mom. I stepped out of the room. There was a nurse in there and the food lady, and I just felt like I was in the way."

"Oh, okay. But everything's fine, right?"

"As far as I know. They were just doing their regular checks. They've been assuring us all day that everything is okay for now," John told her. "Anna's just got to take it easy."

"I have been so worried about her and the baby," Harriet admitted. "I tried to be strong for her, and I hope I was successful. But after her confrontation with Vera I was so scared."

"What?" John asked. Did his mother just mention his ex-wife.

"Oh," Harriet said. He could hear in her voice that she felt like she'd said something she shouldn't have. "Anna didn't tell you."

"Didn't tell me what, Mom?"

"Didn't tell you that the pain began after she got into it today with Vera," Harriet explained.

" _Vera?_ " John asked. "As in my ex-wife?" His head was spinning. As if this day could get worse. The life of his child was endangered, and he finds out that his ex-wife has a part to play?

"Yes. I shouldn't have said anything. Anna should be the one telling you," Harriet said.

"The hell she should," John responded, trying to keep his voice from rising but knew he probably wasn't winning that fight. He was a bit miffed that Anna hadn't mentioned she'd talked to Vera today, but right now he wanted details about what happened more than he wanted to focus on the fact that Anna had left out some key details of this incident. "What happened? Tell me all of it."

"Okay," Harriet sighed, knowing that her son would not let go of this until he knew the whole story. "But you owe it to Anna to let her tell you."

"Mom, if you don't tell me I'll come over there right now. What the hell happened?"

"I was going to tell you, John. Just calm down. But you need to let Anna tell you, too."

"Mom." John's voice was terse, but Harriet didn't blame him. So she told him the story.

"Vera came to the Ladies' Luncheon with Susan Flincher. I had no idea that Susan would be there, much less Vera. If I had known, I would not have gone. You know if I had it my way I'd never see Vera again in my life," his mother told him.

"Yes, if only we were so lucky," John admitted. "What did she do to Anna?"

"Oh, you know Vera. She was throwing barbs." Harriet didn't want to tell him that Anna was defending him when she started having cramps or whatever had happened. Harriet knew that if John felt that the conflict was about him that it would only fuel his temper.

"Why? What was she saying? Was she mean to Anna?" Harriet knew she had to tell John at least some of what happened or he would never let this go.

"Well, she was aiming the barbs mostly at me. Saying that shouldn't couldn't believe that I would bring an unmarried, pregnant woman with me to church." John believed that what his mother was telling him was probably true, but he didn't understand how that would make Anna mad enough to have pains and need to visit the hospital. He felt there was more to the story than his mother was letting on.

"You said, 'mostly' at you. She must have done something more. Anna wouldn't get worked up over just that," John said.

"You know Vera, John. She likes to fan the flame. To poke sore spots."

"What did she do, Mom?" John was trying to stay calm. He knew his mother was more likely to tell him what really happened if he didn't seem like he was ready to punch the nearest wall.

"I just told you."

"Mom."

"Okay, fine. Anna hit her.'

"What?" John's head was spinning. He could not imagine his sweet, docile Anna lashing out physically at another human being. "Why?"

"Vera implied that the baby wasn't yours because you couldn't, um, perform." John nearly choked. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Anna was in this condition because of his ex-wife. No, he corrected, she was in this position because of _him._ Anna was defending him when the problems with the pregnancy started. He slumped into a chair in the foyer as he processed what happened. This was all his fault. All of it.

"John?" Harriet asked when he hadn't responded.

"I'm here," he replied. "But I need to go. Thanks for the info, Mom."

"I'm sorry, John. I didn't mean for you to find out like this. I would not have told you had I not thought Anna would have already told you." And that was another thing, John thought. Why hadn't Anna told him?

"You weren't to know. I love you." John's voice had calmed down, but his mother knew he was still upset.

"I love you, too. Keep me updated on Anna and the baby," Harriet told him, feeling more uneasy now than she had before she'd talked to him.

"I will. Goodnight." John cut the phone call off and sat in the chair, staring at nothing. Anna, the one true love of his life, was in a hospital bed, holding on with whatever was in her, hoping to carry their child to a point when the baby was viable. Worse, the fact that Anna was in danger of losing the child at all was his fault. If he hadn't fathered the baby, Anna wouldn't have gone through a dangerous procedure that may have caused the fluid leak. He should have let her use the anonymous donor like she had originally planned. He should have stuck to his guns and insisted on it. He never should have let her talk him into this. If he hadn't fathered the child, then his ex-wife couldn't have upset Anna. If it weren't for him, Anna would never have been exposed to Vera nor would she be here in the hospital today. And to top it off, Anna apparently didn't trust him enough to tell him what brought her to the breaking point. To tell him what caused her so much pain that she had to go to the hospital. Just when he thought that Vera couldn't hurt him anymore she hurt him more than she ever had.

Numbly, John made his way back to Anna's room, not really knowing what he was going to say once he got there. Walking in, Anna was finishing her food, apparently not having any trouble abiding "horrible hospital food." Her plate was so nearly clean that he couldn't even tell what she'd been served.

"How's your mother?" Anna asked, taking another bite of the mystery food. "I wanted to tell you to please thank her again for bringing me here and staying for so long."

John couldn't process Anna's words right now. He was too stuck inside his own head. All he could see was an angel laying in that bed whose wings had been clipped. Wings he'd clipped by involving her in his life. He'd dragged this beautiful being down. And while those wings would heal, he wasn't sure he ever would. No matter how he tried, he couldn't get rid of his past. A past that kept coming back to hurt him and those he loved most.

So with a broken heart and tears burning just behind his eyes, John looked at Anna and whispered, "We need to talk."


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: This update took longer than expected. Sorry. But at least I got it posted for my birthday! As always, I can never say thank you enough to all of you who read and review. Know that I do take into consideration what you tell me! I'm also indebted to mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me who give of their time to beta my work. Also, I know Robert is a little OCC in this chapter, but I can take artistic liberties, right? Thanks again! Hugs to you all!**

* * *

Anna stopped chewing her food mid-bite. What did he mean, " _We need to talk?_ " A pit formed in Anna's stomach as she took in the face of the man she loved. John looked up at the ceiling, trying not to let the tears gathering in his eyes escape.

Anna stared at John, trying to process what his demeanor could mean. A horrible thought ran through her mind, and she felt the blood drain from her face as her hand instinctively went to her belly. "Do you know something about the baby? Did you see the doctor? Are we losing her?"

John could read the panic on Anna's face. A whole new feeling of hatred came over himself. He couldn't do this. Not at this moment. No matter if he knew he was no good for Anna, he couldn't upset her now while she was in the hospital with pregnancy complications. Not that he wanted to upset her anytime, but he knew she was only headed for heartbreak and pain if she hitched her star to his wagon. And to think just an hour or so ago he was considering asking her to change her name. He was an idiot. In so many ways.

"No, no," John quickly assured Anna. "I didn't see the doctor." He rubbed his eyes, drying the tears formed there.

"What's wrong then? Is everything okay with your mother?" Anna asked, still confused by the change in John's disposition.

"No, Mom's fine," he assured Anna, beginning to pace the room. "Oh, I don't know what's come over me. It's just been such a stressful day," he told her. It wasn't an untruth.

"What were you going to say when you said that we should talk?" Anna asked, not comfortable with John's answer.

 _Think John, dammit_ , he willed himself. "The notary. I talked to a notary. They'll stop by in the morning so you can sign over your power of attorney to me."

"And this is upsetting?" Anna asked with a small sigh, a bit relieved that everyone - at least everyone but John - seemed to be okay. "I'm glad it's happening. I'm glad we're going to get our house."

 _You shouldn't be_ , John thought, but kept the words to himself. Then as he thought about the house and how Anna had already sold her condo, he realized that if he broke off things with Anna now, she and their child would be homeless. He could feel bile rising in his throat. Maybe he'd just buy the dream home for Anna, and he'd keep his current house for him. He'd provide for her and their child, but she didn't have to be attached to him as anything other than the father of her child. He wouldn't go as far as giving up parental rights, but he'd give them space-only physically helping when she asked for it. He was never supposed to fall in love with her, anyway. He was supposed to be donating sperm. Somehow that turned into creating a baby the old-fashioned way, and good God, could anyone blame him for wanting to continue to make love with Anna once he'd had a taste of her? Who could blame him for falling in love with her? But it had to stop. He wasn't right for her.

Sensing that Anna was calming down, John simply nodded an answer to her comment. "No, it's good. Just the worries of the day have finally sunk in. I'm okay," John smiled. Anna seemed to accept his explanation and finished the last few bites on her plate. As she pushed her plate away from her, reality hit.

 _Vera_. She bet Harriet told John about Vera. Oh, how she wished she'd asked his mother to keep that a secret. But it made sense. The pain in his eyes after talking with his mother. The brave face he put on for her.

"You know, don't you?" she asked.

"Know what?" he replied, but he couldn't hide the truth as his face paled.

"About Vera. Your mother told you, didn't she?" Anna hadn't even thought about Harriet relaying today's events. She was so caught up in making sure the baby was okay, it hadn't even crossed her mind that John could find out about Vera without her telling him.

"She did," he acknowledged, his face giving nothing else away.

"It wasn't her secret to tell," Anna told him, stoically.

"I know. She knows that, too. She thought you'd have already told me." He paused for a moment, pensive. "Why didn't you?" His face was pained as he choked out the last question.

"Because I knew the suffering it would bring you. I knew you would blame yourself for the whole situation," Anna told him. _Oh, how she knew him_ , John thought. He was so conflicted. He'd never known anyone like her in his life. He'd never had anyone put his feelings above their own. And he knew he wasn't worthy of it.

"You're right. This is all my fault. _None_ of this would have happened if it weren't for me." He sat down, bent over with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

"No, it wouldn't have," Anna agreed. Her voice was so strong and assured that immediately snapped his head up to look at her. "If it weren't for you, none of my dreams would be coming true."

"Anna," John breathed. "I don't deserve you. And you deserve so much better."

"Yes, you do, and no I don't. How am I going to convince you of this, John Bates?" Anna asked him slightly exasperated, but she didn't seem to be distressed. She shifted on her bed and placed her hands on her belly. "If this child is taken from us," she started. John's breath hitched a bit at the prospect. "If she's taken - not now, but later. If she's kidnapped and sent to the moon, there will never be one day when she is out of my thoughts, nor one moment when I'm not praying for her welfare, even if I know I'll never see her again."

"Anna," John started to interrupt her. He wasn't sure where she was going with this, but the analogy was hitting a little too close to home as they were currently facing the possibility of losing their child. He didn't like it.

"That's how I feel about you, too, Mr. Bates," she continued. "I'll never love again the way I love you. If you're bound and determined to set me free so that I can build a life with someone else, then you're going to be disappointed. I'll die a spinster before I love again."

"Anna, you don't know that," John told her.

"Don't I? How many men have I dated since I met you, John? I wouldn't even have sex with them because they _weren't_ you. None of them could live up to you. And now that I know what it's actually like to make love with you, do you really think I could give myself to another man? You're out of your mind."

Before John could reply, before he could tell her that her suitors only didn't compare with the fantasy she had of him, not the _real_ him, they were interrupted by the nutrition worker entering the room to collect Anna's tray. Directly on her heels were Mary and Robert. John wasn't sure if he welcomed the interruption or longed for it.

"Anna!" Mary exclaimed, rushing to her friend's side and placing her hands on the side rail of the bed while she looked Anna up and down from head to toe. "How are you? Is the baby okay?" Anna smiled in response, putting on a brave face. Truly, she was in turmoil on in the inside, not only because of the scare with the baby but because she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to convince John that he was destined to be her soulmate.

"We're okay. The doctors say everything is fine right now, but they want to monitor me for a few days to make sure the leaking is just a complication of the amnio procedure and that it stops," Anna answered.

"Well, I hope you stay on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy," Mary said, her eyes boring into Anna's. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you or the baby while at work." Anna chuckled. It was just like Mary to make this situation about her.

"I haven't thought that far ahead, yet. For now, I'm just trying to get through the next few days," Anna said. Mary nodded her understanding.

"Well, _I'm_ also glad to see that things seem to be going as well as they can be. You both look exhausted," Robert added looking from Anna to John. "How about I leave Mary with you, Anna, and I take John out for a bite to eat?"

"Thanks, Robert. But I couldn't leave Anna right now," John replied before Anna could.

"Mary will stay with her," Robert insisted. "Are you okay with that, Anna?" he asked, looking for approval on her face.

"Yes. Go, John. I just ate. You haven't. I'll be fine. The baby will be fine for you to take time to eat," Anna insisted. John looked at her with skeptical eyes, but the expression on her face told him she was serious.

"Ok," John acquiesced, turning to Robert. "But let's just go to the cafeteria downstairs. I don't want to be too far away." Anna gave him a small smile as Robert ushered him out the door. As soon as they were gone and the door shut, though, Anna crumbled. She began sobbing in earnest, which in turn caused Mary to panic.

"Do I need to the get the nurse? What's wrong?" Mary asked frantically, taking a step towards the door, and then back towards the bed as if she didn't know what she should do.

"It's John," Anna said, blubbering through her tears.

"Okay. Calm down. This is not good for you or the baby," Mary encouraged, pulling a chair up next to Anna's bed and trying to calm herself. She knew if she remained frenzied that it wouldn't help Anna relax. "Now tell me what's going on?"

"It's just…" Anna started, reaching for a tissue. "It's just that John doesn't think he's good enough for me and is trying to set me free."

"That's malarky," Mary quipped.

"No, it's true. It's what we were discussing when you all came in. I'll fight for him until the day I die, but I'm not sure if he's in this relationship for me or for the baby. Or maybe I should say Declan." Anna paused to blow her nose.

"Anna," Mary said, disbelievingly, "you know that's not true! John loves you!"

"He's said it. And I even believed him. But if he does, how could he tell me that he doesn't deserve me and that I could learn to love again if he let me go? _How_ , Mary?" Anna broke down into sobs again.

Mary looked around the room, as if to find John so that she could throw her shoe at him. How could he do this to Anna? Mary had known the man all her life and knew he always thought more of others than he did himself. She also knew that his ex-wife made him feel that he was no good to anyone, especially a woman. But how he couldn't accept Anna's love was beyond her. They were perfect for each other.

Right now, Mary didn't have time to dwell on John and his idiotic behavior. She needed to calm Anna down before the distress became too much for the baby. She stood and lowered the bed rail and told Anna to scoot over. Climbing up on the mattress, she wrapped an arm around Anna's shoulders and pulled her close.

"Anna, you know John doesn't mean that," Mary told her, gently rocking her back and forth.

"I think he does," Anna mumbled into Mary's shoulder.

"No, he doesn't," Mary demanded, unsure what John was thinking but knowing that right now, Anna needed to feel secure. "What brought all this up anyway? Why would you be having this conversation while you're in the middle of a potential crisis?" Anna began sobbing harder. All she needed was a reminder that she might be losing her child _and_ the man of her dreams. " _Damn_ ," Mary whispered. "I didn't mean it like that, but you know what I mean. The timing doesn't seem appropriate."

"Vera," Anna blubbered.

" _Vera?"_ Mary replied with disdain. "What does she have to do with this?" Anna didn't immediately answer, giving herself some time to regain her poise. She knew Mary was right. She needed to stay as calm as she could for the sake of her baby. When she had regained her composure, she shifted a bit so that her face wasn't buried in Mary's shirt.

"I saw Vera today at the women's luncheon. We had words, about John, and then I had some pains in my belly." Anna paused a bit and took in a shuddering breath. "I'd already noticed that my underwear was wet, but I wasn't sure what it was. When John's mother saw that I was in pain, she insisted that she bring me here," Anna explained to her friend.

"As she should have. I'm glad she was with you," Mary remarked.

"Yes. I'm very thankful to her. For that. But not for telling John about the incident with Vera."

"You didn't tell John about it?" Mary asked, a bit surprised.

"No. I knew how he'd react, and I was right," Anna stated.

"Right about what?" Mary had a pretty good idea, but she knew Anna needed to talk through this.

"That he'd blame himself for me being in the hospital with pregnancy complications. Which he did. And now he thinks that he only causes me pain and that I will be better off without him."

"See, I told you he loves you," Mary added. Sure, he was showing it in an odd way, but Mary could see that he was trying to protect Anna, even if his intentions were misguided.

"He's trying to be gallant, to make a sacrifice for me, but I don't want him to," Anna proclaimed. "All I need is him."

"Have you told him this?"

"I was trying to when you and Robert arrived."

"Oh, Anna, I'm sorry we interrupted when you might have just been getting through to him," Mary told her.

"Oh, I don't know that I was making any headway, but I was attempting to."

"Do you want me to talk to him? I'd really like to go hit him between the eyes." Anna couldn't help from chuckling at Mary's response.

"No," Anna told her, smiling. "But if you want to punch him I'd be okay with that."

* * *

"What do you _mean_ do I think you should break up with Anna? That's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth, John Bates, and that's saying a lot!" Robert couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Robert you know what I mean. She can do so much better than me. All I have done is pull her into my troubles. I don't have anything to offer her. I _am_ nothing." John couldn't quite meet Robert's eyes.

"Your love. You have your love to offer, and that's all she's ever wanted," Robert told him. He'd been around John and Anna for years. He'd seen Anna's crush on John, how when she was younger she turned into all giggles as soon as he'd walk in the room. He'd watched as she'd matured and grown out of the giggling schoolgirl phase, but Robert would still see that look of worship in her eyes when John was around. It was as if no other man had ever existed. And he'd seen the transformation in John since Joseph's wedding last summer. It was if a lightbulb had finally clicked on for his friend. But today, that light was dim. Not burned out, but dim.

"There are so many people out there who would love Anna. Someone whose ex-wife wouldn't threaten the life of her unborn child. Someone who is younger and would make a better father," John told Robert.

"And you're willing to let her go, be miserable, and watch another man raise your child? Stand by as another man makes love to Anna? All because you think another man could do it better?"

"I didn't say another man could make love to her better," John replied, his mouth curving upwards on one side. It was the first semblance of a smile that John had made since he'd left Anna's room. However, there was a bit of a metallic taste in John's mouth at the thought of Anna making love with someone else. He'd get over it, though. He had to for her sake.

"Greg claimed to love her. Do you want to see her back with Greg?" Robert asked, hoping to prove his point.

"Greg didn't love her. She can do better than him, too," John defended his position. However, the thought of Greg walking back into her life made him a bit nauseous. The thought of Greg playing daddy to his little girl actually caused his fists to ball. The action did not go unnoticed by Robert, but he didn't draw attention to it.

"What if Anna thinks she can't do better than Greg? She obviously thinks she can't do better than you, and you say you're not good enough. Will you ever think anyone is good enough for her? Good enough to be a step-father to your little girl?" John screwed his eyes shut at Robert's words. The man knew him, and he knew how to push John's buttons. He came back with the only thing he could think of.

"Because of me, Anna may not get that little girl." John's voice broke and his eyes began to fill with unshed tears. "Because I'm involved, she had to have an amniocentesis which is known to cause pregnancy complications. If the baby wasn't mine and if she wasn't doing this for Declan, she never would have gone through that." John paused a moment, looking up at the ceiling to control his tears before meeting Robert's eyes again. "If it weren't for me and the _stupid_ decisions I've made in my life, she wouldn't have gotten into an altercation with my ex-wife, and she wouldn't be in the hospital now, fighting for the one thing she's wanted all her life. To have her own family and be a mother."

Robert leaned back against the chair and folded his arms across his chest. "Okay. Let's just say you're right. Let's just say she loses this baby, and it's all your fault. The amnio procedure started the miscarriage and the stress from Vera finished it." Pain flashed across John's face at the thought of Anna losing their baby. "Are you going to abandon her through all that?" Robert whispered with passion. "Do you think you're God? ' _The Lord giveth and He taketh away?'_ Would you not be willing to support her through the pain and try for a family again? Maybe it won't be in time to help Declan, but for her? You'd walk away and say, 'Oh, well, I tried. It's somebody else's turn?'" John could feel both pain and ire rising up inside him, and his eyes narrowed.

"That is _NOT_ what I'm doing," he seethed.

"Yes, it is. It's exactly what you're doing. Instead of supporting her in her time of pain, you're so engrossed in your own that you're willing to make the dumbest decision of your life. If you think marrying Vera was bad judgement, you'll never get over letting Anna go." Robert paused to let John absorb what he was telling him. When John didn't respond and just stared blankly across the room, Robert continued.

"Do you love her, John?" Robert asked, knowing he was pushing his friend. John's eyes snapped back to Robert. "Because for some untold reason she loves you, and if you think that losing this baby will be hard on Anna, losing you will break her."

"Of course I love her!" John couldn't form any other capable thoughts. So much was running through his mind.

"Then prove it. What the hell are you talking about setting her free of you? You finally have the love you've waited all your life for, and you're willing to throw it all away. You're an idiot, John Bates." John closed his eyes in defeat. He knew Robert was right. But it felt so selfish to claim Anna. "If you ask me, you should have already made an honest woman out of her."

"I've thought about it," John responded. "I thought about it just an hour or two ago. I just can't help but feel that there's nothing really in it for her. Nothing that she can't have without marriage anyway."

"Nothing but your name. Nothing but security in your relationship as you make promises in front of God and everybody and not just to her. It also entitles her to whatever is yours should something happen to you. I can continue to name reasons why, but I'm not sure it'll help," Robert told him.

John knew he made good points. Certainly he would want Anna and their child taken care of should something happen to him, but he could get that taken care of with a will. Something in him just couldn't believe that Anna would want to be his wife. After all, this whole baby thing was her idea, and she'd never mentioned marriage. He knew that she confessed to love him, but Vera had done the same once upon a time as well. He knew love didn't always last. Oh, he was sure that he'd always love Anna and no one else for the rest of his life, but Anna was younger. She hadn't lived through a tumultuous relationship like he had, and he certainly didn't want to put her through one. What if Vera was right? What if he was just bad at marriage? God, what a mess he was.

"Just think about it," Robert concluded, placing his napkin down on his plate. John nodded, mostly to conclude the conversation. But he would. He'd consider it. That was as much as he was promising anyone, including himself, but he would admit that Robert made good arguments. If he could only be sure that he wouldn't ruin Anna's life.

* * *

Mary insisted on helping John move Anna's things into the new house the next day. The notary had come to the hospital that morning, and there had been no problems with the house closing. John had come back to Anna's room last night after his dinner with Robert, and he'd found Anna and Mary laughing. Since Anna seemed to be in good spirits, he just let their previous conversation go. She didn't bring it up and neither did he. He'd stayed the night at the hospital with Anna and was there when the doctor came in the next morning. Dr. Randolph assured them that everything was going well and while Anna's leakage seemed to have slowed, it was not stopped. They wanted to keep her for at least one more night if not longer. The notary had arrived shortly after that and then John had left for the closing.

Now as John unlocked the front door of the house on Hamilton Street, Mary stood behind him in awe. "I can't believe you bought this house without telling Anna," Mary told him.

"Do you think she'll be mad?" John asked, suddenly nervous about not including Anna in the decision.

"Mad? I think she'll love it! It's a very romantic gesture, Uncle John." John chuckled in response, his back still towards Mary as he opened the door. Mary's eyebrow quirked as she considered his reaction. She had every intention on determining where John's head was concerning his relationship with Anna.

"When's the truck coming?" Mary asked as she stepped into the foyer. Soon, her quest for an answer was replaced by awe as she turned around in the entryway of the house. "Wow, John." The foyer wasn't huge, but had a cathedral ceiling with a beautiful chandelier hanging from the two-story ceiling. A staircase was located on the left side of the front door while a dining area was on the right. Straight back through the foyer was a family room which was open to the kitchen. "I see why Anna likes this place. It's massive."

"It's not that big, it's just bigger than most houses in this area. It doesn't hold a light to your parents' house," John said.

"Well, it's gigantic compared to Anna's condo," Mary countered, continuing to explore the house. On the left side of the family room was the master bedroom with an en suite bathroom and walk-in closet. To the right of the family room and kitchen was a guest bedroom and bathroom as well as a laundry area. "What's upstairs?" Mary asked. "Looks like you've got all you need on this floor."

"There's two more bedrooms, a bathroom, and a bonus room that I plan on setting up as Anna's office. It'll have plenty of room for her to spread out all of her event planning ideas," John told her.

"Well, she will still have an office at work," Mary said as she walked back towards the front of the house.

"Yes, but do you know how much work she does at home?" John countered.

"I know she does much more at home since you walked into the picture. It seems she'd rather spend time with you than at work with me," Mary told him. John wasn't sure how to take the comment. He wasn't sure if Mary was trying to point out how much that Anna liked him or how jealous _she_ was that Anna was now spending more time with him than her.

"Regardless, I want her to have a room she can call her own to do whatever she pleases with. I'll take one of these other bedrooms and create an office for me. I don't need as much space. Just a desk and computer for writing."

Just then, the truck arrived, interrupting the tour. "Well, I never answered your question about the truck," John told Mary, "but it is here. Time to start unloading." John and Mary made their way to the driveway just as two brawny men were lifting the back gate of the moving truck. It was a smaller moving truck as it just held Anna's stuff, but it was full.

"Good afternoon," one of the men greeting John.

"Good to see you," John replied, walking towards the truck. "We're here to help so let us know what you need."

"Well," the man began, "we'll need some direction regarding where these boxes go and then we'll get the furniture out and set up."

"Alright," John agreed. "We can help with that." Shortly, the smaller boxes had been emptied into the house, many of them being stacked in the dining room, which was currently being used as a staging area. As the men began moving in the furniture, Mary took it upon herself to start unpacking Anna's office. Afterall, she knew the woman better than anyone else, especially when it came to how she liked to work. The movers had already brought up Anna's desk and bookshelves, so Mary went about opening boxes and organizing their contents.

The last box that Mary opened was full of college textbooks and Anna's notebooks. Mary smiled to herself as memories flooded her. Some of the classes she and Anna had taken together, despite the two of them being in different graduating classes. She almost laughed out loud when she remembered the "walking" class they had taken as an elective, and really, a joke. Mary had only made a B in the class, something for which Anna had given her grief for years. "How could you not get an A in 'walking?' You are so spoilt you can't even walk!" Anna would tease her. Truth was, Mary had missed a few classes while she'd been chasing boys or suffering from a late night out. But it did seem pretty ludicrous now that she didn't get an A in "walking."

Mary continued pulling books out of the boxes and lining Anna's shelves. At the bottom of the box, she found old notebooks Anna had saved. Mary rolled her eyes as she secretly envied Anna's organization skills; she couldn't tell you where any of her own college notebooks were if you held a gun to her head. And even if she did find them, she probably wouldn't be able to make heads or tails of the contents. As if to prove to herself that Anna indeed took exquisite notes, she flipped through a hospitality notebook of Anna's. She smiled as she took in Anna's drawings of place settings, complete with labels for each dish and piece of silverware. A bit further, Anna had drawn a wedding party, with each participant standing in their assigned place. She took a double-take as she looked at the descriptions. Where she was expecting to see, "bride," "groom," "maid of honor," etc., she saw names. Real names.

Underneath the bride, Anna had written, "Anna May Smith." Mary smiled as she noticed that she was chosen as Anna's maid of honor. There were two other bridesmaids, but Mary didn't readily recognize the names. "Ivy Stuart" and "Jane Moorsum." But Mary _did_ recognize the men in the chart.

"John Bates" was listed as the groom, with "Robert Crawley" as his best man. "Joseph Molesley" and "William Mason" were listed as groomsmen. Mary's head was spinning. William had been killed in Afghanistan ten years ago after joining the Army. She hadn't thought about him in a long time. Flipping through the next few pages, Mary found several of Anna's doodles. "Mrs. John Bates." "Anna May Bates." "Anna Smith Bates." It was as if she was trying on John's name.

Just then, Mary was jogged from her thoughts as she heard John and the movers climbing the stairs. "You can put those books in this room," she heard John say. "I'll take that as my office. But put the furniture in the other room as I'll be using that as my bedroom." As soon as she heard the movers' retreating steps, Mary made her way out of the bonus room to confront John about his directions.

"Are you seriously moving in with this woman, and you're going to have separate bedrooms?" Mary asked him point blank. John turned on his heel to face her, and his cheeks were crimson. Truth be told, he had been thinking about not moving in with her at all, but in the end he'd decided he would be a bigger help with the baby if he at least resided under the same roof as the two of them. But he didn't want to tell Mary any of that.

"I, uh...um," John sputtered. Mary could tell her question had caught him off guard. "I didn't know if she'd want to share a room."

"How dense are you? She's carrying your child. You claim she's your girlfriend." A flash of something crossed John's features. Mary couldn't quite tell what it was. Pain?

"Well, you know Anna," John defended himself. "She's got a closet full of clothes and shoes. There might not be enough room for any of my things."

"Is that what you're going with?" Mary asked, shifting her weight to one foot. "Or is it really that you're trying to make it easier for when you leave?" John's eyebrows shot up at Mary's accusation.

"I know you're thinking about it, John, so don't bother lying to me," she continued. "Anna told me everything when you and Dad went to dinner. All about how you don't think you deserve her and how she could learn to love someone else if you excused yourself from her life."

"I don't, and she can," John said defiantly.

"The first may be true because anyone willing to throw that lady's love away is a first class idiot, and we all know Anna rates better than that. But the second part-I don't think so." Mary was still holding Anna's hospitality class notebook in her hands. She thrust it against John's chest, pushing just hard enough for him to take a step back. "Fix your relationship with Anna, or I'll fix you." With that Mary made her way down the steps and out the door. Organizing Anna's home office would have to wait; she needed to make her point.

John sat down in the chair in what was to be his home office. He turned the notebook over a couple of times, trying to determine its significance. Flipping open the cover, he saw in Anna's handwriting, "Introduction to Hospitality. Spring 2000."

Maybe Mary hadn't meant anything by shoving _this_ book at him. Maybe it was that this was the book she had in her hand at the time, and the extra jab to his chest was only to make her point. Regardless, John couldn't stop his fingers from flipping through the pages. A smile curled at lips as he took in Anna's handwriting, a bit neater and more round than her current script; it had become edgier as she aged. _Hell, she's become more edgy as she's aged_ , John thought. Continuing to glance through the notes, he took a double take when he saw his name. It was written much smaller than the rest of the notes, and was nearly hidden in a corner. But it was clear that "John Bates" was scribbled there. As John turned pages, he found his name in various forms - "John," "Mr. Bates," "JB" - written throughout her notes. Was she really daydreaming of him during class all those years ago?

And then he found the page he was certain Mary had wanted him to see. It was the sketch of a wedding party, but it was as if Anna had been planning her own. To him. It seemed quite elaborate for just a crush. Maybe it should make him feel violated or creepy, but it didn't. Perhaps it was the fact that he hadn't been murdered in his sleep that led him to believe Anna wasn't a stalker. In fact, he was fairly certain she'd be quite embarrassed to know he was seeing this old notebook. He looked over her sketch again. Maybe this did mean that he was wrong and everyone else was right-that Anna's feelings for him had developed a long time ago and had been growing for years. Maybe she really did want to be his wife, and maybe it wasn't just because he was a convenient male to fill the family void she'd been experiencing for years.

John turned a few more pages and saw more names. Names he didn't recognize. Names like "Johnna Ann Bates," "Jacqueline Anne Bates," and "Ellie JoAnna Bates." Then there was "John ? Bates, Jr." and "Frederick John Bates." John's eyebrows knit together as he took in the names, not sure what they meant or who they were. Then he saw it. Where Anna had practiced signing her name. _Their name._ "Mrs. John Bates." "Anna May Bates." "John and Anna Bates." "John, Anna, Ellie, and Jack Bates." _Those were baby names_. Just as it all was sinking in, a flicker of light from the hall caught his attention.

"Ellie and Fred were her parents' names." John's head raised to meet Mary's gaze as she leaned on the doorjamb. He'd been so engrossed in Anna's notebook he hadn't heard her come back in the house.

"I guess this means she didn't know my middle name," John said, pointing to the question marks in John, Jr's name. Mary chuckled.

"I don't think she knows your middle name, still. I know I don't," Mary answered him.

"And for good reason. It's a horrible name."

"So you're not going to share?" Mary asked him.

"No."

"Then there's no hope for a John, Jr?" Mary teased him.

"The baby is a girl, so thankfully, we do not have to worry about it."

"Well," Mary stated, matter a factly. "I didn't come back because I've forgiven you." John chuckled.

"I'm not surprised by that," he admitted.

"I came back to stay with the movers while you go see Anna. You've got some work to do." John nodded, knowing Mary was right.

"I'm not sure I can do this," John told her. "I'm not sure that I should."

"Well, Anna is. And if you can't trust yourself, surely you can trust her."

Tucking the notebook under his arm, John stood and walked past Mary. He paused for a moment, turning to look back at his friend's daughter. "I just hope she's got enough faith for both of us, because I feel like I'm throwing her into the lion's den."

"She's already there, John. It's up to you to save her."


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: Here's the next installment. I realize the updates are a little less regular, but I'm continually working on them, I promise! Thank you for continuing to support this story, and of course, I appreciate any and all feedback. As always I'm grateful for my betas and still own nothing DA related, including these characters. Without further adieu, here is chapter 26!**

* * *

John wasn't sure he was ready for this, but Mary had made it pretty clear that she was only staying with the movers so that he could go talk with Anna. He had no clue where to start or even what he wanted to say. Blowing a long puff of air through his cheeks, he started his car and backed out of the driveway. Before he was even out of the neighborhood, his phone rang. His first thought was that it was Anna, and his heart skipped a beat. When he saw that it wasn't, his heart dropped like a piece of lead. Of course it wouldn't be Anna. He'd left her hurt and confused; the only way she'd be calling him right now is if there were news about the baby. However, he wasn't expecting the caller to be his sister-in-law Brenda.

"Hello," he answered, hoping Brenda wasn't calling with bad news about Declan. He wasn't sure how much more he could take right now.

"Hi, John," Brenda replied. "I was calling to check on you and Anna." John's eyebrows narrowed as he tried to figure out what and how Brenda knew anything about his and Anna's current situation. "Your mother told me about the scare with the baby," Brenda continued, and it was then that John realized she wasn't referring to the conflict in their relationship.

"Oh," he subconsciously said. "I'm on the way to the hospital now. The last I heard everything was going well, but Anna may be there for a few more days."

"I am so sorry, John. I feel like all this is our fault," Brenda told him.

"How?" he asked, but he already knew what she meant. He felt like it was his fault, too.

"Well, if it weren't for Declan she wouldn't have had the procedure that caused the problems," Brenda explained.

"We don't know for sure that's what it was, but you certainly don't need to blame yourself." John didn't really want to get into details about the stress Anna had been under, particularly as he knew a lot of it came down to him. Which is precisely why he'd been having doubts that he was good enough for Anna. "How is Declan, anyway?" he asked, changing the subject.

"He's doing well, actually. He's been responding well to his current treatment. It's not going to replace the need for a marrow donation, but it might buy us some extra time."

"That's great!" John said, smiling for the first time in what felt like days. "Hopefully we'll have some good news for you soon."

"I hope, John. But not at the risk to Anna's or the baby's health. Mom tells me it's a girl."

"Yeah," John felt his smile stretch across his face. Despite all that had happened over the past few days, he really was elated about becoming a father. He had just been afraid to feel the excitement recently as his world seemed to be crumbling beneath him.

"You and Anna are going to be great parents," Brenda told him. "I know I've apologized for it, but I still cringe when I think of the way I acted at Christmas. It is so clear to see that you both make a good fit. And your mother loves her. She can't stop talking about what a wonderful person Anna is and how she makes you a better person." John's eyebrows raised at this comment as his mother had never mentioned that to him. But when he thought about it, he guessed she was right. Anna certainly made him _want_ to be a better man. "Quite frankly, John, I know you've been burned, but I think you should think about asking Anna to marry you." John nearly missed a red light at her comment. Apparently everyone thought he should marry Anna.

"I've thought about it," he admitted, but was unwilling to take it any further.

"I have your mother's ring," Brenda told him. "Jim bought me a new one after Declan was born, and I could no longer wear it. But Anna's much smaller than me. I bet she could wear it even after having the baby. If you want it, it's yours." John's head was spinning. Mary, now Brenda. The two couldn't have possibly planned this; they didn't even know each other. Was this actually a sign from some higher power? Brenda took his silence as his answer.

"Well, I'll send it to you, regardless. You can decide what to do," she told him.

John chuckled. "I guess Mom knew what she was doing when she gave it to Jim instead of me. Can you imagine if I'd given that ring to Vera?"

"All I can say is praise God that woman is out of our lives. And if I were you I'd do everything in my power to keep Anna in them."

"Do you think I'm good enough for her, Brenda?" John asked, suddenly serious.

"Does she?" Brenda threw back.

"I hope so. Because I've done a lot of thinking over the past few days, and I'm not sure I can live without her."

"Use the ring, John."

* * *

John hadn't been sure what he wanted to say to Anna before talking with Brenda. He'd had no clue how to even start. He was feeling pressure from Mary to propose, but he knew that asking Anna to marry him because her friend told him to wasn't a good idea for either one of them. Plus, he hadn't even thought about a ring. Any ring. Once Brenda had mentioned his mother's ring, John knew that he couldn't ask Anna to marry him today. It needed to be special, not forced. She deserved to have surprise and romance, and not have the memory shrouded by a clinical setting and the turmoil of health risks to her and their baby.

Parking the car, John got out with a lighter step than he'd had in days. He left Anna's notebook in the car. He hadn't been sure if he'd wanted to show it to her, confront her with it, or what. But now, he'd decided he didn't want to talk about marriage at all today; and he'd save the book for later.

When he arrived at her room, he found her sleeping peacefully. The lights were off but it was still quite light in the room from the sun streaming in through the blinds. _God, she's beautiful_ , he thought to himself as he walked up beside her bed. John placed his right hand gently on the swell of Anna's belly, as if he needed reassurance that the baby was there. He didn't feel any movement, but he knew that didn't mean the baby wasn't healthy. Even Anna had only been able to recently feel the baby moving.

With his left hand he brushed the hair back from Anna's forehead, his touch featherlight so as not to disturb her, and then he leaned down to press his lips to the exposed skin above her eyebrows. "Anna, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. It's just I'm afraid I'll hurt you and that's the last thing I ever want to do," he whispered. Anna's eyes fluttered open at his words, and she looked up at him through squinted eyes.

"John?" she mumbled, her voice full of sleep.

"Yes, Darling, I'm here," he told her, continuing to stroke her hair. Anna shook her head slightly and blinked several times to remove the cobwebs of sleep.

"Am I dreaming?" This was the John she knew. The one she longed for, not the one who had been here yesterday. She recognized the low laugh as he pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed.

"You're not dreaming," John assured her. "I did have a few people jerk a knot in my tail about my behavior yesterday, though. I just needed to work through some things, I guess."

"I should probably apologize, too," Anna started.

"Absolutely not," John interrupted her. "You are faultless in this."

"But I'm not really, am I?" Neither were sure if she was talking about the health scare or their argument, but John wasn't going to press for a distinction. The last thing he wanted was to upset her again. "I should have given you time to process what was happening."

"Well, regardless, I've processed it now," he smiled at her.

"And we're okay?" she asked, a little shakily. Anna was afraid of how he would answer. When his face relaxed and the crinkles deepened around his eyes, she felt as if a weight lifted off of her.

"We're okay," John affirmed. "Now, tell me something good."

Anna smiled and shifted up in the bed to a more comfortable sitting position. "Well, Dr. Randolph says that things are stabilizing," she smiled. "The leaking is slowing and the baby is doing well."

"That's great!" John told her, reaching for her hand. She squeezed his grip in return.

"He said if things keep slowing like this that he'll let me go home on Sunday or Monday."

"I guess I'd better call Mary and tell her to kick things into high gear. I left her at the house with the movers so I could come back and see you."

"Well, surely you don't expect her to unpack our new house? We can do that once I'm home."

"Oh, no," John shook his head, "you're not doing anything of the sort. I'll do it all. Mary can help. Robert and Cora, too, for that matter. I am not going to let you lose this baby."

Anna smiled and nodded, but deep inside, doubts still lived. John said they were okay, but she couldn't help the lingering feeling in the back of her mind that his feelings were misplaced. Sadly, Anna wasn't sure that she'd ever really know the truth.

* * *

John stayed with Anna for most of the day before heading back to the house to check on the moving progress. He felt guilty no matter what. Either he felt bad that he wasn't with Anna or he felt contrite that he was leaving Mary to handle something he should be doing. When he had started fidgeting in her room and becoming restless, she encouraged him to return to the house. Anna knew John was torn over where he should be so she assured him that she'd be fine without him and that he should go.

However, when John left the hospital, he felt just as conflicted. Should he go to his house and start gathering some of his stuff to move to the new house or should he just go help Mary? Finally, deciding to go straight to the new house to check on the progress, he made his way to Hamilton Street. Arriving in front of the house, he saw Robert's truck backed in the driveway.

"Hey, Friend!" Robert called as he hauled a box out of the bed of his truck. "You could lend me a hand carrying your stuff in."

"My stuff?" John asked, walking towards the vehicle. It was then he noticed the bed was full of the boxes he'd already packed at his house. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful or pissed that Robert had used his spare key without his permission.

"Yeah. And when you get done with this, you could come back and help Tom and Henry load up your furniture in the U-Haul truck they rented," Robert supplied as he disappeared inside the house. John followed him empty-handed as Robert made himself at home in John's new digs. _What was going on here?_

John came up short as he looked around the house. Things were in place. Lots of things. The living room was set up and looked as if the place had been lived in for years. Anna's couch sat facing the fireplace with a throw blanket draped over the back of the sofa. Her two chairs were flanking the fireplace, facing the couch and creating a cozy sitting space. There were pillows on each chair and propped in the corners of the couch. Several of Anna's pieces of artwork adorned the built-in shelves on either side of the hearth. An end table on one end of the couch held a lamp that was casting a welcoming glow on the area.

Walking into the kitchen, John opened a cabinet to see that Anna's dishes had been organized and put away. Everything from plates to glasses to silverware seemed to have found a home. He made his way to the master bedroom and saw that Anna's bedroom suite was set up, and then linens and pillows were in place. Her perfume and jewelry tray were sitting atop her bureau. He maneuvered zombie-like through the ensuite bathroom, in shock at what had been accomplished this afternoon, and found himself in the walk-in closet. He'd lost track of where Robert went, but he found Mary hanging _his_ clothes in the closet. From the looks of it, all of Anna's stuff was already here. How long had he been gone?

"Did you fix her?" Mary asked without preamble as she continued to hang John's shirts.

"Where did you get those?" John asked as if in a trance, not bothering to answer her question. "How were you able to do all this in the few hours I've been gone?"

"Well, those 'few hours' have actually been eight, and I'm highly organized. So is Anna. So it was easy to unpack her stuff. Then Dad started bringing your stuff, so I figured I'd better make myself useful," she answered.

"I thought you understood I meant for my clothes to go in the guest room," John told her.

"And I thought you understood I told you that was stupid. And not an option." Mary continued to hang clothes. "So did you fix her?" she asked again.

"We talked, yes. And we are at a better place now," John told her. He wasn't a man who spilled details about his private life easily.

"So if I call her right now she'll sound happy?" Mary cross-examined him.

"I hope so," John replied. "She seemed happy when I left her."

"And you've let go of the foolish notion that you should slowly back out of her life because there's someone better waiting in the wings?"

"I'm not planning on going anywhere," John sighed.

"Good. Then there's no need to move these clothes to the upstairs closet, afterall."

Before John could respond, Robert found him. "There you are. My truck's unloaded. I think most of what is left at your house is furniture. And maybe your kitchen stuff but you don't really need that now. I'm gonna go help the boys load the U-Haul and then we plan on coming to unload it tomorrow."

"I don't know what to say, Rob," John stated.

"How about 'Thank you,' to which I'll respond, 'This is what friends are for.'" Robert replied.

"How about a 'Thank you, too, Mary. Especially for kicking my ass in gear'?" Mary added. John chuckled at her comment.

"Thank you, both," John smiled. "And apparently Tom and Henry, too. What can I do?" John cringed as he asked the question. Those words were not something he'd expected to be saying when it came to moving his own things.

"Why don't you give me a hand with the boys for a little bit and then get back to Anna. How is she, anyway?" Robert asked.

"She's well. The leaking is slowing and she may get to come home Sunday or Monday," John told them.

"Well, that's all the more reason we need to get you moved and as established as you can be in two days," Rob added, encouraging them to move back to the front of the house.

"Does she still think you all are moving to the other house you looked at?" Mary asked, finishing hanging all the clothes her dad had brought and following the men out of the room.

"Yes," John said, looking over his shoulder at Mary. "And I have to admit I'm getting more nervous about that. I'm sure she's going to ask me questions about your unpacking progress today and probably want to know details about how the house is set up."

"Oh, that's easy," Mary told him. "You're a man. You don't do details. Tell her to call me if that doesn't satisfy her, and I'll take care of it."

"You won't tell her, will you?" John asked. He didn't really think that Mary would, but he'd been able to keep it a surprise this long, and he wanted to see the look on Anna's face when she saw the new house. If nothing else, he wanted her to have a good memory of coming home from the hospital, especially after the hell she'd been through the last couple of days, much of it because of him.

"Of course, not," Mary answered flabbergasted.

"Okay. Just making sure," John smiled.

"Well, I'm going to call it a day. I am a bit tired and there's more to do tomorrow," Mary told the two men as they all exited the house and headed for their cars. Mary stopped just shy of getting into hers and said, "John, do you have plans for the nursery?"

The truth was, he hadn't even thought about it. "Um, no. We haven't really talked about it."

"Well, if you really want to show Anna that you are committed to her and your child, try to figure out how she envisions the room. If you can figure it out, talk to me tonight and I'll try to make it happen tomorrow."

"Mary, that's very generous, but Rome wasn't built in a day. You've worked so hard already. I can't expect you to have Anna's dream nursery ready by the time she's released from the hospital." John didn't know what to say. He was a bit overwhelmed and felt very much out of his element. Even worse, he felt that his life was spinning out of control. So much was happening so fast. The scare with the baby. Finding out Vera was involved. His feelings of inadequacy as a boyfriend and husband material. Closing on his new house with Anna, and it wasn't even the one she was expecting. Add to that the fact he was getting pressure from all sides to marry Anna. It's not that he didn't want to. He'd love to permanently play house with Anna and even expand their brood. But he had to make sure they both wanted it for the right reasons. Once the ring from Brenda arrived he'd mull it over some more.

"I can take care of it," Mary said, bringing John back to the present. "It might not be completely finished, but it will pass muster. I plan events for a living, John. I can easily handle a nursery. I'll touch base with you later tonight." Before he could answer, Mary was in her car and driving off.

"Oh, Buddy, this is when I wish you still drank, because you look like you could use a beer," Robert said, standing with John as they watched Mary drive off.

"I feel like I could use one, too. But since that's not an option, let's go move some furniture. Manual labor might help."

* * *

It was 10:30 before John got back to Anna's room. He'd helped Tom, Henry, and Robert finish loading the U-Haul truck and then decided he needed a shower. However, he readily realized that he had no towels, soap, or any clean clothes. He wasn't excited about going back to the hospital smelling and looking like he did, but he had little choice. He knew he had a change of clothes in the overnight bag he'd left there last night. For a minute he thought about going to the new house, but realized that even though he knew where his clean shirts were, he had no idea about underwear and toiletries.

Sneaking into Anna's room and hoping she'd be asleep, John was disappointed. The lights were off but Anna was watching a home remodeling show on HGTV.

"There you are," she said sweetly. "I was wondering if you'd decided to break in the new house."

"I would have been tempted if I'd only known where my clean clothes were. I need a shower, and I'm gonna have to use yours right here, I'm afraid," John answered. Anna narrowed her eyes at him. He was looking pretty rugged, but that wasn't a problem for her. His plaid shirt sleeves were rolled up showing off his strong forearms. The sheen of dried sweat on his arms and face along with his disheveled hair was quite masculine. His jeans were sagging a bit but that didn't bother her. She didn't mind seeing him in this state at all. Now, if he smelled like he looked, that could be a problem, so she encouraged him to use her attached bathroom.

As John grabbed his bag and headed for the shower, Anna muted the television. She'd been doing a lot of thinking today. She was feeling much better about the baby as she'd felt her moving quite a bit and the medical staff kept insisting things were continuing to improve. But she couldn't quite figure out her relationship with John. Oh, she knew what her feelings were. They hadn't changed, except to grow stronger, for years. She had moved from infatuation to loving him heart, mind, and soul. But it was the mind part that was getting to her.

Maybe she needed to give John an out of their relationship. Sometimes she felt like he was in love with her and sometimes she felt like he was just grateful that she was providing a potential cure for his nephew's illness. She wasn't sure if John knew the difference in those feelings. When her mind really wanted to go to a dark place, she'd think about how he'd at one time wanted to marry Vera, who was the most horrible human-being Anna had probably ever met. Granted that's why they were divorced. But there was a little devil on Anna's shoulder asking that why if Vera had been good enough for him to marry, why wouldn't he ask the woman who was carrying his child to marry him? And although she knew she was biased, she felt she was a much better catch than Vera ever had been.

Still, as Anna spent the afternoon watching House Hunters and Flip or Flop and all the other shows on HGTV, she realized that she didn't want to live with John as a friend-even one with benefits. And if that's all they'd really ever be, she didn't want to fight for that. She needed more. Anna still stuck by her assertion that there would never be another man for her after John, but she didn't want a shell of him. She wanted all of him.

Before she could finish her brooding, which she laughed to herself that she must of picked up from John, he appeared from the bathroom with damp hair and a clean t-shirt and pajama pants. She hadn't smelled him before, but she could smell the clean now. He walked over to her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, instantly lifting her mood. He then leaned over and kissed her belly. Her heart melted at the gesture and she prayed that he felt more for her than she was afraid that he did.

"So, the house is looking good," John told her as he moved to the fold out recliner to make his "bed" for the night.

"Oh, yeah?" Anna asked. John seemed surprised she didn't press for more information but she really just wasn't in the mood.

"Yeah. Mary has unpacked most of your things. The kitchen and living room are ready to go. Your bedroom is mostly unpacked." John took a sheet and spread it over the chair before grabbing a top sheet and the thin blanket the hospital had provided him.

" _My_ bedroom?" Anna asked. _Here we go_ , she thought. He cares more about the baby than he does me. He's planning on sleeping in the guest bedroom?

"Well, _our_ bedroom," he smiled. Was Mary right or what? He'd dodged a bullet there. "I just meant that your bedroom suite was functional in the master bedroom." Anna's faced relaxed some, but John could tell she wasn't feeling her best.

"Are you okay?" he asked seriously, as he stopped with his bed preparations.

"Yeah, I'm just tired," Anna replied. It wasn't a lie. Maybe not the whole truth, either.

"Well, there's one room that is still empty. With nothing. Have you thought about how you want to decorate the nursery?" John asked, sitting on the edge of his make-shift bed for the night. "I can start getting the stuff if you tell me what you want."

"You don't have to do that, John. I can do it on my own," Anna told him. The truth was, his bringing up the nursery tonight just proved to her that he was thinking more about the baby than he was about her. She was so glad he loved this baby, but her personal love tank was feeling a bit empty.

"I can't let you do it on your own. Not in your condition. It's not good for the baby," he told her.

"John, I can still do some things. I don't want to lose this baby anymore than you do. I promise I will not take any chances with your daughter's health." Anna was probably a bit more snippy than she intended to be, but John didn't seem to notice. Instead, his eyes lit up at Anna's words. _His daughter_. Somehow he'd never quite processed the pregnancy that way.

"Well, just patronize me and tell me how you want the nursery to be," John prodded.

Anna could tell that John wasn't going to let this go, so she gave in. But she was somewhat melancholy. This should be a conversation she was enjoying, not one that felt like a death march. One that was accentuating that John was in their relationship for the baby.

"Well, I think I want pink and grays with white and black accents," Anna finally told him. "I saw the most adorable nursery on one of the real estate shows today. I know the room we've picked out for her isn't that big, but we'll need at least a crib, dresser, and a chair in the room. I figure we can use the dresser for the changing table as well. I love the look of the round cribs, too." Now that she got started, words were just flowing out of Anna's mouth. The more she talked, the more she got lost in the moment and her worries about John faded for a bit. For his part, John was taking it all in, hoping he could remember enough details for Mary to get it right.

Finally, Anna let a out a big sigh and her shrouded demeanor was back. John had the feeling something was wrong but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Anna, tell me what's wrong," John told her.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked, seemingly perplexed.

"Ever since I got back tonight you've seemed...I don't know...depressed. I'm feeling the best I have in days, but you seem to be sad. That bothers me."

Anna closed her eyes for a moment before answering. "John, if you want out of your relationship with me, you can walk away. I'll still keep my word. If the baby is a match then I'll help Delcan however I can. Regardless, you can have a relationship with your daughter if you want."

John shook his head and closed his eyes as if to determine if he'd heard her clearly. "Wait, what? Where is all this coming from?"

"I convinced myself that you wanted this as much as I did. But I think we're doing this for different reasons."

"Anna, you're exhausted. You don't know what you're saying," John told her, making his way to her bed. He lowered one of the rails and sat beside her.

"Don't I? I just feel that you've deluded yourself into thinking you love me when you're really just grateful that I'm having your baby to help Declan." The sincerity in her eyes spoke her pain, but John couldn't help smiling.

"Why are you smiling?" Anna asked, her eyes turning a steel blue, and he could tell she was getting upset.

"Because it seems one of us has to have some kind of doubt at all times. Let me ask you this," John said, shifting on the bed. "Do you have doubts about the way you feel for me?"

"No. I'm sure of that. I'm certain that I love you, just as sure as I am that the sun will rise in the east," Anna replied vehemently.

"Nor do I doubt my feelings for you," John told her, reaching up to smooth her hair away from her face. Anna's eyes fluttered shut at his touch. "I didn't enter into this relationship to fall in love with you, but it happened. And as much as I love that little girl growing in your womb, I do not have misplaced affections."

"But you keep pushing me away," Anna refuted, opening her eyes to look at John.

"Because I'm not worthy of you. That doesn't mean I don't love you or want you," he clarified. "It's because I love you that I want you to have the best, and I'm not convinced that I'm it."

"But I am," Anna insisted.

"I know," he smiled. "And I'm just going to have to trust in your faith."

"So you won't leave me?" she asked, a bit ashamed at her weakness but needing to know the answer.

"Not until you tell me to," he responded.

"Never," she whispered as she pulled him down to her. John pressed his mouth to hers in a tender kiss, slowly caressing her lips with his. She inhaled his scent and wrapped her arms around his neck. Just then the baby kicked hard, startling Anna and she pulled away. A nurse walked in directly after and broke them up for good.

"Alright, you two. Enough of that. Ms. Smith needs some rest, not excitement," the nurse told them. Anna giggled, and John slinked red-faced back to his chair-bed.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thank you for continuing to read. I'm a little slower with updates these days, but they are still coming. Thanks as always to mr-and-mrs-bates as well as a-lady-to-me for their eyes and guidance. I do not own Downton Abbey or any of it's characters. Please enjoy!**

* * *

John was nervous as he and Anna left the hospital. He was concerned that he was taking her to a house she wasn't expecting and that she might not be happy about it. He was anxious that he let Mary design the nursery, albeit with his input. Of course, that made him nervous as well. On top of all that, he was still scared about Anna's and the baby's health.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked as John held on to the steering wheel with shaky hands. He chuckled at her question.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" he smiled at her, gripping the steering wheel tighter so she wouldn't see him tremble. He felt like an old man with a degenerative disease. He rolled his eyes as he thought, _Well, you're no spring chicken, John Bates._

"I'm fine. You heard Dr. Randolph. No leaking at all. I just can't wait to get home and see what you and Mary have done with the place." John didn't reply, but raised his eyebrows. The closer he got to the new neighborhood the more tense he became.

"John," Anna started, confused. "Are you sure you're going the right way? This surely isn't the most efficient way to the new house."

"It is," he insisted, saying no more. He was unsure how to tell her he bought a different house than the one they chose together. As he turned onto Hamilton Street, Anna's eyebrows knit together.

"John?" she asked, not sure what else to say. This was the street where the other house they liked was, not the street of the house they'd purchased. Why was he taking her here? As John slowed when he approached 7117 Hamilton Street, Anna's breath caught. Her car was in the driveway. She snapped her neck to look at John as he pulled into the driveway and put the car in park.

Turning to look at her, he took a big breath. "Don't hate me for this." John paused as he searched Anna's face for her reaction. He couldn't read anything there. No anger. No elation. He wasn't sure what she was thinking. "But, we didn't buy the house on Martingale Drive like we agreed." Anna's head cocked to the side and one eye squinted, but John still couldn't tell what she was thinking. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he continued, "We bought the house on Hamilton Street."

Anna's face went lax with surprise at John's admission. "Are you serious? You bought this house?" she asked. And in that moment John was regretting everything. The house purchase. Setting up the nursery. Anna was unhappy. He was stupid to think that he should make big decisions that would affect her without getting her input. This could end very badly if he wasn't careful.

"I did," he answered, looking back and forth between her eyes, trying to gauge how upset she was.

"Before you spoke to me?" Anna continued. John could feel the blood draining from his face, but he hoped he hid it well. He had been sure that Anna would be excited about the Hamilton Street house, but that was before he'd actually told her about it. Before he'd had to confess that he went rogue and purchased a different house than the one they'd settled on together.

"You don't mind, do you?" he asked, and then cringed at his own question. She was surely going to erupt at any moment.

"Of course, I mind!" Anna insisted. "We said this house was too much money." John's hands began to sweat as he tried to figure out how to get himself out of the mess he'd created. But before he could formulate another thought, he saw a small smile spread across Anna's face. "I'd give you a slap if I didn't want to kiss you so much I could burst!" John's shoulders relaxed, and he realized perhaps she was happier than he'd thought. He slowly reached up to cup her cheek and was encouraged when she leaned into his palm instead of pulling away. Bending his neck to meet her, he pressed his lips against hers in one of the most tender kisses he'd ever experienced. When she opened her mouth to him, he let himself indulge in her taste for just a minute before pulling back. He didn't want to get either of them too excited in her condition. And truthfully, he was still nervous about what Anna would find inside the house.

"Do you want to go inside?" John asked her feeling a little more courageous after her acceptance of the purchase.

"Yes! Of course, I do!" Anna told him, reaching for the door handle to open the car.

"Wait right there," John insisted as he left the car and made his way to the passenger side. While he'd like to think he was being chivalrous, and in a way he guessed he was, John mostly wanted to make sure Anna didn't lose her balance and end up back in the hospital. He felt the need to keep both his girls safe.

Slowly the two of them started towards the front door. Anna had only been here once before, but it already felt like home. She'd almost asked the realtor to give them a second showing of this house but had decided against it in the end because she didn't want to window shop for something she'd never have. Anna felt she was lucky to be blessed with a relationship with John after wanting him for so many years, and she hadn't wanted to push her luck. But it was beginning to look like Anna was luckier than she could ever dream.

John stepped forward to unlock the door and did a remarkable job keeping his hands from shaking, both from nerves and excitement. He simultaneously was looking forward to and dreading showing Anna the house. John knew if she hated it he could always blame it on Mary, but he also knew that he was the one that went out on a limb and purchased this house without Anna's knowledge or consent. Still, she'd loved it so far, so he had hope that she'd be pleased with the inside as well. Turning the knob and pushing the door open, John took a step back on the porch. When Anna stepped forward, he stopped her with a gentle tug on her arm.

"Let me do the honors," he smiled at her, and then bent to pick her up with one arm under her knees and one supporting her back. Anna shrieked and quickly wrapped her arms around his neck to steady herself.

"John!" Anna laughed. "I'm too heavy for you!"

"Nonsense," he replied as he took the first step over the threshold, then tried not to grimace and groan when fire shot through his right knee. It wasn't Anna's weight, just the awkward movement that had caused the pain. Still, he was glad to stand her back on her feet once inside the foyer of the home. Hoping Anna hadn't noticed his discomfort, he turned gingerly to shut the door.

"Wow," Anna whispered as she slowly turned around the entrance. The two story-foyer was just as beautiful as she remembered, with the large pendant chandelier hanging from the twenty foot ceiling. To the right was a formal dining area, which had been outfitted with her own dining table and sideboard buffet cabinet. The stairs were to the left, and straight ahead was the living area.

With her hands covering her mouth and tears welling in her eyes, Anna slowly walked towards the great room. John took a step after her and realized his right leg was hurting more than he expected. Hoping to hide his limp from her and walk-off the pain, John stayed a couple of steps behind Anna. He didn't want her to feel guilty for his discomfort, which she surely would.

Anna stopped in the living room, running her hand across the back of her couch. The room was perfect. Her furniture in it was perfect; it was almost as if it had been purchased for this home. Turning her head to the right, she noticed John's smaller dining table was in the adjoining breakfast nook, which in turn connected to the open kitchen.

"All your dishes, utensils, and cookware are put away in the cabinets," John told her before she had a chance to even move into the kitchen. "Mary has it fully functional."

Anna merely nodded, afraid to speak right now, and turned to the left towards the master bedroom. Stepping into the room, she saw her furniture in place, her bed positioned between two side windows, and her bureau against the wall at the foot of the bed. On one side wall was a chest of drawers she didn't readily recognize, but then remembered seeing it in John's room. Immediate relief flooded her as surely this meant that John was staying in this room, too. She knew he'd referred to it as "our room" the other night in the hospital, but it was still reassuring to see his things in the space. As she made her way through the bathroom to the closet, Anna felt even happier as she noticed his clothes lining the left side of the closet and her own taking up the larger right side. Turning to see John leaning against the bathroom door jamb, a huge smile spread across Anna's face.

"Oh, John. I can't believe you did this!"

"Are you happy?" he asked, as he adjusted his stance, but continued to rely on the door frame for support as his leg was still aching from his misstep earlier.

"I don't ever remember being so happy. Thank you so much." Anna walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his middle, placing her head on his chest. John tried not to stumble backwards as he was balancing most of his weight on one leg, and a new pain riveted down his right leg. Anna felt him stiffen and pulled back to look in his face.

"It's nothing," John assured her. "Just a little twinge in my leg from an old injury. Every now and then if I stand on it wrong it gets me." Anna seemed to accept his explanation and walked back towards the bedroom door. Following her, John's nerves began to grow and she headed for the other downstairs bedroom. The one that would be the nursery.

As Anna passed the kitchen and turned the corner down the hall that led to what was to be their baby's room, John felt perspiration on his brow. What if she hated it? What if she got upset about the wall decor? What if she didn't like any of it? Her intake of breath was audible even from the three yards behind her which John stood. Before she'd even crossed the threshold to the nursery, her hands were back to her face.

Anna couldn't believe her eyes. Her dream nursery had come to life. The walls were painted a soft gray and a white chandelier hung from the middle of the room. A white dresser and changing table was against one wall, while a cream colored glider with a pink and white blanket draped over the corner sat by the window. A white pillow with a black EKB monogram sat in the chair. A white convertible crib lined another wall and was dressed in white linens with soft pink trim on the crib skirt. But it was the letters hanging above the crib that caused Anna's knees to buckle, and she quickly maneuvered herself into the glider.

John heard her sob and wasn't really sure if it was a good sign or a bad one. He entered the room and leaned against the wall, still trying to hide his pain from Anna.

"What do you think?" John asked, and involuntarily held his breath while he waited on her answer.

"Did you have anything to do with this?" Anna asked instead, and John wasn't sure what she wanted his answer to be. That being said, he was sure that honesty was the best policy.

"I did. I described an idea to Mary, and she made this happen." Anna's eyes brightened as she understood where he got the idea.

"This is why you asked about my dream nursery the other night. This is what you were planning." It wasn't a question.

"I know it's not exactly how you described, but I hope it's okay. We couldn't get a round crib in time, and I really didn't want to leave the room unfinished. Plus this one will convert to a toddler and the then full-size bed, so we get more bang for our buck," he told her.

"I love you, John Bates." Answer whispered, so overcome with emotion that she could not speak any louder. Just the fact that he'd put in all this effort for her sealed her heart as his.

"And I, you," he replied as he walked towards her and propped himself on the arm of the glider.

"What do you think of the name?" John asked, as Anna looked at the wall over the crib. Free hanging white letters attached to the wall with pink ribbon spelled out, "Ellie Kate."

"It's perfect, John," Anna told him, looking up at him while she wiped happy tears from her eyes. "How did you know?" John wasn't sure if Anna was asking how he knew that Ellie was her mother's name or how he knew she wanted to name a child Ellie. As he wasn't ready to reveal that he'd seen her notebook, or even that he still had possession of it, he decided to answer the former question and ignore the second one.

"Mary told me that Ellie was your mother's name. Katherine is my mother's middle name. It just made sense." Anna nodded, wordlessly. "I know we didn't talk about it," John hurried on, "but I was pretty sure you'd be okay with it." John's face was turning red as he now felt that picking a name without discussing it with Anna was a stupid thing to do, even if he had found an old list of her baby name choices with "Ellie" at the top.

"It's perfect. I've always wanted to name a daughter after my mother. And I love 'Kate' for the same reasons. I can't imagine a better way to honor our parents or for their legacy to live on," Anna assured him, turning in the chair to better look up into his face.

"So you like it? The name _and_ the nursery?" John asked.

"I wouldn't change a thing," she told him, reaching up to kiss the man who was slowly making all her dreams come true.

* * *

John made sure that Anna rested as soon as she finished the tour of the house. The upstairs wasn't as put together as the main floor yet, but at least you could tell there was a guest room and bath, office for John, and a creative laboratory for Anna. At least that's what she had chosen to call it as it was twice the size of John's office space.

Anna settled on the couch with her feet propped on the ottoman. She grabbed her favorite blanket from the back of the sofa, and quickly cocooned herself in it. John brought her tea and sat a cup for himself on the end table beside the couch. Anna watched as he gingerly lowered himself to the couch and then tried to hide a grimace as he propped his right leg up on the ottoman beside hers.

She wondered why he tried to hide his pain. Anna could tell his leg had been bothering him since they walked into the house. She suspected it had something to do with his chivalrous notion to carry her over the threshold, but she didn't want to point it out. She'd either damage his male pride or her self esteem. She knew it was because of the baby, but she had packed on some pounds over the last two months.

Of course, Anna also knew he had some old injury of some kind. She remembered when she'd first met him there'd been a time when he'd walked with a cane for a bit-on a couple of occasions actually. Anna never knew why, but she always kinda figured it had to do with Vera based on a few things Robert had let slipped.`````````````

Then there were the pictures at the Crawleys' house. The ones of John at their wedding. He'd been on crutches. Anna had assumed that had just been some fleeting wound of John's youth. But now she was putting all the pieces together and figuring out that John most likely had a pretty serious injury at some point and that it still gave him trouble from time to time.

"John, can I ask you something?" Anna questioned tentatively.

"Of course," he told her with scrunched eyebrows. "You know you can ask me anything."

"What happened to your leg?" John's whole body stiffened.

"I don't really like to talk about it," he told her.

"That doesn't surprise me," Anna replied, "but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious. I've wondered for years. At least I've wondered why you were on crutches at Robert's wedding. And why did you sometimes use a cane? Most of the time you seem fine, but I've seen you limping today."

"How did you know I was on crutches at Robert's wedding?" John asked, genuinely surprised.

"John," Anna said with incredulity. "Mary is my best friend. I've practically grown up in their house. I've probably looked at Rob's and Cora's wedding photos more than Rob has." She had a point there, John suspected. But then his stomach turned. If Anna'd seen pictures of him at the wedding, she may have seen pictures of his date, too.

Vera had been none to happy have a gimpy companion that night. She'd danced with any man who could breathe, sometimes quite seductively as if to rub it in John's face that he couldn't dance with her. Truth be told, John should have walked away then. Or hobbled away. But he was in love, or at least he'd thought so. Looking back on his relationship with Vera he could see so many red flags. He'd love to be able to go back in time and tell his younger self to stay the hell away from her.

"Do you promise you won't laugh?" he asked Anna. Vera had laughed. She'd laughed when she'd picked him up at the hospital after his x-rays. She'd laughed when he told her needed surgery to fix it. She laughed when he would sweat during his rehabilitation treatments. If Anna laughed, he didn't think he could take it.

"I won't laugh," Anna told him gently, reading the sincerity in his eyes. "You were hurt. It doesn't matter how it happened, it's not funny."

"Most people laugh," John admitted, and in that moment Anna's heart swelled with empathy for him. Her poor John had sustained what was obviously a serious injury and had been ridiculed for it. She reached over to take his hand, gently squeezing as if to give him the courage to tell her what happened.

"It was Robert's bloody fault. I saved his ass from Carson's wrath, but destroyed my knee in the process," John replied.

"How?" Anna asked, thinking this story had to be good. "Is this a marching band injury?" She couldn't imagine what else would involve Carson and Robert together. Anna vowed not to chuckle, but she wasn't sure she could keep the smirk off her face. It was like that time Gwen had stepped on the back of her own flip-flop, tripped herself, and broken her elbow. The injury wasn't funny, but Anna had never been able to listen to the account of how it happened without cracking up a bit. But she was determined not to laugh at John's story, though, as that seemed to be a real sore spot for John.

"It is. We were doing the circle drill. The kid in front of Robert, Chris Armstrong, missed the count. He flipped 180 degrees two counts too soon, which put his trumpet bell in Robert's face. Robert stumbled backwards, and I was directly behind him. I had no time to react, and I was still moving forward. We collided, and the weight of his sousaphone pushed us both backwards. We ended up in a pile on the ground, Robert and me, and I caught all of Robert's weight, as well as his horn's weight, on my right knee. It tore my ACL and meniscus."

"Oh, John," Anna exclaimed, the mental image making her press her lips together tightly to keep from smiling as she imagined the pile of arms and legs and instruments. She managed to move her hand over her mouth, which appeared to be a gesture of shock, when really she wanted to make sure she didn't hurt John's feelings.

"To add insult to injury, Rob's collision into me bent the hell out of my trombone slide and busted my upper lip wide open. He ruined my love life for months," John bemoaned. Between the busted lip and the busted leg, Vera didn't want anything to do with him, and John had no eyes for anyone else at that time.

Anna smacked John on the arm at his revelation. Even though she knew he'd been married before and was experienced with women probably even before that, she didn't really want to think about John kissing another woman, much less doing anything else with her.

"So, how did you save Robert?" Anna asked, guiding the story in a safer direction.

"His sousaphone never hit the ground. Didn't get a scratch nor a dent. Had the horn been damaged, it would have been worse than my knee. You know Carson. Somehow it would have been my fault, and Robert and I would both have been kicked out and lost our scholarships."

"True, but you could no longer march on a busted leg," Anna pointed out.

"Not that season. But I could still play in the concert band, and since it happened at school, the school paid for my surgery at the university hospital and my subsequent physical therapy. Of course I had to do the therapy on campus, too, and had a bunch of students practicing on me. I was never sure if my soreness afterwards was a sign I was getting stronger or symptom that they'd messed me up more."

"So you were able to march the next season?" Anna asked, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand in comforting circles.

"It was my senior year so I didn't have to. Thank goodness. I don't think I could have done it. All the snap turns, etc. I would have been terrified about blowing out my knee again."

"So it's been 30 years and you still have pain from it?" Anna asked. She hadn't meant to sound incredulous, but she realized too late that her question came out that way.

"Gee, Anna. You sure know how to make a man feel good," John told her. "It's not been quite that long." Although John had to admit that she wasn't far off.

"Well, it does bother you, off and on. I can remember several years ago you were using a cane for a while," Anna told him. John's face grew dark immediately.

"Yeah, I did," he admitted. Vera had kicked that cane out from under him more than once, and then laughed when he'd stumble, or better yet, fall. Hell, Vera kicking his knee directly in a drunken stupor was what had caused him to have to use the cane in the first place. Her malice sent him to eight weeks of fairly intensive physical therapy in order to be able to walk without it again, despite the kick happening years after the initial injury and surgery.

"I'm sorry," Anna apologized. "I see this is something that is hard for you. I didn't bring it up to cause you more pain. I was just curious, is all."

"I don't deny you've the right to ask," John responded. "It's a major part of my life, and I hope to be a major part of yours, so it's only right that you know. You also need to know that sooner or later I'm gonna need a full knee replacement."

"When do they think that will be?" Anna asked, realizing that John's sometimes-limp was a lot more complicated than she'd imagined.

"I don't know. I could need it within months or it might be years. My next follow-up with the orthopedic doc isn't for 3 months. They'll probably do imaging to look at the damage again. I haven't had that in a while. Then between that and my level of discomfort, they'll decide if it's time for the replacement or not."

"Whenever you need it, John, I'll help you," Anna told him, emphatically. "And the great thing about this house is that all the necessities are on the main floor. You won't have to go upstairs at all." Anna paused as she remembered his office was upstairs. "Should we switch the nursery and your office?" she asked as she realized he might not be able to handle the steps well to go upstairs and write or prepare for class.

John smiled at Anna's thoughtfulness. It was a fresh perspective after Vera's derision. But he knew Anna wasn't really thinking her suggestion through.

"No," he shook his head. "First, Mary would kill us after all that work she just did on the nursery. Secondly, I can work anywhere in the house with my laptop." John paused to shift himself on the couch a bit to better face Anna. "But most importantly, I want to able to get to Ellie when I need to. It will be more difficult for both of us if her room is upstairs." Anna nodded, admitting that she couldn't argue with John's logic, and her heart melted when he spoke about participating in the care of their baby.

"Anyway," John continued. "Let's not worry about the surgery, yet. I'm hoping to kick that can down the road a bit."

"With your left leg I presume," Anna teased him, but then immediately felt guilty as she'd assured him she wouldn't take pleasure in his pain.

"I thought you promised not to laugh," John asked, raising his eyebrows and shifting closer to her.

"I'm not laughing! I didn't mean it!" Anna defended herself, although her eyes were dancing in defiance. As John leaned towards her, Anna moved her hands up to protect herself from his advances. But when her hands came in contact with his solid chest, she melted into him rather than pushing herself away.

John nuzzled his scruffy face in Anna's neck, causing boisterous laughter to escape her small frame.

"You're laughing!" he pointed out, continuing his onslaught.

"Not at your injury," she defended herself, continuing to laugh. However, the laughter died down as John went from nuzzling to gentle kisses on her shoulder. Anna shuddered and then felt Ellie kick in response.

"John!" Anna exclaimed.

"Mmm. You like this?" he asked, continuing his caresses.

"Yes, but…" Anna stopped as she felt Ellie move again. "Give me your hand!" Anna managed to push John back far enough to grab his hand and place on her abdomen. Just as John was about to lean in for another kiss on Anna's neck, he felt it too.

Leaning back with wide eyes, John asked, "Is that… Is that our Ellie?"

Anna's eyes filled with tears as she nodded. John's smile stretched from ear to ear, and he chuckled to keep from crying. This was such a domestic scene. His little family cuddling together on the couch in their new house.

"Are you happy here, Anna? Truly?" John asked, and Ellie kicked again against his hand as if she was answering for her mother. They both smiled at the timing.

"Truly, John," Anna answered. "And Ellie is, too."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Sorry that my updates don't come as frequently as they once did, but I promise I'm still working on them. It has been a very busy summer. I keep waiting for life to slow down...but it never does. So I'll keep doing my best to keep this updated in a timely manner if you'll keep having patience with me! Thanks to my wonderful betas, mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me, for having my back. And as always, I appreciate each one of your reviews. Thanks especially to the guests to whom I can't reply and to those of you to whom I can but I run out energy at the end of the day after adulting and parenting and never quite get a chance to thank you individually. (Hello run-on sentence. Oops.) I promise I love every review and comment left on this story! Now, without out further adieu, please enjoy Chapter 28.**

* * *

It had been a week since Anna had come home to their new house in Hamilton Street. Dr. Clarkson had given her very clear instructions. She did not have to remain in bed, in fact he'd prefer her to be moving around. But she was to do no chores and to avoid climbing stairs for now. He said in another couple of weeks he might lift her restrictions, but for now, he wanted to be cautious.

Things had been going well. Anna had no more signs of leaking and was now feeling Ellie move routinely. Mary had been reluctant to do so, but had brought some of Anna's work from the office to the house. Anna had insisted that it wasn't strenuous or stressful and that she needed something to do.

Harriet had also come over nearly every day, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. John was still teaching, the end of the semester quickly approaching. He'd cancelled class one day while Anna had been in the hospital, but she had insisted he didn't alter his schedule with the university any further. When he was home, he spent most of his time upstairs working on both of their offices.

Even doing practically nothing, Anna was worn out at the end of the day and almost always in bed by 8:00 pm. John would stay up much later organizing the upstairs or reading over his students' work. Still, she lived for the moments when he crawled in the bed beside her, pulling her to him. He'd place a kiss on her temple, gently caress her belly, and whisper a soft "Goodnight" and an "I love my girls." Anna would smile as she snuggled against him, and then the next time she awakened, if her bladder didn't wake her first, was usually to his gentle kiss as he got up in the morning and headed to the shower.

For his part, John was mentally exhausted. He worried about Anna and Ellie every second of the day, not to mention Declan, and he was inundated with emails and calls from his students regarding their final projects. He'd gotten his desk set up and organized at home, but he'd left everything else in his study pretty much boxed up. He'd spent hours every night since they'd moved working on job-related tasks and the rest of his office would have to take a back burner until the semester was over.

Furthermore, he was hoping to finish unpacking all of Anna's home office before she was given the green light to climb the stairs. It wasn't that there was that much left to do in there as Mary had done most of it, but John often got distracted when he went in the room. He had put Anna's hospitality notebook from college back in there. The one that outlined her dreams of a life with him. And even though he hadn't opened it since the day Mary shoved it at him, he couldn't help but think about joining their lives together permanently.

One evening as John sat in his study, trying to summon the energy to unpack the last box of knick knacks in Anna's room before he called it a night, he was broken from his reverie by his phone ringing. A glance down told him it was his mother.

"Hello, Love. How is everything at the house?" Harriet asked her son when he answered.

"Good," John replied with a sigh. "Anna's already in bed, and I'm about to join her."

"Oh," Harriet said. "I hope I'm not bothering you."

"Not at all," John assured her, not able to keep the smile out of his voice. "I always have time for you."

"Well, I won't keep you long, but I called to let you know you have a package from Brenda here. I guess she didn't have your new address," Harriet told him.

"No, I told her to send it there," John responded.

"What is it?" Harriet asked, curious as to why he would give that directive.

"Umm, it's your ring," he told her, then cringed as he awaited her response.

" _My_ ring?" Harriet asked, confused.

"Yes. Your engagement ring. Brenda said that it no longer fit her and that she hadn't been wearing it. She thought that I might like to give it to Anna," he informed his mother.

"I think that's a lovely idea!" Harriet agreed, unable to keep the enthusiasm from her voice. John let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "I'm so glad she thought of that," Harriet continued. When Brenda stopped wearing it, I'd told her to keep it for Declan to use some day." Harriet paused a moment before continuing. "I'm sorry if it seems I didn't have faith in you, but I never wanted that ring to go to _Vera,_ and I didn't think you'd find a woman I would approve of enough to give her my ring."

"Mom, that hurts," John chortled, but he knew his mother was right. Vera wasn't worthy of his mother's ring, and John never planned on falling in love again, especially not with someone as worthwhile as Anna.

"Sorry, John. I am. But even you didn't see this coming," Harriet defended herself.

"You're right. I didn't. And I'm still not sure when I should use the ring," John said. Just as soon as he talked himself into proposing, which he had a million times, he'd talk himself right out of it again. John knew that no matter what his fears were, he never wanted to live without Anna. He never planned on marrying again after Vera or even wanting to, but Anna had changed his mind. However, he wasn't sure when he should ask. He didn't want Anna to think he was only proposing because of the baby so he decided to wait until after the birth before popping the question. But then his desire to have his whole family with the same last name at the time of the birth kept urging him to propose sooner rather than later.

"You'll know when," Harriet encouraged him. "Anna deserves to wear it. You just let me know when you decide that you're ready for it."

Just then John's phone chimed indicating another call coming through. _Saved by the bell,_ John thought as he pulled the phone from his ear to check the caller i.d.

"I will, Mom. I will," John assured her after seeing that it was his brother who was 'beeping' in. "Jim is trying to call," John said, changing the subject. "Let me get this. Do you need me to call you back?"

"No, that's okay. Goodnight and I love you. Tell Jim I love him, too," she told John before hanging up, leaving him just seconds to accept Jim's call before it rolled to voicemail.

"Hey, Bro," John greeted his twin.

"Hello. I didn't think you were going to answer," Jim replied.

"Well, I had Mom on the other line. She said to tell you that she loves you, by the way," John responded.

"Good to know that she still does," Jim smiled. "What's going on your way? Mom said you and Anna bought a house and moved in last week. How's Anna doing?"

"We did, and Anna is doing well. You'll have to come see the place sometime since your new niece will be growing up here. Make sure it passes Uncle Jimmy's inspection," John smiled through the phone.

"Well, funny you should say that," Jim replied. "Declan's been doing great and his Spring Break is coming up next week. I know it's not much notice, but we were thinking of coming over. We can stay with Mom. We don't want to put any stress on Anna, but we'd love to come out and see you guys."

"That would be wonderful," John told him, elated at the notion seeing his twin brother, nephew, and sister-in-law. But then he stiffened for just a second. Anna and Brenda didn't have the best relationship. Brenda had apologized to John for her behavior towards Anna, and Anna seemed to hold no grudge against his sister-in-law, but the two women had never discussed what happened over Christmas.

"Great!" Jim remarked before John had a chance to say anything further. "We'll head your way next Saturday so we can go to church on Easter with Mom. Just let me know when will be a good time to come visit."

"I will. Let me talk to Anna, and we'll pick a time for you to come by."

"Sounds good, John. See you soon, Bro!" Jim ended the call.

"Later." John put his phone in his pocket and went to find Anna. He needed to make sure she was okay with the visit, and if she wasn't, he'd call Jim back and make excuses.

* * *

Anna was already asleep when John joined her in bed last night, and he didn't want to wake her to tell her about his brother's visit. However, that meant he slept worse than usual as he worried about her reaction to the news. By five a.m. John had showered and dressed for the day, finally deciding that fighting his insomnia was useless. Anna found him at 5:30 sitting in their kitchen sipping on a cup of coffee.

"Hey, you," she said sleepily as she tightened her robe around her and took a seat at the table beside him.

"Good morning," he smiled. "You should still be sleeping."

"You've spoiled me. I don't rest as well without you beside me," she grinned sleepily. "What's got you up so soon?" Anna asked. "This is early even by your standards-at least to be dressed and ready for the day."

"Jim called last night after you were asleep," John told her seriously. Anna's heart fell at his tone. John didn't seem happy and she could only think of one reason John would be so deadpan after talking to his brother.

"Is Declan okay?" Anna asked, reaching for John's hand. He intertwined their fingers as a smile teased one corner of his mouth.

"Declan's doing well," he assured her. "In fact, his spring break is next week and they want to come for a visit. Jim, Brenda, and Delcan."

"Oh, that's great!" Anna said, with excitement. "Are they staying here? Do you have the guest bedroom ready? I don't care what Dr. Clarkson and Dr Randolph said, I'll have to go look at it-" John squeezed her hand as he interrupted her.

"Wait, wait, wait. You are _not_ climbing any stairs. They are staying with Mom," John told her.

"Oh," Anna said, her shoulders slumping and her enthusiasm deflating somewhat.

"Jim thought it might be too much stress on you for them to invade so soon after our move and the pregnancy scare, but they definitely want to come over and see the place." Anna's face brightened again at the thought of guests. John smiled and shook his head.

"What?" she asked him, narrowing her eyes but continuing to smile. Their hands were still linked, and John began rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"I just wasn't sure you'd be receptive to the visit. After the way Brenda acted at Christmas is all," he told her.

"John. She's your family. I know that what she said and did came from a place of pain. I've moved past it," Anna responded. She hadn't talked to Brenda since then, but there had been communication through John. While in a way, Anna would have liked Brenda to have apologized directly to her, she also understood why it likely didn't happen. Or at least she tried to. Brenda didn't really know her, and furthermore, she was probably ashamed of her actions. She should have been, anyway. John prevented Anna's line of thought from continuing as he began speaking again.

"I know you've forgiven her, but you've not had any interaction with her since the day she belittled you. And I know that she apologized about her behavior, at least to me, and I know she does like you and is grateful for you. But I just want to make sure you're okay with her visiting. I don't want anything else to upset you."

"I'm fine, John," she smiled, squeezing his hand. "It will give me something to look forward to. I feel like I'm on house arrest, and I'm getting a bit stir crazy. That reminds me. Can you pick up some more work for me from Mary? And take her what I've finished?"

"Sure," John replied, lifting Anna's hand to kiss it. "Now why don't you go back to bed for a bit? I'm gonna go grade some papers and reply to emails of panicked sophomores." Standing and kissing his forehead, Anna didn't have to be asked twice.

* * *

By the end of the week, Anna was feeling great and there had been no other signs of leaking amniotic fluid. She couldn't wait for her follow-up next week with Dr. Clarkson, because she was sure that she would be getting the okay to resume her normal routine. The amnio results should also be available at that appointment, which excited her. They'd still have to be sent to Declan's doctor to see if Ellie was a bone marrow match, but they were getting closer to finding out if this baby would be able to help heal Declan.

Jim and his family arrived at Harriet's early Saturday afternoon and decided that since Anna was homebound that they'd bring pizza over to the new house for dinner. Anna spent all afternoon straightening up the downstairs, although as far as John could tell it was spotless anyway. He spent all afternoon trying to get her to sit down and assuring her that the upstairs was in good order.

When the doorbell rang at 6:00, Anna nearly jogged to the door, so ready for live human interaction besides John. She loved having all this time with him, of course, but her cabin fever was continuing to escalate with each passing day. Opening the door, she was met with four smiling Bates faces and a gasp from Brenda as she covered her mouth with her hands.

"Hello, Dear," Harriet crooned as she stepped forward to hug Anna and then stepped past her to walk into the house. Brenda stepped up next, embracing Anna in a hug so welcoming that Anna had to wonder if this was the same woman she met last December.

"You're showing!" Brenda exclaimed, a bit teary eyed. "I mean, I know you should be, but it's just something to see the evidence of the newest little Bates." Anna smiled back, genuinely, but she couldn't help but wonder if Brenda's excitement was for her and John or if it was because Anna's baby might hold the cure for Declan's illness. Regardless, Anna decided just to accept the sentiment as it was progress compared to their last meeting.

"Yes, I am," Anna smiled. "I'm beginning to feel like a whale, but I know it's only going to get worse before it gets better."

"You're gorgeous!" Brenda countered. Before Anna could argue, Jim pushed his way to the door.

"I'm glad you ladies are celebrating my niece, but my arms are full of pizzas, and I'd like to set them down somewhere appropriate sooner rather than later," he told them as he lifted the pizzas in the air to draw attention to him.

"Let's put them on the bar in the kitchen," Anna told him, leading the way.

"Where's my 'brugly other'?" Jim asked, using the pet name he had for John as he followed Anna.

"Right, here," John said, stepping out from the master bedroom. "And if I were, I'd watch out who I was calling ugly, especially if I was a carbon copy of him." Jim sat the pizzas on the counter and then turned to embrace John, who had caught up to him at that point.

"It's good to see you, Bro," Jim said. "It's even better to see you so happy." John smiled at his twin. He was happy, for the first time in a long time. And it was all down to Anna.

"Thanks," John said as he blushed a bit.

"You boys can be sentimental later; this pregnant lady is famished. Let's eat!" Anna interrupted them. Soon, they had all piled their plates with pizza and breadsticks. The boys sat together at the table in the breakfast nook while the women sat in the dining room. It wasn't that they needed to be segregated; they all would have fit around the dining room table easily, but Anna and her female comrades recognized the need for the two brothers to have some time together. And Declan was getting to the age that he'd rather spend time with his father and uncle than his mother, grandmother, and aunt.

Anna shook her head a bit as she realized she was thinking of herself as Declan's aunt, but she wasn't. Technically, she wasn't anything to him other than the mother of his cousin. As much as she loved John and his family, she felt a little melancholy that she wasn't truly a part of it. She was the only one in this house, including the life in her belly, whose last name wasn't Bates. Anna wouldn't push John, though. She'd fought too hard to show him how much she loved him and how much they belonged together. She didn't want to scare him away by being a needy girlfriend who was demanding a ring. For now, she just needed to relish that she was accepted by such warm people, and that no one cared what her last name was; she was part of the family.

At least she thought Brenda accepted her. She knew the rest of the clan did. Brenda had been very friendly tonight, and she had told John that she was okay with Anna sometime back, so Anna was just going to have to trust that Brenda had gotten over her apprehensions from when they first met. Until Brenda gave her a reason to think differently, Anna would believe the best about her.

"What's wrong, Anna?" Harriet asked, finishing her first slice of pepperoni pizza. "You look a little down."

"Oh, no," Anna was quick to protest. "I'm good. I guess the excitement of expecting you all to come has finally died down and the day is catching up with me. You don't know how happy I am to have visitors. I have a bad case of cabin fever."

"So, anyone showing up tonight would have made you happy?" Brenda asked, before realizing how it sounded.

"No," Anna defended herself, feeling the blood drain from her face. "I was especially excited to see you all."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to come out snarky," Brenda genuinely apologized. "I was just teasing you a bit. That's what sist- that's what friends do." Brenda had almost said "sisters," something that was not lost on Anna, but she held up as she realized that Anna was not wearing Harriet's ring. Maybe it needed to be sized or maybe John hadn't proposed yet, Brenda wasn't sure. Maybe he wasn't planning on proposing at all, or worse, maybe Anna had turned him down. Regardless, Brenda didn't want to think of Anna as a sister-in-law until and unless it happened. The last woman she'd called "sister-in-law" had been the devil in disguise. She wasn't making the mistake of getting attached to someone in John's life so soon again, regardless of how much she liked her.

Anna, for her part, wondered why Brenda had started to call her "sister" and then stopped. She was unsure whether it was something that should make her happy or if it was another insult, pointing out that Anna wasn't truly a Bates. She shook the comment off, determined not to let this woman ruin her day or to let herself read too much into a little slip of the tongue.

"Well, I'm glad we could come and break up your monotony," Harriet smiled, reaching for the other slice of pizza on her plate. "What would you like to do tonight? Maybe we could play some games or something," the older woman suggested.

"Ooh, I love Pictionary," Brenda chimed in smiling. "And now we have even teams for boys vs. girls."

"That should be perfect," Anna added. "Up in my office somewhere there should be an easel with a large pad of paper. I can send John after it and some markers."

"It's settled then," Harriet decided. "Maybe we'll play some other games, too, but Pictionary is definitely in."

Thirty minutes later, John was dragging the easel down the stairs and setting it up in front of the fireplace. Anna and Harriet had made themselves comfortable in the two chairs in the living room while the boys squished together on the couch. Brenda brought a dining room chair over next to Anna to be near her teammates.

Declan was all about talking trash and declaring that the men were going to crush the girls when John pointed out Anna's profession. "You know Anna works in marketing. She might not be an official artist, but I've seen some of her party sketches. She has more artistic talent than the three of us Bates boys put together."

"Come on, Uncle John," Declan bemoaned. "We can beat them like a drum. Mom can't draw and Grandma probably won't even understand what's she's supposed to try to draw. We can _take_ them!"

"I'll have to trust you on that," John chuckled as he patted his nephew's leg. He had a feeling that for the first time in a long time, the Bates men were going to lose this game to the Bates women.

And there it was again. That flicker inside him that made him uncomfortable. The one that kept pointing out that Anna wasn't a Bates, despite the fact that he already thought of her as part of his family. The flicker that kept nudging him to propose. But before he could brood any longer, Declan was flipping a coin and declaring that the men would go first. He shoved the Pictionary card box at his uncle and insisted that John be the first to draw.

John pulled a card and read "Pocket Watch" to himself. Rolling his eyes, he was pretty sure he could draw this and score some points for his team. He stepped up the easel and uncapped the marker, waiting for his mother to tell him when to go; she'd been appointed official time keeper. On her mark, he began drawing a clock face to which his nephew immediately hollered, "Clock!" John then drew a chain coming from the top of the watch, which silenced his nephew and narrowed his young eyes in confusion. Looking to Jim for support, John realized that neither of the boys had a clue what he was drawing. He then drew a shirt with a front pocket and circled it. That seemed to be enough for Jim as his twin shouted "Pocket Watch!" just before his mother called time.

Anna and Brenda groaned as Anna accepted the Pictionary box from John. Making her way to the easel and flipping the paper over, Anna prepared to draw the word on her card. Shortly, Brenda was shouting, "Books!" and Harriett was yelling "Building!" before Brenda put it together to correctly guess "Library" with plenty of time to spare. Looking smug, Anna handed the marker to Jim and returned to her seat.

The match continued for nearly an hour before John and Jim threw in the towel, much to Declan's chagrin. But both men knew that the effort they would need to come back and win when they were down fifteen to seven was a nearly impossible task, and Harriet was beginning to look like she might fall asleep at any minute. John was sure that Anna was tired, too, although she did seem to be enjoying herself more than she had in a long time, and that warmed his heart. Several times during the night he'd noticed Anna and Brenda exchange high-fives or hugs, which made him happier than he would have imagined.

"Whew," Harriet began. "You all are going to have to get me home. I'm about to fall over right now, and we have to be up early for church in the morning. It's Easter and the church will be crowded with the twice-a-year Christians."

"That's right," Anna said. "Tomorrow is Easter. I feel like I've lost track of the days since I've been on house arrest. Easter is my favorite religious holiday; I hate I won't be able to go," she lamented.

"Surely a little trip to church in the morning won't hurt," Brenda chimed in. "It's no more strenuous than sitting around here." Anna's face brightened at Brenda's thought. She was right. What could be dangerous about attending church services?

"No," John said immediately, shaking his head. "The doctor doesn't want you leaving the house, and I'm not taking any chances."

"John, it's just church," Anna protested.

"And we'll have to stand in line for a long time to get in tomorrow and then you'll have to sit on that wooden pew, and there's no way that is comfortable for a pregnant woman," he argued.

"You've been a pregnant woman on a pew, have you?" Harriet chimed in.

"Mom. I just don't want to risk Anna's or the baby's health."

"I see where he's coming from," Jim backed him up. "If Brenda was in this position I wouldn't want her to leave the house, either."

"But it's Easter," Brenda implored her husband.

"They are right," Anna relinquished. "I think God will forgive me for not being there. I can still celebrate here at home. Find a service to watch on the television." Even though his faith wasn't the strongest, John felt a little bad that Anna was not going to be able to go to church on her favorite holiday. And before he knew it, words were coming out of his mouth that he realized he might regret later.

"If you stay home tomorrow, I'll take you to church every other Sunday of the year." Anna's head snapped towards him, as did his mother's and sister-in-law's.

"You'll go to church with me?" Anna asked with bright eyes. Before John could tell her that she might have misinterpreted what he meant, his mother had put in her two cents worth.

"Oh, John. That's wonderful! Anna, I think you have to take him up on this offer. To see my Johnny back at church would make this old woman's heart whole." John's head dropped to his chest as realized what he'd just done. It was kinda hard to back out of it now. But truthfully, was it too much to ask for him to sit through a lecture once a week just to make the two most important women in his life happy? He figured he could manage it.

"Okay, okay," John acquiesced. "But let's change the subject now before it gets too sappy in here. How about you guys have dessert before you head home? I sat out a frozen Reese's pie earlier; it should be good to go and I'll serve it up." Anna stayed in her seat as the boys and Harriet moved to the kitchen. She'd wait her turn and didn't really want to be caught in the fray of the men fighting over the biggest piece of the pie. Brenda walked toward the foyer but returned to Anna's side fairly quickly and handed her a pink gift bag as she propped herself on the arm of Anna's chair.

"For me?" Anna asked surprised.

"Well, yeah. I guess more for my niece, but I want you to open it," Brenda smiled.

Anna carefully removed the tissue paper from the top of the bag and pulled out something wrapped in more tissue. She peeled back the layers to reveal the softest and cutest bunny blanket she'd ever seen. There was a plush floppy eared bunny attached to a small, ultra-soft pink velour blanket with a silky satin edge and lining.

"This is adorable," Anna awed as she continued to inspect the gift. Her breath caught when she saw the embroidery in the bottom right hand corner of the blanket body, "Ellie Kate." Her eyes met Brenda's who was smiling from ear to ear.

"Harriet told me what you are planning on naming her. I hope you don't mind," Brenda told her.

"No, not at all. I love this! The is the best present I've received! Actually, it's the only present I've received." It was then that it hit Anna that they were not as prepared for this baby as she was thinking. John had made sure they had all the furniture they needed for the nursery, but that didn't include supplies - diapers, soaps, lotions...clothes. They had no bottles, no high chair, no swing, no bouncy seat….no car seat!

"Oh." Brenda said. "Well, maybe Harriet and I can host you a baby shower."

"Now that you mention it, my friend Mary said something about hosting a shower for me several months back," Anna told her. She hated to ask Mary about it, but she was wondering if she should.

"What are we talking about?" Harriet asked jovially as she returned to the living room with her pie.

"Oh, I was just saying we should have a baby shower for Anna. She thinks her friend Mary might be giving her one," Brenda informed her mother-in-law.

"Well, she mentioned it a while back," Anna responded sheepishly.

"I'll talk to Cora," Harriet said. "I have her number somewhere, and we definitely need to shower you and my granddaughter."

"I want to help, too," Brenda smiled. Anna felt overwhelmed with their generosity, and she was warming up even more to John's sister-in-law. Brenda shifted uncomfortably in her seat for a moment before opening her mouth to talk again. She closed it without speaking, though, as if she wasn't sure what to say. She looked back and forth from Harriet to Anna before shifting again.

"Anna," she started. "I owe you an apology from the last time we were together." Anna was surprised to hear the confession from Brenda. "I was rude to you, and I know you saw it, too, Harriet, so I need to apologize to you, too."

"It's fine," Anna told her. What was done, was done and frankly, even the short apology was enough for Anna. She'd never been one to hold a grudge.

"No. I shouldn't have assumed you were so much like Vera. You're nothing like her. You actually love John, for one thing."

Anna chuckled before responding, "I do."

"Anyway, I just want you to know that I was wrong and should have never been so callous towards you. I hope you'll forgive me," Brenda implored.

"It's already done," Anna admitted, tears beginning to glisten in her eyes.

"My girls," Harriet smiled as she stood and hugged each one.

* * *

Half an hour later, John was walking his family to their car as Anna began turning out the lights inside the house and heading for the bedroom. Declan ran for the sedan as Jim escorted Harriet down the walk. Brenda hung back a little and walked with John.

"Where's the ring?" Brenda asked without preamble.

"It's at Mom's, still," John answered, not surprised that Brenda brought the subject up.

"So you haven't proposed?" Brenda asked, arching her eyebrow.

"Not yet."

"But you will?" she pressed.

"Yes. Probably. Maybe. I don't know," John sighed.

"You are the biggest idiot in this world if you don't do it," Brenda scowled at him.

"I want to. I just don't know when to do it. If I do it now it just looks like I'm doing it for the baby. If I wait until after the baby is born it looks like I couldn't commit." John stopped a bit away from the car, not wanting to have this conversation with his whole family.

"Do it now," Brenda told him. "Wait and do the wedding after the baby is born if you want, but ask her now. You won't be disappointed." She stretched on her tippy toes and placed a kiss on his cheek as John just nodded his agreement.

"Hey!" Jim yelled. "That's John! _I'm_ Jim. What did I tell you about mixing us up?"

"Damn. Not again," Brenda joked as she made her way to the car. John shoved his hands in his pockets and grinned.

"What do you mean ' _not again?_ '" Jim asked as Brenda slipped into the passenger seat. "How often does this happen?" he teased. John couldn't hear any more of the conversation as Jim closed his car door.. John's smile widened as he turned and walked back to his front door. Brenda was right. If he proposed now it didn't mean that he and Anna had to get married right away. But Anna at least deserved to know he was fully committed to her before the baby was born.

It looked like he had a proposal to plan.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Yes! An update within two weeks! I also noticed that I first published this a year ago tomorrow. Whoa. Thanks for all those still reading and sticking with this story. It's getting towards the end but there's still a few more chapters to be written. I appreciate each and every one of you, especially my Betas, mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me who take their precious time to make sure I stay on the right track. Anyway, here is the next installment of Performing in Harmony, and I still don't own anything related to Downton Abbey.**

* * *

Finals were beginning in less than two weeks and campus was buzzing. Kids who had skipped every class for the past two months were now deciding it was time to attend lectures, hoping to learn it all in a week. John hated these days. Parking was at more of a premium and you couldn't turn around without running into a student staring at his phone instead of watching where he was walking. Most of the time John could avoid campus excepting the couple of classes he taught and his office hours. But today he'd agreed to meet Robert for lunch, and unfortunately it was going to have to be a quick one for Robert and thus required staying close to his office.

"Sorry we have to eat at the Student Union," Robert apologized as they walked into the cafeteria together. "But these last two weeks are crazy, and I don't have enough time to go off campus."

"When's your last concert of the semester?" John asked, knowing all too well from his days as a student how busy the music department was at the end of the school year. Between concerts, recitals, juries, and finals, it was a wonder any of the musicians ever got any sleep.

"Tomorrow, night. But I have to sit in on the brass juries for the next three days after that. I am so ready for this semester to end. But then of course we're just right back into marching season. There's no rest for the weary," Rob sighed.

Both men went through the line and filled their trays with food before heading to find a table in the corner. For a cafeteria, the one in the Student Union wasn't bad. The food selection got old fairly quickly as the variety rarely changed, but the meals were palatable.

"How have you been?" Robert smiled at John as he sat and pulled his chair up the table. "I don't feel like I've seen you much in the last month or so. I know part of it is my schedule and the scare with Anna, but I miss you." John smiled as he unfolded a paper napkin and placed it across his lap. It had been a while since they'd been able to spend any quality time together. The brass quintet was on hiatus until the end of the semester due to Robert's unavailability, and John had been reluctant to leave Anna alone any more than he had to.

"Those are strong words, Rob. But I'm good. Just taking care of Anna and making sure she doesn't overdo things." John paused to pick up his utensils. "And my brother and his family are here. They've been over once or twice, and I played golf with Jim yesterday while Declan and Brenda took mom shopping at the outlet mall."

Robert nodded knowingly as he took a bite of the Mongolian beef he'd chosen for lunch. "And how is Declan? Have you found out if your baby is a match for him yet?" he asked.

"Not, yet," John shook his head as he chewed on his fried chicken salad. Anna was imploring him to eat more healthy, but salad with meat was about as "good" as John was prepared to be. "Anna has her appointment tomorrow, and we'll get the amnio results. But they still have to be sent to Declan's doctor so they can compare the HLA types or something."

"I'll pretend that I know what that means," Robert said, wiping his mouth his napkin. "Regardless, I'm hoping you've got a match."

"Me, too," John agreed.

"So, Anna's doing well, then?" Rob probed.

"Yeah," John sighed. Robert narrowed his eyes for a moment, not sure how to take John's tone. He could tell there was a lot behind John's reply, but didn't quite understand if it was a good "yeah" or not.

"Listen," John continued, placing his fork on his salad plate. "I'm going to ask Anna to marry me."

"It's about time," Robert smiled, reaching across the table to smack John on the shoulder.

"Apparently," John chuckled. "At least that's what everyone keeps telling me. But I don't know how to do it."

"What do you mean you 'don't know how to do it?' You've been married before. How did you propose to Vera?" Robert asked.

"God, I don't even remember," John told him. That was just another sign of how stupid he was to marry Vera in the first place. He was probably drunk when he proposed. "Plus, I would never want to replicate anything I did with Vera with Anna."

"What about sex?" Robert asked.

"It was just sex with Vera. It's so much more than that with Anna," John answered before he even realized where the conversation just went. Both his and Robert's cheeks turned red at John's answer.

"Blimey, Bates. You don't have to go getting poetic on me."

"You asked."

"Yes, I guess I did," Robert agreed. "So what's stumping you?"

"I want it to be special. I don't just want to be sitting on the couch one night and pop the question. And I don't want her to have any doubt that I'm proposing because I love her. I don't want her to think I'm doing it for the baby or because I'm just grateful to her for creating a child to save my nephew's life."

"Then I suggest that you propose before you know if the baby is a match for Declan. If the baby isn't, it won't be an issue - the Anna thinking you're just grateful part. But if your daughter is a match and you don't ask until you know that, then will Anna really ever know where your intentions came from?" Rob asked him. John nodded slowly. Robert was right. His time was running out.

"Brenda suggested that I ask her now but pick a wedding date for sometime after Ellie is born. She thinks that will keep Anna from thinking I want to marry her just because of the baby." John continued.

"That sounds like a good idea. Have you thought about what Anna would want?" Robert asked.

"That's all I've thought about. In fact, if you ever tell anyone this I will kill you, but I found one of Anna's old college notebooks, and in it she has planned our wedding." John confided.

"Really. Like she did that in college or just drew it recently in an old notebook?"

"No, like she did it fifteen years ago," he clarified.

"Wow. She really has had it bad for you, huh?" Robert remarked, eyebrows knit together. "So why don't you follow her plans, then?" he suggested.

"She didn't have her dream proposal scripted, unfortunately. Just the wedding," John told him, picking up his fork to continue eating. Robert continued to chew, his face contorted in thought. Suddenly, he held up his pointer finger.

"I've got it! Mary." Rob said and watched as confusion spread across John's face. "As in my daughter. Get her the plans and have her draw up the wedding."

"I can't just surprise Anna with a wedding," John protested. "Plus, I don't have a venue, know whom to invite, etc. I can't plan Anna's wedding without her."

"Mary can help you with that. She knows Anna better than anyone-probably even you. And what if you got married at my place? We can turn the back garden into a magical wedding paradise." John just stared at Robert as if he'd lost his mind. _Magical wedding paradise?_ What man even talked like that?

"Let me play the Devil's advocate," John said. "How does the proposal figure in? I can't just bring Anna to the surprise wedding and expect it to happen. I have to have a license for the marriage. These days that requires both mine and Anna's signatures. How am I going to get that without her knowing what is up?" Robert shifted a little, taking in John's words.

"Secondly, if I'm to propose to Anna before we know if Ellie is a match for Declan but not marry Anna until after Ellie is born, how does that work? It physically _can't_ if the proposal and the wedding are one in the same."

"Okay, okay," Robert agreed, raising his hand as if to tell John to back off. "You make great points. So how about this. Have Mary draw the plans up for this wedding and give them to Anna when you propose."

John stopped chewing for a moment. This idea actually had merit. "And then Anna could amend the plans if there was anything she didn't like…" John thought out loud.

"Exactly. But you're showing her how much you love her by making her dreams come true."

"Hmm. Well, you've given me something to think about, Rob. It's certainly better than anything I've come up with yet."

"I think it's brilliant," Rob stated, returning to his meal.

"You would," John chuckled as he took another bite.

* * *

John and Anna waited in Dr. Clarkson's office, listening for her name. John was nervous. He wasn't even sure why. They weren't finding out if Ellie was a match today or not. They could potentially find out that their baby had some horrible disease, but he kept telling himself that healthy babies were born every day and it was more likely than not that Ellie would be just fine.

Anna, too, worried about what the appointment could reveal, but she was mostly hopeful that she'd be released to get out of the house and go back to work. Even if the doctor didn't want her to work, she hoped he'd let her out of the house. Just on the drive to the office Anna was surprised at how much greener the trees were and how many flowers had blossomed in the two weeks she'd been homebound.

Soon, they were put in an exam room and the nurse checked all of Anna's vitals. She used a handheld doppler ultrasound to find Ellie's heartbeat, and both Anna and John teared up at the strong thumping. Several minutes later, Dr. Clarkson joined them and checked Anna for dilation and leaking fluids. Standing from his stool, removing his gloves, and washing his hands in the in-room sink, he turned to speak to Anna and John.

"Well," Dr. Clarkson started. "It appears that everything is as it should be. Your fundus is measuring on target for 22 weeks, the heartbeat is nice and strong, your cervix is completely closed. I can't ask for a better visit than that," he announced.

"That's wonderful!" John exclaimed, unable to keep the joy out of his voice and off of his face. Anna released a huge sigh of relief. She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until Dr. Clarkson had given them the good news.

"So does this mean my restrictions are lifted?" Anna asked. "I mean, the baby is my number one priority but I feel like I've been in prison for the past two weeks."

Dr. Clarkson's lip twitched as he took in Anna's pleading expression. "What's your work situation again?" he asked.

"I'm an event planner," Anna answered him.

"And what does that entail? Is it mostly desk work?" he asked.

"Well, yes and no," Anna admitted. "It can be a lot of desk work, but sometimes I have to attend the functions I plan."

"And that means that she's on her feet a lot," John interjected, filling in information he was afraid Anna would leave out. He had no concern about her returning the office, but he didn't want her on her feet for hours on end or out too late at night.

"Well, desk work is fine. I'm not concerned about you driving or riding in a car for short distances," Dr. Clarkson informed her. "So how about you can go to work but only in your office. No events."

"And I can go out to eat or to the store?" Anna asked.

"Yes, but I don't want you on your feet for more than thirty minutes at time. We may be being more conservative than we need, but I'd rather err on the side of caution."

"Agreed," John said.

"These rules are much better than the ones I had for the last two weeks. If I can get out of the house a bit it will help my mood." Anna said.

"Well, we certainly don't want you depressed. Just take it easy and let me know if any concerns pop up at all," Dr. Clarkson replied.

Anna then looked at John and back to the doctor. "What about…" she started, looking back at John. She wanted to know the results of the amnio test but she also was afraid to hear the answer.

"What about sex?" Dr. Clarkson supplied, smiling as he thought he read Anna's mind. Her face turned red in response, which he took to mean he was on the right track.

"Nothing too kinky," Dr. Clarkson admonished, "but yes, you can resume your love life. No oral sex. That sometimes leads to an incompetent cervix. But if you stick to the pretty traditional stuff you should be fine."

John hadn't expected to be given a green light in that area, but he had to admit, he'd missed being with Anna. He could feel his body starting to respond just thinking about making love to Anna again, but he would only do it if she asked. He wasn't taking any chances with this pregnancy.

"Well, that's good to know," Anna said, "but I was going to ask about the amniocentesis results."

"Ah, that. Yes. I'd almost forgotten," Dr. Clarkson replied. "Your baby is the picture of health. We have confirmed that she is indeed a girl, and she did not test positive for any of the diseases we look for, like Trisomy 21. We just need to get the results to your nephew's clinic so they can look for the HLA markers they need. If you can supply us that information today, we'll get the results to them."

John promised to give the info to the lady at the front desk on their way out, and Dr. Clarkson and his nurse then left them so that Anna could redress. As she pulled on her pants and then slipped her shoes on, John came over and enveloped her in an embrace. Placing a kiss to her forehead, he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too," she hummed back, sinking into him. "Let's go surprise your family and show up at your Mom's. Maybe we can take them out for lunch and celebrate small victories."

"That sounds like a lovely idea. Let's go checkout."

* * *

Jim and his family had three more days before they had to head home again. It was nearly noon, and no plans had been made for the day yet. Harriet had spent the morning on the phone with Cora, planning a baby shower for Anna. Cora had insisted on having it at her house and had agreed to a Saturday afternoon so that Brenda would be able to make it over to help. The ladies would enlist Mary to help, too-especially to provide a list of Anna's friends to invite. Harriet also had some ladies she would like to ask to attend the shower in order to help celebrate her new and only granddaughter. After ending the call with Cora and sharing the news with Brenda, the ladies had gone to shower and get ready for the day, even though Jim and Declan were still arguing on what that might entail.

Declan wanted to go Caromont, the large amusement park just south of town. Jim wanted to spend more time with John and doubted that John would agree to leave Anna to go ride roller coasters.

"But, Dad," Declan protested. "Mom and Grandma can stay with Anna. Please. You know we don't have an amusement park at home."

"I need to hear from John before we make any decisions," Jim told his son. "Anna has an appointment today, and we're not deciding anything until that's over and we know how she is."

Jim was nervous. He felt like a schmuck, but he couldn't let anything happen to this baby. His niece-to-be might be Declan's only chance to beat his disease. And as much as he wanted to feel bad for Anna and John as parents, he'd be lying if he didn't say that he was mostly concerned about this baby being born healthy for Declan's sake. He'd never let John, Anna, or even his mother know that, though. They might suspect, but he'd not confirm it. Still, he was in no mood for roller coasters and overpriced, unhealthy food. His stomach was in knots as it was, and he did not need any further encouragement to vomit.

"Hey, what's this?" Brenda asked, coming down the stairs and reading the distress on both her husband's and son's faces.

"Dad won't take me to Caromont," Declan pouted. Brenda looked from her son to his father. She knew Jim, and she knew that he was on pins and needles waiting to hear from John.

"Well, let's just wait until Uncle John calls and then we'll talk about it. Maybe I can take you," she offered.

"But you won't go on the coasters with me, Mom. You'll just wait for me at the end of the rides. It's no fun if you don't have a buddy sitting next to you," he protested.

"What's no fun?" John asked as he opened the front door to his mother's house and stepped into the living room, Anna in tow.

"Anna!" Brenda beamed.

Jim stood up from the couch and looked his brother straight in the eye. "How'd it go?" he asked.

"Good," Anna smiled. "The baby is healthy and my restrictions have been lifted."

Brenda shrieked as she nearly skipped over to give Anna a hug. The relief on Jim's face was evident, and he reached for his brother saying, "Thank, God," over and over.

"We still don't know if she's a match for Declan, but we gave them the information for his clinic so they can compare the Bates kids' DNA," John told them, a huge smile on his face. It was easy to see that he was happy and that Anna and Ellie were both doing well.

"So now can we go to Caramont? And celebrate?" Declan begged. Across the room, four sets of adult eyes looked from one to another.

"Well, I obviously can't go," Anna said, "but if everyone else does, that's fine with me. I can go into the office for a bit and remember what it's like not to be homebound."

Jim and John looked at each other and shrugged.

"Why don't the boys go, and us girls can stay here. Maybe go get pedicures or something?" Brenda suggested.

"Sounds okay to me," John responded, happier if Anna would stay with Brenda rather than going into work today, regardless of what Dr. Clarkson had said.

Just then, Harriet made her way down the stairs. "What's all this commotion down here? I haven't heard noise like this since the boys were teenagers." Shortly, she noticed that her whole family was in her house, not just Jim, Brenda, and Declan.

"Anna!" she smiled. "If you're here I'm assuming things went well."

"They did," Anna agreed, grinning from ear to ear.

"Harriet, I was thinking that maybe you and Anna and I could have a girls' day today. The boys want to go to Caramont," Brenda said.

"That sounds fine to me. I certainly don't want to go to that crazy place," she agreed.

"Yes!" Delcan shouted, pumping a fist in the air. "Grandma has spoken! Let's go, Twins. We're going to Caramont!" And with that, Declan ran out the front door to the car, leaving the adults behind chuckling.

"Do you at least have some shorts I can borrow?" John asked his brother. Wearing khaki pants at the amusement park on a hot day was not his idea of fun.

"Yeah, I can hook you up," Jim answered as they headed upstairs for John to change.

* * *

An hour later, the boys had made it to Caramont and were headed for the newest and biggest roller coaster the park had to offer. John looked up at it and decided it really wasn't on his to-do list. Neither was standing in line for it, which looked to be at least half an hour long.

"Listen. I need to make a couple of phone calls. You guys go ahead, and I'll meet you after this one to ride the others," John told them.

"But Uncle John! This one's the best!" Declan protested.

"You don't know that. You've never ridden it," John shot back at him. "I'll ride with you later, but let me take care of a few things first. Caramont wasn't originally on my agenda today." Agreeing begrudgingly, Declan and Jim went off to stand in line for the Savage Beast coaster. John headed to a shaded seating area and pulled out his phone.

Looking through his contacts, he readily found Mary's phone number. He was hoping for her work number, but only had her cell phone. Shrugging his shoulders, he figured it didn't really matter. Pressing her name to ring her phone, he waited for her to pick up.

"John," Mary answered quickly. "Is everything okay? How did Anna's appointment go? Do you need me?" John smiled at Mary's concern, finding it oddly comforting.

"Anna and the baby are fine," John told her, and Mary could hear his smile and genuinity. "But let her tell you that. I need you to keep this conversation private. I don't want Anna to know it ever happened."

"Okaaaay," Mary answered, intrigued. "What can I do for you, Mr. Bates?"

"I need you to take me on as a client," John told her. Mary sucked on her upper lip as she tried to imagine what she could do professionally for her father's best friend.

"Do you need an event planned? You do know that's what I do, right?" Mary asked, still trying to figure out what John might need with her.

"Yes. I need you to plan mine and Anna's wedding.

"Come to your senses have you?" Mary asked. She could hear him chuckling on the end of the line. "And Anna doesn't know you're talking to me about this?"

"No. I thought maybe you could take her college drawings and draw up some plans. And then I can give those to her when I propose," John explained, suddenly unsure of his plan. As the idea came out of his mouth to Anna's coworker and friend, he was sure she was going to tell him that it was a stupid idea. Would Anna think he was being too presumptuous? Too controlling? She was a modern woman and might not take kindly to him having the wedding planned.

"And do you have a venue?" Mary asked instead of arguing with him. John raised his eyebrows and continued to supply Mary information.

"Your father said we could use his backyard," he told her.

"Okay. And an officiant?" Mary asked.

"No, not yet. But I think Anna will want her pastor to perform the ceremony if he's willing." John wasn't super comfortable with getting married in a church, but he was amenable to compromise by having an outside ceremony with an ordained minister presiding.

"Can you get me the drawings from her notebook?" Mary questioned him.

"I can scan them and e-mail them. Will that work?" John supplied.

"Perfect. But John. You know that Anna is an event planner and that she's going to want to have a say in her dream wedding," Mary warned him.

"Of course. That's why I want to use her drawings. I want her to recognize that I'm willing to give her the wedding of her dreams."

"But you know those were made ten years ago or more. People's dreams change. Their preferences change." Mary's words discouraged John because she was right. People do change, including what they want out of life. Was Mary now using the same sketches that she used to convince John that he should propose to Anna to convince him that he should not? His mind reeled with doubt as he began to rethink the whole situation.

"I mean, she hasn't changed her mind about you," Mary added, quickly. "But she's had a lot of experience as an event planner now, and she might choose to do things differently than she did ten years ago."

"So you think I shouldn't do this?" John asked, sighing, still unsure if Mary was passively telling him not to do this. He tried to comfort himself by thinking of Anna and how she made sure to tell him that she loved him every day. The way she looked at him. Her gentle touch during the day and how she snuggled in close with him at night. He thought about all the people, including Mary, who had recently encouraged him that Anna wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with him. He wasn't backing out of this now. Maybe he should rethink his proposal, but he was going to do this.

"No, I like your idea. I think it's very romantic. I just think you should not be upset if she decides to completely change everything about the wedding we plan. Other than you. She might want different colors or different flowers. Probably different bridesmaids."

"Mary, you know her best. Start with her original ideas and go from there, making changes as you see fit or think she would," he told her with confidence. "How long will it take you to mock this up?"

"Probably a couple a couple of weeks," she told him.

"Well, can you do it any faster? I want to propose before we find out if the baby is a match for Declan. I don't want to leave any doubt of why I'm asking Anna to marry me. If our child is a match, I don't want Anna to think I'm just doing this out of gratitude."

"I'll see what I can do. How long do I have?" Mary asked.

"I don't know. A week maybe?" John supplied.

"And what's your budget?" she inquired.

"Anything reasonable," he assured her.

"My reasonable might be different than yours, Uncle John."

"I trust you." And he did. If he couldn't trust a Crawley, John couldn't trust anyone.

"Very well. I'll get started right away."

* * *

John was exhausted by the time that he, Jim, and Declan returned to the car. They had stayed until the park closed at ten o'clock, riding every roller coaster in the amusement center at least three times. Declan had even gotten John to ride the Savage Beast with him, something John would be okay not doing ever again. He was getting a little more cautious in his old age and was just happy that he hadn't actually peed his pants.

Declan had become a bit irritable towards the end of their day, fatigued by all the fun, and he was buckled in and asleep before John drove out of the parking lot. Once on the highway headed back towards his mother's house, John began to relax. Anna had texted him earlier and told him that after a day getting her nails and hair done, she, Brenda, and Harriet had gone out for an early dinner, and then his sister-in-law had dropped Anna back off at their house. She texted again about two hours ago to let him know that she was going to bed and not to wake her up crawling in next to her when he got home. He smiled, thinking about the domesticity of it all.

"So, Brenda tells me she sent you Mom's ring," Jim said, interrupting John's thoughts. He looked in the rearview mirror to make sure his nephew was truly out of it. He didn't want any of this conversation getting back to Anna. He also wasn't exactly sure what his brother would have to say, and he certainly didn't want to get in an argument in front of Declan.

"Yes, she did. I haven't used it yet, but I'm going to," John told him.

Jim shifted in his seat and took in a deep breath before continuing. "Look, I really like Anna. A lot. But are you sure you know what you're doing?" he asked his brother.

John shot him a side glance before responding. "Yes. I've never been more sure of anything in my life." His tone was a little defensive but genuine.

"Even if the baby isn't a match for Declan or if, God forbid, something happened to the baby?" Jim asked, wanting to make sure that his brother was doing this for the right reasons. Truthfully, John seemed very happy with Anna. And Jim knew through previous conversations with his brother, as well as those conveyed to him by Brenda, that John's lovelife seemed in better order than it ever had been. But he wanted to make sure John's heart was in the right place. John's ex-wife had hurt him badly in many different ways, including depriving him of children. If there were no baby would his brother still be considering marriage to Anna?

"Even then," John answered, assuredly. "In fact, I'm going to propose before we find out if Ellie is a match. I don't want Anna to have any doubt that my love is for her and not what she can do for my family."

Jim nodded at his brother's assertation. "I'm happy for you, John. I know this whole situation is complicated and honestly, stressful, but I don't think I've ever felt that a woman was as good of a fit for you as Anna is. I just don't want to see you hurt again. And I don't want her to be hurt, either, if one day you realize that your feelings were more of gratefulness and lust than of love. I don't want you to stay with her out of a sense of obligation. You did that once and you were miserable."

"I won't make that mistake again. I thought I was in love with Vera. I know I am in love with Anna. If Vera taught me anything it was the difference between love and lust. Anna is like the air I breathe. Just now, before we started this conversation, all I could think about was that she's at home waiting for me. She's asleep, but she's still waiting for me, and I can't wait to cuddle up behind her and press my face into her hair. Breathe her scent. Feel her heat. But I don't need anything more. I just need her in my arms."

"Oh, come on. We're getting old, but we aren't dead. You're telling me that don't want to do anything else but hold her? That gorgeous, young, blonde lady who is out of your league? You're fine with just snoozing beside her?" Jim asked.

"Well," John drawled, one side of his mouth turning upwards. "I didn't say that. The doctor gave us the green light to resume 'relations' today, but I'll wait until she let's me know that she's ready for it. That's the difference. I want it from her 24/7. But I'm mature enough to control my urges."

"Yeah, right," Jim laughed.

"So you and Brenda just go at it like rabbits all the time, eh?" John shot back.

"Well, no, but we've been married for nearly twenty years," Jim responded.

"James Bates. Are you trying to say that if Brenda was younger and a blonde you'd be more turned on? You'd better not let Brenda find out you feel that way," John smirked.

"Hey!" Jim said, turning to make sure Declan was still asleep and not taking in any of this conversation. "That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just saying that when you have a deep bond and strong love that it's not all about sex."

"And that's all I am saying, too," John smiled. "That's what I'm saying, too."

* * *

It was nearly midnight when John unlocked the door and stepped inside his house. Anna had left a living room lamp on for him, and a smile spread across his face. He hated comparing Anna to Vera all the time, but it was hard not to when this relationship was everything his last one was not. Vera would have had the house completely dark, leaving obstacles in John's way, probably hoping he'd trip. Anna was all light where Vera was dark, a metaphor clearly illustrated by the lamp in the living room.

Quietly opening the door to the bedroom, John slipped inside and closed it behind him. Shedding his clothes from the day, he decided to run through the shower before joining Anna in bed as he felt a bit gritty and gross from the day at the park. Fifteen minutes later he had showered and readied himself for bed. Running his hands through his still damp hair, he looked at himself in the mirror. Anna surely was getting the short end of the deal, but he wasn't going to point that out to her. She was way too beautiful for the likes of him, but he'd stop questioning it. She made him happy, and he was coming to believe that he truly made her happy, too. Turning out the bathroom light he made his way back to the bedroom.

Then, just as he'd been dreaming of for the last hour, he slipped under the covers next to Anna, and reached his large arm out to wrap around her waist and pull her to him. Her middle was bigger than it had been a few weeks ago, but that was just another thing that was lighting up his world. Anna sighed as she sank into his embrace, but never awakened. John splayed his hand over her belly, cupping their child beneath his palm. With a smile on his face he buried his head in Anna's hair, pressing a kiss where her neck met her shoulders. "John," he thought she moaned as he nuzzled her neck.

"I love you, Anna," he whispered. "And soon I'll ask you to be my wife."

Anna slept through his confession as she was resting better than she had in weeks. Placing one more kiss at the nape of her neck, the rhythm of Anna's breathing soon lulled John to sleep, too. It was a welcome and peaceful sleep, and for the first time in his life, John Bates felt blessed.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Here's the next installment. Much love to all the readers and supporters! As always I own nothing associated with Downton Abbey, and I owe lots to my wonderful betas, mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

John talked Anna out of returning to work until after his family left, so she didn't walk into her office until the following Monday. It felt so good to be back. As much as she wanted to be a mother, she was beginning to doubt that she could be a stay-at-home one-at least not full-time.

What she would do about work after Ellie was born was something that she hadn't talked to John about. Anna wasn't really sure what they were going to go for childcare. Truthfully, they could both work at least part-time from home, so maybe they could set it up where they worked opposite days outside the house. Or maybe his mother would want to babysit. Anna didn't really like the thought of putting Ellie in a daycare, but she had quickly realized over the past few weeks that she couldn't stay home all the time.

Slinging her work bag onto a chair in her office, Anna happily slumped into the one behind her desk. It felt like coming home. Her desk was tidy with a few bits of mail in the center that she assumed Mary had placed there. John had done a good job picking up work for her every few days. Or maybe Mary had done a good job of sending the right amount of work home for her. Either way, Anna didn't seem to be backlogged on any work.

"You're back!" Mary enthused as she walked into Anna's office.

"Yes!" Anna smiled, standing to greet her friend. Mary's hug was tight and a welcome embrace.

"Oh, my God!" Mary shrieked. "It's only been a couple of weeks, but I can't wrap my arms around you as far anymore." Anna chuckled, happy to be gaining weight when it was for the sake of her baby.

"So you survived without me, I see?" Anna told her, returning to her seat.

"I did," Mary admitted. "But my brain is fried from trying to keep up without overworking you. I'm glad you helped out as much as you did." She sank into one of the chairs across from Anna's desk and rested the folder in her hand on her lap.

"I could have done more had you and John let me," Anna protested.

"Neither of us were going to let you overdo it," Mary told her. "I'd rather be brain dead than let anything hurt you or that baby."

"Mary. You'll have to be careful," Anna said seriously. "I'll think you have a heart." Both women smiled at Anna's referral to Mary's reputation as an Ice Princess. They both knew it wasn't true, but Mary certainly had put up that facade, especially since Matthew had died.

"Well, I'll watch it from now on," the younger woman agreed. "In the meantime you can make it up to me by helping me with this wedding I've been asked to plan. The couple wants the proposal by the end of the week, and my creative juices just aren't flowing."

"Do you want me to take it over?" Anna asked, ready to dig into a new project.

"No, I've got most of it finished, I'm just not sure about the flowers and color scheme. They've given me all the liberties and very little ideas."

"What's the venue and wedding date?" Anna asked, rolling some ideas.

"No date yet, but the groom is pushing for next summer. The venue is an outdoor wedding in a friend's backyard."

"Why the rush if the wedding isn't for a year? I know they need to start working on it now, but why do they need the proposal done this week?" Anna asked.

"Well," Mary began, trying to figure how to best cover herself. "I've had a few weeks to work on this already." A little bit of a lie wouldn't hurt. "But it got pushed out of the way while I worked on other projects that were worth a bit more money. And I'm sure they want our proposal because if they are not happy with it, they may choose to use another firm. For all I know they have multiple firms drawing up designs right now."

Anna nodded her head, and mumbled, "That makes sense," and Mary relaxed a bit as she realized that Anna bought her story.

"What kind of backyard are we working with here? For this wedding?" Anna asked, eyebrows furrowed. "Are we talking a farm out in the country, a trailer park, a subdivision, or an Eastover Estate?"

"Really, Anna? Would someone in a trailer park hire me to plan their wedding? Think more like Eastover."

"Well, I've always envisioned summer outdoor weddings as light and airy. If she's given you carte blanche with the colors, I would pick a baby blue or maybe a light pink for the bridesmaids dresses. Even light grey or lavender could work," Anna supplied. Mary opened the folder on her lap and grabbed a pen from Anna's desk, jotting down a few ideas.

"Okay, so let's just go with the lavender color for sake of argument at this point. What floral arrangements would you suggest we use?" Mary watched as Anna leaned back in her chair and considered her options.

"The bride is wearing white, I'm assuming," Anna said as she brought a hand to her chin. "To keep with the light atmosphere, I would suggest white roses, but the bride will need some color in her bouquet. Maybe white roses with lavender spikes interspersed? I've always thought those were gorgeous."

Mary closed the folder and looked straight at Anna. "If this were your wedding, would you like those colors and flowers?"

"Well, it isn't my wedding. I'm thinking of what would look good in that color scheme," Anna stated, a bit defensively. "But I always plan events, no matter what kind, for our clients in a way that I would be proud of if the event was for me. You know that I strive for excellence."

"Let's just pretend that it is your wedding," Mary stated. "Do you think lavender is the best color scheme?" She knew she might be hitting too close to the mark with this whole ruse, but she wanted to get John the most accurate plans as she could without Anna getting suspicious. She could only hope she was accomplishing that goal.

"Well, not for me. _You_ picked lavender. _I_ would pick light blue. The bridesmaids would have white roses, and I would have blue hydrangeas with a few white roses mixed in to break up the blue. And I'd probably have a church wedding." Anna stared a Mary for a moment before continuing. "Surely your brain is not this fried. What color do you think would work best? Presumably you've at least walked the venue and have an idea what colors would look good with the setting."

"I have," Mary concurred. "Any summer color would work. The place has kind of a villa feel to it. It's similar to Mom and Dad's place."

"Oh, I know just what I'd do there," Anna piped up. Not that she was going to admit it, but she'd planned her wedding to John there many times over, starting way back when she was in college. She could close her eyes and see it. Of course during those days she'd also planned her wedding to him in a church, at the park, and several other places.

"Oh, really," Mary asked, raising her eyebrows and sitting back in her chair. "Do tell."

"I think the blue would work well there. I'd put several floating wreaths of hydrangeas and white roses in their pool, with candles in the middle that can be lit once the sun goes down. I'd probably line the pool with white candles, too, as well as the steps from the house to the back yard. I'd have white roses and blue hydrangea petals scattered amongst the candles on the steps." Mary watched as her friend got lost in her own imagination.

"I would use white Christmas lights hanging vertically from the weeping willow tree and also string up some sort of lantern lights across the back deck. The patio could easily be cleared for a dance floor, and between the hanging lights and candles, it would have the perfect romantic glow after the sun sets." Anna told her.

"Go on," Mary encouraged. "These are good ideas, and I think I can make them work for the yard this couple is using."

"Oh, I'm just being silly," Anna said, sitting up and shaking her head as if to knock cobwebs out.

"No, I like it. What else would you do? What about music?" Mary asked.

"Well, personally, for an outdoor wedding I've always thought nothing could beat a string quintet. Depending on the couple's budget, the Queen City Symphony has one of the best string quintets in the country. If not that, I'm sure your dad can hook them up with someone - maybe even the faculty quintet at QCU." Mary opened the folder to begin taking notes again. "But when it comes to a reception," Anna added, "I've always felt that a good cover band was more fun. Again, it might depend on the budget."

"I've got to figure out where to put an arbor for the couple to get married under," Mary added.

"Well, usually, it's at the opposite end from the reception. So, if it were at your parents' house, it would be beyond the pool, directly behind the house," Anna told her for reference.

"Well, yes, I know that. This is not my first wedding," Mary said, defensively.

"Hey, you were the one asking for help," Anna pointed out.

"Okay, well here's the problem with that. Where do the guests sit for the ceremony? There's a pool in this yard, too, and unless we put them all on inflatable pool loungers, the guests will have to watch from a distance."

"In a yard like your parents I think you have to set up tables and chairs on the left and right of the pool. The guests would have to use them both for the ceremony and the reception. Do you think that's an option these folks would go for?" Anna asked.

Mary really wanted to reply with, _I don't know, you tell me_ , but she thought that might be pushing her luck. "They may not have another option," she said instead.

Just then the telephone rang, breaking up their conversation. "Thanks for your help," Mary said as she excused herself so Anna could take the call. She was feeling lucky that Anna had given her so much information - much more than she had ever expected to get out of her. Between this and the info John had already given her, Mary was sure that she could plan a wedding that Anna would fall in love with.

* * *

John had taught his last class of the semester, and the final exam for his course was scheduled for next week. He had given a writing assignment, which meant that there was no actual test - only that the paper was due by noon next Tuesday. John was currently serving his office hours, but much to his surprise, no one had stopped by. Usually, by this time in the semester, he was inundated with students begging for his help because they'd put off their assignment until the last minute.

He didn't mind being alone, though. It gave him time to work on his next book. He was not currently under contract with his publisher, but he had a standing agreement that his previous publishing company wanted first crack at any new material John wrote. He hadn't actually released a book in a few years, losing motivation to write for a while, but the manuscripts that had gone to press had done quite well.

Despite being so busy since Anna had taken on a different role in his life, John had been motivated to write more lately. Perhaps it was because Anna gave him inspiration or maybe it was just the case of being more productive the busier he was. Regardless, John had now written several chapters of a new book that could be considered a follow-up to his last crime novel. Considering that he was hoping to cut back to teaching only one class in the Fall and Spring semesters and none in Summer School, John felt that he should work more on getting his work published again so he'd be able to spend more time with his new family. That in itself was a great motivator, and John already had an idea for a new trilogy once he finished the book he was working on now.

As the day went on, John helped three students and completed another chapter of his own novel. Although his office hours had been much milder than he was expecting, John was glad when the day ended and he was free to go home. Truthfully, he was free of the university until next Tuesday, when he would have to go into robot mode to read and grade twenty-three papers by the following Friday.

When he opened the door from the garage to his house, John could smell supper on the stove and almost groaned out loud. Sometimes he couldn't believe his life was real. How had he gotten so lucky? Placing his briefcase in the hall, John entered the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Anna from behind, pressing a kiss against her neck as she smiled and leaned back into him, still stirring her vegetables.

"I hope you're in the mood for beef stir fry tonight," Anna told him as she sat down her wooden spoon and put a cover over the frying pan. "That's what Ellie wanted so we don't get a vote." Anna turned in his arms and reached her arms around his neck.

"Is that so?" John smiled as he lowered his head to press a gentle kiss on Anna's lips.

"Mhmm," Anna replied as he pulled away. "It is."

"I guess I'm okay with that, then," he agreed, releasing Anna and moving to the bedroom to shed his work clothes and put on something more comfortable. Anna had already changed into yoga pants and a t-shirt when she'd come home nearly an hour earlier. When John returned to the kitchen, Anna was plating the meal, and he helped her carry it to the table.

"This smells delicious, Anna. Thanks for cooking for us, especially after working all day," John told her as they sat down together.

"Well, one of us had to do it, and Ellie said she'd starve if she waited on Daddy to get home and start cooking," Anna smiled. John's heart melted. Anna had never called him "Daddy" before, and he couldn't wait until it was a regular occurrence.

"Did you know that Mary went on a date with Henry Talbot last night?" Anna asked as she scooted her chair up to the table.

"No," John replied, broken from his thoughts of what fatherhood might hold in store for him.

"It appears they've gone out several times, now," Anna told him.

"Does Robert know?" he asked.

"I think Robert is in favor of it. I know Tom is," she answered.

"How are things going, then?" John asked. "I've not really spent enough time with Henry to form a strong opinion on him, although I appreciated his help with the move."

"I don't really know," Anna answered, truthfully. "Mary is so tight with her emotions."

John nodded his head in agreement.

"I can't get a hold on how she really feels about him," Anna said. "She and I really only talked about him in detail today, but she seemed quite wishy washy."

"So, do you think she really likes him?" John asked as he took another bite.

"I think she likes him, yes. But I don't believe she's serious," Anna contended.

"Why not?" John's eyebrows furrowed together.

"Mary has quite a sense of her own importance, and I doubt he's enough for her. Mary is not exactly fond of the NASCAR crowd, especially since a car accident killed Matthew."

"He could always get a different job," John offered.

"Doing what? He's a trained mechanic," Anna replied.

"So, Lady Mary does not believe that love conquers all?" he offered with a half smile.

"We mustn't be hard on her. She is what she is." Anna felt a bit bad for talking about her friend in such a negative manner, even if it was truthful. "I just think she'll want someone who brings just as much to the table as she does. The same type of education and background. But maybe I'm wrong."

"I hope so. I'd like her to be happy. I'm happy, and I want everyone to be happy." John said, causing Anna to pause her eating and really take a good look at him.

"Are you really happy?" she asked narrowing her eyes and hoping to God that he meant it. But Anna knew that events of the past had made finding contentment hard for John. Even the predicament with his sick nephew was another straw on the camel's back.

"I'm happier than I have ever been," John insisted. "You have no idea what you and our daughter mean to me. I'm beyond happy. For many reasons I can't wait to meet her. I'm happy, impatient, excited."

"Don't say too much. It frightens me," Anna told him, her shoulders drooping. "We've still got months." She'd almost lost Ellie once; she didn't want to push her luck by believing nothing else could go wrong. And as if he could read her mind, John said words that made her cringe.

"Nothing will go wrong."

"Bad harvest, bad harvest," Anna declared, taking in a big breath. John couldn't help but chuckle.

"What does that mean?" he asked, never hearing the term before.

"In the old days, when the crops were good, the farmers used to shout 'Bad harvest!', so the gods wouldn't grow jealous of their luck and destroy them," Anna explained.

John stared at her dead pan before yelling, "Bad harvest!," nearly making the windows rattle. Anna couldn't help laughing out loud at his action, her tension breaking. "That ought to do it," he announced.

"Let's hope so," she agreed before diving back into dinner as her stomach growled. Ellie, it seemed, was just as impatient as her father.

* * *

The following night John was jarred from his sleep by the ringing of the telephone. It took him a minute to figure out his surroundings, but Anna's groaning helped him awaken. Fumbling for his phone on his nightstand, his heart raised to his throat as he saw Rob's picture on the screen of his iPhone. Looking at the clock and seeing it was ten minutes after 3 a.m., he began to panic about why his friend could be calling.

"Hello?" John answered groggily and maybe a little more harshly than he'd intended. Anna shifted beside him, pulling the covers up over her head.

"John!" Rob called. "I...I'm…" and he broke into sobs before he could finish the sentence. John's heart raced at his friend's distress. He slipped out of bed and into the living room, closing the door to the bedroom behind him in hopes to disturb Anna as little as possible. John could hear Robert taking in big breaths, trying to get himself under control.

"Rob, are you okay?" John asked, the worry evident in his voice.

"John," Robert said, again, this time more calmly. "I'm a grandfather!" He nearly screeched the last word. John's head was still foggy from sleep, and it took him a minute to process what Robert said. When he finally did, relief flooded him.

"Sybil had the baby?" John asked, then felt stupid as how else would Robert be a grandfather? Truth be told, John had been so busy worrying about Anna and Ellie over the past few months that he had forgotten that Sybil was pregnant. "Isn't it early?"

"Only two weeks," Robert told him, and John could hear his emotion through the phone. "And that's not even the best part. It's a boy, and they're calling him, 'Robbie!'" Robert's voice cracked as he shared his joy with John. "I'm sorry for waking you, and I hope I didn't bother Anna, but I had to call you. I can't believe it's a boy, and I can't believe they named him after me."

"Oh, Rob. I'm so happy for you. And you know you can call me anytime," John told him as he took a seat on the sofa, wiping a hand over his tired eyes.

"Cora was so sure the baby was a girl. She's been calling her, 'Sybbie' for months. And it turns out Sybbie was a Robbie after all." John knew his friend was delirious with both excitement and exhaustion.

"Is everyone there with you?" John asked. "Mary and Edith? I'm assuming you're at the hospital."

"Yes, they're all here," Robert confirmed. "I'll let you get back to sleep. Sorry to have woken you but I wanted you to be the first to know. Outside of Cora and the girls, of course."

"That means a lot," John smiled. "Try to get some rest Rob. Don't forget you have juries this week."

"Damn the juries, John! I'm a grandpa!"

* * *

When Anna awakened the next morning, she realized that John wasn't in the bed with her. That wasn't unusual; he typically was a much earlier riser than she and was upstairs working in his office by the time her feet hit the floor. Grabbing her phone from the nightstand and rolling over, still cocooned in her covers, Anna saw she had a missed text from Mary. Opening the message, Anna stared at what appeared to be a newborn baby. Squinting and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she took a second look and noticed the caption, "Robert Thomas Branson." It then dawned on her that Sybil must have had her baby. There was another text from Mary stating that as she'd been at the hospital all night, she wouldn't be coming into the office until later in the day.

Anna smiled at the picture of the scrunched up newborn, all swaddled in a hospital blanket with a knit cap on his tiny head. She thought back to when Sybil had announced her pregnancy last Thanksgiving, and how Anna had been upset-truthfully, jealous. She felt a little guilty for those feelings all those months ago, but she was glad things had worked out they way they did. And now she couldn't wait to meet the newest member of the Crawley family. The picture of Baby Branson also made her eager for Ellie's birth and the ability to share her pictures with others. And then as if Ellie knew her mother was thinking of her, she began kicking. Anna smiled, stretched, and decided it was time to face the day.

She made her way to the shower and dragged her body through the motions of washing. Her mind was full of what she needed to accomplish at work today. She really didn't have much to work on and was already going to ask Mary if there was anything she could do to help her. Now that she knew that Mary wouldn't be in the office until later in the day, she wasn't sure she'd get that chance. Or maybe she'd just call Mary, and she could give Anna instructions over the phone.

Anna's mind instantly wandered to the wedding Mary was planning and had consulted her about earlier in the week. Anna remembered that the client wanted it finished by the end of the week, and while she was unsure of Mary's progress on the project, she knew that she should find out if it had been completed.

Once Anna had finished her shower and was dried off and dressed, she could smell bacon and eggs cooking in the kitchen. Smiling, she exited the bedroom and found John with his back turned to her as he fried the bacon. He turned around as she entered the kitchen.

"Good morning," he smiled, leaning down to give her a smooch. "How was your night?"

"I slept well," she told him, opening the refrigerator to grab the orange juice. "How long have you been up?"

"Since Robert called about 3 a.m.," he answered, turning to tend to the bacon again.

"Really? Did I sleep through that?" Anna asked incredulously as she reached for a glass out of the cabinet next to the refrigerator.

"Oh, you protested some, but I don't think you were ever really awake," John told her. "He was calling to tell me that Sybil had her baby."

"I saw that!" Anna said, with delight in her voice. "Mary texted me a picture this morning. Well, at least I think it was this morning. It was on my phone when I got up. Robert Thomas, huh?" she added.

"Yes. Rob says they are calling him 'Robbie.' I've never heard him more excited," John smiled.

"Aww. That is perfect. After all, our baby will be named after her grandmothers; why shouldn't his grandson be named after him?" Anna poured the juice and returned it to the refrigerator. She then took a seat at the table as John delivered plates of eggs, bacon, and toast for both of them, along with his cup of tea.

"I don't think Mary will be in to work today," Anna told him as they ate together. "Her text said she'd be late, but I bet she doesn't come at all."

"Oh, I don't know. Mary seems like a bit of a workaholic to me," John responded.

"At times, yes. But not when she's not had enough sleep. Plus, she knows that I don't have much to work on since I've been out of the office for while, so I'm sure she'll call me and ask me to finish up a few things for her."

Immediately, the wedding plans Mary was working on for John flashed through his mind. Mary had told him that she would have them to him by tomorrow so that he could use them in his proposal this weekend. He hadn't seen them yet, so he could only assume that Mary wasn't finished. What would happen if Anna came upon them while working on other things for Mary?

"I know there's some wedding plans she's been working on," Anna told him. John tried not to panic as he worried his fears were coming true. "She asked me for ideas earlier in the week. Apparently there's a couple shopping different event planners, and she was supposed to have a mock-up for them by the end of the week," she continued. John swallowed carefully as he tried to avoid choking on his food. He didn't know for sure that this was his project Anna was referencing, but it sure sounded like it could be.

"Oh, yeah?" he choked out as he reached for his tea to wash down the eggs that seemed to be stuck in his throat.

"Yeah," Anna agreed. "I kinda hope she's not finished with that one. I was having a lovely time giving her ideas. She's planning an amazing wedding for this couple." Anna paused to take a sip of juice. "Supposedly it is going to be at a friend's house. An outdoor wedding in a venue similar to Robert and Cora's backyard."

John tried to hide the alarm that he was sure was written across his face. He picked up a napkin to wipe his mouth, hopefully obscuring any giveaways of his discomfort with this conversation. It was obvious that this project was indeed the one he'd commissioned Mary for.

"And you were giving her ideas?" John asked Anna, curious despite his unease.

"Yes," she confirmed.

"Were they ideas that you like for you or that you think this couple would like?" John asked, then mentally kicked himself for such a telling question. Thankfully, Anna didn't seem to think it odd.

"Well, of course I'm always thinking of the client and not of me," she assured him. "I learned early in my career that just because it's what _I_ like best doesn't mean it's what my clients will like best."

John's heart fell at her comment. If she were giving Mary ideas but they weren't things she'd like for herself, how well would this plan come off?

"But for this couple, I don't know them at all. So I guess I was giving ideas that I personally like. I think I have good taste and hopefully the client will agree," she told him. John relaxed a bit at her confession.

"I agree you have good taste," he smirked at her. "I mean, just look. You chose to be with me." The smirk became a full-on smile when Anna had the audacity to laugh.

"What?" he asked her, still grinning. "You don't think that's a good example?"

"Yes, it's true," she smiled at him. "But I'm not sure that will help me make event planning decisions."

There was only one event that Anna would like to plan with John: their own wedding. But unless he asked her to marry him, she wouldn't have that option. She wasn't modern enough to ask him to marry her. Plus, she'd had to make every major move in their relationship so far. If she did have the guts to propose to him and if he did say yes, she'd never really know if marriage to her was what he wanted or if it was something convenient or that he felt obliged to do. If marriage was in the cards for them, she wanted the whole shebang, including John down on one knee. She wanted to know that he was marrying her because he chose to, not because he felt obligated to.

"Well, I happen to love your work," John told her, trying to remain nonchalant. "If Mary still needs your help with this, why don't you plan it as if you were planning your own wedding?"

"I guess I could," Anna said with her eyebrows knitted together. "But I guess I just thought that I'd save some ideas just for me. That I'd plan something for me that wouldn't have been done before." This conversation felt a bit awkward to Anna. Did John realize that the only man she'd ever want to marry was him? That for all intents and purposes when she talked about _her_ wedding that she was talking about what would be _their_ wedding? Because for her it was either _their_ wedding or _no_ wedding.

"What are the chances that the guest list for your wedding and this wedding will be the same?" John asked her. "If they don't include the same people, does it really matter if the plans are similar?"

Anna tamped down the discouragement trying to rise within her as John asked her about _her_ wedding, never implying that he'd be a part of it. "Well, I figure I'll have a short guest list, and so does this wedding, so it's pretty unlikely the guests will crossover," she thought out loud. "But I think it's more the thought of making my own wedding special. That it would be different than what I've ever given my clients."

John took a big breath as he realized that if Anna took over this project from Mary that she wouldn't design it as she would like it for herself. But then he thought that maybe he could get her to tell him what she'd do differently, and he could pass that info onto Mary.

"Okay. I can get that. But what would you do that would be distinctive from what you've planned for others?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know," she told him. And she didn't. She hadn't really thought about what she would save to use only in her wedding and never plan for anyone else's. And maybe it wasn't just one thing. Maybe it was just a certain combination of things. Anna closed her eyes as she thought about the plans she'd made for her future wedding back when she was in college. She realized that although she'd typically envisioned a church wedding, the reception she'd had in mind was similar to the wedding Mary was planning - a backyard, intimate get-together with a few close friends. Even the colors she and Mary had discussed for this event were some of Anna's favorites and a likely choice for her own wedding.

Truthfully, the more Anna thought about it, the less she now felt the need for a church wedding at all. She'd still like a minister, but if she were to marry John, she wasn't sure that a church wedding was what he'd want-despite his agreement to start attending services with her regularly. Anna would be willing to compromise on the venue. In fact, this wedding that Mary was working on was beginning to sound very much like one Anna would want for herself. If it actually happened, that was. Anna ever having a wedding at all hinged on John.

"Well, you're the planning expert," John told her, unsure of how to coax any further information out of Anna without seeming suspicious. "I'm sure however you decide to plan this wedding, it will be perfect."

"Well, Mary may not even need me. She may be done with it. But I'll check in with her in a bit and see if she needs any help."

"Good luck," John told her, raising his glass towards Anna before bringing it back to his lips to take a sip.

"Would you ever consider getting married again?" she asked him without preamble.

"What?" he asked, nearly spitting out the drink he'd just taken.

"I...I just...I just wondered if you'd ever consider marriage again or if your whole experience the first time had completely ruined it for you," Anna said, and John could nearly see the heart on her sleeve.

How was he supposed to answer this question? He wanted his proposal to be a surprise. If he said, "yes," then Anna might wonder why he hadn't asked her to marry him. And she might think that the proposal he was planning for tomorrow night was just because she brought it up today. However, if he said, "No," he could break her heart in a whole different way, and then wouldn't his proposal tomorrow look like either a lie or that he'd agreed to do something he didn't want to do?

"My experiences have made me more cautious," John replied slowly, hoping that his response would satisfy Anna. Of course he knew that it wouldn't.

"So is that a 'no?" she asked, and he could hear the trembling in her voice that she was so gallantly trying to hide. God, it was taking everything in him not to pull her to him and propose right then.

"No," he said, instead. "It's not a, 'no'."

John's phone rang then, and he looked from Anna to the phone on the counter. Torn between needing to explain his feelings more and not knowing how to, John wasn't sure if he was relieved by the interruption or not. As if reading his mind and giving him permission to pause their conversation, Anna nodded her head towards his phone.

"Go ahead," she told him. He nodded in acknowledgement and then scooted his chair back to get up and retrieve the phone. John grimaced a bit as a pain shot through his right knee when he stood, and he hoped Anna hadn't noticed. He didn't want her to worry about his leg while she had so much else going on to fret over right now.

Reaching the phone, John didn't recognize the number. Shortly after answering, however, he discovered one of his students was panicking about their final project and needed his help. Anna heard him agree to meet the aspiring writer at the university, and she knew her and John's conversation was over.

If only she knew what _it's not a "no"_ meant.

* * *

 **A/N: For all of you begging for the proposal...I'm working on the next chapter already.**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Here's the next chapter of Performing in Harmony. I still don't own any of the characters, script, or story lines from Downton Abbey...I'm just borrowing a few of them. I couldn't do this without my girls mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me. Lots of props to them for their support. I hope you all are still enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing it.**

* * *

John was just finishing up with the third student of the day when he got Anna's text.

 _I'm gonna go see Sybil after work. Wanna go?_

 _Sure_ , he responded. _Just heading home in a few._

He then finished packing up his briefcase and checked his watch as walked out of his office. He imagined that it would still be a few hours before Anna got home. He hadn't heard from Mary yet, but he was expecting to at any time. Then, as if he'd conjured her up, his phone rang and Mary's number appeared on his phone.

"Hey, Uncle John," she said when he answered. "I have what you've asked for." John let out a sigh laden with both relief and nerves. "I have even tentatively reserved the Queen City String Quintet as well as the Jack Ross Band for June 17th of next year." Both groups understood that this was tentative and had told Mary they'd hold the dates for thirty days before expecting a confirmation.

"Wow. Thank you so much, Mary," John said, never even thinking about the music. But then again, that's why men didn't usually plan these things.

"Thank your bride-to-be," Mary told him. "She did most of the work."

"Well, she hasn't said 'yes,' yet," John pointed out. Although he felt like Anna would say "yes," there was still a niggling fear that she wouldn't. After all, there was a reason that a man asked a woman to marry him-she had the right to decline the proposal.

"Are you home?" she asked.

"Heading that way, but stopping by Mom's for the ring first."

"Oh, John I'm so excited for you," Mary cooed. John thought she was a little out-of-character, seeming more friendly towards him than typical. Perhaps it was her lack of sleep since becoming an aunt, or maybe Henry Talbot was good for her.

"Thank you," he simply said. "Can I meet you somewhere to get the info?"

"I'll be at the hospital with Sybil most of the day, but I have it with me. I've put it all on DVD for you. It runs like a presentation," she replied.

"We're coming to meet Robbie when Anna gets off work. I could get it from you then," John told her, suddenly getting more nervous about the whole situation. He didn't remember feeling this way when he was getting ready to propose to Vera. In reality, that was probably because if Vera would have told him "no," his world would not have fallen apart. If Anna did, then he wasn't sure he'd even be able to even breathe anymore.

"OK. I'll see you this evening, then," Mary interrupting his thoughts, something he was grateful for although he hadn't realized he'd needed it. He didn't want to dwell on a life without Anna.

"See you then," he confirmed and headed towards his mom's house.

* * *

"Mom!" John called as he let himself into her house. "Are you home?" He closed the door behind him and made his way towards the kitchen. Several lights were on, and he could smell a pot of coffee, which made him think his mother was around somewhere.

"John? Is that you?" he heard his mother call from upstairs. Soon, she appeared at the landing and made her way down to meet him. "What are you doing here this time of day?" she asked, a bit confused at his presence.

"I need the package Brenda shipped me," he told her. Harriet stopped in the middle of the stairs and a smile a mile wide erupted on her face.

"Well, it's about time!" she beamed at him and continued her descent down the stairs. John noticed she seemed to be moving quicker than earlier. Perhaps she was trying to get him the package before he was able to change his mind. He wouldn't, but he could tell his mother was in favor of calling Anna her daughter-in-law, and he was sure she'd do anything she could to make it happen. Harriet disappeared into her bedroom and came back out a few seconds later with the box in tow.

"Here you go," she said as she handed the package to John. "When are you going to propose?"

"Tonight, I think," John told her, turning the package in his hands.

"You think?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes. I just want to see how the day goes. We're going to see Robert's new grandson at the hospital tonight, and I'll see if there's an opportunity afterward."

"Robert has a grandson?" Harriet asked.

"Yes, Sybil had a little boy last night. Robert Thomas Branson," John informed her.

"Well, give all the Crawleys my congratulations. And I better be able to give you the same by tomorrow morning," she chastised. "If you asked me, you did things out of order anyway. But I understand why you did. Sure would be nice for her to be Anna Bates by the time that baby is born."

John thought about the wedding he'd planned for next summer, and was beginning to doubt his proposal plan. What if Anna thought the same thing? And if she did, he wasn't certain there was even time to make that happen - at least not the wedding Anna deserved. Harriet saw the look of doubt cross John's face.

"It's okay, my boy," she told him, stepping forward and caressing his cheek with her hand. "Anna will be happy to marry you whenever it happens. I shouldn't have said that." John reached up to cover his mother's hand with his own.

"You really think she'll say 'yes,' Mom?" he asked.

"You really think she won't?" Harriet countered. _No_ , he admitted to himself. He didn't think she'd say no, not down deep. And immediately he became more confident. Harriet could feel it, too, as she moved her hand to slap him on the shoulder.

"Now, go get me another daughter-in-law. A good one this time." They both chuckled, and John leaned down to kiss his mother's cheek. Then he tucked the box under his arm and headed for home.

After John arrived home, he opened the package that Brenda had sent and turned the ring box that he found inside over and over in his hands. Opening it, he stared at the ring he remembered his mother wearing all his life -at least until Jim had told her on their 25th birthday that he was going to propose to Brenda. He remembered Brenda wearing it for the next ten years or so before Jim had purchased the larger ring for her after Declan's birth. Now, if he was lucky, Anna would wear this ring for as long as she wanted, which he hoped was for the rest of his life.

Closing the box, he opened a drawer on the entertainment console and slipped it inside. He wasn't sure how he was going to pull this proposal together, but he was pretty sure that Anna wouldn't be looking in that drawer anytime soon.

John sat down and flipped through the television channels, but nothing sparked his interest. He watched a couple of home repair shows before he gave up on afternoon TV. And with nothing to do while he waited for Anna to get home, John opened the back door and took a seat in one of the patio chairs. He looked around the backyard, surveying it almost as if he hadn't seen it before. It was a fairly small back yard, but private. There was plenty of space for a small child to play even if there wasn't enough room for a backyard soccer match. There wasn't enough room for one of those large playsets that were popular for children these days, either, but he could probably set up a swing for Ellie, at least. The perimeter was lined with trees, and he began scanning them for one with a limb appropriate for swinging from. He and Jim had had a tire swing when they were young, but he hoped for something a little more sophisticated than that for Ellie.

One tree in particular caught his eye. It was an oak tree in the left corner of the property and looked as if it had been there for a long time as it was quite large. Even more than it being a good tree for a swing, though, it would be a perfect tree for a tree house. Suddenly, John could envision it and could see Ellie climbing in and out of the treehouse. It would be her adventure house. It would be her playhouse and her pirate ship. Her school house and her crime lab. And suddenly he couldn't wait to start building this dream house for his daughter.

Just then, Anna stepped out on the back patio and interrupted John's reverie. She'd arrived a few minutes before and had looked for him around the house before finding him outside. "What are you brooding about now?" she asked with a grin as she walked over to her boyfriend and placed a kiss on top of his head.

"Oh, I'm not brooding for once," he smiled up at her. "I'm imagining a treehouse for Ellie in that oak tree over there." He pointed to the tree in the corner.

"Oh, John," Anna smiled, walking around him and taking a seat on his lap, careful to keep her weight off his right leg. She wasn't sure what to say next, but she loved seeing him embrace fatherhood. It somehow made her feel closer to him aps well. They may not be married, but they were forever joined by the life that was growing within her.

"I'm gonna build it," John told her. "Maybe I'll even start it this weekend. Robert could help me, especially if we promise to have little Robbie over to play in it."

"That all sounds well and good, but shouldn't you at least wait until the semester ends next week? I'm not sure it's wise to take on a new project until some of your other 'projects' are finished," Anna told him as she drew circles around his shirt buttons with her fingers. She couldn't really imagine John building a treehouse, but her heart was full just knowing that he was thinking of their future with their daughter.

"Perhaps you're right," he agreed, reaching up to stop her movements on his chest. This was no time for him to be getting turned on, which was pretty much a given any time Anna started caressing his chest. "And as for Robbie, we'd better head to the hospital if we want to see him before they end visiting hours," he added, clearing his throat.

"Yes, we should," Anna agreed, lifting herself from John's lap. He continued to sit, watching the most beautiful woman he'd ever met walk towards the door. One that was pregnant with his child. One who he hoped would agree to become Mrs. Bates later this evening. Anna turned back to look at him and she turned the doorknob to the back door.

"You coming?" she asked and he began to get up.

"Right behind you," he answered as he pushed himself to a standing position. Anna smiled sweetly at him as he followed her into the house and then on to the car to go meet the newest Crawley.

* * *

John was nervous walking the corridor to Sybil's hospital room. Not only was this situation hitting a bit close to home as he realized that in a few short months it would be the Crawleys coming to visit him and Anna after Ellie's birth, but because he knew Mary was waiting for him inside the hospital room. Anna reached for his hand, sensing his uneasiness.

"What's wrong, John?" Anna asked when she felt the clamminess of his palm.

"I...I just don't like hospitals I guess," John stuttered.

"I don't remember you being like this when I was in the hospital a few weeks ago," she told him sweetly. He chuckled in response.

"Good," he smiled. "I hid it well."

"Well, here we are. Room 227," Anna said, releasing his hand to open the door. "Knock, knock!" she called as they entered the room.

"Come in!" Tom Branson heartily welcomed them. "Come see my little love." He gestured towards Sybil on the bed, who was holding little Robbie.

"He's been changed and just finished eating so he should be in pretty good spirits," Sybil added.

"Oh he _is_ a little love," Anna exclaimed as she walked over to Sybil. John smiled as he hung back with Tom.

"Would you like to hold him?" Sybil asked, offering her son to Anna.

"Let me wash my hands first, and then of course I want him!" Anna answered.

John stood back, looking at the tiny baby. _Would Ellie be that small?_ he wondered. Anna was tiny like Sybil but he was a big man - much bigger than Tom. However, his thoughts on his daughter's probable size were interrupted by a gentle touch on his shoulder. Turning his head, he saw Mary behind him.

"I have a DVD for you. All you have to do is play it for Anna and have the ring ready," she whispered in his ear. Seeing that Anna was still washing her hands and had her back to them, Mary quickly removed the disc from her purse and handed it to John. He promptly tucked it into the inside pocket of his blazer, nodding at Mary but feeling more nervous than ever.

"Mary!" Anna smiled, turning from the sink and drying her hands. "I didn't see you here."

"No one has noticed me since Robbie was born," she smirked. "But besides that, I just sneaked back in from a little trip to the cafeteria. Mom and Dad will be back up in a minute or two I suspect."

"Well, hand me that baby Sybil before I miss my chance," Anna said, reaching for Robbie. Cradling his head in her left hand while her right supported his body, Anna brought him to her chest, resting his head on her shoulder as her right hand moved to cradle his tiny bottom. Anna moved to rocking chair and took a seat.

"He smells so good," she said as she pressed her nose into his tiny head. John watched from across the room and noticed that Anna seemed to be a natural with the infant. His heart swelled as he imagined Ellie curled against Anna that same way. Just then Robert and Cora arrived, Rob clapping John as the shoulder as he walked past him.

"Isn't that the most beautiful baby you've ever seen?" Robert asked with a smile splitting his face.

"For now," John replied, slipping his hands into his pockets. "I'm quite certain my Ellie will put any boy related to you to shame." Robert sputtered at John, trying to form a good comeback.

"Hello, John," Cora cooed before Robert could come up with a response.

"Hello, Grandma," John smiled at her, bending to hug his friend's wife.

"I feel too young to be called, 'Grandma'," Cora cringed, as she returned his embrace.

"Yeah, it doesn't make me feel any better that Rob's grandchild is older than my daughter," John agreed, releasing Cora.

"Well, I contend we're not old enough for grandkids. We weren't really old enough for kids when we had them, but there's nothing we can do about that now." She paused to take in both her daughter and grandson, a smile curling at her lips. "Plus, life is different for everyone. You are at just the right stage in your life to become a parent. Things have a funny way of working out," she told him.

John looked over at Anna and realized Cora was right. While part of him hated that he'd wasted so much of his life with Vera, he knew that had Vera not been in his life for all those years that he might not have been around to meet Anna and to develop this relationship with her. Just then, Anna looked up to catch John staring at her. She smiled and motioned him over.

"Would you like to hold him?" Anna asked John as he reached her side.

"Sure," John replied, knowing it would be rude to decline, even if he was enjoying watching Anna with the baby more than he cared about having a turn for a cuddle. He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the corner of a chair before unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling up his sleeves.

"Uh, oh," Tom smiled from his perch by the window. "This is getting serious if John is rolling up the sleeves." John blushed at the baby's father's comment, but just smiled and went to the sink to wash his hands. When he was finished, Anna handed little Robbie to him and watched as his large hands nearly engulfed the baby. Soon, the infant was cradled in his arms and Anna wasn't sure she'd ever felt more in love with John than she did at that moment. There was just something about a big man with a little baby that drove women crazy. And watching John with Robbie was certainly stirring feelings within her.

John stared down at the baby in his arms, wondering what his own future would hold. Soon, he'd have one of these for his very own, and if he was lucky, her mother would agree to marry him and unite their little family forever. He also couldn't forget the reason Ellie was conceived, or at least part of it. He looked at the miracle of life in his arms and wondered if his own miracle would also be one for his nephew. In a few more days they would know.

Anna stared at her boyfriend from the rocking chair. She was still sitting as John was gently pacing a two foot square of the room with Robbie in his arms. Her heart was overfilled with emotion watching him interact with the infant. Not to mention, the rolled up sleeves stirred feelings in her belly she wasn't really expecting to feel at this stage in her pregnancy, especially after the pregnancy scare. They hadn't been intimate since, despite Dr. Clarkson's approval, but if she watched John with Robbie much longer, she was sure she'd be discussing the situation with him sooner rather than later. As if this wasn't emotional enough for her, Anna's heart melted as she thought about John with their own baby, and tears pooled in her eyes as she was overcome with love for this man. Suddenly, spending a night at home alone with John was a very appealing idea. On the way to the hospital they were trying to decide on their evening plans, and if Anna had anything to do with it, she thought a night on the couch, or in the bedroom, together sounded like a good plan.

After visiting with the Bransons and Crawleys for close to an hour, Anna and John decided it was time to leave. Robbie was beginning to get fussy and there were so many people in the hospital room it was beginning to feel quite crowded.

"Sybil, he's beautiful," Anna told the younger woman as she gathered her things to leave. "You did well, Tom," she turned toward Sybil's husband and smiled. "With both of them." The young Irish fellow had the courtesy to smile and blush, and he simply nodded his agreement.

"Yes, Tom, you are definitely one lucky man," John told him, shaking his hand one last time. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Tom replied, still smiling. Anna and John said their goodbyes to the others and made their way out of the room.

"That was nice," Anna told John, linking her arm through his as they exited the hospital to the car.

"Mmm," John hummed, hoping his reply was adequate as his head was already somewhere else. Now that the distraction of Baby Branson was gone, he was going to have to decide whether to propose tonight or not. And if not tonight, then when? Time was running out if he wanted to do it before they found out if Ellie was a match for Declan or not.

"What do you think?" he heard Anna say. He had no idea what she was talking about as he'd been so stuck inside his own head he hadn't processed a word she'd said before her question. At least he was pretty sure that she wasn't asking what his current thoughts were. He certainly hoped not.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I wasn't paying attention. What do I think about what?"

"I was just saying that I know it's Friday night, but what do you think about a night on the couch with a movie? You can even pick which one. I just don't feel like going out," Anna told him.

"I think that's reasonable," he agreed, thinking that her suggestion could actually facilitate the proposal and help make it happen tonight. If he could choose the movie they were to watch, then he could slip in the DVD Mary had given him and she'd not know until it started. His heartbeat accelerated as he realized he was really going to do this. He was really going to ask Anna to be his wife.

"What about dinner, though?" John asked, mostly to keep his thoughts from running away with him.

"Let's just stop and get something. It can even be fast food. I'm kinda craving tacos," Anna told him.

"All right, then. Let's make it a Mexican night."

In the end, they ended up going to a "sit-down" Mexican restaurant as John talked Anna out of fake-meat tacos. Even though she insisted that Ellie loved them, he was able to convince her that she did not. Truthfully, he was using it as a way to give himself more time to ready himself for the proposal. However, it didn't slow the process by much. They were done eating within an hour and back home by eight o'clock in the evening.

As John and Anna walked through the door of their home, John's nerves were ramping up. He tried to calm down by telling himself that he didn't have to propose tonight - although he wasn't sure when else he would do it - when Anna spoke up.

"What movie do you want to watch?" she asked as she walked towards the bedroom to change into something more comfortable.

"Um, it's a surprise," John told her, making his way to the living room. Once Anna was in their bedroom he removed his mother's ring from where he'd put it in the drawer of the entertainment console before they'd left for the hospital. He opened the box and looked at it one more time before he closed it and slipped it into his pants' pocket. With a shaking hand, he pulled the DVD out of his inside coat pocket and placed it in the BluRay player. His felt bile rise in his throat as he realized that he had no clue what this DVD showed. Maybe Anna would hate it. Just as he had decided to take it out and find a real movie, Anna emerged from the bedroom.

John stared at her as if he were frozen. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and she'd changed into what he assumed was some new maternity pajamas since he'd not seem them before. They weren't anything special. Cotton capris pants with a matching top and robe-like overshirt. Nothing that was meant to be sexy. But God she looked so good in it. Their baby was easy to see, and he wasn't sure that he'd ever wanted her to be his more than he did in that moment, and it wasn't just sexual. And that's when he knew he didn't want to the change the DVD.

"John?" she smiled, as he stood there mouth agape. Anna walked to the sofa and sat down. "Have you decided what we're watching?"

"Yes," he told her, his voice a bit raspy as his mouth had gone dry. He shrugged out of his jacket and threw it over one of the arm chairs before joining Anna on the couch. She snuggled into him and could feel him tremble.

"What?" she laughed. "Did you pick a horror movie and are too scared to watch it?"

"Maybe," John said, knowing that Anna could be right. Regardless, he picked up the remote and turned on the TV and DVD player.

"You're really not going to tell me what it is?" Anna asked one more time.

"Just watch," he told her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Anna could feel tension in John, but he didn't seem like he wanted to talk about it so she decided to let it go for now. John took a deep breath as he pushed play on the remote. Anna's eyes narrowed as she saw the logo from her and Mary's firm appear on screen, followed by "John and Anna" written in script across the television. She sat up a bit straighter.

"John?" she questioned.

"Shhh," he told her, as classical music began playing in the background. Soon, a video of what appeared to be Robert's backyard appeared on screen. Slowly, decorations faded into the scene. Three round tables, seating up to eight people each, emerged on either side of Robert's pool. The tables were adorned with blue hydrangeas, white roses, and candles, with blue table runners over white table cloths. The video panned to the pool, and Anna watched in wonder as floating arrangements of hydrangeas and roses appeared in the water, with candles in their center. Another camera cut showed an arbor of white roses behind the pool, and slowly, computer generated bridesmaids in light blue and groomsmen in black tuxes with light blue vests and ties materialized on the screen. Anna turned to look at John, who appeared to be glued to the television.

"What is this?" Anna asked confused. This looked like the wedding Anna had helped Mary with earlier in the week. Where did John get this? What was going on? John didn't answer her, but continued to stare at the screen. Another computerized young man appeared on-screen, tugging what seemed to be a wagon with two babies sitting inside, one in a white dress and one in a little tuxedo. The babies were pulled to the arbor where they were parked in front of the bridesmaids before the camera panned to the willow tree in the corner of the yard and the string quintet seated beneath it.

The screen then faded out and returned to the venue at night. The view was now from behind the pool, looking at the house. The candles on the table and in the pool were lit and glowing. The string quintet under the weeping willow tree was now replaced with a cover band, and vertical white string lights hung from the tree, providing their lighting. As the camera panned to the back deck where computer generated couples were dancing, Anna's hands flew to her mouth as she recognized the candlelit steps as her own idea. She could no longer deny that this was in fact the wedding she'd helped Mary plan earlier this week Could this be what she thought it might be?

John removed his arm from behind Anna and shifted so that he could reach into his pocket. He watched Anna as he saw the wheels turning in her mind. He knew she was going to figure this out soon, and as if his thoughts were an omen, the wedding venue faded from the screen and script appeared.

 _The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of Anna May Smith to John Angus Bates on June 17th at six o'clock in the evening. The Robert Crawley Estate in Eastover. Dinner and Dancing to Follow._

Anna's eyes widened as she turned towards John. In his hand was a small box, and Anna could only imagine that it was ring.

"Mr. Bates," Anna whispered, since her voice seemed to have left her. "Is this a proposal?"

"If that's what you want to call it," John replied, then inwardly cringed at his lack of finesse. "And why aren't you calling me 'John?'" _Wait. Did he just say that, or did it stay in his head? Jeez, he was messing this up._

"You must do it properly," Anna told him.

"What?" John asked, not sure exactly what Anna meant.

"I won't answer unless you kneel down and do it properly." Then he understood. Anna wanted the traditional proposal. Sliding from the couch, he gingerly lowered himself to his left knee, leaving his bad one bent with less pressure on it - although he was wondering a bit how he would get up. Now was no time to worry, though. Opening the box, he revealed a white gold diamond ring in the shape of a rose. Anna gasped at the sight.

"Anna May Smith," John asked, his voice raspy. "Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Anna stared at him in disbelief. She couldn't move and her mouth seemed to be locked shut. Was this really happening?

"I'm not doing this just because of Ellie," John continued, concerned when Anna had said nothing. "I want her to have the family she deserves, yes, but...what we share...it goes way beyond this pregnancy, Anna." A tear silently slid down Anna's cheek, and John wasn't sure what it meant. He lowered his head a bit as he feared maybe he was wrong about Anna wanting to marry him. Maybe he'd believed the hype everyone had been feeding him, and that's all it had been - hype. "I'm mucking this up," John said under his breath.

"No," Anna said, but it came out as a whisper. He was doing this perfectly. However when his shoulders drooped and he began to get up off his knee, she realized that he must think she'd just turned him down. "No, you didn't muck it up," she told him. "Yes, I'll marry you, John."

John's eyes snapped up to meet Anna's and a slow smile spread across his face. He took the ring from its box with a shaking hand and slid it on Anna's finger. It was a little tight, likely from her pregnancy swelling, but it was still a good fit. Anna gently pulled her hand away from him and held it in front of her, turning it in the light to get a good look at the ring. She couldn't help but laugh and cry at the same time, and her smile widened as she pressed her palms to John's face.

"In my whole life, I don't ever think I've ever been this happy," Anna told him, as she brushed his cheeks with her thumbs. His smile stretched and the crinkles she so loved formed around his eyes at the same time as his hazel gaze became watery.

Using the couch for support as he stood, John pulled Anna to her feet with him. Leaning down to meet her shorter stature, John captured her lips passionately, unable to form any words to adequately express his feelings. His tongue stroked her lower lip, coaxing her to open more to him, and Anna responded to his caress immediately, feeling her knees buckle beneath her. Supporting her weight, John broke the kiss and lifted her in his arms, twirling her around the living room. Her intoxicating laughter caused the tears forming in his eyes to spill over.

"I love you, Anna," he breathed.

"And I, you, John Angus Bates," she smiled.

"Oh, God," he groaned. Lowering Anna to the floor but still holding her close to him. "Mary must have gotten my middle name from Robert."

"I've always wondered what it was," Anna told him.

"Now that you know, I'm sure you're disappointed," John told her.

"Of course not. It's a strong name," she told him.

"You're thinking about a bull, aren't you? Don't lie," he smiled at her, bending to nuzzle her neck.

"Well, bulls are strong," she admitted, unable to keep a giggle from escaping. The burr of his laughter against her neck made her go weak in the knees for a second time.

"John," she breathed. "I don't really want to talk about your middle name right now."

"No?" he asked as he pressed kisses to the juncture of her neck and her shoulder.

"No. I had something better in mind." Anna tightened her arms about his shoulders, sinking all her weight into him.

"Yeah?" John murmured as he moved his onslaught to Anna's throat. "Like what?"

"Like making love with my fiance," she told him. "I've been hot for you ever since I watched you holding Robbie earlier tonight."

"Well, far be it from me to stop you," he replied, bending to sneak his arm behind her knees and scoop her up against his chest. Ignoring the protests of his right knee, he reveled in her laughter as he made his way to their bedroom, looking forward to loving his wife-to-be all night long.


	32. Chapter 32

**Finally! After several travels and bouts of illnesses, many family gatherings, and picking up extra hours at work, I finally had time finish and post this chapter (a week off work also helped). Sorry for the long delay...I don't foresee such a long delay before the next chapter, but I make no promises. Just know I have not abandoned this story nor Banna! As with all other chapters, I own nothing related to Downton Abbey or the characters borrowed from the show. Sending a shout out to my betas mr-and-mrs-bates and a-lady-to-me, as always. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope I've kept you interested. :)**

* * *

Anna stretched her legs as she awakened, feeling Ellie kick and compress her bladder. Groaning at the urge to get out from under the warm covers before she really wanted to, she forced her eyes to open. As she stretched her arms in front of her, her eye caught a glimmer coming off her left hand. Staring at the white gold ring, a smile spread across her face. _Mrs. John Angus Bates._ She giggled at his middle name, but it didn't really faze her. She couldn't wait to take his name...all of it. Ellie kicked again, breaking her reverie and reminding her that she needed to get the bathroom sooner than later.

John was already out of the bedroom when Anna stumbled her way to the toilet. She hadn't heard or felt him leave, but she wasn't surprised. He was almost always up and about before she awakened. Usually she'd find him drinking coffee and reading at the kitchen table, or he'd be up in his office working on the computer. Finishing her morning bathroom routine and tying her robe around her, she padded out to the living room searching for John. Whether it was the ring on her finger or the dull ache reminding her of last night's blissful lovemaking, she was anxious to find her fiancé and properly greet him for the day.

When John wasn't in the kitchen, Anna headed for the stairs. She could smell freshly brewed coffee so she knew he was around somewhere. "John?" she called gently as she made her way towards his office, but there was no response. Anna peaked her head into his office but he wasn't there. She poked around the other rooms upstairs but he wasn't there, either. Her eyebrows knit together as she descended the stairs again, wondering where he was.

Just then, a flash of movement outside caught her eye. Through the open blinds she could see John sitting on the back patio, sipping his coffee. Smiling, she made her way to the back door to join him.

"Good morning," John greeted her as he turned his head towards the door when it opened, a smile spreading on his face from ear to ear and causing the crinkles she so adored to form around his eyes.

"Good morning," she responded as she approached him and bent to press a warm kiss to his lips. As she rose when the kiss ended, John snatched her her hips and pulled her into his lap. Anna giggled as she snaked her arms around his neck to stabilize herself.

"What are you doing outside this morning?" Anna asked as she pressed her cheek to his, not able to get close enough.

"I'm planning Ellie's tree house," John told her. "I'm serious about building it for her, and if I'm gonna have it finished by the time she arrives then I'd better start soon."

"John," Anna chastised. "It's not as if she's going to pop out of the womb ready to climb a tree. You've got time."

"Well, I more than anybody can attest that life gets in the way of plans and goals, and I'm not taking any chances for my princess," John insisted. "She's getting a tree castle."

Anna chuckled and kissed his cheek. How she loved this man. Yes, life did get in the way sometimes, but sometimes, life getting in the way turned out to be the catalyst for bigger and better things. After all, she and John didn't exactly get together because one of them asked the other on a date, but here they were, engaged to be married, and Anna couldn't be happier. She lifted her left hand in front of her again, examining the ring John placed on her finger last night. He reached up and laced his fingers through hers.

"Do you like it?" he asked. "It's probably a little smaller than you deserve, but it was my mother's." To him, that ring was worth more than any diamond could ever cost.

"It's perfect," Anna assured him, taking in all the detail of the rose petals that cradled the diamond. That the ring was his mother's only gave it that much more value as far as Anna was concerned. Then her eyebrows knit together as a thought crossed her mind - a dark one that she wished had never considered.

"What is it?" John asked. Anna might say the ring was perfect but the look on her face didn't mirror that sentiment. He should have just gone out and bought her something more modern. Something more like what her friends and colleagues would wear.

"Nothing," Anna said, shaking her head a bit. "It's just…" she paused before continuing. "If this was your mother's, did you give it to Vera all those years ago, too?" He could read the hurt in Anna's eyes when she looked up at him.

"God, no," John nearly spat in his rush to reassure Anna. "I would never give you anything that woman had ever touched," he declared. "You have to believe that."

"I do," Anna sighed, relieved to know that Vera never wore Harriet's ring. "But why? Why didn't you give this ring to her?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," John started, then wasn't sure he should have lead with that preamble. "Brenda was already wearing it when I asked Vera to marry me. Jim proposed first, so Mom gave him the ring. But it didn't fit Brenda anymore after Declan was born, and instead of resizing it, Jim bought Brenda a new ring."

Anna wasn't sure how she felt about wearing a ring that hadn't come straight down the line from John's mother. However, she was relieved that Vera had never worn it. Jim and Brenda were still together so it wasn't like the ring was bad luck, it was just that it seemed like Brenda should still have the ring. Or that it should be Declan's for his future wife. Anna removed herself from John's lap and sat in a chair across from him. He read her body language and all of a sudden felt like he had screwed up.

"I can get you a different ring if you want," John told her. The enthusiasm he'd had over the tree house was gone, and her heart nearly broke at his sincere offer to purchase a different ring for her. "I don't want you to feel like you're wearing used goods," John continued. "It's just, Brenda offered it to me since she wasn't using it anymore, and I liked the idea of you wearing a ring that my mother cherished. It's one of the few things left from my dad." He couldn't quite meet Anna's eyes. He wasn't sure why this bothered him. She deserved her own ring, not a hand-me-down. But he'd thought it would be romantic. Perhaps he'd been wrong.

Tears gathered in Anna's eyes at John's sentiments, and she stood again to join him and cup his face in her hands. "I stand by my statement. It's perfect." He covered her hands with his own as she bent down to give him a kiss, pouring all the love she could into the gesture.

"Do you mean it?" he asked when the kiss broke. "Or are you just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear."

"I've never meant anything more," Anna assured him, raising back to a standing position. "You can buy me my own ring for our tenth anniversary. But that will be for the right hand, because I'm not taking this one off until I take my last breath. Then Declan can have it." Anna smiled as John's lips turned up on one side. Grabbing his hand and tugging him out of his seat, Anna made her way back to the door. "In fact, I think you should let me know how good it looks when it's all I'm wearing. You seemed too preoccupied last night to notice."

"Well, by all means, give me another chance," John begged as he followed her into the house. He still wasn't sure that Anna was a hundred percent happy with the ring, but he had no option but to believe her. And he hoped she was telling the truth.

An hour and a half later as John laid on his back with Anna cuddled into his side, he stared at the ceiling thinking about the upcoming gigs with the Queen City Brass Quintet. The group would start back up in a couple of weeks, and he really needed to get his horn out. He'd tried not to play too much in front of Anna since the pregnancy scare. He knew she wanted to bring out her trumpet and play, but he also knew that she wouldn't because she was still afraid that her playing had caused the fluid leak - despite the fact that all the professionals seemed to think it stemmed from the amniocentesis. Therefore John despised playing in front her, feeling like he was eating chocolate cake in front of someone on a diet.

"What are you brooding about now?" Anna asked him softly, lifting her hand to his chest and drawing circles in the hair there. He chuckled at her question.

'I do more than brood, you know," he smiled. "You act like that's my only talent."

"I know. But you're brooding now. Just wondering what it was this time. Your worries are my worries," Anna told him.

"They shouldn't be," he assured her. "Usually, if I'm brooding it's about how I can keep you from stress or unhappiness."

"Well, I can probably help you answer how to keep me happy better than any amount of brooding," she offered.

"It's nothing major," he sighed and then turned on his side and cradled her in his arms. "I was just thinking about how I need to get out my horn, and how I hate to play in front of you right now since you can't.'

"Aw, John," Anna said lovingly, as she snuggled closer to her man. "That is so sweet, but you don't have worry about that. Yes, I'd like to play, but I'll gladly set my trumpet aside to keep Ellie safe." Her hand was trapped between them, against his chest, and she moved it up to caress his broad shoulder. Her eyelids drooped as she added, "Not to mention you know what it does to me when I watch you play." John pulled her closer, letting his hand wander from her back to her bottom.

"Nah," he joked with her, and watched her cheeks turn red. He knew she claimed that his playing excited her, but he couldn't quite understand it. 'Why don't you tell me what it does to you?" he asked as he pulled her hips closer to him.

"Well, you could go get out your horn and find out what it does to me," she offered, trying not to let him see how much he was arousing her with his current caresses.

Instead of answering, John bent his head to begin suckling on Anna's neck. "Does it make you hot?" he asked, not lifting his face from her throat.

"John!" she exclaimed, unable to form any other words as his ministrations were overtaking her senses.

Just then he felt a thump against his abdomen, and while he first he thought it was Anna pushing off his advances, he soon realized it was his daughter who was interrupting his attempt to get frisky with her mother again.

"I guess Ellie wants to put her two cents in, too," John told her.

"I think she was telling Daddy to get off his rump and get out his trombone."

* * *

Anna and John spent all day Saturday at home and decided to keep their engagement to themselves. They decided that they would notify their family and friends about their status change tomorrow, but for the next twenty-four hours it would be their little secret.

Anna finally convinced John to get out his trombone, for which he was grateful. He could feel the difference in his embouchure caused by his absence from playing. It felt good to get back to it. After forty-five minutes of playing, he'd looked up to see Anna leaning on the door jamb looking at him like the cat who ate the canary. He couldn't help but return her smile, and he blushed as he read her thoughts. Dirty thoughts.

Sunday afternoon they agreed to meet his mother for lunch. Anna was nervous on the drive over and spent the whole ride twisting her engagement ring around her finger.

"What's wrong?" John asked, looking over at her and trying not to seem as if he was enjoying her discomfort. She looked so cute though, that he had a hard time keeping the smile off his face.

"Are you sure your Mom is going to be okay with this?" Anna asked.

"Are you out of your mind, woman?" John asked, not able to hide his shock at her question. "Mom will be over the moon."

"She's not going to feel like I trapped her son?" Anna argued.

"How could you even ask that? You know that Mom loves you - she chose you to attend the Mother Daughter banquet."

"I know you're right. I guess it's just pregnancy hormones. That and the fact that she didn't like your last choice for a wife."

"Who did?" John scoffed, smirking as he looked over at Anna playing with her hands. He wasn't sure why she was so nervous. When she let out a big sigh and turned toward the window, he knew she wasn't telling him everything.

"Hey," he said gently, reaching over to cover her hands with one of his. "What's all this about?"

"Oh, I don't know," Anna replied, turning to look at him with glistening eyes. "It's just we're supposed to find out this week if Ellie is a match for Declan and what if she's not? Will your family still want me? And what will happen to Declan?"

"Anna," John started, caressing her hands with his thumb as he split his attention between the road and his fiancee. "You have nothing to worry about as far as my family is concerned. They support our relationship with or without Ellie. And if they didn't, it wouldn't matter."

"It would matter to me," Anna said softly.

"Anna Smith, are you saying you are marrying me for my family?" John asked, trying to lighten her mood. She cracked a smile at his question, but shook her head.

"I'm being serious, John," she told him.

"So am I. You have nothing to worry about with my family. And as for Declan, if Ellie's not a match, we'll keep looking. You aren't responsible for healing Declan."

"But that's why you're here. That's why we got together in the first place."

"The possibility of creating a cure for Declan may have gotten us together, but it's you that's keeping me around," John told her. Anna couldn't help the tears welling up as she smiled at the man who would one day be her husband. And just like that he'd soothed her anxieties and she was looking forward to dinner with his mother. She smiled and nodded as she struggled to keep her tears, happy ones, at bay as her heart swelled with love.

Shortly thereafter, John pulled into his mother's driveway. Anna felt her heartbeat quicken despite John calming her fears just moments ago. There was still something scary about greeting a man's mother as his fiancee rather than his girlfriend.

"Come on," John encouraged. "She's not going to bite you." Anna smiled as she walked in front of him and felt comfort as his hand rested on her lower back. The circles he rubbed there as they walked to the door felt heavenly on her sore back, the muscles and ligaments sore from their stretching as her body made more room for their baby.

The inner door was open with just the glass storm door closed, and John and Anna could see into the house. They didn't see Harriet, but the open door was a clear indication for them to enter when they arrived. John held the storm door open for Anna and then closed it behind himself. He followed Anna into the kitchen looking for his mother.

"Hello!" Anna called, not wanting to startle the older woman.

"Well, hello!" they heard in response. "Come on in. Dinner's almost ready."

"Is there anything we can help you with?" Anna asked as they entered the kitchen and saw Harriet at the stove stirring a pot.

"No, it's all done," John's mother's answered as she crossed the room to hug Anna and then John.

"It smells delicious, Mom," John told her. "What are we having?"

"Oh, nothing extraordinary, just some beef stew," she answered, kissing him on the cheek.

"Anything you make is extraordinary," he smiled at her. Harriett swatted his arm and murmured under breath about him being a charmer. Anna rubbed the swell of her belly as she watched the interaction between mother and son.

"Anna, sit down," Harriet told her. "You should be off your feet."

"I'm okay. I'd love to help," Anna replied.

"Well, I already told you it's all finished," the older woman argued, good naturedly. "Go ahead and take a seat at the table." John nodded his agreement, signaling Anna to follow her instructions.

"I'll help Mom dish this up. You just go relax," he told her.

 _Relax. Yeah, right._ Anna did as she was told and took the seat at Harriet's table that had become hers. She stared at her left hand and twisted the ring that now resided there. As usual, she couldn't help the smile that spread across her face at the thought of becoming Mrs. Bates. For some reason, though, when John and his mother entered the dining room with their food, she put her hands in her lap, hiding them under the table.

Harriet took at seat at the head of the table, and John sat across from Anna. After Harriet's prayer, the trio dug into the stew. Anna kept her left hand on her lap and she enjoyed her dinner. She would wait for John to bring up the engagement. It was his mother; he should be the one to tell her.

'Anna," Harriet started and for some reason Anna nearly jumped out of her seat. She couldn't remember being so nervous in her life. Thankfully, Harriet didn't seem to notice, but John's eyebrows knit together as if to ask her what was wrong. She quickly shook her head to him to let him know nothing was wrong and she was okay.

"Are you ready for your baby shower this weekend? We've had nearly thirty people say they are coming," Harriet informed her.

"Wow," Anna responded. "I didn't know you had invited so many." Anna didn't have a lot of guests to put on the list, but she knew that Harriet, Mary, and Cora had added several.

"Oh, yes. There are plenty of my friends at church that I invited, and I know Mary and Cora selected a few, too, like some of the ladies who work with John." Anna's eyes flashed as she thought of Joyce, the woman who worked with John and had professed interest in him a few months ago. She wondered if Joyce was on the list, but her thoughts were interrupted as Harriet continued speaking.

"Brenda didn't know anyone to add, but she'll be back over here this weekend to help out," Harriet told her as she took another bite. Anna had almost forgotten that Brenda was helping with the shower. The mere mention of her soon-to-be sister-in-law, however, caused her pulse to quicken as it reminded her that she'd be finding out any day now whether Ellie was a bone marrow match for Declan or not. Even though John assured her it would be fine if Ellie didn't match, Anna wasn't so sure.

"Is Jim coming, too?" John asked.

"I'm not sure," Harriet answered. "Brenda was planning on coming on Friday, and I'm not sure if Jim can get the time off. If he can't, then they don't get here until very late Friday night and so it makes for a very short trip. If he doesn't come, then Brenda might even come on Thursday, she told me. Declan will do whatever Jim does, I suppose."

"Thank you again, Harriet, for hosting the shower," Anna responded. "This is one of the most loved babies ever and she hasn't even gotten here yet."

"Oh, psshaww. It's not just me - you should thank your friend Mary and her mother more than anyone. They are the ones supplying the venue et al. And, yes, my soon-to-be-born granddaughter is very, very loved." After a short pause as the trio continued eating, Harriet asked, "When do you find out about the bone marrow match?" A lump rose in Anna's throat at the question. She'd been dreading discussing this for days.

"I'm expecting a phone call sometime this week. Probably the earlier part. I'm very nervous about it," Anna admitted

"Why?" Harriet scoffed. "We all want our Ellie to be a match, but there's nothing that worrying about it will help."

"See?" John added. When his mother turned to look at him, he shrugged. "Anna's been worried all week about it, and what you, Brenda, and Jim will think if Ellie's not a match."

"John!" Anna admonished, her cheeks turning pink.

"Oh, Anna," Harriet said, reaching to cover Anna's hand with her own. "We will love you and Ellie no matter what."

"See?" John said again, smirking a bit this time.

"I just wish my son would do the right thing and make an honest woman out of you," she said, scowling at John. Anna held her breath, waiting to see how John would respond. As her eyes locked with his, she nodded slightly, giving permission for him to announce their news to his mother.

"Well," John started, putting down his utensils and dabbing his mouth with his napkin. "Anna and I have some news to share."

"You don't!" Harriet exclaimed, unable to hide her enthusiasm. It was then that Anna found the courage to pull her left hand off her lap and showed the older woman her ring finger. Harriet knew that John had picked up the ring a couple of days ago and that he'd even said he might propose the night he took the ring from her house, but somehow, she didn't think he would have done it yet.

"Oh my goodness," Harriet cooed as she grabbed Anna's hand. "This looks better on you than it ever did on me." John watched as tears gathered in both Anna's and his mother's eyes as smiles nearly split their faces. "We're all going to be Bateses soon," Harriet added. Anna's smile faltered a bit at the remark, and Harriet jumped to conclusions. "That is if you're going to change your name, Anna. I know some women don't these days."

"No, it's not that, but we've set our wedding date for next summer, so I guess it depends on your definition of 'soon' for my name change. But I can't wait to be a Bates, have no doubts about that." Her smile returned to it's full status as she looked across at John, who couldn't help but grin at her remark.

"Well, I don't see why you have to wait until next summer," Harriet said. "What's wrong with getting married before the baby is born?"

"Anna deserves her dream wedding, Mom, and there's not enough time to plan that before Ellie comes," John answered for them.

"Are you an expert in wedding planning now?" his mother asked incredulously, but good naturedly.

"Actually, he kind of is," Anna answered for him. "His proposal included the plans for our wedding. He and Mary teamed up to create my dream ceremony, and they did a lovely job," Anna responded.

"You did that?" Harriet asked John, disbelieving her son could be that romantic.

"He did. I'll have to let you watch the DVD they put together," Anna told her. John blushed and groaned in the background of the women's conversation. It was one thing to be romantic with your woman. It was another to let your mother watch it.

"Well, I'm sure whenever you get married it will be perfect," John's mother added. Both he and Anna detected that she wasn't quite telling the truth, and John knew that his mother probably did prefer the baby not be born out of wedlock. But Anna deserved the best, and he couldn't give that to her in just two or three months. He locked eyes with Anna and they seemed to communicate to each other that they would let the line of conversation drop. But just for a second, he thought he read that Anna agreed with his mother. As the conversation shifted, he told himself that he was wrong.

Before they knew it, Sunday had come and gone as well as Monday. John could tell Anna was getting more nervous by the day when the clinic didn't call with Ellie's test results. Why he wasn't on pins and needles waiting to hear if their baby was a match for Declan, he didn't know. John did worry about Declan and his illness, but he wasn't taking the weight of his nephew's survival on his shoulders like Anna seemed to be doing. Not anymore. Lord knew he had felt overwhelming guilt when he'd told Jim he wouldn't father a baby to try for a cure. And that guilt was part of the reason that he'd given in to Anna's pregnancy plan. But somewhere along the way, his mission had shifted from creating a cure for Declan to creating a family for Anna.

Not that he didn't want Declan to be healed - oh, how he wanted that - but in all honesty, John felt like he'd done all he could do. Either Ellie would be a match for her cousin or she wouldn't. Still, as Declan was _his_ nephew, John felt that he should be the one agonizing over whether Ellie's stem cells were compatible, not Anna. But since it was clear that Anna was going to worry, John vowed to be her rock and try to keep her calm; for him to worry outwardly would not create the anchor she needed him to be.

On Wednesday, they had still not received a call from the laboratory testing the DNA from the cousins. Anna couldn't wait any longer and called the maternal and fetal medicine clinic, hoping they could get an answer from the lab. The nurse there assured her that they had not heard anything yet and that sometimes it took longer than expected to receive test results, particularly if the lab was busy and/or if employees were on vacation. Anna sighed and acknowledged understanding, but did not feel any less anxious.

On Thursday, Mary noticed that Anna seemed to be anywhere other than present with her at work. Everytime she walked into Anna's office, her colleague was staring at her phone, out the window, or even just blankly at her computer.

"Are you ready for the shower on Saturday?" Mary asked during one of her ventures into Anna's office.

"What?" Anna asked, obviously caught not paying attention.

"I was just asking if you were looking forward to Saturday. There will be lots of people there, and Mama is so excited to be throwing a party," Mary said as she took a seat across from Anna's desk.

"Oh, yes," Anna forced a smile. "I can't wait to see what all Ellie is given, and I'm so thankful and honored that you are doing this for me."

"You seem preoccupied today," Mary said, never one to beat around the bush. "If you didn't seem so worried, I'd think you were mooning over your fiance."

Anna had shown Mary her ring on Monday and both women had danced in circles across Mary's office.

" _It's about time!" Mary exclaimed, hugging her friend. "I take it you liked the wedding proposal?"_

" _Oh, Mary," Anna replied. "Thank you so much for helping him. The design is perfect. I can't wait to live it out." The smile on Anna's face stretched from ear to ear, and Mary had never seen her friend happier. "All my dreams are coming true. The man. The wedding. The baby."_

" _Well, not exactly in that order," Mary couldn't help herself from pointing out. Anna's smile slipped a bit. Were people really judging her for having the baby before the wedding? This wasn't the Edwardian Era or even the 1950s. But if both Mary and Harriet pointed it out, what were other people thinking?_

 _Mary noticed the change in her friend's demeanor and immediately felt bad for her comment. "I didn't mean anything by that, Anna. I'm sorry if I upset you."_

" _No, it's just that John's mother pointed that out as well. And truthfully, I kinda wish we were getting married before Ellie arrives. That way she'll actually be born as Baby Bates and not Baby Smith," Anna told her._

" _Is it just Ellie who wants to be a Bates?" Mary smiled._

" _Well, no," Anna blushed. "But I will be. Next summer. And Ellie will be to as soon as the birth certificate is filled out. But...well...oh, this is silly," Anna said before shaking her head and stopping her thought before she voiced it._

" _What is silly?" Mary pressed._

" _Well...you know….the ankle bracelet. I just kinda want that to say 'Bates' and it won't if my last name is different. It'll say 'Smith.' But I'd like to keep it, and then when we're all Bateses, it won't match." Anna's face turned red. "See I told you it was silly," she murmured._

" _I don't think that's silly at all," Mary told her. "Have you told John?"_

" _No." Anna told her emphatically. "I couldn't. Not after he put together this perfect wedding. And I really do want the wedding he planned."_

" _Well, why not do both? Go to the courthouse and get married before the birth and then go through with the dream wedding next summer?" her friend suggested. Anna's left eyebrow raised at the thought. It wasn't a bad idea, but she wasn't sure how to broach the subject with John. But maybe Mary was on to something._

"As much as I'd like to think that you're spacing out today because you're going over your baby registry list in your mind and trying to guess who will give you what gift, I think there's something bigger grasping your attention." Mary's comment brought Anna back to the present. Her shoulders drooped and she gave Mary a weak smile. Leave it to her friend to read her like a book.

"I'm supposed to find out at any time whether Ellie is a bone marrow match for Declan," Anna sighed. "So, every time my phone rings or dings, I jump. And I keep running scenarios through my head. Brenda will be here tonight, and I keep rehearsing ways to break the news to her...either to give her good news or bad news." She paused for a moment and leaned her head back against her chair. "My stomach is in knots, and I know Ellie can feel my nerves. She hasn't been settled all day and her kicks and punches are not making me feel any better."

"Will you find out today?" Mary asked.

"I don't know. That's just it. I was expecting to find out on Monday or Tuesday, but there's still no news. I even called my doctor's office to check on things and they haven't heard yet, either."

"The lab hasn't lost the sample, have they?" Mary asked before she could stop herself.

"Oh, great, Mary. Give me one more thing to worry about. I'm certainly not putting me or Ellie through another amniocentesis procedure." The side effects had been too great the last time. Anna wasn't even sure if they could do another one at this point even if they wanted.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," Mary apologized. "It just popped into my head and then out my mouth with no filter." Anna merely lifted an eyebrow. There were many things that came out of Mary's mouth without a filter. But Anna knew that there was some merit in Mary's concern, and that certainly didn't help her nerves.

"It _is_ a possibility that Ellie's DNA was lost in transit or at the lab," Anna admitted. "Or that Declan's was. Otherwise, your comment wouldn't bother either one of us."

Just then, both women jumped as Anna's cell phone began to ring.

"Who is it?" Mary asked with enthusiasm as Anna pick up her phone from the desk.

"I"m not sure," Anna answered, staring at the screen. "I don't recognize the number, and it's not local."

"Answer it!" Mary encouraged. "Maybe it's the lab!" Fumbling to press "accept," Anna did as her friend advised, nearly dropping the phone as she lifted it to her ear.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Is this Anna Smith?" the caller on the other end of the line asked.

"This is she. How may I help you?" Anna could feel her heart fluttering and her hands shaking. Ellie was also also turning flips, perhaps in response to her mother's increased blood flow, and Anna reached down to rub circles across her belly, trying to calm her unborn daughter.

"This is Julie at Lukas Lab Corporation, and I have DNA comparison results for your baby and Declan Bates."


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: So...this wasn't finished and posted as soon as I hoped, BUT...it's over 9000 words...so it's the longest chapter to date! Thanks to mr-and-mrs-bates for looking things over for me and offering tons of support. I still don't own anything related to Downton Abbey...I just like to borrow the characters.**

* * *

The tears fell from Anna's eyes as she drove home. Mary had given her the rest of the afternoon off after the clinic called with Ellie's DNA results; she knew Anna wouldn't get any significant amount of work done after hearing the news, anyway. Anna hadn't told John yet and hadn't figured how she wanted to. She certainly didn't want to do it via telephone. Brushing her eyes with her hand, she wiped the tears out of her vision. She knew she had to control the water works in order to make it home without getting into a wreck.

Pulling into the driveway she paused to wait for the garage door to raise. Her hands shook as she saw John's car in the garage. She didn't think he'd be home yet. Anna had been thinking maybe she'd cook a nice dinner for him before she told him what the lab said, but now she didn't have time. And she had even less time to figure out how to give him the news, period. Parking her car next to his, Anna took a big breath and headed into the house.

She'd thought John might be in his office, but he was sitting on the couch, feet propped on the ottoman reading what she could only presume was student writing projects. He turned to look at her when he heard the door open and shut. "You're home early," he said with a grin as he set the papers aside and rose to greet her.

"I could say the same for you," Anna smiled back, breaking eye contact with John as she watched his grin disappear from his face. The intensity of his gaze had always been her undoing. Still, John could see the streaks on her cheeks, and immediately his eyebrows knit together and he walked to her side.

"You've been crying," he said seriously. "What's wrong?"

"Not a thing," she told him. "Not one thing."

"I don't understand," John said as reached his hand to her cheek, wiping the streaks with his thumb. She encircled her hand around his wrist and leaned into his palm. She reveled in the comfort, and it was all she could do to keep the tears from starting again.

"Tell me what happened," he gently implored.

"Let's go sit down. I don't want to remember this moment standing right inside the door," Anna told him, pulling his hand away from her face and gently tugging him to the family room. Anna sat on the couch and he sat opposite her on the ottoman, reaching for the hands which she gladly put in his.

"Is something wrong with Ellie?" John asked, fear snaking up his spine. He had no idea what was going on here. Anna had said nothing was wrong just mere moments ago, but she looked like she'd cried off all her make-up. He wasn't sure if she was being truthful or satirical.

"No. Ellie is perfect. I'm perfect. Just emotional." She paused to squeeze his hands and take a big breath. John wasn't sure he was even breathing, waiting for Anna to explain what was going on.

"The lab called," Anna told him, and pressed her lips tightly together to keep her tears from spilling over. His heart sank at the sight. Her distress could only mean one thing.

"Ellie…" she started before removing her hands from his to wipe her face as she couldn't keep the tears from flowing. And then a slow smile spread across Anna's face, and even though her eyes were filling with moisture, he'd never seen her look so radiant. "Ellie and Delcan. They…" John was holding his breath waiting for Anna to form a coherent phrase. He didn't want to push her but he thought he might explode before she finished her sentence. "They match, John. They match!" she told him as she launched herself into his arms.

"Are you serious?" he asked, stunned beyond measure.

"I'm very serious. And I'm in shock, I think. I can't stop crying. I can barely put a sentence together. I'm so happy that I'm shaking!"

"Oh, Love," John replied, crushing her to him. "We did it! I can't believe we did it!" He stroked her hair as both of their tears flowed and mixed together. She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed her hands up and down his back. He gently lifted her face from his chest to press perhaps the sweetest kiss they'd ever shared to her lips. Both of them lingered, breathing life from each other, giving and taking without abandon. When they separated, he held her face in his hands, once again wiping away her tears with his thumbs. Only this time he knew they were happy tears so the caresses seemed much more sensual.

"You seemed so upset," he told her. "And when you mentioned the lab, I was afraid you had bad news."

"I'm sorry that I scared you," she told him. "I think I just didn't know what to think. Mary was there when I got the phone call. We danced around the office, and it wasn't for fifteen minutes that I realized I was crying." Anna paused to chuckle. She was smiling now and it was as if she'd forgotten how not to. "I wanted to call you immediately," she rushed on, hoping that he wasn't upset that Mary knew that Ellie was a stem cell match for Declan before he did, "but I also didn't want this to be news you got over the phone. I wanted to be in person with you." John only smiled and nodded, having no criticism of her thought process.

"But by the time I got home, I was just emotionally wiped out. I was happy, I was in awe, I was trying to figure how to tell you in a special way. I was just so overwhelmed. It wasn't that I wasn't happy, it was just that I was in disbelief that our plan worked."

"But it did, Anna. It did. It worked," he encouraged her, hugging her to him once again. "We should celebrate. Do you want to go out?"

"I'm not sure," Anna said. "Even though I'm ecstatic, I'm kinda exhausted. To tell you the truth, I'd be happy with ordering pizza and maybe going out to celebrate tomorrow. Plus, I believe we have a couple of phone calls to make. We aren't the only ones waiting on pins and needles to find out the DNA results."

"Oh, God. How could I forget?" John asked. "Let me go call Jim now."

"Wait," Anna stopped him. "Isn't Brenda on her way over to your Mom's tonight? She's going to be over at Robert and Cora's tomorrow helping set up for my baby shower."

"Do you think we should wait until tomorrow?" John asked, a bit confused.

"No. But maybe we should tell them in person. Invite them over for pizza or take some to them. We could call Jim from there."

"I thought you didn't want to go out?" John asked.

"Well, I meant like out to eat at a restaurant. I'd be okay going to your Mom's."

"Is that what you want?" he questioned.

"Yes, I think it is. If Brenda will be there. That way we can tell them both at once," Anna told him.

"I'll call Mom and see if she's arrived," he said, pulling his phone out and beginning to dial.

"Wait!" Anna stopped him. "Won't that be suspicious?" Anna feared.

"For a man to call his mother? I shouldn't think so," John answered.

"What if they guess why we want to come over?" she asked biting her lip.

"Anna. Do you want me to call or not?" He'd heard pregnant women could be hard to deal with but this was his first time experiencing it first hand.

"How about we just tell them we want to buy them dinner as good will for Brenda coming all this way to help with the baby shower?" he offered.

"Okay." Anna acquiesced, then rushed on. "But what if you're mother has already started cooking dinner?"

"Anna!" John shouted louder than he meant, and then grimaced as he watched her jump. "I'm sorry," he apologized and he opened his arms to receive her into his embrace. "But your pregnancy hormones aren't just getting to you." He paused to press a kiss to the crown of her head. He really didn't mean to frighten her, and thankfully she didn't seem upset-just startled. "I'll call Mom and tell her we want to bring pizza. If she's already started cooking, I'm sure she'll invite us for dinner, too. Either way, we end up at her house with Brenda."

"Okay," Anna mumbled into his shirt. He chuckled and decided he'd better act before his fiancee changed her mind again.

Two hours later, Anna and John arrived at Harriet's doorstep carrying a pepperoni and meat lover's pizza. Anna had always been more of a veggie pizza person, but it seemed her daughter had her daddy's penchant for the meats. Her mouth had been watering since John put the pizza on her lap in the car.

They were welcomed into the house by Harriet and Brenda was not far behind, reaching to hug her brother-in-law and his fiancee as soon as they'd stepped inside the door. "I'm so glad you all stopped by tonight," Brenda told them. "I wasn't sure we'd have much time alone with you all this weekend."

"Well, we thought we'd come over and visit a while tonight before you ladies got too busy tomorrow and Saturday," John supplied, taking the pizzas to the kitchen.

"Oh, Anna," Brenda gushed as John passed by them. "The ring looks perfect on you!" Brenda and Jim had found out from Harriet earlier in the week that John had proposed.

"Oh, thank you," Anna blushed. "I'm sure you wore it better," Anna said, unsure of what to say to the woman who had previously held possession of the jewel. It was an odd predicament.

"Oh, shush. It's yours now. And it brings lots of love with it," Brenda crooned, ushering her soon-to-be-sister-in-law into the kitchen. John and Harriet were already setting the table and filling drink cups. Determining their help wasn't needed, Anna and Brenda decided to take their seats at the table, and they were quickly joined by the other two.

"This was a good idea," Harriet said as she helped herself to a slice of pepperoni pizza. "I haven't had pizza in a long time."

"Well, it's been a long day for us and it was something easy to bring," John acknowledged.

"Oh?" Brenda asked as she took a bite of the meat lover's pizza. "Everything alright?"

"More than alright," John smiled, looking at Anna. Her face melted into a shy grin at his gaze.

"Oh, my," Harriet cooed. "I remember when you and Jim looked at each other like that," Harriet smiled at Brenda.

"It's just that we have some news to share," Anna told them. "I got a phone call today." Harriet and Brenda both stopped mid-chew, sensing by Anna's tone that the call was from the lab processing the kids' DNA.

"A good call?" Harriet asked.

"Yes," Anna answered as John nodded. Anna then looked at Brenda and said, "The lab called. Ellie is a match for Declan."

Pizza and chairs went flying as Brenda jumped out of her seat and rushed to hug Anna. Still seated, Harriet squealed in delight.

"Praise the Lord," Brenda cried into Anna's shoulder, her body heaving with relief. "I can't believe it! I can't believe it." She pulled back from Anna to wipe her cheeks as her eyes overflowed, and she sat back down on her chair. "We've been looking for a match for two years and now it's finally happened! Our son finally has a match!" She covered her face with her hands as she sobbed tears of joy. Harriet hurried to her side and embraced her in a celebratory hug.

"I don't know how to thank you," Brenda said, looking from Anna to John with tears streaming down her face. "I can never thank you enough."

Anna reached across the table for John's hand and turned to look back at Brenda. "Having Ellie _is_ enough. I'm so happy I am able to help Declan and your family, but I won't deny I had my own selfish motives in all this," Anna blushed and cut her eyes coyly at John.

"I don't care if you seduced him," Harriet said, making John and Brenda turn red with Anna. "I'm so happy right now I could shout it from the mountaintops! In fact, I think I could go outside and yell it so loudly that Jim would hear it all the way in Knoxville!"

"Jim!" Brenda exclaimed. "I have to call Jim," she got up to go find her phone, but John stopped her.

"Let me, Brenda. I know you share your son with him, but he's the one who called me up seven months ago and planted this harebrained idea in my head. Let me be the one to tell him that no matter how crazy his plan seemed, it worked."

"Okay," she agreed. "But can you do it on speaker phone? I want to hear his reaction." John nodded in agreement. He pulled his phone out and began dialing his brother, placing it on the table in the speaker mode so all could hear.

"Hello?" Jim answered, sounding as if John had caught him in the middle of something.

"Hey, Jim. You got a minute?" John asked.

"Yeah, just let me get this frozen pizza out of the oven. Hang on a sec." Brenda rolled her eyes at her husband's obvious lack of culinary skills, but John defended his brother from the silent criticism of his sister-in-law by waving his hand over the pizza he and Anna had picked up and brought for dinner. Brenda had the good grace to shrug in agreement. They could all hear some banging around and a few curse words coming across the line as Jim obviously fumbled with the hot pizza.

"Jim!" Harriet chastised her son's language.

"Geez, John. Do have me on speaker phone? And why is Mom there?"

"Yeah. Anna and I brought dinner over for Mom and Brenda," he told his twin. No need to let him know that they hadn't done any better than pizza, either.

"So, I can assume you've _all_ heard my expletives?"

"Yes," Anna and Brenda said in unison, their timing bringing shared smiles to their faces.

"Well, to what do I owe this family chat?" Jim asked as he continued to move about his kitchen, now slicing the pizza for Declan and himself.

"Is Declan with you?" John asked. "Since we're all here, I think he should be included in this conversation, too."

"Uh, sure, I'll get him. But what is this about?" Jim questioned as he pulled the phone away from his face to call for his son.

"Wait until we're all present, and then I'll tell you," John informed him, unable to keep the wide grin off his face. Jim, for his part, seemed to have no idea why John was calling this family meeting. John knew that in a few minutes Jim would kick himself for not figuring it out, and John could only suppose that Jim must be tired not to have determined it already.

"Okay, he's here. I'm putting it on speaker," Jim said.

"Hello, Declan," Anna said, welcoming him to the group.

"Hello, Aunt Anna. Er, can I call you that now?" Declan asked, at first assured and then a bit embarrassed since he hadn't been given permission to address her that way.

"Of course you can!" Anna enthusiastically answered. "It is such an honor to be your aunt, or soon-to-be aunt, anyway."

"Okay, cut to the chase John. Our pizza's getting cold," Jim interrupted.

"If you say so. Do you remember the phone call you made to me about seven months ago?"

"John, you're my twin. I call you fairly often, why would I remember a conversation that took place months ago?" Jim asked.

"So you're saying you don't remember," John clarified.

"Of course I don't - Oh, wait," Jim paused. "Do you mean, when I um...when I asked…" Wow. This was hard to voice in front of his entire family. John sensed his brother's uneasiness and while he typically revelled in Jim's distress, he decided to cut his sibling some slack tonight.

"Yes. That's the conversation," John agreed. "Well, tonight, Anna and I have some news."

"She's not," Jim said before John could say any more. "Ellie's not a match, is she?" Jim couldn't help the hope in his question.

"She is," John confirmed. "My daughter," John started before pausing to lock eyes with Anna and swallow the lump welling in his throat, "is a bone marrow match for your son."

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! We did it! We did it! Declan! We did it! She's a match!" Jim's exuberance was infectious.

Brenda began crying all over again, hearing her husband's reaction to the news. She wished so much she was there to participate in a family hug with him and Declan. She settled for clinging to Harriet as both women shook with elation.

"Is it true Uncle John?" Declan asked, unable to keep the happiness from his young voice.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Bud. It's true."

"I wish I was there so I could kiss Aunt Anna!" Declan decried.

"Whoa, Bud. She's spoken for!" John teased. "But how about _I_ give her a smooch on your behalf?"

"That'll work, I guess," Declan agreed.

"And give her one from me, too," Jim added.

"Will do, Bro. Want me to give Brenda a peck, too?" Brenda rolled her eyes and Anna swatted his arm.

"Only on the cheek," Jim agreed. "Only on the cheek."

* * *

Anna could not believe the turnout for nor the amount of gifts the ladies had brought to her baby shower. The Bateses and Crawleys had gone all out for this party. Anna had thought that John and Mary had thought of everything when they'd set up the nursery, but she was quickly learning that there were so many other baby accessories to be had.

The Crawleys' living room had been transformed into a pink wonderland. The stone fireplace and mantle had been draped with pink pennant banners hanging from rope and between each pennant hung pink and purple onesies. Several giant pink balloons wrapped in tulle were suspended from the ceiling. The table in the corner hosted a large "cake" made of diapers which was surrounded by many other gifts, and flower vases with pink roses were decorated with pink tutus and sprinkled throughout the room.

The food was also just as clever, beginning with the pink rubber duckie floating in the punch bowl. A watermelon had been carved out to resemble a baby pram, and inside was a cantaloupe with blueberries for eyes, smaller pieces of cantaloupe for a nose and ears, a pacifier in it's mouth, and a bow on it's head. The rest of the watermelon was full of cut, chopped, or balled fruit to simulate a blanket covering the "baby." Cora had her friend Mrs. Patmore cater the event, and there were also other yummy munchies including chicken salad bites on apple slices as well as cucumber sandwiches and ham rolls with pickles. There were deviled eggs that Mrs. Patmore had dyed the whites of pink, and strawberries dipped in pink-tinted white chocolate. Pink cupcakes and cake pops were sprinkled about the food table, teasing the ladies to have dessert first, or at least in the middle of their snacking.

Mary had set up activities for the ladies to participate in, saying she was only using the ones that were a hit for Sybil's shower. For example, Mary bought a dozen blank terrycloth bibs and fabric pens and asked that the ladies come up with funny sayings to write on the cloths. Anna's favorite was "These morons put my cape on backwards," followed closely by "If you can read this I haven't eaten yet." Another activity was a time capsule for Ellie. Everyone wrote her a note and made predictions about her future. The notes were then sealed in a manilla envelope for Anna and John to present to Ellie on her twenty-first birthday. Sybil's prediction was that Ellie grew up to marry Robbie, but she wasn't going to voice that outloud and jinx it. Here was hoping that it didn't turn out to be an embarrassing prediction when Ellie was twenty-one. And then lastly, Mary announced she had a game to play, the winner taking home a gift certificate for a mani- and pedicure at a local day spa.

"Okay, Ladies," Mary started as the attendees began to relax in her parents' living room. "I have some questions to ask Anna." Anna looked at her friend skeptically as this was the first she'd heard of any "questions."

"Earlier in the week," Mary continued, "I interviewed Anna's fiance, John Bates. I asked him a series of ten questions, and now it's time to see how well Anna knows her baby-daddy." A chorus of "ooohs" and some laughter floated around the room. "What I need from you ladies is to guess how many of John's answers Anna can predict correctly. There will be a tie-breaker question at the end if needed."

"When did you do this?" Anna whispered to Mary as her friend ushered her to an oversized armchair next to the fireplace.

"On Tuesday," Mary said flippantly and turned back to the ladies who were all discussing among themselves how they thought this game would play out. Just then, Brenda brought Mary's laptop over, which she set up on the side table next to Anna's chair.

"And not only do I have John's answers," Mary told everyone. "I have them video-taped, so you will see John's reactions just as I did." Anna could feel herself blushing already, and she had no clue what kind of questions that Mary had asked John. And he hadn't even told her! She realized that would have ruined Mary's surprise, but she couldn't believe John never let on he'd even seen Mary this week. It must have happened while she was with a client.

"Okay. On the pieces of paper that Mom and Harriet are passing around, I need you to guess how many answers Anna will get right, and then I need you to answer the following question as you think John did: How many kids make an ideal family?" Mary continued. There was some murmurings around the room as the women discussed their thoughts. "Again, that question is, 'How many kids make an ideal family?'"

All the ladies, ranging in age from their early twenties to their seventies, seemed excited about this game. They were piling together on the couches and pulling dining room chairs into the living room. Most of the ladies there knew John. They worked with him, they were friends of his mother, or they were mutual friends of his and Anna. Truthfully, more of them knew him than her.

Anna was getting more nervous by the minute, but she was also excited to hear what John had to say, especially to that last question. They'd never really talked about having more kids. Did he want more? Harriet and Cora shuffled around the room, first passing out pens and papers, and then collecting them.

"Okay!" Mary announced excitedly. "We are ready for question number one."

"Wait," Gwen called from the back of the room. She was one of the few attendees who didn't really know John. "There's no way we can all see that laptop. Can you connect it to the TV?" she asked, pointing to the fifty-five inch flat screen above the fireplace.

"Hmm, let me see," Mary answered. In the end, she was able to transfer the interview to a thumb stick and connect it directly to the television, and before Anna knew it, John appeared in high definition on the screen. In the background, Mary's voice could be heard saying, " _Question number one: what pregnancy cravings does Anna have?"_ Mary then paused the video.

"Okay, Anna," Mary told her. "Time to predict John's answer." _Please keep this clean, John_ , Anna thought as she considered what he might say. She hoped that her cheeks weren't turning bright red as she let her mind wander to places they shouldn't go in public, but apparently she didn't do a very good job, as the ladies were beginning to giggle.

"Well," Anna started. "I'm not sure how John answered, but the only thing I've really craved has been collard greens."

"Really?" Mary asked, seemingly skeptical.

"Really," Anna confirmed.

"Well, let's see what John said." Anna mentally crossed her fingers. Obviously he didn't say "greens" or Mary wouldn't have found her answer odd, and Anna was just hoping that he didn't say, "sex."

" _What Anna has been craving,"_ videoed-John started, " _is pizza. I have eaten more pizza in the last six months than I probably have in the last six years."_ The ladies began laughing and Anna just smiled and shrugged. She guessed he was right. She hadn't really thought about it, but they did eat pizza a lot. However, she was kind of a pizza fiend even before she got pregnant; John just wasn't around that much to see it. She still abided that her craving was greens, but she couldn't really fault his answer. " _I'm working on getting her to cut back on the pizza, though"_ videoed-John continued, " _because it gives her nasty heartburn afterward."_ Again, Anna couldn't fault his logic.

" _Question number two: From one to ten, how prepared do you feel about this baby's birth, with ten being the most prepared?"_ videoed-Mary asked just before live-Mary paused the television.

"Alright, Anna," the live-version asked. "How prepared is John?"

"Oh, John is prepared. I think he's more prepared than me. He reads a lot. I've fallen asleep several nights to him reading the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book aloud to me. I'd give him a 9," Anna answered. Mary resumed the video as the ladies nodded, knowing how organized John was.

" _I'd say an 8,"_ John answered. " _I've read all the books, but reading and doing are two different things."_

"Bummer," Anna said as she missed another answer.

" _Question number 3: Which of Anna's features do you hope that Ellie gets?"_

"Okay, Ladies. Anna is zero for two. Let's see how she does with this question," Mary declared.

"Um...my eyes?" Anna said as if she was asking a question. John always said he loved her eyes, but she was second guessing herself now that she had yet to match him.

"Let's see what John said, shall we?" Mary smiled.

" _Her hair and her eyes. God, how I love Anna's hair and her eyes,"_ John proclaimed to a chorus of "awww"s from the women in the room. Anna felt a warmth in her belly that had nothing to do with her pregnancy. The look on John's face as he talked about her was enough to make her fall in love all over again, and by the look on the other women's faces, they weren't able to resist his charisma, either. " _Honestly, I hope the baby looks just like Anna and nothing like me. I don't think I'd make a very pretty girl."_ The ladies chuckled in unison.

" _Question number four: "Which grew faster, Anna's belly or her behind?"_

"He'll never answer that," Anna said. "If he knows what's good for him, he won't answer it," she smiled. Several of the women nodded their heads in agreement at her response. Mary simply raised her eyebrows and turned back to the TV to reveal John's answer.

" _That's a trick. I won't answer that,"_ he responded, shifting uncomfortably in his seat and inciting laughter from the ladies.

"Anna's back to even," Mary told everyone. "She now has two right and two wrong."

" _Question number five: what is your ideal family vacation?"_

"Oh, wow," Anna said, taking some time to think. "Um..I don't know. The beach? John doesn't talk about vacations much." Anna wasn't sure when the last time John actually took a vacation was. She was certain he probably hadn't taken many with Vera because at least later in their relationship he seemed to avoid spending time alone with her; traveling with her would not have been on his to-do list. He and Anna had had a wonderful time in the mountains a couple of months ago, but she didn't really think he'd say "the mountains." When she thought of family vacations she thought of the beach, the little one building sand castles as the parents watched from their perch under an umbrella, so that was the answer she went with.

" _Scotland,"_ John answered, completely surprising Anna. Ooohs could be heard all around Cora's living room. Videoed-Mary could be heard in the background asking, " _Really?"_

" _Yes, really,"_ he smiled gently. " _My grandmother was a Keith, and I think it's important to remember our heritage. So what better place to have a family vacation than the land from whence you came? And on that note, let's add in England for Anna."_ Anna felt tears well in her eyes at his response. She'd neglected to match yet another one of his answers, but she couldn't be upset when his answers were so good.

" _Similar to an earlier question, number six is: what features of yours do you hope your daughter does_ not _have?"_ Anna nearly didn't hear this question as she was still thinking about John's response to the last one. But since the whole room was staring at her she knew she'd better not dwell on John's thoughtfulness too long and come up with another answer.

"Well, I know he said he didn't want Ellie to look anything like him, but I love his eyes. I'd love for her to have his eyes. I'm not sure what he'd say, but since he said he wants her to have my hair and eyes, maybe he doesn't want her to have his eyes," Anna imagined. A few groans could be heard from some of Anna's friends in the group. The other women just kind of smiled.

"Come on, Anna," Gwen moaned. "You can do better than that."

"What?" Anna defended. She really had no clue what John would say. "Okay, maybe his bad knee. He wouldn't want her to have his bad knee." Gwen rolled her eyes as if to tell her friend that her second answer wasn't any better. Mary just smiled and shook her head as she turned back to the television and pressed play. John was chuckling to himself when the video resumed.

" _Well, there's one feature I have that I hope no daughter of mine has,"_ he said. " _A son, though.."_ Anna blushed and looked at Mary.

"Did he know his mother and her friends would see this?" she asked under her breath.

"I think so," Mary answered. "He knew it was for the shower."

" _But I'm guessing that's not the answer you're looking for. I would have to say my nose. It's too big for a girl. Or maybe my eyebrows. They are way too bushy for a girl."_

"Ughh," Anna groused. "How many have I matched?" The ladies really seemed to be enjoying this game. Whether they found John's answer funny or they were enjoying Anna's inability to match John's answers, there were a lot of smiles and laughter filling the room.

"You now have two correct and four wrong," Mary supplied. "You still have a chance to get more right than you've gotten wrong."

"It's not looking likely, though, is it?" Anna asked the crowd, to which she was met with several "no"s and "no, it isn't"s.

" _Question number seven: which talent of yours do you hope your baby inherits?"_

"Ugh. These questions are too hard!" Anna griped. "He has so many talents!"

"Whoa, there, Anna. There are some of John's talents we don't need to hear about," Mary told her. Gwen let out a wolf whistle while Edith yelled out, "Bow chicka bow wow!" The two younger Crawley sisters had been helping in the kitchen and just joined the game. Anna's face turned bright red, and she covered it with her hands to hide her embarrassment. The rest of the room seemed to love her discomfort though as even some of the older ladies began to tease her.

"Okay, okay," Anna said, waving her hands and trying to get the room back under control. "I'm not going to say that, because I don't think he'll say that." She knew she wasn't making this any better. Shaking her head as if to knock out the dirty thoughts, she continued, "I hope that she gets his musical talent. I have some musical ability, but it pales in comparison to John's. So I'm going to say that I hope she get's his 'ear.'"

"Let's see what Daddy said," Mary stated restarting the interview.

" _Hmm. I don't think I have that many talents. I know Anna likes my trombone playing, so I'll say my musical talent. I hope Ellie gets it from both of us so that we can all play together."_ Anna pumped her fists in the air as she made another match with John. She also liked the idea of making music with their daughter. The Bates Family Trio sounded like a pretty good idea to her.

" _Question eight: which memory from growing up do you hope to recreate with your child?"_

"Now, how am I supposed to answer that?" Anna asked. "I wasn't there when he grew up. Harriet, help!"

"Oh, no, Dear," Harriet supplied. "I've already seen this video so I can't give you any hints."

"You knew about this?" Anna accused as the shower attendees laughed at their banter.

"Of course, I did," Harriet said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Anna rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air. "I give up," she said. "His favorite childhood memory. Maybe riding a bicycle. I'm going to say he wants to teach Ellie to ride a bike. I imagine that was a good memory for him."

"I imagine you're right," Harriet chimed in, "but that's not what he said." Harriet's friends whooped and howled which in turn got the other women caught up the in the laughter. Anna shook her head in defeat.

" _I can't wait to read with Ellie,"_ videoed-John interrupted their party. " _Some of my best memories are being cuddled up on the couch with Mom reading books. Or begging her to read me and Jim one more chapter of The Hardy Boys before bed. I can't wait to pass on that passion and dive into book adventures with my daughter."_

"Is he perfect or what?" one of the ladies commented.

"He is," Anna smiled, unable to keep her love for John off her face. "I can't wait to marry him and make him mine forever." "Awws" could be heard all around the room, but Anna wasn't embarrassed at all. She would shout her love for John from the rooftops with no compunction.

Unbeknownst to Anna, John and Rob had entered the house from their morning out. The two had gone to breakfast and then to the local home improvement store to buy some supplies to start the treehouse John wanted to build for Ellie. Anna had asked John to meet her at the Crawley's at the end of the shower to help her transport gifts back to their house, but he'd arrived a little early. That wasn't his plan, but with all the treehouse supplies delivered to his home and as he was under Anna's strict orders not to show up at the Crawley's dirty and sweaty, he didn't have much to do but head back to Rob's.

Standing just outside the living room, Anna nor any of the other ladies had noticed John. But he'd heard Anna's last comment, and knowing that she was so excited to marry him only made him want it to happen sooner.

" _Question number nine: What will Ellie's first word be?"_

"Again with the questions I can't answer," Anna chuckled.

"Remember, you don't have to have the right answer," Mary reminded her. "You just have to match John's answer."

"Okay, then. 'Daddy.' He'll say her first word is 'Daddy,'" Anna answered. John grimaced from his perch outside the room.

" _Well, I'd like her to say 'Daddy,' but I think Anna will kill me if the baby doesn't say 'Mama' first. I'll do everything I can to facilitate Ellie's first word to be 'Mama.'"_

"Seriously! Can we change the rules of this game to be 'try not to match the baby's daddy's answers?'"

"You've now got three correct and six wrong. And no, the rules don't change," Mary told her. Turning to the crowd she said, "If you picked four or less, you're still in the running for the prize. The last question is coming up."

" _Question number ten: How many Happy Hours do you plan on going to the first year after the baby is born?"_

"Is this really a question, Mary?" Anna asked. "He doesn't go to Happy Hours now." Anna wasn't going to point out the fact that John didn't drink in front of all these ladies, but Mary knew that. Why would she ask him such a question?

"Well, then, this answer ought to be easy to match then, eh?" Mary supplied.

"None," Anna said. "His answer will be 'none'."

"Okay...for the final chance to match John, here we go," Mary said, restarting the video.

" _All of them. All of the hours with Anna and Ellie will be Happy Hours, and I can't wait to spend them all with them."_

Anna buried her face in her hands as she mismatched yet another one of the questions. But her heart was melting at her fiance's words. John peeked around the corner and smiled at her reaction.

"If you don't marry him, I will!" one of the ladies hollered out.

"Yes, I think we can start a wait list," another chirped up. John smiled out in the hall, but secretly wondered where all these women had been all his life. Granted, some of them were old enough to be his mother, but others were not. He'd never been in such high demand before. Of course he didn't want to be anymore, but still it was nice to know that he apparently had charms.

"Oh, no," Anna chastised. "He's all mine. I'm not foolish enough to let that man get away." John chuckled on the other side of the wall. "I cannot wait to be Anna May Bates and put that ring on his finger."

"Next summer, my love," Mary assured her.

"I would marry him tomorrow if I could," Anna said.

"So would I," one of the women shouted, causing ripples of laughter again.

John couldn't help himself any longer. He moved to the doorway and leaned on the jamb, finding Anna and feeling a love like he never knew was possible. She was gorgeous and she was proclaiming how wonderful he was in front of all these women. Mary noticed him first and made her way to his side. She looked back at Anna and the glow that emanated from her face. Whether it was the pregnancy hormones or her feelings for John, Anna truly radiated.

"Isn't she marvelous, Mr. Bates?"

"Yes. She is marvelous," he smiled, his eyes crinkling as he watched his fiance interact with the party guests. Just then, Anna looked up and found John. For a moment in time everyone else faded away. Just as Anna was lauding his qualities, John was thankful that this beautiful creature, inside and out, was his. She'd just said she'd marry him tomorrow. For the first time since he proposed he wished they hadn't set the date for next year.

"Joyce and I tied," one lady announced, breaking the spell. Mary quickly stepped forward, walking between Anna and John, breaking their eye contact.

"Okay. Anna matched three of John's answers. Harriet, how many people guessed 'three'?" Mary asked. Harriet shuffled through the papers, tossing all the ones who hadn't written "three" on their forms.

"It looks like just Joyce and Emma," Harriet announced. "And good news - they picked different numbers for the tie breaker question."

"Great!" Mary replied. "Let's see how many kids that John thinks makes an ideal family. Anna you don't have to match his answer for this one, but do you want to take a guess anyway?"

"Umm...sure," Anna agreed, but truthfully she wasn't sure what to say. She'd been terrible at matching John so far, and him standing there looking at her like the cat who ate the canary didn't make this any easier. Her first instinct was to say, "One," but the smirk on his face made her think he might have said more. Still, they were getting older. There wouldn't be time to have many more kids. Based on that logic, Anna answered, "Two." Then she panicked that she'd just let the cat out of that bag that she wanted more kids than just Ellie when she and John had never really discussed adding to their trio. John's reaction gave nothing away as he continued to lean on the door jamb.

"All right," Mary said, picking up the remote to unpause the television for the last time. "This is your last chance to save face, Anna." Anna looked towards John and shrugged her shoulders. He shrugged his in return and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

" _I have Anna and Ellie. And that's enough,"_ videoed-John said. " _But if God does decide to bless us with more children, I think three would make an ideal family."_

Anna's lower-lip trembled as she met John's eyes again, and as he started taking steps across the room towards her, she opened her arms to receive him in an embrace. It was then that the other women noticed he'd arrived, and the room erupted into cheers. John gladly stepped into Anna's small frame and bent to give her a slow gentle kiss. Her arms snaked around his neck, which only led to the ladies whooping and hollering more loudly.

"Looks like Emma is our winner!" Harriet proclaimed over the ruckus.

"Looks like Anna is the winner," Joyce said under her breath to the woman sitting next to her.

"Since John is here, I have one more game we could play," Mary said. "It's similar to the one we just had, but different. It's called 'Mommy or Daddy.' Do you guys want to play another one or just move on to the gifts?"

"Another one," Sybil shouted out. "If Tom and I had to do this one, so do Anna and John."

"Yeah, this is fun!" one of Harriet's church friends agreed.

"Okay, then. Anna and John take off your shoes," Mary ordered.

"What?" they both asked in unison.

"Take off your shoes. Each of you take one of the other's shoes. We're going to ask you some questions and the answer will either be "Mom" or "Dad." You'll be sitting back to back and won't be able to confer with each other. You'll hold up the shoe belonging to your 'answer'," Mary explained.

"Isn't there a better way to do this?" John asked. "I really don't think anyone wants me to take my shoes off."

"No, they don't," Anna agreed, shaking her head.

"Nope," Mary dismissed as she took two dining room chairs and placed them back to back in front of the fireplace. "Now give that stinky loafer to Anna."

Brenda and Harriet were passing out forms with questions and pictures of pink lips and blue mustaches at the end of each inquiry. "Now, don't read this questions aloud, Ladies," Mary cautioned. "We don't want Anna and John to have time to think or talk about their answers."

"Do you have the feeling she's using us for her own amusement?" John asked over his shoulder to Anna as he took his seat and began to untie his shoes.

"It certainly seems that way," Anna agreed as she too sat, slipped off her pumps, and handed one to John.

"Here's how the game works," Mary directed towards the party goers. "You can get anywhere from 0-3 points for each question. If you match John's answer, you get one point. If you match Anna's answer, you get two points. If Anna and John match-"

"Fat chance!" someone yelled out, causing several of the ladies to giggle.

"If Anna and John match," Mary continued, "and you also picked the same answer as the couple, then you get _three_ points. However, if their answers match but you chose the other parent, you get no points. Does everyone understand?" After a little conferring with each other, the participants agreed that they all comprehended the rules of the game. Anna and John also acknowledged understanding. After giving the group a few minutes to complete the quizzes, Mary turned to Anna and John to find out the answers.

"Okay. Question number one: Who will ask for pain medication first during the labor?" Anna and John were both quick to hold up his shoe.

"I knew it!" one of the ladies exclaimed. "It's always the man who is weaker." John chuckled at the response.

"Question number two: Who will change the first diaper?" Anna held up her own shoe while John held up his. They could tell by the groans that they didn't make a match.

"What?" John asked. "I figure she'll be laid out in the bed unable to move when Ellie makes her first diaper." Anna pursed her lips and nodded even though that had not been her answer. He had good logic.

"Question number three: Who will get up in the middle of the night with the baby?" Again, John and Anna were both quick to raise his shoe. There was some laughter rippling across the room at the speed of which the couple answered.

"So far it looks like John will be raising Ellie on his own," Mary teased.

"Hey!" Anna defended herself. "I said I would change the first diaper; he just made a better point. And he's an insomniac. It only makes sense for him to get up with Ellie."

"If you say so," her friend acquiesced. "Number four: Who will be better at singing lullabies?" It took the couple a little longer to answer this one, but eventually they both agreed that Anna would be the best at that one.

"I thought you said in the last game that John was an amazing musician?" one of Harriet's church friends inquired.

"He is," Anna agreed, "but I can just imagine rocking Ellie to sleep each night, singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle' or a hymn to her. I guess it's not so much that I might be better as I might not let him have the chance," she smiled. Many of the women in the room were also mothers and nodded their understanding. There was certainly something addictive about rocking your baby to sleep.

"Question five: Who is more excited about reading children's book with Ellie?" John lifted his own shoe in the air in a split second. Anna hadn't even had time to make up her mind before she felt him move behind her. Of course, she raised his shoe, too, as soon as she'd processed the question.

"If Anna's calling dibs on the singing, then I'm calling dibs on the reading!" he announced, not surprising anyone there. It only made sense that the writer and language arts professor would want to share that with his child.

"Question number six: Who will take more photos of the baby?" This question wasn't hard as John had rarely taken a picture at all. Both raised Anna's shoe and no one seemed surprised.

"Question seven: Who will be the disciplinarian?" Anna raised her own shoe without any doubt as she knew that John was a softy. If they were having a boy, she might choose him for this duty, but she fully expected John to have a hard time saying "no" to Ellie. However, much to her surprise, John was behind her raising his own shoe.

"Looks like we have a disagreement on this one," Mary told them.

"Really?" Anna asked, swiveling to look at John. "Do you really think you can tell your baby girl 'no'?"

"Oh, yes. I've been practicing," John assured her. "'No, young lady, you are _not_ wearing that out of the house.' 'No, you are not allowed to stay out past ten o'clock.' 'No, you are not going to the prom with that loser.'" Anna and all the other ladies there began giggling at his performance. When things calmed back down, Mary continued with her questioning.

"Number eight: Who is more likely to put the baby's diaper on backwards?" Both took a minute to think about this, and then both answered that the other one would be most likely to make this mistake.

"Hey!" Anna said, incredulously.

"Well, how many diapers have you ever changed?" John asked.

"A few. Here and there," Anna answered. "How about you?"

"I changed a lot of Declan's," John told her. His mind went to the weekend when he and Vera had agreed to keep Declan so that Jim and Brenda could have a much deserved weekend away. Lord knew Vera wasn't changing any diapers. That weekend had been enough of a baby fix for him. It had certainly cemented his thoughts that he no longer wanted kids with Vera.

"Yeah, but were those nappies on the right way?" Anna questioned. John just rolled his eyes as the game resumed.

"Question nine: Who will call home first when Ellie is with a sitter?" It didn't take long for both of them to hold up Anna's pumps. No one in the audience seemed shocked. Most of them agreed that it was usually harder for the mom to be separated from her baby than for the dads.

"And last, but not least, question ten: Who will cry more when Ellie goes to her first day of school?"

Both Anna and John froze. School? Neither of them were ready for that. She hadn't even been born yet; they couldn't even think about her starting school.

"Preschool or kindergarten?" John asked, mostly to buy himself some time.

"Kindergarten," Mary answered. "When she's five and she gets on the bus for the first time."

"She's not riding the bus," Anna immediately piped up. "I'll take her to school."

"What's wrong with the bus?" John asked from behind her.

"Nothing, but my child is not riding a bus when I'm able to drop her off on my way to work. It just make sense." John's reply was to simply raise Anna's shoe into the air. From the applause and laughter Anna could only guess what had happened. Peeking over her shoulder her hunch was confirmed as she saw her pump rising over John's head. And she knew he was right. She slowly raised her own shoe in solidarity. She for sure would be the one who took it harder when Ellie left their cocoon and entered the real world.

When Mary announced the end of the game, John stood to return Anna's shoe to her and noticed she was holding back tears. Holding his arms out for a hug, he rested his head on hers as she returned the embrace. "We've got five years to get used to the idea of her starting school, you know," he comforted her. Anna nodded her agreement and reached up to kiss his cheek before stepping out of his arms.

After the games were over, Anna moved back to the armchair she'd used earlier, and John bowed out to go commune with Robert. Mary and Cora brought Anna the shower gifts as Brenda sat next to her, making a list of the presents and whom they were from so that Anna could send thank you notes later. Anna opened outfit after outfit of precious girlie clothing, ranging in sizes from newborn through twelve months. A few ladies gave towels, washcloths, and burp rags, all things that Anna hadn't even thought of needing. One of Harriet's friends put together a bath care package full of soaps and lotions, and another lady gave her an infant tub that would fit over the kitchen sink. As thankful as she was to get these gifts, she was feeling a bit overwhelmed that there seemed to be many things related to raising and caring for her baby that she hadn't even considered.

Anna was also surprised that she received several large and expensive gifts. Harriet presented her with a high chair, while Brenda gave her a breast pump, and the Crawley family gave her a travel set including a stroller, infant car seat, and two bases so that she and John could each have one for their vehicles. Other gifts included a bottle set, video monitor, an infant medical kit including clippers for nails and a suction bulb for the mouth and nose, and a diaper pail. Anna didn't feel worthy of this much support, but she was thankful for it regardless. She would begin the thank you notes tonight to make sure that everyone knew how grateful she was for their kindness.

When the last guest had left, Anna stretched her arms above her head and arched her body. After a few satisfying pops, she moved her hands to her lower back and rubbed circles there. It had a been a wonderful, but long, day. She closed her eyes as she concentrated on a particular sore spot, rubbing out a knot. Suddenly, she felt another hand take over the massage, and she looked over her shoulder to see John.

"How are you feeling?" he asked lazily as he kneaded her sore muscles.

"I am happy," she simply said. "A little overwhelmed with the support and generosity, but very happy." She turned around slowly and wrapped her arms around his neck as he let his arms slide around her waist...or where her waist used to be.

"Are you ready to go home? I'll get Robert to help me pack up the stuff, and we can get out of here. I know you've had a good time, but I think it's time you get home and prop up your feet," John told her.

"Oh, yeah? Do I get a foot massage?" Anna asked with a smile.

"Perhaps that could be arranged," John agreed, dipping his head to give her a quick kiss.

"Aw, come on!" Robert interrupted them. "You guys plan one fake date then decide to have a baby, and now you can't keep your hands off each other. Sheesh."

"He's just jealous that I have a gorgeous young blonde clinging to me," John whispered, making Anna giggle.

"Oh, good grief," Robert grumbled, turning around and walking towards the door. "Get out here, Bates, and help me load _your_ stuff," he called over his shoulder.

Pressing a kiss to Anna's forehead he released her and followed his friend outside, grabbing a stack of presents on his way. Anna was left alone in the Crawley's living room, listening to her future mother-in-law and sister-in-law laughing in the kitchen with the Crawley women and wondering how she'd ever been so blessed.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: As always it seems, this update took longer than I expected. Sorry! I hope you all are still enjoying this story. I am! And thanks as again to mr-and-mrs-bates who helps me through this.**

* * *

In the days following the baby shower at the Crawley's house, Anna and John busied themselves with work and completing the set-up to welcome Baby Bates. Even though Anna's due-date was still weeks away, John was insistent on putting together all the baby gifts and getting them staged around the house where they would soon be needed. The bassinet was set up in the master bedroom as Anna doubted she'd be able to let Ellie sleep across the house from them for the first few weeks. The high chair was set up next to the table in the kitchen nook, just awaiting a child to sit and eat in it. More accessories and clothes had been put away in the nursery. It seemed like the only thing they were missing was their daughter.

Anna also had a checkup with her OBGYN, who assured her that Ellie was healthy and everything was right on track. In a approximately three months John and Anna would welcome their baby girl into the world. John had gone to the appointment this afternoonwith her, but had left immediately after the doctor had given them good news. The Queen City Brass Quintet had a gig that evening and he had to get home to change and get to the venue. Anna had gotten over her jealousy of not being able to participate, especially as she still wasn't convinced that her trumpet playing hadn't played a part in the leaking amniotic fluid a few weeks ago. She was happy to give it up for the expense of a healthy child.

Leaving the doctor's appointment with a smile, Anna couldn't help but stop next door at a children's boutique. She imagined the shop got a lot of expectant mothers stopping in due to it's proximity to the OBGYN's office and mentally noted the sharp marketing mind of the owner. What pulled her into the shop, she really couldn't say. There was nothing specific she was looking for or even that Ellie needed after the generous shower thrown by the Crawley and Bates families. But Anna had just heard her daughter's strong heartbeat and couldn't help herself from stepping inside the store and imagining Ellie wearing several of the outfits or playing with the toys.

"Hello," the friendly lady behind the counter greeted her, smiling. "Is there anything I can help you find today?"

Anna smiled back sweetly as she replied, "No. There's nothing I really need, but I couldn't resist stopping in after my appointment next door." She walked over to a rack of clothes.

"Well, let me know if you have any questions. We have all our Red, White, and Blue clothes on sale currently as Memorial Day is coming up," the lady let her know, spying Anna's belly. She chuckled and said, "Well, I don't think you'll be ready for Memorial Day, but maybe by July 4th."

Anna smiled and shook her head, "Oh no, I'm not due until mid-August." She absent-mindedly began rubbing her belly, feeling Ellie move inside.

"Well, stranger things have happened," the lady replied. "My first one was born 6 weeks early and my second was 3 weeks late. Sometimes I wonder why they even give us a due date," she smiled as she got up from her perch and moved towards the back of the store, obviously not expecting a response from Anna. "I'll be here restocking some inventory if you need anything," she called over her shoulder.

Anna's brow furrowed as she pushed clothes along the rack, looking at different outfits. Not since her earlier scare had she really considered Ellie might arrive sometime other than a few days within her due date. Ever since she'd been released from the hospital and followed her doctor's orders so closely, she'd been told that Ellie was doing well and everything was just as it should be. Had she be lulled into a false sense of security? She'd forgotten that some women have early labors when there is _no_ extenuating circumstances.

Anna continued to look around the store, spending another ten minutes browsing its merchandise, but the lilt to her step was gone. Not that she worried about Ellie and prematurity per say, but the other woman's comments got her thinking. Just because Ellie was due in August wasn't a guarantee that Anna wouldn't become a mother before then. It wasn't that _that_ was bad either, but Anna wasn't sure she was ready for Ellie to come yet.

Lost in her thoughts, she suddenly found herself in front of a Dr. Seuss display. There was everything from "The Cat in the Hat" to "Oh, the Places You'll Go." Her soured mood was lifting as she thumbed through the famous children's books. Turning one of them in particular over and reading the back cover, Anna couldn't help but decide to buy it. And then for a small second she was sad that she wasn't having twins as she noticed adorable "Thing One" and "Thing Two" onesies. Quickly she decided that one child at a time was enough and made her way to the checkout, and after paying for her purchase, she waved her thanks to the saleslady as she left the store and headed home.

Anna immediately found herself smiling again as she entered their house and found John slipping on his black tuxedo coat. The rest of his attire was already in place, from the pants sitting low on his hips to the bow tie at the base of his throat. Anna's mouth went dry at the sight of him.

"Did you find anything in the boutique?" he asked as he shrugged the tuxedo coat over his shoulders.

"Not really," she replied, thinking of the book she found. She wanted to save telling John about it for another time when he wasn't getting ready to walk out the door. "But that's okay. I think we're all set, anyway." She crossed the floor and kissed his cheek, planting her hands on his shoulders and standing on her tiptoes to reach his face.

"Are you sure you're okay with the quintet continuing to perform without you?" he asked as she lowered herself back to her heels.

"I am, I swear it," she smiled, picking a few stray pieces of lint from his shoulder.

"I miss you being there," he told her in a soft voice. "I miss that part of our relationship." He watched her face fall and wished he hadn't voiced his thoughts.

"I mean, I know you miss it, too. I know you'd be there if you could be," John went on to quickly reassure her. To his surprise, he saw her face light up.

"What if I could be there? You can take a date can't you?" Anna asked. John began to blubber as he contemplated her suggestion. "I mean Mary has done it plenty of times and no one's ever complained. Cora comes a lot, too."

"I suppose I could," John agreed. "But will it bother you? To be there and not play with us?"

"It kinda hurt in the past, but honestly, right now, I want to go watch this stud standing in front of me lay it down on the trombone." Anna's hands slipped from his shoulders to the hard strength of his chest.

"Will you then?" John asked. God, what this woman could do to him with merely her touch-and through three layers of clothing no less.

"Will I what?" Anna answered, sliding her fingers up and down his lapel.

"Will you be my date tonight?" he clarified, his voice a bit huskier at her attentions.

"You don't even need to ask. I'll be your date for the rest of our lives," she assured him. "Just let me go change into something more formal and I'll be back to be your arm candy." She turned and winked at him as she left him standing in the living room wondering what he'd done to deserve the beautiful lady carrying his child.

Twenty minutes later, John and Anna were on their way uptown to an awards reception for one of the larger local employers. Traffic was already heavy despite the fact rush hour hadn't truly started yet. John reached over for Anna's hand as they waited at a red light.

"You have a birthday coming up," John said, matter of factly. Glancing at Anna out of the corner of his eye.

"That, I do," she agreed, interested on why he brought it up.

"Have you thought about how you want to celebrate it?" John asked, accelerating the vehicle as the light turned from red to green.

"Not really," Anna told him. "I haven't done much to celebrate it in years. Just a family dinner with the Crawleys is about as good as it has gotten recently."

"Are they expecting that this year?" John asked, maneuvering his way through the streets.

"I don't know," Anna told him honestly. "Mary hasn't said anything. They may feel that now that I have you that they don't need to worry about no one acknowledging my birthday. I always got the impression they wanted to make sure no one forgot it since my parents are gone."

"Well, is that what you want? I'm sure we can arrange for a birthday dinner with Mary, Cora, and Robert." John reluctantly let go of Anna's hand to grab the steering wheel and make a left turn onto another boulevard.

"It wouldn't be the worst idea," she answered, but John thought he caught something in the way she said it. He took a moment to look at her, but her expression gave nothing away.

"Is there anything you want for your birthday? Something I can get you?" John asked, moving the conversation forward.

"You don't have to get me anything. It may not have been for my birthday, but you've given me Ellie and that's gift enough," she replied with a gentle smile. But... _was it?_ Deep inside, Ellie _wasn't_ enough. Anna wanted a _family_. And while technically she was getting all that, she was beginning to conclude that it wasn't coming fast enough. Anna tamped down her feelings, though, feeling guilty for wanting John's name to make their relationship official. It's not as if he didn't treat her like she was his wife already or that she was concerned he'd never marry her. She knew he would, and she trusted him with her life. Anna was just more traditional, she supposed, and on some level it bothered her that she was going to still be a Smith when their daughter entered the world.

Just then, John slammed on the brakes and threw his arm in front of Anna's chest as another driver pulled out in front of them. John let out a string of curse words as Anna sucked in her breath, but he managed to control their car and narrowly miss the reckless driver. "I'm sorry," he apologized as he started forward again.

"It wasn't your fault," Anna told him. "Thanks for keeping us safe."

"That's my job," he half-smiled, and the birthday conversation was over.

* * *

Anna was glad to see that Joe had brought Phyllis tonight and that Cora was also there. The quintet was playing for Happy Hour and then dinner before the awards ceremony, and while she was super excited to watch John do his thing, Anna was glad not to be sitting alone with nothing to do but ogle him. Not that admiring John was a bad thing - she couldn't imagine ever tiring of listening to, and particularly watching, John play the trombone-but at least her friends provided for a distraction. Anna was happy to take a seat next to Phyllis as it seemed like it had been months since the two of them had seen each other

"Joe keeps me updated on the baby," Phyllis smiled. "He says you're doing well after your scare a few weeks ago." Anna nodded as she finished a sip of water and sat her glass down.

"Yes, all seems to be going perfectly," Anna agreed. "Did he tell you that the baby is a bone marrow match for John's nephew?"

"No!" Phyllis exclaimed, grabbing Anna's arm. "That's wonderful! I can't believe he didn't tell me."

"Well, in his defense, he may not have known. I'm not sure if John told everyone or not. And we only found out last week."

"Regardless that is great, and something to be celebrated!" A sparkle caught Phyllis's eye as Anna lifted the glass to her lips again.

"And is that what I think it might be?" Phyllis asked gently, pointing to the ring on Anna's finger. She bit her lip and hoped she wasn't wrong, lest she embarrass Anna. She was afraid maybe she'd made just that mistake when Anna's cheeks turned pink. Her shoulders relaxed when Anna spoke.

"Yes. I'm all set to become Mrs. John Bates," Anna admitted, unable to keep her smile from reaching her ears.

"Oh, Anna! I'm so excited for you! And I'm going to kill Joe for not telling me that, either!"

"Well, I'm not sure if John told him," Anna echoed her earlier statement.

"Oh, come on. I don't believe that. I'm quite certain that John wants everyone in the world to know that you've agreed to marry him. I was just thinking about how happy he seemed when you two walked in, hand in hand. I'm not sure I've ever seen him so content."

"Well, thank you," Anna blushed. "We're very excited." But there was something a little off about her comment. Phyllis wasn't sure what it was, and she certainly wasn't going to ask despite the curiosity it piqued. She knew Anna was happy with John, but there was something her friend wasn't saying. Shrugging the comment off the ladies turned their attention back to the entertainment.

Near the end of Happy Hour, the group took a ten minute break, and Mary found her way over to Anna and the others. "Apparently I should have asked Henry to come tonight," she said with a smile as she reached down to hug each lady.

"And so should have I," a booming voice behind Mary bellowed. "Invited Elsie that is," Charles Carson smiled. "It's good to see you again, Anna."

"Likewise, Dr. Carson," Anna answered as she stood to hug the older man. Robert, Joseph, and John lagged behind, seemingly having a conversation with each other.

"I hear congratulations are in order, Anna," Charles continued. Anna smiled up at him in response. "I understand you and Mr. Bates are to be married next summer," he said.

"Yes. We have a lovely ceremony planned. You and Mrs. Carson should be receiving your 'Save the Date' cards before too long." She paused to look over at her friend. "Mary is directing the wedding, and I know she's been working on getting those out."

"Well, you're in capable hands," Charles responded, smiling a soft smile towards Mary. He'd always had a soft spot for Robert's eldest daughter who used to play in his office as a child when the two men worked together.

"That I am," Anna agreed, turning her attention to her fiance and his friends as Dr. Carson patted her shoulder and moved past her. She felt blessed to be in such a close circle of friends, and her heart sped up when she thought about marrying into this family. But Mary's words from a few days ago were starting to play over in her head the more she thought about her pending nuptials to John. Did she have to wait until next summer? Would he agree to a small, private ceremony now and then the larger one next June? Could she have her cake and eat it, too?

Anna shook those thoughts from her head as John and the other two made their way towards the rest of the group. He was smiling and she noticed the other two seemed to be smiling at her, too.

"Congratulations," Joseph said, making a beeline to hug Anna. "John just told me you agreed to make him an honest man," he said, enveloping her in his embrace.

"I did," Anna laughed. "I couldn't have his reputation sullied." John stepped beside Anna and slipped an arm around her when Joseph let her go and stepped away.

"I'm so happy for you both," Joseph nodded before leaving to greet his wife. John pressed a kiss to Anna's temple.

"Are you having a good time," he asked, pulling away from her face.

"I am," Anna agreed. "I have to admit that I'm enjoying telling everyone I've agreed to become your bride."

"That's nice to hear," he smiled down at her, holding her eyes. Though her words seemed genuine, he thought he saw a fleck of something else pass through her baby blues. But then it was gone, and he told himself that he was just being insecure, like the old the John. The John that Vera beat up, not the John that Anna uplifted.

Soon, the group returned to their seats and began playing another set of music. Anna, Cora, and Phyllis enjoyed the buffet at the insistence of the banquet's director, who for once wasn't Anna or Mary. They each made their other halves a plate for later, and Cora made a second extra plate for Mary as Phyllis did for Dr. Carson. The musicians joined them after their second set, and they ate in silence as the awards banquet began in earnest. The brass quintet's part of the proceedings was over and when they'd finished their meal, they quietly packed up and they all left the venue together.

"Don't you think it's a bit rude to skip out in the middle of the banquet?" Cora asked as they made their way across the parking lot. "It's like we ate and ran before they could give us a bill."

"Think of the food as part of our payment," Robert told his wife, slipping a hand to the base of her back as they made their way to their car. "They hired us for pre-awards ceremony music and that's what we gave them. Plus, this is not the first time we've done this sort of thing."

"I know. It just seems uncouth," Cora said.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake, Mother, you are not Granny," Mary added. "And we are not Southern Royalty no matter how much she likes to act as if we are."

Anna smiled at the exchange as she slipped her hand into John's, a counterbalance to the trombone he carried in his other hand. There was no one quite like Robert's mother, and everyone was on their best behavior when she came near. Her penchant for things to be done in the proper manner was obviously rubbing off on Cora, or at least that was Mary's allusion.

"Oh, Mary. There's nothing wrong with manners," Cora chided, defending her earlier comments.

"There's not," Joseph cut in, obviously looking to end the conversation before Mary and Cora got out of control, as they'd been known to do from time to time. "But there's also nothing wrong with leaving when we did. I think the gig went well. It felt good, but how did it sound, ladies?"

"It was fantastic," Phyllis eagerly answered him.

"Yes, it was lovely," Cora agreed.

"You all blended very well tonight," Anna added. "It was a great gig." She and John separated as they reached their vehicle, she heading to the passenger door as he headed to the trunk to stow his trombone and gear. Robert and Cora had also arrived at their car, a few spots away from John's and Anna's.

"Anna!" Robert called. "A birthday barbecue for you at our house in a couple of weeks? On a Saturday?" She looked towards John to see if he'd planted the idea in Rob's head, but he shrugged as if to say he'd had no input.

"Sounds good to me," Anna called back, a smile on her face as she enjoyed the love her surrogate family showed her.

"Great!" Robert answered. "We'll be in touch with more details soon," he replied before disappearing into his car. The others waved their goodbyes and soon, Anna and John were on their way home as well.

"Was it your idea to have the barbecue at Rob's house for my birthday?" Anna asked as John pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street.

"No, I swear. We didn't even talk about it. It's just what he does," John smiled. Once he'd straightened out the car, he turned to look at Anna, and his smile slipped. She looked so serious.

"Does it upset you that I didn't talk to him about it?" he asked, confused at her sudden change in mood.

"No," Anna told him, slightly shaking her head as if to remove cobwebs. "I'm honored that he still remembers my birthday and treats me like family."

"Then is something else wrong?" John asked, a bit concerned.

"No," Anna said, shifting in her seat. "Nothing's wrong. I've just been thinking about something, and I'm not sure how to bring it up. Or _if_ I should bring it up. But I think I've thought of something I might want for my birthday."

"Of course you should bring it up," John told her, feeling relieved that she wasn't upset but yet curious as to what present she might like that would change her mood.

"Well, I was thinking… That maybe we…. Oh, good grief, I don't know," she said, fiddling with her hands in her lap and bowing her head to look at them.

"Do you want to go somewhere? A weekend getaway that would interfere with Robert's plans?" John asked, trying to guess what Anna could want for her birthday that seemed so difficult to get out.

"No, that's not it," she told him, but did not offer any further explanation.

"Anna. This is me. You can tell me anything. You can ask me for anything. What is it that you want for your birthday?"

"I want to marry you," she said, surprising herself that it flowed out so easily.

"Besides that," John said. "You're getting that anyway; it's not a birthday present." He reached over and soothingly covered her hands with his own, using his thumb to rub gentle circles over her much smaller fingers.

"No," she said, quietly but firmly. "You're not listening." She couldn't quite meet his eyes. "I want to marry you _on_ my birthday." She slowly dared to look up at him as he maneuvered through the streets back to their home. She hadn't planned to have this conversation in the dark of night riding in John's car - not that she'd really _planned_ it at all - and it was hard to see his reaction. He was looking straight ahead and had it not been for his thumb stop circling her hand she wouldn't have been sure if he'd even heard her.

"I know it's silly," she quickly went on. "You and Mary have planned this gorgeous wedding for next summer, and I should be happy with that."

"But you're not," John said, interrupting her conversation. She wasn't sure if he was mad or not. His voice seemed devoid of emotion.

"It's not that I'm _not_ happy. I love the plans you all came up with, and that _you_ spent your time and energy on it makes it that much more endearing to me." This time she'd manipulated his hand so that hers were holding his, supplying the comfort. He glanced in her direction but couldn't look at her for more than a few seconds as the traffic demanded his attention. "This may be selfish of me, but I want your name, John," she continued. "I want to be Anna Bates before Ellie is born, leaving me the odd one out of the family. The sole Smith in a family of Bateses."

John squeezed her hands and took longer glances her way as he approached a stop light. When the car was finally motionless, he turned toward her more. "Anna," he whispered. "I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me - and even how much it turns me on - to hear you confess that you want to share my name. I will happily give it to you. But your birthday is less than two weeks away. We don't have time to organize the wedding you deserve by then."

"I don't care, John," Anna replied, gripping his hand as if it was a lifeline. "It's enough time to set up a civil wedding at the court clerk's office."

"You deserve so much more than that, though, Anna," John told her, reluctantly resuming his driving as the car behind him honked for him to proceed now that the light had turned green. "You should have a church wedding. Or least a wedding with a minister." Anna knew the last part was to take into account the wedding he'd helped plan for them to take place in Robert's back yard.

"Don't be silly," she replied as John turned their car onto Hamilton Street, just yards now from their home.

"No, really. I mean it," John insisted. "You in a white dress. Me looking like a fool."

Anna couldn't keep the smile and chuckle off her lips at his comment. "I'd rather have the right man than the right wedding," she told him, smiling sweetly. "I have a thought. What if we have the small civil ceremony on my birthday and then still have the bigger wedding at Robert's house next summer?" She paused for a moment and tried to read his face as he made the turn into their driveway. "After all, I do love what you and Mary have planned, and I really want to see it carried out. But….I want to be Anna Bates more."

John put the car in park, cut the engine, and got out of the vehicle without answering her. Walking around the passenger side, he opened the door and helped Anna to her feet, pulling her close to him. "The fact that you want to be Anna Bates _at all_ still amazes me," he said roughly, staring at her lips. "How am I to deny you anything?" And with that his lips were on hers, caressing, cajoling, and giving in to her whims. Anna clung to his lapels, feeling her knees weaken beneath her. Slowly, gently, he ended the kiss and steadied her on her feet.

"Is that a yes, then?" Anna asked, breathily. "Will you marry me for my birthday, Mr. Bates?"

John chuckled as his eyelids fluttered shut for a moment. "What will Mary think? After all this hard work I put her through?" he asked.

"Well, to be honest, she kinda put this idea in my head," Anna told him sheepishly. John raised his eyebrows but said nothing more. "But I do want to keep the ceremony you all planned. That way we all get what we want."

"Do you want to the keep the ceremony for you or for me?" John smiled.

"Both," she answered.

"Allright. I'll call the court in the morning and arrange it. What if they don't have availability on your birthday?"

"As long as it it's before the barbecue. I want the ceremony to be small. Just me and you, and the employees of the court can be our witnesses. Then we can announce our nuptials to our friends at the dinner." Anna paused for a moment to lean back in the car and pull out her purse and the bag from the boutique that she'd left in the car earlier this afternoon.

"You're sure about this?" John questioned one last time.

"I'm sure, John," she smiled as she turned back around and closed her car door. "Here. I got something for you and the baby," Anna told him, pressing the bag from the boutique at his chest.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Come inside and look at it. I'm dying to get out of these shoes and rest my back," she told him, smiling over her shoulder as she made her way to the door. He smirked as he followed her into the house. As Anna headed into their bedroom to get more comfortable, John paused to lock up the house and moved into the living room to open the bag and inspect its contents.

He didn't have to pull the item out of the bag to tell it was a book, but John was curious as to which book Anna had chosen. Gently shucking the bag, he smiled as he saw a familiar children's book cover. Dr. Seuss had been one of his favorite authors as a boy, although the writer in him freely admitted now that he was unsure whether Theodore Geisel's nonsense musings were idiotic or brilliant. Regardless, Dr. Seuss was beloved by millions over several generations and more well-known in the literary world than John would ever be, so who was he to judge? Plus, he really did like, "Oh, The Places You'll Go." He rubbed his hand over the small hardcover book and thought about what that meant for Ellie. What journeys would she travel? John smiled as he imagined rocking Ellie before bedtime and reading this book to her.

Then he looked at the book a bit more closely and noticed it wasn't Dr. Seuss's original story. The title was "Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go: A Book to be Read In Utero." _He could read this book to Ellie now_ , he realized, and suddenly he couldn't wait to go find Anna and their daughter. He found her already laying on their bed. She'd changed out of her dress into a t-shirt and was sprawled on top of the covers.

"Sorry," she told him sheepishly. "I didn't intend to collapse and leave you in the living room all alone, but I took my heels off and the bed was so inviting. I couldn't help but lay down and rest my aching limbs."

"Is everything okay," John asked, furrowing his eyebrows. "The baby…"

"Is fine," Anna supplied. "I just haven't worn heels like that since I packed on a few more pounds in my mid section." His face relaxed and he nodded before tossing the book on the bed and beginning to undress. He wasn't trying to be sexy about it, but Anna had come to appreciate the way John emptied his pockets and placed his wallet, keys, and loose change on top of the chest of drawers. She loved how he snapped off his belt, especially since he never seemed to notice how that turned her on. Just then, though, he seemed to feel her eyes boring into him.

"What?" John laughed as he turned around and slipped off his pants.

"Nothing. Just enjoying the show," Anna replied.

"Oh, stop," he told her, blushing.

"Ow!" Anna blurted out, causing John to alarm again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, removing his shirt so that he was now only in his boxers, and sliding onto the bed next to Anna.

"Yes, Ellie is just active. She seems to wake up and 'play' more when I finally get ready to rest," Anna explained.

"Can I feel her?" John asked, his hand reaching towards Anna's belly but hovering just short of touching the swell.

"Of course, you silly beggar," Anna laughed, and Ellie let out another kick just as John rested his hand on Anna's womb.

"Wow," he whispered. It wasn't the first time he'd felt Ellie move but after such a momentous conversation just a few minutes ago it seemed like it meant so much more. And as if her karate move wasn't enough, John suddenly felt more pressure on the underside of his hand than he ever had. His eyes snapped to Anna's who was wincing. "What was that?" he asked.

"She did a flip," Anna answered.

"Really?"

"Really. She's quite excited right now."

"Well, maybe I should read her this," John remarked, removing his hand to pick up the new book Anna had bought today. "Perhaps she needs a bedtime story."

"Yes," Anna smiled. "Let's try that." Suddenly John was shifting positions and laying on his stomach with his face close to Anna's belly. She stifled a giggle at his wriggling to get comfortable, but she couldn't remember ever being happier than she was at this moment.

" _Baby, Oh, Baby, the places you'll go,"_ began John's even timbre. " _The worlds you will visit, the friends you will know_."

Anna began to relax as John read to Ellie, and while she felt a few thumps from knees and elbows, Ellie's movements seemed more gentle as well. Anna's eyes fluttered shut the longer John read, but he thought he heard her mumble, "It's working," and he reached out to stroke her belly. Anna didn't stir and he could barely feel Ellie moving any longer, either.

He continued to read the story, introducing Dr. Seuss's most famous characters to his unborn daughter. He could hear Anna's breathing shallow, and he was certain she was starting to snore. Ellie pressed a foot - or maybe a bottom - into his hand but she was much quieter than a few minutes ago, too. It was as if she was making herself comfortable for the rest of the evening. The more he read, the less he felt Ellie move and the more even Anna's breathing became.

Turning the last page, John slowed his pace to signal the end of the story. " _It's a scrumptulous world and it's ready to greet you. And as for myself… Well, I can't wait to meet you._ " John pressed a kiss to Anna's belly as he finished the book, and lazily grinned as he realized both his girls were asleep. He slowly rose from the bed and walked around to Anna's side, gently nudging her sideways so he could pull her covers open and tuck her in. Once she was settled on her pillow and under the comforter, John bent to kiss her cheek.

"Goodnight, my loves," he crooned as he turned out the lights.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** The exceprts read by John are from a real book, "Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go: A Book to be Read In Utero" by Tish Rabe  & Dr. Suess_


End file.
